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Mommy why were you moaning? - Page 4

Poll Results: DTD options.

 
  • 26% (38)
    Buy a bed for the garage.
  • 73% (105)
    Tell 10yo DD the truth.
143 Total Votes  
post #61 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiekisses View Post
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?

I don't really use my vagina daily.

I'm imagining girls have found it by 10, but maybe haven't paid much attention to it? I honestly can't remember when I really discovered mine.
post #62 of 140
I think that the thought of my mother being in so much pain from a stomachache that she would moan, repeatedly, in bed during the night - would have been EXTREMELY worrisome to my 10 year old self. I would have thought something was seriously wrong with her, and probably obsessed about it for months.

But maybe I'm weird that way?

OP, I'm not sure what the right answer is for you, but I suspect your daughter does think you're hiding something when you answer. Hopefully she thinks you're hiding the fact that the noise is sex, instead of thinking that you're hiding the fact that you have a terrible illness.
post #63 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by moaningminny View Post
I don't really use my vagina daily.
DH wishes!
post #64 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein View Post
DH wishes!
That's what I originally wrote, but edited at the last minute.
post #65 of 140
We put a CD player in the kids' room and started a bedtime ritual of listening to looooong books on CD.
post #66 of 140
Nothing profound to add.

I did hear my parents as our beds were against the same wall. I didn't like that. But then again they weren't open and I'm sure they had no idea.

I agree with finding a way to be quieter/mask the noise.

I'm sure she either has some idea and is asking not to hear it or she's starting to get really worried about your health.

With a blind dd with acute hearing I would do some serious insulating. Is she sleeping in your bed or is she in her own room? I didn't see an answer to that question.

I wish my parents had told me more by that age. The stuff I was getting at school/on the street was very confusing and contradictory.

My kids know the basics. I agree that it's better to share as much as possible as early as possible.

Anecdotally, I remember at age 10 trying to figure out the penis into the vagina thing. Nobody had mentioned flacid vs. erect to me and it wasn't included in the literature from school. That would have been nice to know.

As for using the vagina daily at age 10, I highly doubt MOST girls are, although perhaps some are. I certainly wasn't.
post #67 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post
Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Sometimes when Daddy gives Mommy a backrub or something it feels so good"?
.
I'd go this route, but also (seperately) teach my 10 yo about sex.

My mother finally talked to me about sex when I was 10, and it was too late. I'd already heard everything from neighborhood friends, been shocked, and insisted they were lying. Boy, was I embarassed when I found out they were telling the truth .

My 8 yo understands the mechanics of sex, and even that people do it for pleasure. It really isn't that difficult to understand. Even children know that it feels good to rub between their legs, kwim? All the same, I don't want her to know the when and where of my sex life. The backrub explanation covers the moaning without worrying the child about a stomachache...and also will make sense to the child when she puts it all together when she is older.
post #68 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiekisses View Post
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?
Why would a child's vagina be in daily use? Mine certainly isn't!
post #69 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sancta View Post
Why would a child's vagina be in daily use? Mine certainly isn't!
Do people mean vagina or vulva/clitoris? I'm trying to understand....

10 yo girls masturbate. Some certainly do it daily. That doesn't nec involve the vagina, though.
post #70 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.
I haven't read every post, but this is what I was thinking. Maybe its just me, but I think there's a world of difference between understanding the mechanics of how sex works (Daddy's penis + Mommy's vagina = baby) and understanding the reality of 2 people you know engaging in sex. That it lasts x amount of time, that daddy is doing things with mommy that make her moan, etc etc etc.

I mean, think about it. Every single one of us understands that our father's penis entered our mother's vagina and we were conceived. But now take that scenario to the next level and imagine your parents making love with any degree of detail... the sounds, what it might have looked like, and, well....

Hope I'm making sense without being too skeevy..... its late.....
post #71 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by Belia View Post
I haven't read every post, but this is what I was thinking. Maybe its just me, but I think there's a world of difference between understanding the mechanics of how sex works (Daddy's penis + Mommy's vagina = baby) and understanding the reality of 2 people you know engaging in sex. That it lasts x amount of time, that daddy is doing things with mommy that make her moan, etc etc etc.

I mean, think about it. Every single one of us understands that our father's penis entered our mother's vagina and we were conceived. But now take that scenario to the next level and imagine your parents making love with any degree of detail... the sounds, what it might have looked like, and, well....

Hope I'm making sense without being too skeevy..... its late.....
Well said!!
Can you just yet to be a little quieter? I mean you can have and teach the healthiest, most honest philosophies about sex but that doesn't mean that its not going to still gross her out to know exactly what you are doing when you are moaning. What about her right to feel comfortable? She may not appreciate knowing what she may already have a clue about. It will be more than likely as unsettling for her to know these details as it would be for you to hear her and her boyfriend in 8 years getting it on.
Sex is a healthy thing but IMO it's a private thing.
post #72 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post
i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

