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Mommy why were you moaning?

Poll Results: DTD options.

 
  • 26% (38)
    Buy a bed for the garage.
  • 73% (105)
    Tell 10yo DD the truth.
143 Total Votes  
post #1 of 140
Thread Starter 
I hope this is the right place for this post.

My 10yo DD asked me this, this morning... again. :

I told her I had a sore tummy... again.

Our house is really small and at times we have had to hide in the garage to DTD. The thought of never being able to DTD in my bed at night again until the kids move out is really depressing.
post #2 of 140
:
post #3 of 140
"Sometimes when people make love they make noises like that because it feels so good."

Why wouldn't you say something like this? I'm assuming that at 10yo she knows about sex? Why even consider not having sex for years because your kids might know about it? I'm honestly not understanding what the problem is here.
post #4 of 140
I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.
post #5 of 140
I agree with the previous posters as well. I would have really appreciated that sort of honesty and respect growing up.
post #6 of 140
I think if you bought a bed for the garage, you're still not hiding it...it won't take long for all your kids to start asking why mama sleeps in the garage. :
post #7 of 140
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
"Sometimes when people make love they make noises like that because it feels so good."

Why wouldn't you say something like this? I'm assuming that at 10yo she knows about sex? Why even consider not having sex for years because your kids might know about it? I'm honestly not understanding what the problem is here.
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
post #8 of 140
Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex. In this day and age, I'd take the time to share with her the basics before she learns from someone else. Even if she's not HSed, if she has any friends, chances are the topic has come up. I'd make a date to talk about it right away, so she hears about it from you.
post #9 of 140
I learned about sex in catholic school at age 10 (reproductive education), so I would not be surprised if she knew something.

Otherwise, :
post #10 of 140
We are in a small house too and have found putting on something for them to listen to at night helps with keeping them from hearing us.

But I agree being truthful with her is better than hiding in the garage, where I suspect she will know something is up. The amount of details you give her is certainly up to you but yeah, I am pretty sure I knew what it was by the time I was 10.
post #11 of 140
Ehhhh, this is tough. I don't like to lie, ESPECIALLY about sex, but I don't know that your ten year old wants to hear your having sex. No matter how sex-positive and open you are (and really, I would think by ten most kids have heard about sex and I'm hoping they heard it first at home), I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids.

Does your ten year old still sleep in your bed? Or is her room just really close? Our daughter's room shares a wall with ours. We found that even apart from sex, just our moving around or getting in and out of bed made enough noise to wake her because both beds were on different sides of the same wall. We moved our bed and hers to opposite walls and that helps. Do you not close your door and hers? Or wait till she's asleep? Could you put on white noise or wordless music in her room? Rugs? Something to absorb sound?

At ten, I am pretty sure she KNOWS what's going on and asking you about it is probably her way of letting you know she can hear you without having to say, "Mom, keep it down, I don't want to hear it!"
post #12 of 140
I didnt learn the mechanics of sex until I was around 13 maybe I remember reading everything I could about sex and finally finding something that explained it in detail. I will talk to dd when I think it is appropriate but for now there just isnt a reason for her to know. She wont be dating till she is 16 and wont be going anywhere without me ie the movies with a group without me till then either. She may have heard bits and pieces at school but she has never brought it up.
post #13 of 140

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:27pm
post #14 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
I knew about sex from very early on, though only as an abstract concept obviously since I never saw it. So basically I knew that to make babies a man stuck his penis in a woman's vagina and then the woman got pregnant (I had several younger siblings and was curious). I had an idea that this was pleasurable, but nothing really concrete. I didn't think about it much, it was just an explanation for where babies came from. I think around 10 as I started to develop physically I became more interested in knowing about physical sexual functions, but it still wasn't a huge deal, and I didn't connect it to romantic feelings until I was a teenager.
I think it would probably be much less disturbing to a child to know that her parents give each other physical pleasure than to think that her mom is having stomach problems. That's just my opinion of course and every child is different. You could also leave out the sex details and say that you just feel so good being with her dad sometimes that you have to make a little noise, like when you're really happy.
Personally, when I was little I remember my mom buying pads at the store and I asked her what they were, only to be told that they were "mommy diapers". My mom was probably just trying to avoid telling me about periods, but I was very worried for her actually, because I thought then that she had problems holding her pee And I was too embarrassed for her to ask about it. I only realized much later what was actually going on.
post #15 of 140
My DH just has the "mechanics of sex" talk with my boys on a camping trip. They are almost 9 and 10. I knew from hints the older one was giving that these things are being discussed...I felt that dh should get the basics out in the open because the last thing I want to mis-information to the kids.

DH said the older one asked good question after good question..."Does the man pee in the woman?" "What are 'boobs'?" etc. He told dh he'd heard the 5th graders talking about liking boobs and didn't know what they were.

I think it's very important to not think of kids as younger than they are. I think that can get scary. That said, every child is different so it is up to the parents.

I just think so many parents think they're child is too young or would be shocked and a lot of times they've already heard some rumors or this and that. It seems easier to clear the air.
post #16 of 140
I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents I do it quietly.
post #17 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by terrainthailand View Post
I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents I do it quietly.
Agree agree agree!!!
post #18 of 140
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eloise24 View Post
Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex. In this day and age, I'd take the time to share with her the basics before she learns from someone else. Even if she's not HSed, if she has any friends, chances are the topic has come up. I'd make a date to talk about it right away, so she hears about it from you.
My dd is homeschooled. She is blind and went to a blind school until last year. She has been pretty sheltered. She doesn't like to watch TV or movies, so she hasn't picked up anything there. She's not reading/listening to YA books yet as I feel she is too young for those. She has friends some are her age and some are younger.

My house is 800sq feet main floor. We have plaster walls and solid wood doors. We have both doors closed and run the bathroom fan. It really doesn't help that because DD is blind she has supersonic hearing!
post #19 of 140
Well, I'll just say I definitely knew about sex by age 10. No, I didn't have anywhere near of a mature concept of sex, but sure, I knew roughly how babies were made.

My mother went through menarche at age 8 (me not until 12, thankfully). While I think 12 is the average age, that still means girls can easily start their menses at age 10. Personally I think it's time to at least give her some books! Otherwise, how scared is she going to be if she suddenly starts her menses, and has no idea what's going on or why she's bleeding? I think a girl could be seriously freaked out.
post #20 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

ETA: i vote for white noise (your room or hers, either way should muffle the sounds a bit). but i still think you should tell her about sex, in general. she is just getting to the age where she needs to know.
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