Is this depression? Or just life?

[sbrinton]

We've had a few very hard years. To keep a long story very short, we've survived several high risk pregnancies, preterm births, NICU stays, moving, job and money issues, etc. In general my husband and I have coped with things very well.

My youngest is now 9 months old. I've been feeling very down much of this summer. I'm not sure if it is depression - or if it just sadness. We have a few things to be sad about. We've been more or less kicked out of our church community and this feels as painful as being kicked out of a family. We've also had to make the decision to not have any more children biologically, which while the right choice is hard. Other things in our lives are good. I really enjoy my children and my husband. I feel despair about some areas of our lives, but hope and joy in others.

Is this "depression"? Or is it just trying to survive a really hard situation as well as I can? Today was a very hard day, but that had a lot to do with the pain of having many people gossiping about me in a very ugly way. I don't usually care that much what others think of me, but as a result of this gossip, many people in our community have decided not to be around our kids. And this just plain hurts. I'm in a time when I need friends supporting our family and instead everyone is judging our parenting and marriage. (And honestly, while we're not perfect people, we're generally loving, generous, "good" people!).

I have tried to do many self-care things. Sleeping enough, eating well, exercising regularly, trying to make time for dates and time with friends, etc. I know there's more I could do (vitamins, fish oil, etc), but I'm not sure where to start and if it would help.

I'm really nervous to even talk to a doc about ppd, mostly because we want to adopt and I'm scared a history of (recent) depression would make that much more difficult. Moreover, I've been through depression before without meds. I guess I know I could say the right things to be diagnossed, but I'm not sure drugs or a psych daignoses is what I really need.

Any insight? What should I be thinking about in working through this?

[annekh23]

I'd be inclined to say situational, but that doesn't mean you don't need help. I wish I could find it again, but I once saw an excellent flow chart of depression, basically there are a whole lot of things that all feed into each other and eventually something arising our of purely situational stuff can turn into full on clinical depression.

Does your insurance cover a counsellor without a referral? I notice you say near Seattle, I could recommend someone.

Regarding your church situation, is there any scope for resolution? I feel your pain there, we've never been kicked out, but before we moved to this area we were in a church that seemed to deteriorate in function as a family, so we lost a family feeling we'd had previously. I know it takes time to get into a new church, but some are better than others. We're involved with a church plant in central Bellevue, as a new church, I hope people would find they could settle in quickly, we've certainly found them very supportive whilst I went through a difficult end of pregnancy and severe depression.

I've read snippets of your story on various forums here, I think this is the first time I've replied directly to you. Nothing you've said elsewhere suggests depression, just having a hard time and I feel I do know the difference quite well, we've also had a hard time over the past few years, it's only been this year it turned into clinical depression.

[Carolyn R]

Just wanted to send some thoughts of loving support your way, and to tell you I am so sorry you're going through this rough time.

I have been through a very similar situation as what you're describing - after having our daughter last August I experienced what was most likely PPD, but I was reluctant to take meds because I knew that much of the issue was stemming from the very difficult financial situation dh and I were in (and still struggle with).

As I said, I personally chose to battle the depression without meds. I felt comfortable enough with a "watch-and-wait" approach, and kept close tabs on how I was feeling. If things had progressed to a more serious level (thoughts of hurting myself or others, or severe lack of ability to function normally), obviously I would've sought help.

You mentioned the self care you are already doing, and I really would encourage you to add a whole food vitamin to your regime (a chiropractor, midwife, or natural food store could recommend a specific one). When we are under lots of stress, our bodies deplete our vitamin stores more quickly, which can contribute to low moods.

Since you mention church being an important part of your life, I am comfortable in telling you that my faith has been the biggest factor in getting me through all this. Abandoning myself to a higher power has made such a difference. I am a Christian, and immersing myself in the life and suffering of Christ has helped me get my bearings in this often painful and difficult world. A book I've found to be particularly helpful is "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers. The contemporary society we live in bombards us with the message that everything should have a quick fix and life should feel really good. Unfortunately, that is far from the truth...life is often filled with heartbreak and bewildering circumstances, but God can use our broken pieces to create something beautiful if only we will give our lives to Him.

So I wish you peace, healing, and love. I hope you find the support you need, and don't be afraid to reach out until you find it. I also don't want you to think I am saying there's anything wrong with seeking medical help, this is just my story. It sounds as if you have good self-awareness and I am sure you will make the right decisions. Best of luck.

[azgirl]

I debated whether to post this, but here goes
I developed PPD. I found a fabulous Psychiatrist and he prescribed: Exercise, 1000mg EPA from fish oil and Zoloft. I had side effects going on the meds and it was pretty lame weaning off. I was on the Zoloft for 8 months. My doc really feels like it is fine to go on meds anytime life throws you a curve ball. That wouldn't normally jive with me, it seems ridiculous. But now that I have gone through it I would def. do meds again even if my depression was just situational. The church community situation you are describing is just the sort of devastating event that can trigger depression. As another NICU mama I can relate to the fact that the NICU really uses up a lot of coping!
I guess that is my long-winded way of saying...does it matter if it's just situational? It is real!

The second thing I did was find a really good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. She helped me deal with my bad habits (thoughts and actions). You may get some more tools for how to deal with the situations you are going through.

You say that rumors have caused some of this alienation...can you openly and honestly talk to the people you care about and would like to maintain relationships with? Being passive really feeds depression in my experience. It sounds like you have nothing to lose, right?

Good luck...please keep us posted!

Oops, I forgot to add: my psychiatrist was very cognizant of privacy issues. I paid him directly (very reasonable rate) and he did not bill my insurance. In other words, I don't have a diagnosis of depression on my record. I don't think I am being paranoid. It just seems like a smart idea.