.
Oh my goodness seriously 4? I grew up on a farm and saw lots of birth. I remember as a kid my mom getting me books from the library on reproduction. But it wasn't until really around 12 that I "got it" and really understood was to make of it. I was also 12 when I started menstruating. About grade 7 was when we had the sex talk at school (this was back in 84/85). That being said....I would probably make something up...lol I am too private about things (plus I remember waking up and realising what my parents were doing and trying to erase the vision from my head! )
post #73 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
My sister and I have worked extensively with very conservative and "sheltered" evangelical homeschool and private school kids as well as secular public school kids and by 11-12, all of the kids are dealing with sexting and at least oral sex. They aren't all doing oral sex, but they are all having to make the choice. Lesbian sex and porn is a big issue. Things are very different than they were even 10 years ago.
post #74 of 140
When I was ten I understood the whole penis, vagina, baby making part of sex but I had NO IDEA about the actions, sounds, and pleasure involved. I think there is a difference between understanding sexuality and understanding the joys of sex.
post #75 of 140
"I must've been having a weird dream sweetie"? And buy sound proof panels for your room? They're apparently only $10 or so to make.

I'm not sure what I'd actually do as a parent, but that's what I'd would've wanted my mom to do if I asked that question at age 10.
post #76 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by ParisApril View Post
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?
Yes. In fact it's because I knew about sex that I would've wanted my mom to not tell me why she was moaning.

(I also made her buy me a book about menstruation instead of telling me.)
post #77 of 140
I didn't know what sex was when I was 10. I knew that sperm from the dad got into the mom to make babies, but I seriously thought they swam through the bed (thus the phrase "sleeping together" and the apparent shock about new pregnancies on movies etc...) I was probably early teens when I figured it out and then looked it up to see if I was right...yeah, I was a geeky kid.
Anyway, with your dd being blind and having the super hearing, that's all the more reason to be honest with her I think. You don't have to tell her about sex per se if you don't feel she's at that stage (and in her situation I'd think that maybe she's not), BUT you can tell her that mommy and daddy like to spend time together before they go to sleep, and that you like to do things to make each other feel good (if she wants examples you might mention massages and snuggles and kisses etc). I expect she would be able to understand that someone might make contented/happy noises in such a situation. I mean, if you were a screamer it might be different, but if you're a moaner then you can probably get by with that kind of explanation. I do think honesty is the best policy, but it's also ok to only answer as much as they ask (don't offer more info than they are asking for, if that makes sense).


ETA, I agree with the pp's who have commented about knowing the truth being healthy, but too much info is really a taboo thing for most of us (everyone I've ever met). I remember in a college psych class the teacher was explaining about the cultural taboo against thinking about/seeing our parents DTD. Obviously we all know they did it to make us, but we don't want to think about them still doing it, let alone see/hear them. In Freudian terms it's because of the Oedipus/Electra complexes (which I totally don't believe in) but regardless of why it is, it's definitely an ingrained taboo--at least in western society--so yeah, I'd avoid going into too much detail with her unless she specifically asks. Like I said, I'd tell her that it's a loving/good activity, but not discuss details.
post #78 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by terrainthailand View Post
I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents I do it quietly.

I didn't vote. I think you need to be honest,and either move your daughter out of your bed or have sex in another room from her.

Anyhow,i was a very naive homeschooled kid. at 9,I knew where babies come from,and sort of knew about sex. A little before I turned 10,my mom told me the really basic mechanics of sex,and also that you could get pregant if you almost went all The way. It was a little late for that talk. A male relative a few years older than me had already tried to have sex with me. It was bad enough I still have issus emotionally,from it. If I'd had any clue what this relative wanted to do,I might have been able to stop it,I wouldn't have given in to his badgering, perhaps? Oh,and after the convo with my mom,I was also terrified i as pregnant. My mom never thought this would happen. They were very strict,no dating til 17,etc. I did tell my mom what happened,but she was,and pretty mcuh still,is in denial.
post #79 of 140
First, I think she needs to know about sex. Sadly, some kids are already having sex themselves by 11 or 12. She needs to know, and you need to talk to her about it so that she understands the details and why its not a good idea at her age. Saying nothing is just too dangerous. I would hate for her to not know and find herself in a situation that she doesn't know how to respond too. Other kids her age will be talking about, she needs to hear it from you.

As far as what to tell her. I'm not sure. I've lived in apartments with thin walls where I could hear my roommate DTD down the hall through both my closed door and hers. I'm staying with my father right now, I have an upstairs bedroom and he has a downstairs bedroom and I can still hear them DTD when his GF is over. Its not at all something I want to hear. But its so awkward that in all those situations, I've never said anything. Sometimes I turn my music up really loud to drown them out, but you really have to turn it up LOUD, past socially acceptable levels, and even then, some moaning gets through. I was hoping they'd take the hint (if we can hear her music, then maybe she can hear us?) but so far, apparently not. Im an adult and it weirds me out. I guess I would vote a small white lie. I'd rather figure it out when I'm older and can laugh at how naive I was to believe the story I was given than to KNOW what they're doing. That said, a stomach ache is likely not the best cover story. Tell her you were getting a massage, or eating chocolates or something. Given that your DD has acute hearing, I'm unsure music or white noise will work. I would look into soundproofing, or arrange your schedule so you two have time when DD is not around.
post #80 of 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by eloise24 View Post
Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex.
I was homeschooled...trust me, we knew what sex was too. I first heard about it when I was 7.
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