or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Mommy why were you moaning?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Mommy why were you moaning? - Page 3

Poll Results: DTD options.

 
  • 26% (38)
    Buy a bed for the garage.
  • 73% (105)
    Tell 10yo DD the truth.
143 Total Votes  
post #41 of 140
I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10. Heck, I would still be weirded out if she did that now. Could you put your DD to bed with a CD on or earplugs and then play music in your room too?
post #42 of 140
You say she was in school until last year? If she was in school at age 8-9, blind or not, she is likely to have heard something more about sex than you've told her. Even if all the parents of all the other kids agree with you that 10 is too young, which I doubt, some of those other students surely had older siblings who let information "slip" around them.

I know when I was in elementary school, we had sex ed at age 10, so at least according to the school district I grew up in, that's the right age!
post #43 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
Ehhhh, this is tough. I don't like to lie, ESPECIALLY about sex, but I don't know that your ten year old wants to hear your having sex. No matter how sex-positive and open you are (and really, I would think by ten most kids have heard about sex and I'm hoping they heard it first at home), I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids...
Yes. 100% agreement.

My parents were too open in an effort to avoid shaming us as they had been. I am far more discreet with my child. It's more than possible to have open communication and provide a sex-positive pov without sharing any personal details of ones own sex life.

I am baffled as to why someone would think that it's developmentally sound to tell a child, "When you hear that noise, that's mom enjoying sex."
post #44 of 140
I understand sex and would still be grossed out hearing my parents doing it... LOL

Parents know their kids and if you feel as though your DD is not ready to know then you know best.

I at one time had a 5 and 6 year olds who lived with me (their dad and I lived together) when I got pregnant with their sister the 5 year old asked how she got in my belly. She knew what sex was already, in detail, so I told her that daddy put the baby in my tummy when we had sex. She was satisfied with that answer.

Maybe you could tell your DD that you and dad have private time in your room and sometimes you do things that feel good. I would then ask if it makes her feel uncomfortable. If she is satisfied with the answer she will not ask anymore questions, my belief is children will ask about things until they are personally satisfied with the answer.
post #45 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids.

yes, this. i'm not a prude and dont think sex is dirty or should be hidden, but that being said i think it is an adult activity and kids dont need to be involved in their parents sex lives. i remember hearing my parents and feeling very disrespected. i think parents should take all measures possible to insure the kids dont have to hear them. its uncomfotable, and as a kid you cant just leave or go somewhere else.
even if you dont think of the sex per se as a problem, think of it as a noise issue. i wouldnt want to hear loud music that keeps me awake, either!
post #46 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
I am baffled as to why someone would think that it's developmentally sound to tell a child, "When you hear that noise, that's mom enjoying sex."
Since I'm the one who said (something like) that, I'll respond. Discreet as we may all hope to be around our kids, chances are that at some point they will see or hear something. And when that happens, I would far rather tell my curious children - who already know about sex and understand that it's something parents do - that I was making that noise because I felt good. Rather than lying about being in pain.

Developmentally sound? For most of human history, kids have been around, in the same room, while adults were having sex. Private rooms have until very recently been a luxury for the extreme rich. While I'm happy to have the privacy myself, I have no doubts that the majority of humanity has developed just fine in these circumstances.
post #47 of 140
I agree with the PPs that I would not tell her.

What child (or adult child for that matter), wants to know when their parents are having sex? No thank you.

If I heard a noise like that from the parental bedroom, I'd perhaps assume that's what it was, and be slightly icked out, but not knowing for certain it wouldn't really bother me. But if Mom came out and told me: "Now, when you hear me moan and gasp and shriek like that, dear, that's when we're having sex." I mean....Yuck?!

At that point, my own "space" has been violated with receiving information I didn't want (or need) to know.

I agree that the answer here is YOU muffling your own noises, not lying to her.
post #48 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
...And when that happens, I would far rather tell my curious children - who already know about sex and understand that it's something parents do - that I was making that noise because I felt good. Rather than lying about being in pain...
That's what you as an adult would rather do, I'm questioning if that is in the best interest of a child who is being raised in this culture. It's different to have been around something your entire life than to find yourself in a room by yourself wondering what your mother is doing in another room.

My kid is 17 years old, we've never had the big, sit down "sex talk" because that's alway been part of our dialouge. I never told him, "When you hear that sound, it's mom having sex with dad." I just learned to be more quiet. Why? Because I grew up knowing what was going on and it is not a pleasant memory, as good as my parents intentions were.

As someone else has said, looking back it was disrespectful. Where was I supposed to go at that young age?
post #49 of 140
This is an interesting conversation. Thanks for the recommendation for It's Not the Stork -- I just ordered it.
post #50 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.
I was/am perfectly content with my parents lying to me! ROFL
post #51 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly View Post
That's what you as an adult would rather do, I'm questioning if that is in the best interest of a child who is being raised in this culture... My kid is 17 years old, we've never had the big, sit down "sex talk" because that's alway been part of our dialouge. I never told him, "When you hear that sound, it's mom having sex with dad."
I think you are misunderstanding me. I never said I would, nor do I advocate announcing to children out of the blue "When you hear that sound, it's us having sex."

