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what do you do about moms who always brag about their child? - Page 3

post #41 of 53
Grin and bear it yes and respond with the minimum effort then try to change the subject
post #42 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShyDaisi View Post
I could see myself being seen as a braggart about my son. Not that I do go around bragging about him on purpose, but it is seriously THE only thing going on in my life that I can talk about that is positive --
Oh, yeah - I hadn't even thought to mention this. I'm sure I bragged about ds1 way too much when he was little. My life was a nightmare, and ds1 was the only bright spot in it. Every positive thing he did, and every accomplishment of his, took on huge importance. When talking to people, I could bitch about my nightmare job (and I did) or bitch about my nightmare marriage (and I did), or talk about ds1. I think most people were actually relieved when I went into bragging mode, because it was a break from my relentless negativity about everything else.
post #43 of 53
I'll pop back in and say that I think being secure with your own situation makes it much easier to accept someone else's bragging - about whatever... children, home size, salary, etc...

I guess that's why it doesn't bother me at all when a parent says wonderful things about their child - even things others might perceive as "bragging". I am completely happy and secure that I'm doing the best I can for my child (though always open to improvement, mind you), so I'm not in competition in any way shape or form with anyone else - even if they might see it that way, I don't... so, it doesn't bother me.

Only I define my own reality.
post #44 of 53
I've always thought it was more a symptom of being too wrapped up in your own life. We've all had friends who were incessant about a new boyfriend or their wedding planning or whatever.

Many times unless you are in the exact same place in your life as the person telling stories they come off as bores.
post #45 of 53
I just wanted to echo the posters who pointed out that the special needs may be playing a role, especially if the child is doing really well. DS is special needs. It can be hard to find someone to talk to about him. Parents of typically developing kids don't get why I was thrilled when he was potty-trained at 3 1/2. Yet talking about DS' progress with other special needs parents can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. So I talk to family. No one else in our family has a kid DS' age or with special needs so I feel like they aren't comparing him to their kids either way, but they are interested in him. . . .

Catherine
post #46 of 53
Ppl that brag about their child are annoying as hell. I know exactly how u feel. Those ppl are definitely insecure, so by them bragging about their child makes them feel good about themselves.
post #47 of 53

I'd just smile and nod. It's most likely that she's doing it because she's either very insecure and needs her child's minor accomplishments to make her feel impressive, some parents seem to want to live vicariously through their kids, or else she's very lonely and doesn't have other parents to talk to very often, adn when she has you, it all just has to come out.

 

Either way, there's no use calling her out on it. Just grin and bear it, or try to take her in short bursts if you can so that you don't get frustrated.

post #48 of 53

Can someone define exactly what bragging means?  I mean, I think we all stand around talking about the positive aspects of parenting (talking about the negative somehow throws you into a category of angry mom/person with issues).

 

Yeah, I brag about my DD.  She's an awesome kid (not due to anything me or DH have done...she's just an interesting person).  Oh whoops!  I'm bragging.  

 

The flip side is that I could complain constantly about the difficult times, and believe me, there are plenty.  

 

What constitutes actual bragging?  Is is:  "My kid read Dickens by three years" or is it "My kid is so smart."  I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt because their child is the thing their life revolves around.  Talking about your kids' perceived successes gives you confirmation that perhaps you are doing something right?  There is nothing more insecure than parenting.  Especially when there is so much data/information/unsolicited advice that you are doing everything WRONG.

post #49 of 53
It's natural to feel proud of your child's achievements but bragging in general is a boring and obnoxious behavior. Somehow, though, parents don't always apply that knowledge to talking about their children. Nonetheless, it's bragging and even a way to brag about your own competences as a parent in a round-about way.

When parents brag, it's best to avoid any impulse to follow that up with your own child's achievements. You don't want to reinforce a pattern of communicating that you find un appealing, even if you get a competitive urge. It's better to say something like, "that's great," and move quickly away from the topic.

Another strategy that often works is to get together with other parents with a "no kid talk" understanding. Parents need time to separate their role as a parent from who they are and what they enjoy as people.

I am a big believer in speaking with a friend honestly about my feelings but I think, in this case, it's important to keep in mind that the word, "bragging" has a pretty big stigma and emotional load that goes along with it. I would be inclined to steer clear of too direct a reference to the behavior and, rather, emphasize what you really enjoy talking about with the other parent. And if the parent is simply an acquaintance, I would likely steer clear of them when possible.
post #50 of 53

'Bragging' is subjective though.  Here's an example. A friend of mine met us with her two daughters, one was wearing bright pink socks which i thought were cute, and i said so. It instinctive for me to voice a positive impression i might have of someone  i see- as a way  of making conversation.

 Thats not bragging, because its not my child. But later, when i put hats on my own two kids, i said ' they look so cute with their hats on ' to my friend. Only later,  did i reflect that she may have thought i was bragging. A case could be made for or against it.  Im not the bragging type, but OTOH,  i think its ok to voice a positive feeling or observation about your own child as much as anyone else's.

 

 So i think it is subjective. Some people are more bothered by bragging than others too.  

 

I think it qualifies as bragging when you talk about your child's positive traits at the expense of any interest of the other parents child.

 

(i havent read the thread or the original post so forgive me if im completely off point, but the title drew me in as i was reflecting on this)

post #51 of 53
For the most part, it doesn't bug me. I'm interested in the accomplishments of my friends' kids, and I don't take it as a personal slight when they mention cool stuff about their kids.

I guess if they knew that my child were struggling in a particular area, then it'd be rude of them to go on and on about how wonderful their child is in that area, but even with that, a casual mention here and there of their child's progress wouldn't bug me.
post #52 of 53
" I bet mykid can read faster than your kids!" " my kid is the smartest and best" I consider this bragging IMO.
My ds has so many accomplishments and I am so proud of him I hold it all in so it does not seem like I am bragging to other parents and I hate that I feel like that. But I am a very humble person and keep my accomplishments to myself too, always afraid someone would think I was bragging . So I guess it does has something to do with how secure a person feels about themselves. Whether they are receiving the info or telling the info. In my case not telling.
I love the dialogue you all are having smile.gif
post #53 of 53

If someone does this incessantly, then I (rightly or wrongly) assume that they really don't have much going on in their own life if it's all they can or are willing to talk about.  And you know, I think most of us go through that season in our lives at least once.

 

It makes it easier for me to smile and nod, probably because I remember being in that place where I literally had NOTHING of value that *I* thought I could contribute to any sort of conversation beyond kids.  It's a hard place to be in.  Then again, I am not a competitive person so it doesn't trigger me to think "oh yeah?  what about MY kid?".

 

And I'd rather hear "bragging" about kids, to be honest, even if it's embellishment than the folks who do reverse bragging, also known as "oh-yeah-you-think-that-was-bad-here's-what-happened-to-me..." constant one-upsmanship.

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