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Mommy why were you moaning? - Page 2

Poll Results: DTD options.

 
  • 26% (38)
    Buy a bed for the garage.
  • 73% (105)
    Tell 10yo DD the truth.
143 Total Votes  
post #21 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
I knew about sex wayyyy before 10 years old. My 3 year old knows about it, not specifics but she has seen me give birth and knows that her brother and her got put in there by her daddy.
post #22 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post
i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

ETA: i vote for white noise (your room or hers, either way should muffle the sounds a bit). but i still think you should tell her about sex, in general. she is just getting to the age where she needs to know.
Me too my mom was very open about it and even read me a kids book "Where Did I Come From". I mean for us my DD is almost 3 and she's learning about female/male parts and that mommies grow babies and daddies can't but they help make a baby. This is all since I am pregnant, but I want her to know where babies come from.
post #23 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
Well, yes. They do. My son knew about sex - the mechanics of it, anyway - by age 4. It came up when I was pregnant with his brother. By the time he was six he knew that it was something grownups do for fun, not just to make babies.

I think it's probably time to gently let your daughter know "the facts of life". If she hasn't thought to wonder where babies come from before this, wouldn't you rather tell her yourself than have her possibly pick up misinformation from one of her friends? In fact, I'd be extremely surprised if that hasn't happened already by now.
post #24 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My house is 800sq feet main floor. We have plaster walls and solid wood doors. We have both doors closed and run the bathroom fan. It really doesn't help that because DD is blind she has supersonic hearing!
I suggest learning how to make very little noise while having sex and at a very low volume. Putting a pillow over your mouth might help. The urge to moan can definitely be stifled and can sometimes even spicen up one's sex life, I've found.
post #25 of 140
Could you encourage a new bedtime routine, like a book on CD, for her room? Also, do you have a TV in your room? Both of those together might help reduce the chance of hearing you too much.

I know you're doing the best you can. Even though I knew the mechanics of sex at a young age, I never thought about my parents "doing it" for fun. I thought they only needed to do that stuff when they wanted a baby. Since mommy got her womb out, then there was no more need for sex. Now I know

Also, could you get up before her for parent time before she wakes up? I know that morning isn't my best time, but I know you've gotta do what you can.
post #26 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.
Yes, this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
Uh, yes? How on earth do you hide it from them? My now 1st graders got a sibling as two yo. so they of course asked where he came from. We started with the simple "he grew from an egg inside mommys tummy" things, but by the age of 3 they knew the basic (penis in vagina) stuff anyway bc they asked and we tell the truth.
A 10 yo. should know how babies are made, and I'd rather they get the truth, and facts, from us early on than hearing wild tales from friends or guessing.
We have some great books about the body and everything around too. (Including how babies are made.)
post #27 of 140
Thread Starter 
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
post #28 of 140
Oy.

Can't you do both? be quieter, play the radio or tv at the same time AND tell her about growing up/ becoming an adult? She is about to go through puberty for crying out loud.
I have to say I do think that 10 years old is definitely old enough to know the mechanics of sex/ baby making. When I was her age I was sneaking romance novels. Perhaps she is trying to get you to tell her by *asking* questions, and I'm also pretty sure she can tell that you are lying about your so called stomachache....This would be the perfect opportunity to tell her your beliefs on sex, procreation and love. It doesn't have to be a dirty or shameful talk, and if you approach sex in that way it will be detrimental to her development.


And I have to address the " She doesn't need to know, she won't even be dating until she's 16." I'm not really even sure how that applies. Do you want to keep her in the dark until the absolute least second? Do you plan on telling her what her period is for when she starts it???? ( Which will probably be soon.......

My mother didn't date until she was 16 either, not one single date or boyfriend until she was allowed to date at 16.
Then she met my father, and I was born when she was 17. Just food for thought.
post #29 of 140
It applies in that she wont be doing it so dosnt need to know about it. DD so far is like her mom in that she has had zero development toward puberty. I will indeed talk to her about her period when she is probably 10. I just dont see the hurry if she brings it up I will tell her but as of yet it hasnt happened. Dd is a little slower I think than most of her age mates. It has just been a year ago that she noticed that I have hair on my body. She cannot read all that well or would have already gotten her books on puberty.

Every child is different and each one has different needs I dont judge others for teaching sex at a young age but it is not something that needs to be done right now in ours.

If I made it sound like I would be giving the talk as she walks out the door on her first date then I appologize that isnt what I was saying at all. I will tell her when she is ready to hear about it.
post #30 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
I don't think any one was trying to insult you. You said your daughter didn't know about sex. We took your words at face value.

Ok, so she actually does know that a man and a woman make a baby together and that the man has a penis and the woman has a vagina. That makes your explanation even easier. All you need to tell her is that the one goes into the other. I'm still not understanding what the problem with explaining that is.

As a pp said, she will be going through puberty soon. And if she doesn't hear it from you, she'll hear it somewhere else. And I imagine she might lose a whole lot of respect for you when she figures out your lies about that persistent "stomach ache."
post #31 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
Yes, perhaps this is the real issue at hand anyway? That she's hearing something and you don't want her to be hearing it even (especially) if she knows what it is? I would certainly not be ok with my child hearing me have sex either (though I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it happened by mistake). I think that if you're not going for the garage idea, which really doesn't sound comfortable, then Zenful's suggestion is probably best.
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?
post #32 of 140
As I said, she probably knows exactly what's going on and asking you is her way of letting you know she can hear you and you should keep it down.
post #33 of 140

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:31pm
post #34 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ursusarctos View Post
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?
My kids have known about sex for a long time....and we're still fairly quiet when we DTD.