I'm talking about the situation described by the OP: the kid happens to hear it and asks you point blank what that noise was. As a parent, you've got two choices in that situation. Lie or tell the truth. I would prefer to tell the truth to my children.
post #52 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10.
Good lord YES! Whatever you do, do NOT say that!

I was ~7 when I got the big sex talk (complete with an anatomy book) and I understood it perfectly - the mechanics, the process of conception, even the idea of it feeling good and of orgasm. (I was aware of what a flaccid penis looked like and even asked how it could go into a vagina like that, since I was having visions of having to stuff it in there like a pillow in a pillowcase! ) My mom could have done a better job adding details as I got older and had a little more contextual understanding (she also completely neglected the topic of masturbation, which caused me much mental strife when I discovered it on my own at oh... 9?), but I definitely understood. I don't think 10 is too young to understand sex, at all.

Now, all that said: I would try to be quieter. Play music in your room or hers. For me, this is a matter of incorporating someone into my sex life who doesn't want to be there. It's a consensual thing. And, this is coming from someone who will DTD in the family bed with a sleeping LO in there - but, for us, doing it around her when she's awake or cognizant of what is going on is absolutely not an option.

I do not think sex is wrong or dirty. I do think it is intimate and meant to be shared between consenting people, including consenting to overhearing it.
post #53 of 140
When I was young teenager my parents used to be rather noisy (we lived in a small home too). I sort of had a fit about how uncomfortable it was for me to listen to them (my sister had already moved to the couch in the living room). After that we got moved to the back room of the house w/ no air conditioning, but it was better than listening to that in the middle of the night. They were not trying to quiet at all : It's not one of my fondest memories of living with my parents. Point is, you could try to be little quieter ... or you give her some earplugs or a white noise machine. Or you could sound-proof your bedroom ... lol.
post #54 of 140
Honestly if you DD has that great of hearing, you might just have to practice being quieter.

I have to say that I also would be a bit weirded out if my parents had said,"well sex feels so good I moan," gosh I have been camping with friends as an adult and thought it was weird that someone would make so much noise having sex, especially when other people are around. I guess I get it, but it seems a bit inconsiderate of others to be all noisy DTD when they are within hearing distance, JMO. Some things need to be kept to yourself.
post #55 of 140
I would take a slightly different approach to what some of the PP's said....

One, I wouldn't tell her the 'truth' about the previous episodes, but if she did ask again, I would tell her. Maybe something along the lines of "I'm sorry you heard that, your father and I were being intimate, and sometimes mommies and daddies make noises like that....." I would get a white noise machine/fan and try to be as quiet as possible so that she doesn't know when you are DTD. I always knew when my parents were and it grossed me out.

BUT, I think you should have a talk with your daughter about sex. I knew what sex was when I was probably around 5-6 years old. I did go to a public school and rode the bus, but by 10 YO I would say she probably DEFINITELY knows something/has some questions. She needs to hear it from her Mama. She may even "know" what you are doing and that is why she is asking you why you are moaning.. She is testing/prodding to see if you will tell her. She will probably be starting her period soon (I was 11 when I got mine..), and if you can tie all of that in together, that would be good.
post #56 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10. Heck, I would still be weirded out if she did that now. Could you put your DD to bed with a CD on or earplugs and then play music in your room too?
Yes, that. I also don't want to hear my parents DTD now.

What about one of those white noise sound screen things? http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&key...l_9b4a2x4tgz_b
post #57 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
I don't think she really needs to know the exact physical details. She can be told that it's something that's enjoyable without going into all the details. I'd basically just say sex is something that Mommy and Daddy enjoy doing with each other and it feels really good. When things feel good we sometimes moan (like after having some rich yummy chocolate cheesecake - mmmmmm). You can say that it's how babies are made but it isn't just for making babies.

At 10 I didn't even know what a vagina was let alone the fact that a penis should go in it. I think it's not that my mom tried to shelter me, it just never came up. I think that maybe she just thought my older sisters would fill me in on the details. My DD is 10 and she knows how it all works but she also asks a ton of questions. She was also around 5-6 when she first started asking about things she was hearing at school. I'm glad she knew enough to just ask us, her friends were telling her that kissing was sex. :
post #58 of 140
While I do believe a 10 year old needs to know about sex, I don't think they need to know about mummy and daddy's sex life.

If I was 10, I really would have wanted to have my parents lie to me.

And no, my user name doesn't have anything to do with this thread.
post #59 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by gillibean View Post
At 10 I didn't even know what a vagina was (..)
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?
post #60 of 140
I turn music or what not on in Ds's room so he doesn't hear us. He's never woke up I think because of the noise in his room and we are ummm..... yeah.... not to quiet

Also they do sex ed here in WNY in 3rd and 4th grade as girls are getting their period at 8 and 9 now My nephew just in june turned 10 and he asked my sister and I about sex we asked where he heard that and said at school they had sex ed that day they forgot to send the memo out and my sister works there and no one said anything about doing that because the teacher feel funny because of how young they teach them now!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Mommy why were you moaning?