Is Sears' The Baby Book a bad choice

[LuckyMommaToo]

for a pg momma who's going to go back to work when the baby is 8 weeks old?

My SIL is pg. I admit, I'm trying to give her something that introduces AP ideas. (Plus I think it's pretty fantastic for that first year as far as developmental milestones and basic medical stuff.) I know Dr. Sears can be kind of annoying to some WOHMs, so I don't want to get it for her if it's just going to turn her off.

So what do you think? If it's a no, do you have any other suggestions?

thanks,
-e

[DariusMom]

He is annoying. I really like the Sears books in general, but there is such a clear 'only work outside the home if you have to' and 'we all know [those sad pathetic] women who *have* to work, but we should pity them' message that it's really really annoying -- and guilt inducing.

I wish I had other suggestions to help you find a good book for your SIL. Maybe another wise Mama can come on here and post a few suggestions.

an alternative would be giving it to your SIL and saying something along the lines of, "I know a lot of WOHM find some of his views on WOH annoying. I'm not trying to preach that to you. I just found a lot of good in this book that helped me a lot."

[ckberkey]

I say give it to her and suggest she take what she likes from the book and leave the rest. "I don't agree with everything in here, but overall it is a great resource."

[~pi]

IMHO, it really depends on her personality. Is she generally self-assured and confident in her choices? If yes, then I think the whole, "Hey, there's some really great stuff in here -- just don't mind the attitude towards WOHM," approach can work.

Otherwise, you might want to try more explicitly WOHM-friendly options like Nursing Mother, Working Mother.

FWIW, I personally found the WOHM stuff in Sears way less annoying than I had expected (I had been warned.) I've given it to family members expecting babies, always with the note to the effect that I didn't agree with 100% of everything in the book, but the parts that were useful were great, and the developmental charts and medical info were very good.

[Ellien C]

ooo - Dr. Sears. My favorite author around here to bash. Personally, I can't stand him. I found his tone condescending. there is some section where he talked about wearing his baby in a sling and how wonderful it was and all I could think of was WHAT a NOVELTY it must have been to carry his baby around for a few hours while his WIFE was the one at home doing all the work with that kid 24 hours a day. I truly felt like he did not get me or my lifestyle - like he simply had no idea what it was like.

As for books - I second "Working Mother, Nursing mother," if you can skip over the beginning of that book and every other one where they give you advice on how to stop work or work less. (See my sig!).

For me The Continuum Concept (very controversial - see many MDC threads) really helped me with the idea that I didn't have to stop living my life devote all of my energy into being a mom. It gave me the idea that I could still do the things I love but incorporate the baby INTO my lifestyle. It never made me feel bad about working and using a community of caregivers but your mileage may vary.

And because I'm actually geeky, I really liked Meredith's Small's books which show how children are viewed in other cultures. I felt like not such an oddball for not wanting to sacrifice all of myself for me kid.

I think there are a few other newer nursing, working, pumping books out now that you might look for. There was a humorous one I think with entries on women sharing a log book in a nursing room. And there is another book written by both a SAHM and a WOHM who were best friends and it respectfully presents each perspective. I haven't thumbed through that one though.

I might pick one aspect of AP to present to your SIL - either nursing or gentle discipline or something, and just go from there to see what takes route, rather than a whole AP thing. To tell the truth, I've never self-identified with that label myself. If you asked me I would not tell you that I practiced attachment parenting. I'm just me.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Ellien C

As for books - I second "Working Mother, Nursing mother," if you can skip over the beginning of that book and every other one where they give you advice on how to stop work or work less. (See my sig!).

What sig?

[GoestoShow]

Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 6:43pm

[Unicorn75]

I have a great book called "Mommy Mantras". Not so much a help/tips/medical/development book, but one specifically about the challenges of motherhood, and how to keep focus on the big picture.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by lolar2

What sig?

Oh jeez! It's gone. It used to say 3rd Generation WOHM. I work by CHOICE!

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

You know, I really liked My Mother Wears Combat Boots. There is a lot in it about not leaving kids too early, blah, blah, blah, but I found it to be a much easier take-it-or-leave-it type of book. For example, there were all these political activities the author was involved in that I didn't necessarily agree with or know enough about to have an opinion either way and stuff on setting up an independent school, which just isn't my thing --- I'm confident I can find a school that already exists for my son --- but the ultimate lesson of involving you kid from a young age in things you believe in, in your values, etc is a good thing. I think the overall messages in the book are clear without the same there's-only-one-way-to-get-there approach Sears can sometimes take.

How did I miss this? I DID wear combat books (Former Army Reserve Captain).

[michellebelle]

Hmmmm. Maybe I'm an odd one here, but I think it would be a good choice.

