How to handle this?

[Storm Bride]

DS2 is a bit difficult. He's been a lot easier, in general, since dd2 arrived. I figured that a lot of his previous behavioural problems were due to cabin fever, because I was so tired during pregnancy that we didn't do much, and stress, because it's been a very emotional couple of years on the reproductive front. But, we still have some really awful days, and one particular issue is coming back up - worse than ever - after completely disappearing for a few weeks.

We had an ongoing problem with him peeing on the carpet for months. That disappeared, and things were going very well for a while. Then, he started peeing on the patio, instead. (The patio is mostly dirt, with a few large paving stones, and a bunch of gravel. It's all fenced in, and there's a very small wood deck with our patio furniture on it. So, this isn't a case of a kid peeing all over finished wood or anything.)

Twice last week, he pooped out there. Luckily, it was very solid and easily cleaned up, but UGH. Now, he's peed on his sister twice this week. The first time, he mostly missed and got the couch and afghan. I grabbed him partway through and put him in the bathroom, and we washed the slipcover and afghan. Today, he got her while they were out on the patio.

He doesn't know why he's doing this. It's not happening when they're fighting or anything. He just suddenly decides to pee on her. She's freaking out (dd1 is very volatile and very sensitive, and this really sets her off, understandably). He's freaking out. I'm becoming insanely frustrated, and I honestly have no idea how to address this. I'm talking to him about it a lot, but...discpine? consequences? WWYD?

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Is he 4?

Its not unusual for 3-4 year olds to want to pee/poop in weird places. Don't know why. I think its about control. It is a little more unusual to want to pee on your older sister, though.

DD went through a phase of peeing on the carpet (in one particular spot in the bedroom). It was frustrating because the bathroom is actually closer than the spot she was peeing on, so it wasn't cause she couldn't make it to the bathroom. She couldn't give me an answer why she liked to pee there.

What worked was using reinforcers (M&Ms or other small candies) for peeing/pooping on the potty, as well as prompting her every couple of hours. It probably would have helped to have a little potty in the living room, too, so she had choices (and thus more control). She is also allowed to pee outside on the grass if she wants to (she went through a phase where she thought that was extremely fun).

Anyway I think rather than using some kind of discipline it might be best to make peeing in the proper place more fun.

[Storm Bride]

That's not a bad idea. I hadn't even thought of it from that angle. I've never done a lot of reward-based parenting, but it's definitely worth trying. This whole thing is driving me nuts. He used to poop while squatting on his bedroom windowsill - same thing - much farther than just using the bathroom. I think the pooping was because squatting felt better than sitting (may get us a Nature's Platform one day). The peeing? Who knows? Not me.

Yes - he's 4. I'd heard this happened with kids this age, but I'd never experienced it before, and wasn't expecting it to drag on quite this long. And, I certainly never expected him to pee on his sibling! Mind you, he has trouble with that kind of thing. He randomly hits people for no real reason, too. DD1 gets that the most, just because she's around him the most. It's getting a bit weird.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

We don't use rewards, either. Potty learning was the one thing we relented on. It really made a difference to my sanity

I used nature's miracle on the pee spots and it seems to work pretty good. There is one spot somewhere that I can still smell on hot days. I think it must be under the bed. DD can't remember where she peed (whenever I ask her, she says it was her imaginary friend Twinkle who peed on the carpet, not her).

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

We don't use rewards, either. Potty learning was the one thing we relented on. It really made a difference to my sanity

I can understand that.

I used nature's miracle on the pee spots and it seems to work pretty good. There is one spot somewhere that I can still smell on hot days. I think it must be under the bed. DD can't remember where she peed (whenever I ask her, she says it was her imaginary friend Twinkle who peed on the carpet, not her).

We have a spot like that on our stairs, but it's from a cat - not our cat, but the previous tenant's cat (although our cat picked out the same spot, of course).