How to know if you are a bragger, examples needed please!

[sisteeesmama]

I think the title says it all!

I am a first time Mama and I don't know what the line is.

This is a S/O of the other thread where some mamas were saying live and let live and some were saying they avoid the people they know who do this. I don't feel like I'm being avoided so I am hoping I'm good!

[kathymuggle]

Brag:

To talk boastfully.

Arrogant or boastful speech or manner.

boast:

glorify oneself in speech - talk in a self admiring way.

I think as long as you don't make accomplishments bigger than they are (my kid is the best at.......) or compare (Johnny is better than susie at xyz) you are good to go.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing accomplishments and excitement in a sensitive manner.

[LavenderMae]

Yes, to the above. And I'll add; listen to the other parent talk about their children's accomplishments as well w/o seeming put off.
My biggest complaint is how some parents want to talk and talk about their children but then get all bothered/annoyed when you say anything about your children.

[chaoticzenmom]

I think that there are many ways to do it. Luckily, it's somewhat rare. I know a fellow homeschooler who is constantly saying how little her child is challenged in this program and that because her daughter is on such a higher level than her peers. This kid is very immature and her mother is pushing her into classes with kids who are very much older in order to satisfy some need to brag, apparently. So, that's one example. If you're pushing your child to perform in order to give you bragging rights, that's annoying on many levels.

All parents brag a little. I'm excited when my kids learn something or say something cute. I wouldn't brag about my kid just winning a race (just an example) to a parent with a disabled child. I try not to compare my kids to other kids too much.

[Storm Bride]

I think there are really two kinds of bragging, especially with parents. There's the "standard" kind of bragging, when we talk about our kids and how cute, smart, kind, mature, etc. etc. etc. they are all the time. It's bragging, but I think most people roll with it okay. Then, there's the one-upmanship bragging. It's no longer enough to say "my son is such a cutie-pie". Now, it becomes "my son is cuter than your son" and "my dd is so much smarter than the other kids" or the somewhat bizarre "my kids are so big". These are the ones mentioned in the other thread - the ones who, upon hearing about your baby reaching a developmental milestone, will always throw in "oh, just now? My baby was walking/talking/potty trained/sleeping through the night/writing essays/finding the cure to cancer at one month old". They simply don't seem capable of letting a person enjoy their own children's accomplishments without making sure everyone knows that the bragger's child(ren) did it earlier and did it better.

One-upmanship braggers are pretty hard to take, but I find if I keep my sense of humour turned on, it helps a lot.

[zinemama]

When a parent is obviously proud of their kid for something and just thrilled and it's not at all about the kid being better than someone else - you can tell. I don't mind that.

When it's about how little Jayden is so much better at advanced Japanese than that poor Willow who can't remember anything and whose mother - can you imagine - sends her to school with non-organic cheese sticks! Well, that's something far more obnoxious.

But what truly gets my goat is passive-agressive bragging disguised as complaining. As in: "Oh, I have to go out and buy new batteries again. Such a chore. Why on earth does Peyton have to stay up at night with a flashlight reading War and Peace every night? Couldn't I have a normal kid? Your little Allison is five and she's not reading, right? Must be so nice not to have to buy batteries all the time." Etc.

[LavenderMae]

Originally Posted by zinemama

But what truly gets my goat is passive-agressive bragging disguised as complaining. As in: "Oh, I have to go out and buy new batteries again. Such a chore. Why on earth does Peyton have to stay up at night with a flashlight reading War and Peace every night? Couldn't I have a normal kid? Your little Allison is five and she's not reading, right? Must be so nice not to have to buy batteries all the time." Etc.

:, it's so obnoxious.

[pinkshamrocks]

In my opinion, bragging is really in the "ear" of the hearer. lol I'd say use your judgement to see where each individual reacts as you talk about your child. I have friends who are insecure about their parenting (or whatever else in their lives), so I make sure to not discuss certain aspects of my life with those people. Good luck!

[lindberg99]

Yes, I'd say watch your audience. If they are rolling their eyes, saying "That's good" or "Uh-huh" a lot, or stuff like that, you should tone it down.

I think it really takes a pretty self-absorbed person to be a real bore of a bragger. The fact that you are concerned that other people might think you are bragging leads me to believe you are not self-absorbed. So I wouldn't worry about it.

[ckmannel]

Originally Posted by lindberg99

I think it really takes a pretty self-absorbed person to be a real bore of a bragger. The fact that you are concerned that other people might think you are bragging leads me to believe you are not self-absorbed. So I wouldn't worry about it.

:

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:43pm

[pokeyrin]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

I think bragging is much like pornography. You can't really define it all that well, but you know it when you hear it!

:

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by zinemama

But what truly gets my goat is passive-agressive bragging disguised as complaining. As in: "Oh, I have to go out and buy new batteries again. Such a chore. Why on earth does Peyton have to stay up at night with a flashlight reading War and Peace every night? Couldn't I have a normal kid? Your little Allison is five and she's not reading, right? Must be so nice not to have to buy batteries all the time." Etc.

Similarly, I roll my eyes at some thread titles I've seen on various parenting sites. They usually start something like: "At what age do children learn their ABC's?" or "Is this normal for a 16-month old?", but then when you read the thread it's actually a super passive-aggressive brag about how their kid is doing thus and such, and the whole post is just an excuse to show off.

Please don't get me wrong on this: there are certainly legit posts that ask these questions! But please don't expect me to take it seriously when you ask "Should Johnny know his numbers already, because he can count to 100 and he's only 18 months; is that normal or should I be concerned?"

