Learning impulse control

[Wild Lupine]

I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help my 2 3/4 DD learn better impulse control. I don't think she has a particular issue or problem with it, no more than the typical toddler, but she does sometimes lash out when she's angry. Either she spits or hits. It's usually once or twice, and right when she's initially disappointed or angry, and it doesn't necessarily lead into a tantrum. She knows it isn't appropriate and I don't think she wants to do it. But like a lot of angry behavior, it just seems to happen.

I know this is very typical toddler behavior and that she will outgrow it. But since she doesn't seem to like doing it (she seems remorseful afterward), and frankly, I hate being spit at, I'm wondering if there's any way to help her out.

[bstandlee]

I have a slightly younger DS than you, but I would think consistently and calmly talking about how to deal with anger (at a time when your DD is not angry). Encourage her to find ways to feel the anger in a safe and courteous way (stomp her feet, hit a pillow, count to 5), and then respond calmly to get her needs met. Also talk about how the spitting and hitting are not courteous or kind behaviors as well. Honestly, I still have trouble with impulse control when I'm angry sometimes! (bad words, lashing out at the dog ). I think it's something that has to be modeled and talked about and eventually they'll get it.

[_betsy_]

DD is almost 3. In the past few months, we've had good success with taking deep breaths when we start to get angry or frustrated. If I see her turning that corner, I'll say something like "Uh oh! You seem really frustrated! (insert short explanation of what went wrong like "The baby knocked over the castle you were building!") Let's try some deep breaths, OK?" And model deep breaths for her. At first she didn't get it at all. Then she started doing it just because I was doing it. Then she started taking deep breaths all on her own occassionally. She'll even sometimes say "I feel better" or "That's not so bad" or whatever.

It doesn't always work and is sometimes even more aggravating for her than whatever happened in the first place. But when it works, it helps her take a step back, think about the situation, calm down, etc.

[LynnS6]

Play games like red light-green light, Simon Says or Mother May I.

Give her words to help verbalize those feelings when she's angry/disappointed. Keep it short and simple. "You sound really mad." "Are you angry?"

Let her gain a few years in maturity.

[Wild Lupine]

Thanks everyone. We have already taught her deep breathing and simple chanting, but I haven't emphasized it as much as I could. And the games are great! I remember those games when I was a kid, but never put them together with impulse control. I can see how they'd work like that, too. I love taching and modeling through play.