Take baby to the wedding...leave him home...or skip it altogether! - Page 2

[hempmama]

If they actually went to the trouble to specify "adult reception," I would assume they are not ok with babies coming, and I definitely would not show up with a baby without asking first. And since you have RSVPd, I would not back out at this late date- either of you- without and illness/emergency type reason. Maybe go home early, right after dinner, if the number of hours makes you balk? Or skip the ceremony and meet your DH there for dinner?

[primjillie]

I think most couples relish their time out, especially without little ones. I know my dh would be sad to go without me. I think of weddings as great romantic dates! I would probably leave the baby too, or double check to make sure the baby is welcome. My mom did great with my little ones, they were a lot better for grandma when mom wasn't around!

[EFmom]

Personally, given that I'd already accepted the invitation, I'd leave the baby with the grandparents and go to the wedding and reception. I'd leave the reception as soon as is decently possible.

The idea of bringing a baby to an evening, adult-only event to me spells out a recipe for misery all around, even if the baby attending is OK with the couple.

If I hadn't already accepted, I'd decline and send a gift.

[Jessy1019]

I'd just bring my baby . . . but probably wouldn't attend if my kids weren't welcome, too. They'd be disappointed, and I don't like weddings that much, anyway.

I don't see anything incompatible about babies (especially infants that you'll be carrying around) and weddings. Both of mine would nurse to sleep or nurse for comfort anywhere we went, and they came with us to all kinds of places.

[KirstenMary]

OP, I think it's awesome that you are going to ask and not assume. Please let us know how you make out.

Originally Posted by Jessy1019

I'd just bring my baby . . . but probably wouldn't attend if my kids weren't welcome, too. They'd be disappointed, and I don't like weddings that much, anyway.

I don't see anything incompatible about babies (especially infants that you'll be carrying around) and weddings. Both of mine would nurse to sleep or nurse for comfort anywhere we went, and they came with us to all kinds of places.

You might not, but the bride might. Then again, she might not. In this case, it's better to ask and not assume, especially since she specified adults only.

When Mark and I got married, our wedding was adults only but it was a purely a financial issue. We paid for everything ourselves, and had our reception in an upscale restaurant - as opposed to a function hall - kind of odd since I sing in a band, lol. When we looked at who we wanted to invite, we just could not afford to have everyone and their children, too, so we addressed the invitations to the couple only as opposed to Mr. and Mrs. X and Family. We did get a couple of calls with questions as to whether kids could come, and I was glad that people asked as opposed to assuming.

[TCMoulton]

If the invitation specified "Adults Only" I would take that to mean that even infants, without otherwise being told by the bride or groom, were not welcome.

Why not leave the kids with grandma and grandpa and just stay for a few hours and then head home - not perfect but it makes everyone as happy as possible.

[Jessy1019]

Originally Posted by KirstenMary

You might not, but the bride might. Then again, she might not. In this case, it's better to ask and not assume, especially since she specified adults only.

When I read the OP, I just sort of figured she had already gotten permission to bring the baby or it wouldn't be a consideration. I agree that just showing up with a baby would be a bad idea, even though I don't personally think there's any reason not to include an infant at a wedding (price isn't a factor, and unless the baby is a wailing monster and the parents are attentive, all should be just fine).

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by Jessy1019

When I read the OP, I just sort of figured she had already gotten permission to bring the baby or it wouldn't be a consideration. I agree that just showing up with a baby would be a bad idea, even though I don't personally think there's any reason not to include an infant at a wedding (price isn't a factor, and unless the baby is a wailing monster and the parents are attentive, all should be just fine).

This is exactly the reason. Once, my band performed at a (OMG) $400/ plate wedding. This was an adult only affair because they were also paying over $10,000 to have it professionally videotaped (yikes!). During one of our consultations with the bride, she talked about her kid-free ceremony and reception and stated that she was afraid that if kids started crying during quieter parts of the ceremony and reception, the parents might not have enough sense to remove them from the church or the reception room.

I could not imagine spending that kind of money and not being able to hear my vows because of a crying baby. Actually, I can not imagine spending that kind of money on a wedding period, lol.

[jillmamma]

Originally Posted by TCMoulton

If the invitation specified "Adults Only" I would take that to mean that even infants, without otherwise being told by the bride or groom, were not welcome.

