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How annoyed do you get with mainstream baby thinkers? - Page 2

post #21 of 45
It does but that doesn't stop the hospital from doing it. They just do it early because they think parents won't go have it done.
post #22 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by belltree View Post
I thought for the PKU test (breast)feeding needs to be established?
Maybe a blood sugar? (neither here nor there, thought I would throw it out there)
post #23 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein View Post
It does but that doesn't stop the hospital from doing it. They just do it early because they think parents won't go have it done.
Just wanted to add that the PKU test is state mandated and cannot be done before 24 hours of age. I know this of Minnesota and Wisconsin, not sure why other states would be different. If the test is obtained before 24 hours of life, the specimen is invalid and destroyed, and the nurse and lab tech involved in doing it early are written up.
post #24 of 45
I'm learning to keep my mouth shut.

I just do what I do and let everyone make their own decisions. When it's asked, I give advice. I usually remove myself from conversations that are super mainstream. There's another forum that I frequent that I can barely stomach anymore - the only reason I go over there to read is to keep up with some people that I enjoy talking to. Last week, their big thing was to give the AP/natural minded Mommas all kinds of crap, making fun of extended nursing relationships, intactivists, UCers, etc. It upset me so much that I haven't been back and don't know if I will. I'm way too hormonal for it!
post #25 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by by-the-lake View Post
Just wanted to add that the PKU test is state mandated and cannot be done before 24 hours of age. I know this of Minnesota and Wisconsin, not sure why other states would be different. If the test is obtained before 24 hours of life, the specimen is invalid and destroyed, and the nurse and lab tech involved in doing it early are written up.
I'm not arguing that. I'm saying that a "good" PKU is done after 24 hours of breastmilk which usually isn't the case within the 48 hour hospital stay. KWIM?
post #26 of 45
I don't get too much "advice" since it is #3. My opinion is leave me alone and I will leave you alone and I try my damndest to stay away from baby/birth/bfing conversations involving mainstreamers. Certainly I don't get involved in debates it just ends up stressing me out. I love to talk about our choices to those actually interested, but anybody else I give as few details as possible it is not worth the hassle.

Last year there was a very LOUD conversation about how horrible it is not to circ your boys at our hs group. I just kept mum but it made me want to vomit. The lady leading the charge is a real *itch who just seems to hate me anyway because I mistakenly said something about homebirthing- let my guard down. Now I know to stay the heck away from her. I will put up a fight if pushed but man does it get up my blood pressure. I don't think it generally does much good to push your point of view unless someone is receptive. Both of our families are very mainstream so these topics are just off the table. Thank goodness they realized quickly that I didn't care what their opinions were and don't push stuff at me anymore.
post #27 of 45
I try not to be judgmental but it is really hard sometimes!

I have a dear good friend who seems so natural-birth oriented on the face of things, but she's so gung-ho about being induced for her fourth baby. She even said all chipper to me, "I've decided I'm having an epidural this time!"
This is a woman who lent me "Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" the first time I was pregnant! I'm so confused as to her mindset. But whatever. We're still good friends!
post #28 of 45
I get annoyed with BOTH mainstream AND AP baby thinkers who think their way is the only way of doing things and assume that anyone who does things differently is weird or needs to be "educated" and who refuse to keep an open mind about the possibiltiies.
post #29 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisheva View Post
I'm secretly (though generally not outwardly) judgmental.:

My irritation stems from the fact that most of their "mainstream" decisions come from a lack of info. I just can't respect someone who isn't interested in educating themselves on issues as important as giving birth and raising children. I don't expect anyone to agree with my choices, but I do respect when they have honestly educated themselves about their choices.

Think about it: over 30% of babies are born by c-section. To a certain extent (my own c/s included here - I was hiding my head in the sand like an ostrich and refused to even look at info on induction or c/s because "that's not going to happen to me - i hired midwives and they'll look out for me!") the number is this high because women don't educate themselves and put their trust in doctors. I generally don't hold with "blame the victim" mentality, but until women take their obstetrical care into their own hands (or at least make a serious effort to inform themselves about policies/procedures hospitals/OBs/midwives suggest), that percentage is only going to go up...

Yeah, I do judge.
I totally feel you on this. I respect other people's right to choose, but for so many, they are merely swallowing what they're being fed, not choosing because they don't know anything. And they don't know anything because they don't bother or want to learn, like even in a conversation with someone who has different information or experience, let alone read a book.