It is lots of fun to cut loose and scream and holler when they aren't home.
post #35 of 140
I vote "other"!

Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Sometimes when Daddy gives Mommy a backrub or something it feels so good"?

My kids (5 & 8) know all about sex and have for years. I think I read my dd1 "So, It's Not The Stork" or "It's So Amazing" (parts of it) when she was 4 or 5, so dd2 would have been about 2 then when she heard about it. Those are great, great books for anyone looking for a book to help them. I figured it would be easier and less embarrassing for all of us if I told them when they were little rather than waiting until they were teens or something! We had sex ed in 5th grade in 1975 in public school in the south so I definitely don't think 10 is too young in 2009.

Frankly, I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone except DH hearing me have sex so I'd do what I could to mask the noises or keep myself quieter.
post #36 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things. It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with
I think that it's time for her to know ALL the details. 10 is the perfect age to have this talk. Her body will be going through puberty in a couple of years (if she hasn't started already - I started menstruating at age 11). The time to talk about sex is BEFORE they're in puberty.

Our 5 year old has known the physical details for 2 years because she ASKED. Our 8 year old sort of knows, but isn't really curious. Dh gets to have 'the talk' with him in about 2 years, I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
Well, that I agree with! Kids are OK with the idea of sex. The idea of their parents having sex? EWWWWW....

How about a white noise machine for her room?
post #37 of 140
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ursusarctos View Post
Yes, perhaps this is the real issue at hand anyway? That she's hearing something and you don't want her to be hearing it even (especially) if she knows what it is? I would certainly not be ok with my child hearing me have sex either (though I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it happened by mistake). I think that if you're not going for the garage idea, which really doesn't sound comfortable, then Zenful's suggestion is probably best.
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?
Not very often. I will have to try and be quiet. Makes it better you say?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
I think there are a few things at play here:

1. Your daughter is hearing you have sex. She probably doesn't like hearing it, and you definitely don't like her hearing it. Move beds, put rugs on the walls (for real, it muffles sounds), turn on some music or the tv, etc. to resolve that. That is issue one.

Separate from issue one is:

2. How much your daughter understands of what is going on. It doesn't seem that you know for sure what she understands about sex and, more importantly, sexual development. It is important that you find out because you don't want her learning the hardway. Two stories come to mind --- one is the episode of Dr. Quinn when Colleen gets her period, doesn't know what it is, and thinks she's dying. The other is that of one of my best friends from elementary and middle school whose first period started while she was taking a bath. Her stepmother heard blood curdling cries and thought someone was seriously hurt. She found my friend in hysterics about blood on the towel she was using to dry herself with. When my friend's stepmother figured out what was going on and was able to calm her down, my friend received The Talk. She was nine. I think these are situations that you would like to avoid, no matter how sheltered and innocent your daughter is (or think she is --- I don't know for sure on either score what's what).

So, yes, these are two separate issues but they are related and both very much need to be addressed.
It funny because there are some things that I think of more as how the human body works and not really sex related. Like periods, breasts, body hair, boys having penis, girls having vaginas, uterus', urethras and birth being painful. I have always talked openly about these things. To me sex is the act of intercourse and I think that 10 is too young to really understand sex. The why and how.

If she was 12-13 then I wouldn't feel this way. But she's not she's 10. She doesn't have breasts, body hair, her period or any interest in boys.
post #38 of 140
That is exactly how I feel as well.
post #39 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountaingirl79 View Post
Oy.

Can't you do both? be quieter, play the radio or tv at the same time AND tell her about growing up/ becoming an adult? She is about to go through puberty for crying out loud.
I have to say I do think that 10 years old is definitely old enough to know the mechanics of sex/ baby making. When I was her age I was sneaking romance novels. Perhaps she is trying to get you to tell her by *asking* questions, and I'm also pretty sure she can tell that you are lying about your so called stomachache....This would be the perfect opportunity to tell her your beliefs on sex, procreation and love. It doesn't have to be a dirty or shameful talk, and if you approach sex in that way it will be detrimental to her development.


And I have to address the " She doesn't need to know, she won't even be dating until she's 16." I'm not really even sure how that applies. Do you want to keep her in the dark until the absolute least second? Do you plan on telling her what her period is for when she starts it???? ( Which will probably be soon.......
Good post, indeed.


Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I don't think any one was trying to insult you. You said your daughter didn't know about sex. We took your words at face value.
Yep.

We also have "It's NOT The Stork!", amongst other books, and it's good.
post #40 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
Not very often. I will have to try and be quiet. Makes it better you say?
Well, not *better* per se but it added something to my sex life anyway. It was just a new experience. I found that consciously *not* vocalizing during sex (I have always naturally vocalized from the very first time so it was really a conscious effort) actually led me to be more in my body somehow... I think sometimes vocalizing can have the effect for me of taking my mind elsewhere, sort of spacing out. I still vocalize spontaneously at times but find that after trying quiet I vocalize much less and I tend to be more "in" the physical sensation rather than focusing so much on reacting to the sensation. Of course everyone has different experiences with sex, but at least for me it was a good thing to try because it actually led to a new dimension in my sex life.
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