Is Sears' The Baby Book a bad choice - Page 4

[DangerMom]

Originally Posted by freestylemama

I think Sear's book can be a good reference. We consulted it frequently at the beginning because there is some good health info in there. It's also quite sexist and heterosexist. I haven't thrown it out, but I don't take it all very seriously.

As a first-time momma, I find the Sears books to be really helpful. I guess I just ignored anything about the working stuff, although I do remember eye-rolling and thinking "yeah must be nice if you can swing it" about the suggestions for ways for the mother to stay home. I think I must have glossed right over the fact that he doesn't suggest that the father find ways to stay at home (he doesn't, does he?).

And you are absolutely right, freestylemama, it is totally heterosexist.

All of that said, I am grateful for his books because they introduced me to AP techniques.

[Teenytoona]

It's a good reference, but yeah Dr Sears has this assumption that every woman wants to a. stay at home b. is excellent at every aspect of mothering and b. the dad (because in Dr Sears' world, there's always one mom and one dad ) can only assist and not do the bulk of parenting.

This book stressed me out SO MUCH because I'm not good at any of that. DH has always been much better, and was SO much more at ease with the baby stages (good thing he was the SAHP). Everytime I opened a Sears book it stressed me out because I could not do all that and stay sane. Really, if you give the book, maybe note some disclaimers.

[ShadowMoon]

I am a WOHM and also went back to work when ds was 8 wks. (Dp stays with him during the day.) I bought the book for myself and liked it. Yes, I don't agree with some of his parenting advice and he does have an "old-school" philosophy on parenting and work but overall I got some good out of it.

[rivkah]

This thread is so interesting!

I thought of a criticism about "The Book" last night, as DH and I were looking up a child development fact in it. The prose is painful--really schmaltzy and awkward at times. You would assume a doctor would hire someone more experienced with writing to either help with the actual narrative, or do heavy editing. I am not sure what happened here, but it is really not a well-written book from a purely literary perspective.

That being said, and despite the fact that I agree with all the previous criticisms, I still frequently use it as a reference book.

[JF1212]

Thanks for these posts. I just started the book and was finding it pretty old-fashioned and nonfeminist.

Yes, sometimes Mothering mag can be anti-WOH. I'm also put off by Mothering mag's strong focus on homeschooling and alternative education. First, that's a privilege that many low-income people and people of color could never afford. Also, as the partner of a public school teacher, I know that there are many amazing teachers and learning opportunities to be found in public schools. Also, the diversity of voices that one learns from outside of the home are valuable. In my personal opinion, a mother who balances her needs with her children's by both working and mothering is a great role model for her children. I'm not convinced that homeschooling moms can provide the work/life role model for their children (to fit the opportunities that she's trying to create for her child by providing a good education). Never mind the fact that most homeschoolers are women and, as a feminist, I want to see more men and women playing equal childrearing/teaching roles.

[lilypad08]

I returned to work after 10 weeks and I really liked Sears' The Baby Book (and The Attachment Parenting book for that matter). I think it would be a good choice, and incidentally I gave this book to a pregnant friend for exactly the same reason I personally did not find Sears to be condescending. It's true, in regard to working he doesn't sugar coat things and tell you what you want to hear just to sell books like many authors do, but I feel like he offers advice to make the best of whatever situation you are in. But I see from reading others' posts that some have a different point of view on this, so I guess it depends on your friend's personality. Personally, I really like this book because it gives "permission" to baby your baby -- to hold them a lot, nurse them to sleep, co-sleep, etc. -- and dispels the myth that these things will spoil your baby. For me, attachment parenting is even more important when I am working because it helps me to keep my bond with my baby even though I am away so much.

Perhaps you could give the book in combination with a couple of others (especially ones geard toward working moms?) if you are worried about how she'll react. I gave this book to my friend along with the Happiest Baby on the Block and another item and told my friend that I liked to give things that we found particularly helpful and hoped that she would find them helpful as well.