I'm in the process of easing my mother into telling her I'm having a homebirth because for her birth outside the hospital is a woman squatting in a jungle or something. I can't get her to read anything so I have to get my cousin to take The Business of Being Born to her and watch it with her. She's still pushing me to get an u/s "to check if my pelvis is too small so I don't get my hopes up for natural childbirth" because she was told with me that she was too small and they just c-sectioned me out. For her this is medically necessary.

So the problem with education is that sometimes the medical mainstream views are pretty ingrained in their world view or how they see what happened to them and some people don't want to entertain any notions that might challenge that.

I try to share what I've learned when I can. If they get offended that's their problem. If they try to tell me what to do, instead of just share their experience or knowledge (about which we can have a conversation) then I tell them to stick it. I'm a teacher, I can't be totally mute...
post #30 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliacat View Post
I get annoyed with BOTH mainstream AND AP baby thinkers who think their way is the only way of doing things and assume that anyone who does things differently is weird or needs to be "educated" and who refuse to keep an open mind about the possibiltiies.
I have to agree with this too. I have some friends who do AP, though they birthed in the hospital and don't co-sleep. Oh my god, everything is either AP or Furberized and there is only this lock step one or the other. I mentioned that some AP practices are in my culture and some just seem like common sense, while others can be lax according to situation and the particular baby and they can't seen to understand that. They preach and it's really annoying and it makes me want to point out things like the fact that the mama does all the freaking work with the kids, which really annoys me.
post #31 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen View Post
You must be reading over at BabyCenter DDC.

I'll read stuff and get annoyed and then come right back to MDC. IRL, I don't bother arguing, but I do defend my choices. I DO NOT preach to others because I think others have to find their own way, as I did, and it's not worth my time (or breath) to tell someone something they don't want to hear/believe.
I go there just to fight with people when I'm in that kind of mood. I'll avoid MDC so there's no way I can pass my bad mood on or say something that can be taken the wrong way. If I'm feeling punchy or cranky it's off to Babycenter to ... well ... make it interesting
post #32 of 45
What is your culture, Tattooed Hand?

I researched the living *#$& out of every single issue Mothering covers, and lived it, too, with my first child, and a lot of the conclusions I came to are the opposite, would probably be considered "mainstream." On the other hand, I am still "AP" about enough things that mainstreamers think I'm strange. Either way, I'm about as educated as they come, and I get very with people IRL who imply otherwise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tattooed Hand View Post
I have to agree with this too. I have some friends who do AP, though they birthed in the hospital and don't co-sleep. Oh my god, everything is either AP or Furberized and there is only this lock step one or the other. I mentioned that some AP practices are in my culture and some just seem like common sense, while others can be lax according to situation and the particular baby and they can't seen to understand that. They preach and it's really annoying and it makes me want to point out things like the fact that the mama does all the freaking work with the kids, which really annoys me.
post #33 of 45
What a heated discussion! Well I gotta say what bugs me is when someone who thinks they know me puts me into a box of what they expect my birthing/ parenting choices are. I hate boxes. I am a complicated person and don't follow any books on how to be a hippie mother. I am a highly educated free thinker and I treat others that way too. I blew an aquaintence away because my hubbie and I decided to find out the sex of our baby, she said, " That surprises me that you would do that." What surprises me is she owns a baby shop and you would think she had a clue that it takes all kinds. Like I said don't but me in a box...
post #34 of 45
How annoyed do I get with mainstream baby thinkers??

Well, pretty annoyed actually, but I keep it all inside. I don't recall meeting a woman who has chosen to give birth naturally (besides the women at the birth center!) I am surrounded by mainstream women. They don't bother me, and I know it is their choice on how to give birth. But I HATE when they give me the third degree on my choices. I don't do that to them, but they think it is ok to judge me. The most annoying topic lately is the ultrasound. I did not get one. Well, my husband's whole family--4 sisters and a nurse mother in law--they cannot understand why I didn't get the u/s. Like they are just going to die if they don't find out what the baby is before it is actually born. I don't even talk about where I plan to give birth either, heaven forbid!

I spend every minute of my free time reading and researching. Whatever decision I come to, it is well thought out. I don't have anything against those who are more mainstream, but a lot of those ways are just not for me. It is irritating when people make decisions without doing any research at all, but turn around and criticize me for making a choice that is different from theirs.
post #35 of 45
It helps to educate yourself as much as possible, after all you are responsible for your baby! When I was pregnant with my first we took a class and it has shaped my thinking and attitudes with all the babies I have had.

