First PP cycle, BFN, really sad

[Chloe'sMama]

Hi Everyone-
I didn't join Mothering until after my dd was born, but we tried for almost 3 years to get pregnant. We had a miscarriage early on, but other than that, it was just month after month of agonizing disappointment. I was pretty depressed and had a very difficult time every time AF came. I was about to file paperwork to begin the processes to adopt when we found out I was pregnant with DD.

Fast forward until now. DD is 14 months. I wanted the kids to be 18 months apart, but just got my first PP af this month, or what may be AF. Very strong ovulation pains and very sore nipples ect. We dtd on the day before ovulation and the day of, so there would be a chance. Well, spotted day 5-8 then nothing. Today is 12 dpo and got another BFN. I feel myself getting sucked back into the obsession and possible depression already. I need to stop it and don't know how. Please help me.

[JenBuckyfan]

I'm sorry you got a BFN. I'm sure it's incredibly hard to face what could be another uphill battle to get pregnant. Just remember that you're just at the beginning of the journey and that you've been through the long-haul before and you made it through it. The continued disappointment is heartbreaking and there isn't much you can do about it other than try to stay positive that it will happen again (hopefully much much much earlier than last time) and you can try and try again. I am such a planner and according to my plan I should be starting to ttc #2 versus being 4 months pregnant with #1. But, it is what it is and we're overjoyed to be pregnant though it's never far from my mind how I was in tears every month AF appeared and how heartbreaking it was. It took our first ttc round to force me to the realization that as much as we plan, this is one of those things that has its own timeline. Stay strong, be patient and try not to make ttc the focal point of being happy or meeting your timeline, I think that just adds un-needed stress and pressure - so much easier said than done - though you've been there done that!

Is there something new that you want to learn to do or some other event you can work on planning like a vacation? Having something to take your mind off of how much you want to conceive might be helpful.

[Chloe'sMama]

Thank you Jen. And Congrats to you!!!

I didn't know I would be so upset by it all, but like you said, I don't have control over it.

Ahhhh, now to force myself to relax about it.

[JenBuckyfan]

Thanks for the congrats! It's still hard to believe, I'm hoping when I really start to show it will feel more real!

I think that I would (likely will) feel the same way as you do. I think that a BFN, for those who saw it (or like me watched my temp drop) month after month, starts to symbolize nothing but sheer sadness and disappointment. Even though you've only been through one month of it, it brings back a flood of memories.

Trying to relax sounds like a great idea (sooooo much easier said than done!) and nothing but good thoughts and baby dust being sent your way!!

[Carita]

I'll send you some of my baby dust. We were the same way, we tried for 3 years over the course of 4 years for our first son. We were at that point pretty much certain that we would just adopt when we had the financial resources to do so. This time it only took us 3 cycles, but we waited to try until DS was almost 2 and nursing much less than he was a 14 mo. In my eyes it was a miracle, becuase I assumed it would take us at least 3 years again. I think it made the wait easier to think we would have to wait so long. I was TTC at the same time as another friend who got pregnant with her first after 1 try. And when she was upset at not getting pregnant after 1 cycle, I was like - dude! its only 1 cycle!!! :P LOL

Good Luck and best wishes,