How to know if you are a bragger, examples needed please! - Page 2

[eepster]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Sometimes parents really are concerned when a child can count to 100 at 18 months. They wonder if it is in the normal development range - and what the ramifications are if it isn't. If it turns out their child is gifted - there are a lot of things to be concerned about (it aint all peaches and cream).

Often a parent with a child doing stuff like this really early, gets people telling him/her that it's a red flag for autism, so they are very genuinely concerned even if it's not something they should be worried about.

[kathymuggle]

I think online it is very diffiuclt to tell if someone is bragging.

What may seem like bragging might really be someone giving example to try to illustrate a point, or explaining things upfront.

Not everyone puts the same weight on things. To some, saying "Johnny is bright" is simply fact - like "johnyy has blue eyes". He did not do deserves his brightness, you are not particualrly proud or ashamed of him for it (he did not do anything to earn it). It just is.

In real life, bragging is much easier to spot, lol.

Kathy

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by zinemama

But what truly gets my goat is passive-agressive bragging disguised as complaining. As in: "Oh, I have to go out and buy new batteries again. Such a chore. Why on earth does Peyton have to stay up at night with a flashlight reading War and Peace every night? Couldn't I have a normal kid? Your little Allison is five and she's not reading, right? Must be so nice not to have to buy batteries all the time." Etc.

[gcgirl]

Originally Posted by eepster

Often a parent with a child doing stuff like this really early, gets people telling him/her that it's a red flag for autism, so they are very genuinely concerned even if it's not something they should be worried about.

Usually that's obviously not what the poster means, however. You can totally tell the difference between genuine concern and an excuse to brag.

[lovevolving]

My friend's daughter is the same age as mine. She never outright brags, but she does tell stories nonstop of funny/cute/smart things her daughter did. This is normal conversation for two mamas but she goes on and on. If I get a moment to get a similar story in she pretty much ignores it and moves on to her next. None of her other friends have children so I can see how they are okay with this (they are all women who adore her child), but when she's with me it's like... come on. Give and take. I have a funny/cute/smart child too and I'd like to share some things with you too. So I see it as a sort of bragging, but in a different way. You know?

[NicaG]

I used to live next door to a couple who had a baby 6 months after my ds was born. We were friends for quite a while. We would often run into them on the way in and out of the house. Every time we saw them, it felt like they were bragging--their baby was rolling over early, she was talking early, they couldn't believe how smart, great, advanced etc. she was. Oh shut up already! I dreaded running into them, because my ds was on the slower end of meeting his milestones, and eventually needed speech therapy. The bragging just felt like a steamroller all the time, no humor, no self-deprecation, no sense that I was feeling bad hearing all this.

Eventually that friendship disolved, over a few other unrelated issues, but I think the bragging contributed too.

[Hoopin' Mama]

When I run into you in town and ask if your son is going to preschool yet and you look at me with a smug knowing look, smile and nod, and say "he got into such and such preschool", then you are a bragger

The preschool in mention is a sought after one in this town with a waiting list a mile long. "Getting in" means you smooched some butt and did some fund raising and got put to the top of the list.

If I had rolled my eyes any harder they would have rolled out of my head.

Other than that, we all just love on our children and aren't afraid to mention it

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama

When I run into you in town and ask if your son is going to preschool yet and you look at me with a smug knowing look, smile and nod, and say "he got into such and such preschool", then you are a bragger

Or....maybe they were excited they got in???

Obviously you know better, you were there....

---------------------
On a seperate note:

I think we need to be easier on each other and not judge. What comes across as bragging to you may not be the speakers or posters intent. I think there is a cultural bias against bragging - so people sometimes come across as overly sensitive and a bit judgemental in that regard. Sharing accomplisments is not bragging.