As a veteran mom, my advice is to learn as much as you can... ask experienced moms (who have positive results - not just think they do) and ask your health care provider many questions and read a lot.

Momey
post #36 of 45
I totally agree with Momey. Find moms with older children who you think are amazing and whose parenting style you respect. Ask them. Ignore everyone else. I know that was what guided me into a lot of AP things in the first place -- there were these two families in our church who just had these amazing, calm, centered children (ages 7, 10 and 12), and they seemed so connected to them and I wanted to know what they knew. Unfortunately I moved away from them right after we gave birth to ds1.

I now live in a smallish city with a lot of mainstream thinking. People have seen me wearing my babies around town and breastfeeding my toddlers and changing cloth diapers and those who have been at my house know there is no crib anywhere. I have found that since I moved here (5 yrs ago) a lot of women have quietly approached me to talk about cloth diapers or get advice on slings or to get some support because they are nursing on demand in a church where all the other women are Baby Wisers. Not all of these women change what they are doing, but some try slings or cloth diapers and have started using them around town as well. But I've found that its sometimes best not to say anything.

And in the last five years I've found that sometimes I've judged and criticized people's parenting only to discover that they were right and I was wrong in the long run . . . sometimes the ideology you prefer is just not right for your child or practical for your family.
post #37 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by jilly View Post
I totally agree with Momey. Find moms with older children who you think are amazing and whose parenting style you respect. Ask them. Ignore everyone else.
And in the last five years I've found that sometimes I've judged and criticized people's parenting only to discover that they were right and I was wrong in the long run . . . sometimes the ideology you prefer is just not right for your child or practical for your family.

I'm with Jilly on this one. Though I don't get advice anymore. Most people assume correctly that I'm probably not going to listen to their advice anyways.
I have learned that parenting one is a lot different then parenting two, and I'm sure that parenting 3 is going to be different again. Each child is different and you have to learn to adapt to that child.
The funny thing is I thought I was mainstream with dd1. (I had never heard of AP) and my friends (who were AP) told me that I was even more AP then they were. So I looked it up, and I guess I am a lot more AP then mainstream. But I still think that I'm just "normal". I'm not doing anything that different then how my mom did things. Though I do delay and select vax, where she didn't. My 32 year old brother isn't circ'd so I have never ever thought about ever circ'ing my boys. My mom EBF for at least a year with all of us, had natural births with all of us, and CD'ed. Plus discpline was a lot more AP then mainstream.
The only person I get annoyed with is my MIL, as she is against BF. But she now realizes that I'm going to BF regardless of what she says. And she has these weird notions of childbirthing. But I've learned to ignore her advice quite effectively.
post #38 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliacat View Post
I get annoyed with BOTH mainstream AND AP baby thinkers who think their way is the only way of doing things and assume that anyone who does things differently is weird or needs to be "educated" and who refuse to keep an open mind about the possibiltiies.
RIGHT ON GIRL!!!!

To each her own.....I try very hard not to judge (openly at least...LOLOL) because I certainly don't appreciate it!

My mantra is: "If I want to know your opinion and thoughts...I will ASK!!!!!" I have no problem shutting down what I don't need/want-- and I refrain from trying to educate my pals who do things very differently from me with their pregnancy/birth (unless they ask me a question, of course....)

I find this board, in general, to be chock full of intellegent and honest women who "take what they want and leave the rest" -- which is why I keep coming back!!! (I gave up on other boards ages ago....)

:to all!
post #39 of 45
These are all very good bits of advice. My rabid AP friends have kids and a family dynamic that does not appeal to me. I do have friends I think have a great set up and cool kids and I will talk to them.

You all make good points about judgement and how to think of difference and deal with unwanted advice and views. Thanks for the food for thought.

Juliacat, my family is mostly Iranian, with some Bengali and Burmese thrown in...
post #40 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by maisiedotes View Post
I also once had someone say "you aren't going to make your baby be VEGETARIAN, are you?" (um.. yeah, we don't eat meat because we think it is not right (for us) so why the heck would we let her????)
Wow. Yeah, I'm vegan, and people are probably wondering the same thing about me, although I haven't been asked yet. But what gets me about the above statement is the "make your baby" part. As if you are being unreasonable and even depriving your baby by not giving meat! If your baby isn't exposed to meat, he/she is not going to miss it! It's all about what you get used to. (Which I realize you know, but I wish other people knew it!! Grrrr..)

Besides, veg food is so yummy!
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