Why not leave the kids with grandma and grandpa and just stay for a few hours and then head home - not perfect but it makes everyone as happy as possible.

This sounds reasonable to me too. Or just attend the wedding and not the reception.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

...and unless the baby is a wailing monster and the parents are attentive, all should be just fine).

Children were invited to my wedding, that's just the way we do things in our families. Once my son was past the toddler stage, my H and I became the couple that are always offering to hold babies/entertain toddlers so that parents can eat/dance/go to the restroom! We wanted a lot of kids and are very thankful for our only child, so we are always up for baby/kid time.

Having said that, over the years I have come to understand why couples choose the "no children at all" option. I have seen far, far too many parents who thought what their child was doing was cute and/or at least appropriate when it was very clear that almost no one else felt the same way. I really think that a lot of it has to do with noise sensitivity.

I look at videos of when my son was a baby/toddler and I am amazed that the extra noise didn't bother me. I can tell by looking at my face on the videos that I was not even hearing it. The flip side of that is now that my son is a teen, noises from smaller children that are not registering with the parents are loud to me (not bothersome to me, just noticable.)

It's a tough situation and I find it sad that so often (although not in this case) feelings wind up hurt on all sides.

[My3guys]

If it says "Adult Reception" then kids are not invited and the bride and groom went to some lengths to let you know that. You need to decide if you want to put them in the awkward position of seeing if this mandate applies to everyone but you. Remember, if they do give you a pass because they don't feel comfortable saying no to your face, they are going to get a lot of grief from other friends and relatives who wanted to bring their kids along and didn't. So, just be really, really sure that, when you ask, they mean it if they say yes.

You have already responded that you will be coming which means that they have already paid the caterer for your presence, have arranged the seating charts, etc. Not showing up, unless there is an illness or other major, last minute, conflict is very rude. I would really only do that as a last resort.

Try to find child care for your infant. Grandparents, siblings, hotel sitter, etc. No doubt there are other guests attending that are in your same position. Can you contact them and see what they are doing? Maybe you can piggy back on their efforts.

Good luck and have fun

[laurelg]

Originally Posted by My3guys

If it says "Adult Reception" then kids are not invited and the bride and groom went to some lengths to let you know that. You need to decide if you want to put them in the awkward position of seeing if this mandate applies to everyone but you. Remember, if they do give you a pass because they don't feel comfortable saying no to your face, they are going to get a lot of grief from other friends and relatives who wanted to bring their kids along and didn't. So, just be really, really sure that, when you ask, they mean it if they say yes.

:

I thought the same thing after I replied before... I honestly probably wouldn't flat-out ask. I would say something along the lines of, "So-and-so, it honestly didn't occur to me when I RSVPed that attending the wedding would require so many hours away from DC, and I really can't leave DC that long at this age. I don't want to back out on you at the 11th hour, but I can't really find any arrangements so DH is going to have to attend alone."

Let them invite your baby, if they want to at that point.

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by My3guys

If it says "Adult Reception" then kids are not invited and the bride and groom went to some lengths to let you know that. You need to decide if you want to put them in the awkward position of seeing if this mandate applies to everyone but you. Remember, if they do give you a pass because they don't feel comfortable saying no to your face, they are going to get a lot of grief from other friends and relatives who wanted to bring their kids along and didn't. So, just be really, really sure that, when you ask, they mean it if they say yes.

You have already responded that you will be coming which means that they have already paid the caterer for your presence, have arranged the seating charts, etc. Not showing up, unless there is an illness or other major, last minute, conflict is very rude. I would really only do that as a last resort.

Try to find child care for your infant. Grandparents, siblings, hotel sitter, etc. No doubt there are other guests attending that are in your same position. Can you contact them and see what they are doing? Maybe you can piggy back on their efforts.

Good luck and have fun

This is my thought. It puts the couple in an awkward position to say no right to the face of a guest who already said they were coming to a "no children wedding" if they ask if a baby counts... I think they kind of said no already... when they specified "no children"

[sandravb79]

A little OT but still related: on the 19th, I'm having my Bday party (2 months late because in the summer everyone is on vacation)

I invited 12 people, which will make my place very crowded. I plan to prepare all these little fancy "bites" served in glasses and spoons and small dishes (I know I will curse myself the following day because of the dishes).
This is NOT a child-friendly setup, so I didn't invite children.