[StrawberryFields]

Originally Posted by gcgirl

Similarly, I roll my eyes at some thread titles I've seen on various parenting sites. They usually start something like: "At what age do children learn their ABC's?" or "Is this normal for a 16-month old?", but then when you read the thread it's actually a super passive-aggressive brag about how their kid is doing thus and such, and the whole post is just an excuse to show off.

Please don't get me wrong on this: there are certainly legit posts that ask these questions! But please don't expect me to take it seriously when you ask "Should Johnny know his numbers already, because he can count to 100 and he's only 18 months; is that normal or should I be concerned?"

I have seen this in posts where I feel like responders have crossed the line into bragging. When a person posts something like, "When did your dc start saying their ABCs? Because my ds is 3 years old and isn't able to say his ABCs yet and I don't know if I should be concerned."

Follow that up with post after post of, "My dd knew all her ABCs at 2 months and was writing by the time she was 18 months."

I think that there is a time to be proud of your dc's accomplishments and there is a time to read all the details and be sensitive to what the other person is REALLY saying (IRL and on the boards). And if you can't contain yourself and just really need to go on about how advanced your dc is, then you have crossed the line into bragging.

[camracrazy]

An example of over the top bragging:

My middle DD has a genetic disease. It has no cure. It makes it extremely difficult for her to gain weight and to grow. SIL has a son that is about a year younger than DD. After every Dr's appointment (for her son) she would call my DH or we would see her at MIL's house. She would always ask how much our DD weighed and how tall she was, then brag that her son was going to catch up to our DD and outgrow her. I finally told DH that if I EVER heard her comparing them again something would happen to her that I can't post here. I guess he told her what I said because she stopped.

So that it what bragging is to me, trying to belittle someone else's accomplishments to make yours seem bigger.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by camracrazy

An example of over the top bragging:

My middle DD has a genetic disease. It has no cure. It makes it extremely difficult for her to gain weight and to grow. SIL has a son that is about a year younger than DD. After every Dr's appointment (for her son) she would call my DH or we would see her at MIL's house. She would always ask how much our DD weighed and how tall she was, then brag that her son was going to catch up to our DD and outgrow her. I finally told DH that if I EVER heard her comparing them again something would happen to her that I can't post here. I guess he told her what I said because she stopped.

So that it what bragging is to me, trying to belittle someone else's accomplishments to make yours seem bigger.

That goes even beyond bragging, imo. Bragging tends to be self-centered, at least ime. This isn't just self-centered - it sounds malicious.

[dmpmercury]

I see it online when a poster asks when kids learned abcs to to talk or walk because they are worried about their child who on the later end of the milestone for that skill and people post about their child who did something really really early when someone is obviosuly worried.

IRL there was a mom who would constantly talk about how smart her toddler was and how early they did everything like talking in sentences super early and walking early etc and mention it constantly about how everyone thought she was super inteligient including innapropriate times like right after other moms are worried about their child's development. When they were asking advice like how to wean from a bottle they will say well so and so is advanced in everything else but...

[JavaJunkie]

Originally Posted by zinemama

But what truly gets my goat is passive-agressive bragging disguised as complaining. As in: "Oh, I have to go out and buy new batteries again. Such a chore. Why on earth does Peyton have to stay up at night with a flashlight reading War and Peace every night? Couldn't I have a normal kid? Your little Allison is five and she's not reading, right? Must be so nice not to have to buy batteries all the time." Etc.

: <tear> Yes, this exactly!

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by gcgirl

Similarly, I roll my eyes at some thread titles I've seen on various parenting sites. They usually start something like: "At what age do children learn their ABC's?" or "Is this normal for a 16-month old?", but then when you read the thread it's actually a super passive-aggressive brag about how their kid is doing thus and such, and the whole post is just an excuse to show off.

Please don't get me wrong on this: there are certainly legit posts that ask these questions! But please don't expect me to take it seriously when you ask "Should Johnny know his numbers already, because he can count to 100 and he's only 18 months; is that normal or should I be concerned?"

Well, a little plug for gifted tolerance...

Some kids really do learn things early - and parents of gifted kids like to share accomplishment just like everybody else.

Sometimes parents really are concerned when a child can count to 100 at 18 months. They wonder if it is in the normal development range - and what the ramifications are if it isn't. If it turns out their child is gifted - there are a lot of things to be concerned about (it aint all peaches and cream).

Just saying.

Back to your regualrly schedueled program.

Kathy

[mtiger]

I think a lot depends on whether you're able to recognize that the other person (a) may not be interested in a blow-by-blow recitation of your child's accomplishments and/or (b) has children that s/he would also like to talk about and your willingness to listen to their stuff.

For example, I have a Senior in HS - so we're in full swing with the college process. He's bright, has good scores/grades, has specific interests and goals in mind, etc. It's an exciting time for us. It does tend to be a topic that's always close to the top of my mind, and so tends to be something I'm interested in talking about a fair bit of the time. I have friends whose kids are in a similar place - I have to assume that they ALSO want to talk about where their kids are looking at. Then I have friends whose kids aren't there yet - and I figure that they're not as interested, so I try to soft-pedal it some. And then there are the friends whose kids are great kids, but not interested in college, or don't know what they want to do, or don't have the ability (for whatever reason).They also tend to be interested in what "our" kids are doing, but I try to make sure to keep the conversation including their kids' strengths and interests and what they're considering.

To ME, none of the above is braggardly. Although I guess some might.