Peace,

kathy

[Mandynee22]

Originally Posted by lovevolving

My friend's daughter is the same age as mine. She never outright brags, but she does tell stories nonstop of funny/cute/smart things her daughter did. This is normal conversation for two mamas but she goes on and on. If I get a moment to get a similar story in she pretty much ignores it and moves on to her next. None of her other friends have children so I can see how they are okay with this (they are all women who adore her child), but when she's with me it's like... come on. Give and take. I have a funny/cute/smart child too and I'd like to share some things with you too. So I see it as a sort of bragging, but in a different way. You know?

I have a friend like that. I just let her go on and on and basically ignore it...
I thought of this thread this morning when a friend called me to tell me how gorgeous her DD looked on the first day of school yesterday and went on and on to tell me exactly what she wore and how much it cost (WTH?) and how her hair was done and how some kid complimented her on how she looked way better in that outfit than another girl who wore the same thing did and yada yada yada LMAO
Bragging doesn't bother me. It's easy to tune out.

[darcytrue]

To keep going on and on about your child to another person and not giving any care to their own child. To repeatedly talk about your child's accomplish every single time you are with the other person, even when that person doesn't seem to want to discuss the topic. It's hard to explain but I can definintely tell the difference between a mom who brags excessively and tends to compare her kids to my own, and a parent that does the normal or right amount of bragging.

[rightkindofme]

It seems that the prevailing attitude is that if your kid is advanced you are bragging if you talk about the kid at all. I have a kid who has been advanced in almost every way so far (she's only 15 months so who knows about where she will end up) and I do feel astonished at her progress. I want to talk about it and ask if it is normal because I am shocked at some of the things she does. Does this make me a braggart? Guess so. Oh well.

[Storm Bride]

Oh - another thought on dealing with bragging moms popped into my head last night. (I do not mean someone who wants to talk about their child's accomplishments, whether that child is advanced or not. I'm talking about the ones mentioned in this thread who won't let anyone else get a word in edgewise and are constantly making comparisons with other people's kids.)

I've found that many of these parents are really insecure in their parenting and won't admit it. (I'm insecure about my parenting, but I'll admit it.) I never did it deliberately, but realized last night that I sometimes defuse some of it by the way I talk about my kids. DS1 is a neat kid - smart, athletic, socially adept, creative, etc. - and a few parents I know are a little touchy about him. What I've done, without realizing it, is play up my luck in having such a neat kid. If the other parent doesn't feel as though I'm saying "look what an amazing mom I am", they tend to get off the defensive a little...and the annoying bragging eases up. This also has the advantage of being true. I've tried to nurture ds1's talents, and foster his interests, but I'm certainly not responsible for his artistic skill or gymnastic ability, yk?

ETA: Sorry - this wasn't really relevant to this particular thread. I was thinking I was in the original one...

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:46pm

[Kristine233]

Originally Posted by LavenderMae

Yes, to the above. And I'll add; listen to the other parent talk about their children's accomplishments as well w/o seeming put off.
My biggest complaint is how some parents want to talk and talk about their children but then get all bothered/annoyed when you say anything about your children.

YES! I have one friend who does this. And if I do happen to get something in she has to one-up me on it with something her child did.

[camracrazy]

I have a question. I hope it doesn't come across as snarky, because it's not meant to be.

What would be the concerns for a child that is hitting milestones early? I can see where it would be important to identify if a child seemed to be ahead of his/her peers in learning (reading, math, etc.) I remember being far ahead of my peers in reading ability in school and I was extremely bored after I finished all of the semesters reading material in just a few days! Is there a concern with walking, talking, large motor skill, fine motor skill, etc mastery "earlier" than usual? Can it be a sign of something? Just curious.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

It seems that the prevailing attitude is that if your kid is advanced you are bragging if you talk about the kid at all. I have a kid who has been advanced in almost every way so far (she's only 15 months so who knows about where she will end up) and I do feel astonished at her progress. I want to talk about it and ask if it is normal because I am shocked at some of the things she does. Does this make me a braggart? Guess so. Oh well.

