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How annoyed do you get with mainstream baby thinkers?

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 
How annoyed do you get with mainstream baby thinkers?

I read some of your thoughts about pediatricians, but lately I just get annoyed with ppl. who think that 'this or that' is ok and who don't/can't/won't see the benefits of doing things differently. For example, a mom who is hoping to give birth at 37 weeks b/c she thinks that is full term. Not realizing that a 37 weeker can struggle with jaundice, body temps, sugar, and minor breastfeeding problems. Or other moms who want to be induced weeks early for their own comfort. It's just that the more I read, the more I want to keep my twins cooking for the full 40 weeks!
post #2 of 45
I guess that I try to not to judge too much ( as difficult as that is sometimes)
I don't want to be judged for my parenting choices as much as I try not to judge others parenting choices.
Although I will try to educate about why I have made the choices I have made.
post #3 of 45
Mostly, I don't judge others' choices because I really think everyone has a right to their own way of thinking/acting and I try really hard to MYOB. Judgmental people are one of my personal pet peeves, so I would really be a hypocrite if I acted that way too.

I guess the fact that I consider myself 50/50 between mainstream and crunchy also helps.
post #4 of 45
I really only get annoyed when they offer me *unsolicited* advice about how I should be mean to my baby so he won't get used to having his needs met and then expect it. Or sneer that "that won't last long" when I get excited about my cloth diapers. Or tell me that the only way to have a baby is with an OB and an epidural (fine, for you, but I'm NOT YOU, so back off!)

Also, I don't like it when someone asks me what I'm planning to do for my OWN family, then chooses to interpret my answer as a commentary on what THEY do or have done. KWIM?
post #5 of 45
I am more astonished by people's opinions than getting annoyed, at least so far. Although, I got pretty annoyed at our custodian, who tried telling me, that walking around barefoot would harm my baby. Where do people get these ideas from?

Besides, I feel really lucky of having found many crunchy friends around me.
post #6 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by billikengirl View Post
I really only get annoyed when they offer me *unsolicited* advice about how I should be mean to my baby so he won't get used to having his needs met and then expect it. Or sneer that "that won't last long" when I get excited about my cloth diapers. Or tell me that the only way to have a baby is with an OB and an epidural (fine, for you, but I'm NOT YOU, so back off!)

Also, I don't like it when someone asks me what I'm planning to do for my OWN family, then chooses to interpret my answer as a commentary on what THEY do or have done. KWIM?
I SOOOOOO hear you on that one.... the UNsolicited advice is really freaking annoying. And I am going through a hormonal phase of being highly irrtable, so God help me if someone tries that this week.....lolol

Today, at the lab (in the hospital I WORK for, thank you very much) the tech. asked me "well who is you OB?" after I showed her script for my bloodwork (which is written by my midwife)...and she said "we can only accept orders from a doctor, so the results are going to have to Dr. ___'s office" --who is their "back up" doc-- that I, of course, have never even met). When I explained that I do not know the Doctor she is speaking about (other then he is the emergency doc my midwives use for emergency sections, etc.)-- and his office doesn't know me-- so she needs to send the results to MY (well established, well respected, having full admitting privileges, at my hospital etc.) midwife group that is INDICATED on the script I am providing the lab....she proceded to argue with me that I really need an OB, and basically insult the practice of midwifery (and subsequently, me).

Needless to say, due to the fact that:

1. I am a short tempered pregnant woman
2. I have just downed the GD sweet drink, which is making me feel quite bad
3. I work at the hospital that is causing me hassle (I expect more from them!)

Things became highly unpleasant for a few moments..... (yes, you can imagine the tirade I gave the lovely young gal...)
post #7 of 45
I'm just annoyed with pretty much EVERYONE in general lately
post #8 of 45
How awful! and as long as the midwife group is backed by the OB, why should she care whether a midwife or doctor gets the results?

I echo the PP regarding unsolicited advice; this is my first baby so there is plenty of it. I try not be judgy, because I'm perfectly aware that most women CAN have an unmedicated, intervention-free labor and deliver, there are many that don't choose to do so. I can respect their decision, since they obviously have to live with the experience and consequences, I just wish they would respect my right to choose the way I'd like to deliver (at home, no interventions, and of course pain-med free) that I think is best for me and the baby, without comments like, you won't get a medal for that, or you don't have to be superwoman, and what if something goes wrong . . . etc.

I get similar from my family regarding BF'ing; they know it's better but no one in my family has ever breastfed for very long, so they assume it is some sort of genetic impossibility. I think I'll get the same when I start babywearing.