One of my guests didn't ask, but just told me she'll bring her DS (he will be 11 months), because they are too cheap to get a sitter.
This seriously bothers me.

First reason is very selfish: this party is costing me quite a lot of money, and I want it to be about *my* birthday, not about someone else's kid.

Second reason is that not only my living room/ kitchen will have to be all pretty and nice and clean and uncluttered, no, now also my bedroom (and bathroom because they are connecting) will have to be all nice and clean and uncluttered (so, no "magic trick" about putting all the "stuff" from the living room in boxes and storing those boxes in my bedroom for that night)

Third reason is I really don't feel like "catering" for a child. I don't feel like buying a big box of children's cookies or whatever to feed him one.


Oh, and then there is also my brother whose partner got a brandnew puppy. They don't want to leave it home alone, so can it come too? There I said a big firm NO. My parents will puppy-sit.

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by sandravb79

A little OT but still related: on the 19th, I'm having my Bday party (2 months late because in the summer everyone is on vacation)

I invited 12 people, which will make my place very crowded. I plan to prepare all these little fancy "bites" served in glasses and spoons and small dishes (I know I will curse myself the following day because of the dishes).
This is NOT a child-friendly setup, so I didn't invite children.

One of my guests didn't ask, but just told me she'll bring her DS (he will be 11 months), because they are too cheap to get a sitter.
This seriously bothers me.

First reason is very selfish: this party is costing me quite a lot of money, and I want it to be about *my* birthday, not about someone else's kid.

Second reason is that not only my living room/ kitchen will have to be all pretty and nice and clean and uncluttered, no, now also my bedroom (and bathroom because they are connecting) will have to be all nice and clean and uncluttered (so, no "magic trick" about putting all the "stuff" from the living room in boxes and storing those boxes in my bedroom for that night)

Third reason is I really don't feel like "catering" for a child. I don't feel like buying a big box of children's cookies or whatever to feed him one.


Oh, and then there is also my brother whose partner got a brandnew puppy. They don't want to leave it home alone, so can it come too? There I said a big firm NO. My parents will puppy-sit.

That really stinks! I would tell them that it isn't child friendly and I'm sorry, but their precious baby can't come and "oops, sorry, the world doesn't revolve around you"... OK. I wouldn't say any of that because I'm a wuss. But I would have DP say it... because he would LOL
I think it's really self centered to think your kid is invited to something they weren't invited to just because they're your kid.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by laurelg

:

I thought the same thing after I replied before... I honestly probably wouldn't flat-out ask. I would say something along the lines of, "So-and-so, it honestly didn't occur to me when I RSVPed that attending the wedding would require so many hours away from DC, and I really can't leave DC that long at this age. I don't want to back out on you at the 11th hour, but I can't really find any arrangements so DH is going to have to attend alone."

Let them invite your baby, if they want to at that point.

I think the suggestion above is a good one. The bride can be silent or say "you will be missed" and move on.

Personally, I think Adults Only truly means adults only.

What could cause problems is if Bride says ok to a nursing infant after she said no to a nursing toddler.

The mother of the nursing 14 month old may feel it is vitually important that she not be seperated from her child and may get majorly bent out of shape to see another child that was allowed to come.

[sandravb79]

Originally Posted by Mandynee22

That really stinks! I would tell them that it isn't child friendly and I'm sorry, but their precious baby can't come and "oops, sorry, the world doesn't revolve around you"... OK. I wouldn't say any of that because I'm a wuss. But I would have DP say it... because he would LOL
I think it's really self centered to think your kid is invited to something they weren't invited to just because they're your kid.

Oh, there are so many things I wanted to say but didn't because I am a wuss too. And I don't have a DP, so can't make him do it. :

I'm already proud of myself I said NO to my brother and his partner bringing the puppy.
I have white linen couches. I have a white "cow" rug. I have a lot of glass furniture! I don't need a drooling not-yet-potty-trained (is that how it's called in case of puppies?) puppy running around. A puppy that will be excited because of all the people and all the smells of the food etc.

I'm somewhat glad the child doesn't walk yet. I can only hope they won't insist everyone to be silent because otherwise he can't sleep. I also hope he doesn't need a dark room. I have white curtains in my bedroom, mainly for decoration, it never gets dark in there.

I know I'll need a lot of drinks to survive the evening