IMO that's not bragging to the extreme if you don't bring it up in every single conversation, or if it just happens to come up in conversation then it's not bragging to the extreme. I don't mind other parents bragging about their kids to a certain extent. I home school so I hear it a lot and I probably do brag sometimes as well.

I usually brag more to family than I do casual acquaintances or friends. I usually get in to conversations about other things when I get a chance to hang out with and talk to other moms. So unless my child's achievements comes up in converation somehow, then I usually wouldn't even think of mentioning it.

[bebebradford]

Well, in my standards, I totally brag on my kids. They are very advanced, and just joys to be around... BUT I also take every chance I can get to brag on other children to their mothers. I always try to pick out good qualities in their children and mention them.. It's nice to hear good comments on your kids from others!

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by camracrazy

I have a question. I hope it doesn't come across as snarky, because it's not meant to be.

What would be the concerns for a child that is hitting milestones early? I can see where it would be important to identify if a child seemed to be ahead of his/her peers in learning (reading, math, etc.) I remember being far ahead of my peers in reading ability in school and I was extremely bored after I finished all of the semesters reading material in just a few days! Is there a concern with walking, talking, large motor skill, fine motor skill, etc mastery "earlier" than usual? Can it be a sign of something? Just curious.

I'm not really worried about anything being 'wrong' so much as when she rolled over at 2.25 months I spent a fair bit of time asking around if that was normal. I've never been around babies so I haven't known what to expect overall in terms of development. I've been surprised when she has done things 'out of order' in terms of what I would expect. I don't think that almost any of it is a reflection on me as her parent other than that I donated genes.

I will say that I'm grateful she is an early talker. It eases my frustrations in taking care of her. But that's not a bragging thing in my mind--I'm grateful that I don't have to go through the list of hungry/thirsty/tired/diaper everytime she seems upset. I am awfully lazy and that's so much work.

[camracrazy]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

I'm not really worried about anything being 'wrong' so much as when she rolled over at 2.25 months I spent a fair bit of time asking around if that was normal. I've never been around babies so I haven't known what to expect overall in terms of development. I've been surprised when she has done things 'out of order' in terms of what I would expect. I don't think that almost any of it is a reflection on me as her parent other than that I donated genes.

I will say that I'm grateful she is an early talker. It eases my frustrations in taking care of her. But that's not a bragging thing in my mind--I'm grateful that I don't have to go through the list of hungry/thirsty/tired/diaper everytime she seems upset. I am awfully lazy and that's so much work.

I have three kids, and I still don't know what's "normal". All three of mine were "late" walkers. With the first I got a lot of advice about the "correct" shoes, ways to "make" her walk, etc. With the second, I didn't get quite so much advice but I clearly remember a lady at my older DD's gymnastics class asking me how old second DD was and getting a funny, side-long glance when she realised my child was older than she thought and was still not walking. With the third I guess everyone finally decided that I just had late walkers and quit bugging me. OTOH, my two youngest love to climb and I was surprised by how young they were when they decided to climb by themselves. I still get a little nervous when I see these tiny little people scaling what must look like a mountain to them, completely fearless! My oldest wasn't like that, although she is getting more adventurous. My oldest has the reading bug, like me, and just announced that she was done with a book with 20 chapters the day after we brought it home from the library. I'm going to have a hard time keeping her in books!

[griffin2004]

You (generic "you", not specifica11y the OP) might be a bragger if:
--the peop1e you're ta1king to about your chi1d have g1azed-over eyes and respond with random head nods and bare1y articu1ated "rea11y" and "wow"-type comments and take the first opportunity to excuse themse1ves
--you respond to other peop1e's stories about their kids with a story about your kid as if the other person hadn't said anything worthy of comment
--you convey the impression that your chi1d is the best, brightest, etc. chi1d who ever wa1ked the earth and proceed to exp1ain why to someone who fee1s that same way about her own chi1d
--you make passive/aggressive comments 1ike a pp mentioned about the batteries
--you are comp1ete1y unrea1istic about your chi1d