I don't live in a very "crunchy" area - everyone is very conventional and it is a struggle sometimes . . .but it is worth it!
post #9 of 45
You must be reading over at BabyCenter DDC.

I'll read stuff and get annoyed and then come right back to MDC. IRL, I don't bother arguing, but I do defend my choices. I DO NOT preach to others because I think others have to find their own way, as I did, and it's not worth my time (or breath) to tell someone something they don't want to hear/believe.
post #10 of 45
I totally agree! I had a checker ask me the other day when I was due. I told her and she then proceeded to tell me "you can have them anytime after 35 weeks and they will be fine". "Don't let anyone tell you any different". I was so stunned that I just said no thank you and walked away. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry that I would have set her straight.

It scares me that she might be giving that kind of advice to someone who didn't know any better and therefore causing some poor naive woman to have a preemie!
post #11 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov_momma_Jen View Post
I totally agree! I had a checker ask me the other day when I was due. I told her and she then proceeded to tell me "you can have them anytime after 35 weeks and they will be fine". "Don't let anyone tell you any different". I was so stunned that I just said no thank you and walked away. I wish I hadn't been in such a hurry that I would have set her straight.

It scares me that she might be giving that kind of advice to someone who didn't know any better and therefore causing some poor naive woman to have a preemie!
Yes, this is what I was talking about. Just this general thinking that oh everything will be fine, the nicu will take care of your baby, do what the doctor wants, kind of thinking.....

not that I was talking about judging others, but just this general acceptance of this practice, and feeling annoyed by it.

Has anyone watched the Pregnancies for dummies video? OMG it's awful. The entire video they are talking as if nothing can really go wrong, and if it does you'll be ok. It's a very one sided medicalized birth video.
post #12 of 45
I really don't judge but I personally want my baby to be in for the full 40wks if not longer. To my understanding so far, I thought a baby being born before 40wks was because of preterm labor or other issues that called for giving birth early? otherwise I wouldn't want to be induced. I know it will become uncomfortable(it already has), and sometimes I'm really tired of being pregnant, but really, he can stay in there as long as he wants so long as he is healthy, yk? Mind you I want him *now*, that's just because of my own impatience. I'll wait though, I would want to know he was really ready and not force him out *unless* there were real complications... and if there were I would be researching it anyway to see if it was really necessary. If it wasn't than hell no! he can keep cooking thank you very much.

Birth decisions aren't really my pet-peeve, it's when someone tries to tell me what to do and not to do with my baby; he isn't even here yet . Like "Don't let him draw on himself he will get ink poisoning".... uhm.... sorry but I'm not falling for that old wives tale crap, I drew on myself for years when I was a child. Besides there are none toxic inks unless you of course INGEST it.

OR when someone says something like, "If you lost this baby with how far along you are would you try again soon?". WHAT?!?!. Maybe I'm over exaggerating but I find that to be a very rude topic to just bring up. Personally I would be devastated and it would be several years before TTC again. :

Sorry about the long post I know it wasn't specifically directed at what you were talking about.
post #13 of 45
I don't really care what other people do, but I also don't want them to say I am "weird" because of my choices. I have an old friend who called me a whack job when I told her I don't plan on an epidural. I also once had someone say "you aren't going to make your baby be VEGETARIAN, are you?" (um.. yeah, we don't eat meat because we think it is not right (for us) so why the heck would we let her????)

I try not to judge (at least out loud!) but I also don't want to be judged.
post #14 of 45
I'm secretly (though generally not outwardly) judgmental.:

My irritation stems from the fact that most of their "mainstream" decisions come from a lack of info. I just can't respect someone who isn't interested in educating themselves on issues as important as giving birth and raising children. I don't expect anyone to agree with my choices, but I do respect when they have honestly educated themselves about their choices.

Think about it: over 30% of babies are born by c-section. To a certain extent (my own c/s included here - I was hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich and refused to even look at info on induction or c/s because "that's not going to happen to me - i hired midwives and they'll look out for me!") the number is this high because women don't educate themselves and put their trust in doctors. I generally don't hold with "blame the victim" mentality, but until women take their obstetrical care into their own hands (or at least make a serious effort to inform themselves about policies/procedures hospitals/OBs/midwives suggest), that percentage is only going to go up...

