How do u deal/dealt with the terrible 2 temper tantrums? - Page 2

[ZoeyZoo]

With my toddler I have validated her feelings by tellering her something like "I know you want X but this is unsafe". I open my arms and let her know I'm there for her if she wants me. If possible I offer an alternative like "I know you want to play with this toy but it is too big for you. How about we try this toy?". Usually I can figure out if she's hungry, bored, etc. and I try to find an acceptable substitute and this usually ends he tantrum.

[kombu]

It was great to see this thread when I logged on for the first time in ages, just to ask about toddler tantrum ideas.
I love your approach, Mama Unlimited. I think it will take a little research to see what works with my little guy.

He used to be pretty low key, very easy to defuse when he started up a tantrum, and generally happy all the time.

Now, he protests everything, cries and flails and screams and hits himself (not hard), any time he doesn't get his way. He cried and threw himself around for 30 minutes on his way down for his nap because he couldn't have yet another book. He's having a couple big tantrums and many little ones every day. *sigh*

He's 2 1/2, and the tantrums just started this month and only seem to be getting worse. He's also been wanting more physical contact - more snuggling and more binkie and blankie. He's gotten into reading books recently which he hasnt' been into for a long time. He's potty trained himself this month (we didn't push, but we help) and I've chalked all his tantrum stuff up to the emotional mess of that huge milestone. I hope I'm right, but I don't really know what to do to help him integrate all this and I really really wish I did.

I'm having trouble finding ways to be proactive instead of reactive, and I really really want to be, especially because my partner is so far past what she can handle and is snapping at him constantly (and I'm exhausted from him not sleeping at night and can't jump in to take over all the time). I don't want any of us to be living with things as they are right now. It sucks.

[CatherineEL]

I went to Becky Bailey seminar that taught me to get down to my son's level when he's having a tantrum, and just be there for him. No words, especially no questions like "What is wrong?" I just get down on the floor, lay next to him, and send him my love. I try not to intrude. He doesn't hit or anything, just flails around and cries until he feels better and I can offer words and hugs of comfort (explaining, "You wanted this but no chocolate for breakfast, so let's have a banana...") It works pretty well, and when he's having his tantrum and looks over and sees all the love in my eyes, it seems to help...