Consequences for not doing chores? - Page 2

[forestrymom]

Sorry, Mama, haven't had time to read through the entire thread. But, the natural consequence, IMO, of him not doing his end of thechores, is that the family doesn't eat. BUT, since you still have to ensure the health of the others, I would empty the dishwasher myself and then cook meals for everyone--except him. And he would go hungry. And whatever chore you didn't get done because you were doing his, would fall on his shoulders. And it would keep piling up and he would keep getting priveleges revoked and keep missing meals until he got the picture.

My dd is tiny (and only 4, so take it fwiw), and sometimes refuses to eat at mealtime. We were fed up with the power struggle at mealtime, so instead of fighting with her to eat 2 bites, which still left her hungry an hour later, we told her she didn't have to eat at all, but that she wouldn't get to eat anything later. Dinner is at dinnertime. It took her one night of being hungry (and believe me, she is so underweight that this tactic had me scared) to get the picture.

[~D~]

Subbing =) :

[macro_grp02]

One option is have a "family meeting". Try to be calm. Then list all the chores in the house. Don't assign chores. Have them pick it. And then give them what could be done so that they can do their chores well. More like a reward system. After that ask them what will be done to those that didn't do their chores on time or ignored it altogether. This is more on punishment or negative reinforcement.

[Surfacing]

[~D~]

Originally Posted by macro_grp02

One option is have a "family meeting". Try to be calm. Then list all the chores in the house. Don't assign chores. Have them pick it. And then give them what could be done so that they can do their chores well. More like a reward system. After that ask them what will be done to those that didn't do their chores on time or ignored it altogether. This is more on punishment or negative reinforcement.

So what happens when they argue over the easy chores? I need to figure out how to extinguish those flames before they ignite... We have an arguing problem in our house But that's another topic, I don't wanna be a thread crasher

[DoulamamaOE]

Could you make a list of easy chores and a list of "harder" chores and have them pick one (or as many as you see fit) from each list??

[~D~]

Originally Posted by DoulamamaOE

Could you make a list of easy chores and a list of "harder" chores and have them pick one (or as many as you see fit) from each list??

yeah... we could group them, great idea!!

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by macro_grp02

One option is have a "family meeting".

Oh, we have those constantly! Sometimes we get things accomplished, sometimes kids space out and nothing is acheived, and sometimes they agree to things and then later they don't follow through.

Originally Posted by ~D~

So what happens when they argue over the easy chores? I need to figure out how to extinguish those flames before they ignite... We have an arguing problem in our house But that's another topic, I don't wanna be a thread crasher

Go ahead and crash away! Part of the point of asking for advice on a message board was to get a discussion going and help other parents with similar issues.

[Starflower]

Every time we try to have a family meeting, DD gets mad and doesn't want to participate. She is six. Maybe we don't run meetings well. Or maybe she just knows if we want to have one that it may involve something she's not particularly enthusiastic about. We're trying to show her that we want her input. I'm still researching the chores stuff for our family.

Thanks for all the suggestions on this thread.

[Cavy]

It sounds like you've found a solution for now, Ruthla, but I'll add my 2 cents, anyway .

We run a complicated system, although DC understand it pretty well so it can't be that complicated.
Mine can do chores for money, typically 20p (about 30 cents) per task. They rarely pursue this option, but it's there .

Mine must do chores in order to get most screen time. Some exceptions, but most games/TV/DVDs are only after they have done chores.

It's not a perfect system, but I do get SOME help from them, and they are learning in the process how to cook and clean.

I don't assign them chores (like cooking) that must get done by a certain time. I would never rely on them for that.

Because you have teens, I wonder if lifts could be part of the deal? They do chores in order to get a ride somewhere?

[~D~]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Oh, we have those constantly! Sometimes we get things accomplished, sometimes kids space out and nothing is acheived, and sometimes they agree to things and then later they don't follow through.



Go ahead and crash away! Part of the point of asking for advice on a message board was to get a discussion going and help other parents with similar issues.

Thanks...
What do all of you do to minimize arguing when it comes to chores (and everything else)?

[lness]

I can't help but think the "assigned chores" is part of the problem. What about a rotating schedule? That way no one ends up permanently stuck with something they hate to do. Just make a list of what you need them to do - even put yourself on the list to really make the point that this is a FAMILY endeavor - and then rotate the chores through EVERYONE's names based on how often they need doing. And of course, the rule being that you don't get to "trade" - you do your task for today, and tomorrow it will be something different. If there's a good reason, like being sick, then an exemption can be made, but otherwise, you take your lot.
You could also do something similar but randomized - all chores go on a piece of paper in a jar, and right after breakfast, everyone draws. You get what you get, no discussions. (And if it was me, everything gets done RIGHT AWAY, before anyone has a chance to "forget" their job or run out of time or whatever.) Then, of course, the slips go right back in the jar to prevent you making new ones every day!
"Assigned" chores caused a big problem for awhile in my home growing up, and something on these lines helped.

[Leersia]

Ruth,
I haven't had a chance to read all of the replies, but this is what I do with my two 7-year-olds. There are 2 chore times, both right before a meal. They have the same chores every day. There is no breakfast served until they have dressed, brushed teeth, made beds, and folded and put away their laundry. In the evening, while I make dinner, one of my sons has to: pick up dog poop in the yard, and go across the street and fetch the mail. The other has to sweep the kitchen and the hallway and set the table. The latter son is very dis-tractable and needs me there in the kitchen to ensure that he stays on track (hence the way the chores were divided). The consequences of not doing the chores is not getting a meal - so far, that hasn't happened yet. Additionally, their allowance is tied to helping around the house (share the money, share the work load), and if they complain or I have to remind them more than one to get it done, they have to pay me some of their allowance. So far so good, but it is not easy to keep them on track even with these things built in . . .

** I just saw in some of the posts above that some think that "assigned chores" is a bad idea. I think it depends. These chores were agreed upon at a family meeting, with the idea that it they might rotate at a later date. For me, the mom, the person who has to help see them through, it is easier to have the same kid helping daily with the same thing**