Yeah, I do judge.
post #15 of 45
Education is important and there is so much out there, you wonder why women don't know things, or why they don't WANT to know . .

as for the 40 weeks thing; that is an average. There is not a perfect "cooking" time for all babies; they will come usually when they are good and ready, sometimes this is "early" and sometimes later. I know the medical community considers you full term at 37 weeks and post dates at 42. My mother had me at 43 weeks, and friends of ours gave birth to a healthy 7 lb baby girl at 36 weeks (granted the mother had severe pre-e and had to be induced)

I wish the childbirth classes out there did a better job educating women (and their partners) but those that do are really long (like Bradley) and sometimes cost-prohibitive. I've done my research online and via the library (for free! with the exception of late fees *shrugs*) and anyone can do this, but for some reason, not everyone does. They have to be resposible for their decisions (informed or not) and the consequences.

What I do really not like sometimes, is shows on TV like Deliver Me who are so not VBAC friendly. "the risks are very small . . .but I'm not a risk taker" says one of the doctors or "we can let you try" but the looks on their faces are so skeptical! it's not very confidence boosting. (This is my first baby and I hope to not have a c-section so no need for a vbac, but I think with the high incidence of c-sections, there should be more vbac friendly, really vbac friendly practices out there)

- Katrina
post #16 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy View Post
To my understanding so far, I thought a baby being born before 40wks was because of preterm labor or other issues that called for giving birth early?
Two of my babies came on their own at 38 weeks so I don't think that's crazy. I do agree about not inducing unless it's for medical reasons. The more I read, the more you find out how bogus the "medical reasons" are.

I have a school friend on Facebook who had a failed induction at the hospital a few days ago. Thank goodness they sent her home but now she's just waiting to go into labor. It makes me wonder why she went in the first place?!?!?

Induction has become a "safe" alternative. I've had 2 and while it wasn't the end of the world, I've learned so many things that made me realize how lucky I was that things went okay....
post #17 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisheva View Post
I'm secretly (though generally not outwardly) judgmental.:

My irritation stems from the fact that most of their "mainstream" decisions come from a lack of info. I just can't respect someone who isn't interested in educating themselves on issues as important as giving birth and raising children. I don't expect anyone to agree with my choices, but I do respect when they have honestly educated themselves about their choices.

Think about it: over 30% of babies are born by c-section. To a certain extent (my own c/s included here - I was hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich and refused to even look at info on induction or c/s because "that's not going to happen to me - i hired midwives and they'll look out for me!") the number is this high because women don't educate themselves and put their trust in doctors. I generally don't hold with "blame the victim" mentality, but until women take their obstetrical care into their own hands (or at least make a serious effort to inform themselves about policies/procedures hospitals/OBs/midwives suggest), that percentage is only going to go up...
Yes, this is what I mean .... why is ignorance in our society ok?! Oh, because the doctors want to be in control!

I talked with a mom the other day who has a one month old and she was telling me her birth story... she admitted that she didn't do any reading during her pregnancy because she thought there is nothing that she won't learn along the way .... and that she wished she would have read! She said she pushed for 15 min. and the doctor gave her an episiotomy and sucked the baby out. Really?! Was that neccessary. Then she said when she got the baby back she noticed the bandaid on the foot and the nurse told her she gave the vax already. She said she didn't know that they did that!

This isn't a personal judgement against this mother, just an annoyance at the lack of education/ignorance/attitude that everything will be ok.
post #18 of 45
since when do they vax through the foot? I'd think that was the PKU test instead

I think it does help to assume everything will be ok - it doesn't help to think about everything that may go wrong - but it should be done from a position of knowledge at least. I can't believe they snipped her like that though, I would want to be at least ASKED before they did that (and the answer would be NO, I'd rather tear)
post #19 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrieCo View Post
Yes, this is what I mean .... why is ignorance in our society ok?! Oh, because the doctors want to be in control!

I talked with a mom the other day who has a one month old and she was telling me her birth story... she admitted that she didn't do any reading during her pregnancy because she thought there is nothing that she won't learn along the way .... and that she wished she would have read! She said she pushed for 15 min. and the doctor gave her an episiotomy and sucked the baby out. Really?! Was that neccessary. Then she said when she got the baby back she noticed the bandaid on the foot and the nurse told her she gave the vax already. She said she didn't know that they did that!

This isn't a personal judgement against this mother, just an annoyance at the lack of education/ignorance/attitude that everything will be ok.
One thing I fear most IS an episiotomy. Actually my step sister had a similar experience. She did NOT want it but they ended up clipping her anyway. She didn't know they did it right away until she was told. She did not have anyone there to support her birth plan so she was in the midst of giving birth, had no idea what was going on, and they just snipped away. =/ chances are it wasn't necessary for her, but wth! not cool to do that to a woman who doesn't need it nor wanted it.
post #20 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post
since when do they vax through the foot? I'd think that was the PKU test instead
I thought for the PKU test (breast)feeding needs to be established?
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