I stumbed on the Dr. Sears book totally by accident when DS was about a month old. I was already having near panic attacks about having to go back to work and I actually remember a LOT of what I read in Dr. Sears's book actually made me feel a lot better.

Maybe it was just because I had never heard of attachment parenting before, and because I already did NOT want to go back to work, but I didn't think that it was condescending. In fact, some of the stuff, like cosleeping at night to make up for lack of physical closeness during the day, reverse cycling (I think this was in The Baby Book, but might have been somewhere else) and not holding yourself back from fully enjoying maternity leave because you are so worried about going back to work, was really, really helpful/reassuring at the time.

If I read it again, maybe I would think otherwise...but as a new mom who was already feeling like she didn't fit in with a lot of mainstream parenting ideas, I loved the book.

[SwanMom]

I don't remember feeling judged when reading the Baby Book, but I didn't go back to work until my son was more than 6 months old. Maybe I would have felt differently if I were working at 8 weeks. I got a lot out of the Baby Book as I poured over it while constantly nursing during those first months.

[emilysmama]

I intensely disliked reading Working Mother, Nursing Mother. It seemed to me that book's only suggestions for a working mother to get nursing to work out was to look into flex time or job sharing or quitting work or cutting down to part time. Now, that's fine, but it's not even on the horizon for almost any woman working in the real world. If it had just been one tiny suggestion out of lots of other realistic practical ideas, then that would have been fine, but from my recollection, that was pretty much all the book had to offer. And this made me angry, because the book is supposed to be for working mothers.

I also found the book to be annoyingly repetitive. It's like someone went crazy with the copy-and-paste feature in the word processor. Want to read about one type of breastfeeding problem? Then you find 3 or 4 paragraphs. Turn to another different type of breastfeeding problem, and you find the same 4 paragraphs word for word. This happens all over the book, multiple times for the same 4 paragraphs, and reading the book gets to be something of a joke. (On the bright side, it's a really fast read for that reason.) I had the impression that the authors were padding the book. Which is a shame, because there was actually a lot more detailed information about breastfeeding problems that they could have talked about withnot much more effort.

[DangerMom]

I am a working parent (back to work when he was 8 weeks), and I loved The Baby Book. I didn't find it condescending or preachy against working moms. It says if you can swing it, go for it, but it also says that you don't have to be a SAHP to engage in attachment parenting.

[boatrat]

I would actually recommend the Milk Memos (previously mentioned as the journal where mommies log their travails in a notebook in their breakroom at IBM). I found this book to be very encouraging and empowering as a WOHM. Also, I would recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution. It sort of plants the seed of responding gently to your baby and their nighttime parenting needs.

OR, just get her a subscription to Mothering :-).

[Carita]

i loved the dr sears book. and instead of taking the criticism to heart about having to work, it helped me - because of course my pritective instincts and everything were so strong, i didn't want to leave him, but i didn't have much choice in the matter - i didn't have any kind of mat leave. Anyway, instead, i felt like it gave me a way for me to connect with my baby when he was around - it encouraged bed-sharing, and baby wearing and breastfeeding - all things I know made being a WOHM mom work for me. I never felt like Dr. Sears was condescending in anyway because I choose to WOHM. I felt like he was giving me ways that I could connect without wasting any precious minutes separated by a stroller or a crib.

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by michellebelle

Maybe it was just because I had never heard of attachment parenting before, and because I already did NOT want to go back to work, but I didn't think that it was condescending. In fact, some of the stuff, like cosleeping at night to make up for lack of physical closeness during the day, reverse cycling (I think this was in The Baby Book, but might have been somewhere else) and not holding yourself back from fully enjoying maternity leave because you are so worried about going back to work, was really, really helpful/reassuring at the time.

This is very interesting. I bet we had different editions of the book and I bet they changed it. My kid is 6.5 and there was NOTHING in there about reverse cycling. When I finally heard about it she was like 18 months old and it was eye-opening.

[zinemama]

What I like about The Baby Book was the developmental stuff, the section about childhood illnesses, when to call your doctor, stuff like that.

You can get all that - without the condescension and paternalism - from Penelope Leach's book, Your Baby and Child.

[lolar2]

Penelope Leach does seem to feel fairly strongly that a nanny is preferable to daycare, for a child under three. I found myself feeling a bit guilty for using daycare instead of a nanny when I read her book.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Penelope Leach does seem to feel fairly strongly that a nanny is preferable to daycare, for a child under three. I found myself feeling a bit guilty for using daycare instead of a nanny when I read her book.

Yeah, but at least she wasn't tsk-tsk-ing you for working at all and suggesting that you quit your job and just start a home business so as not to destroy the sacred mother-child bond.