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September Pagan Circle - Page 9

post #161 of 595
9/8/09 at 8:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mary3mama View Post
Ok, both arms free now so I can type. Like I said before: beautiful dreams!

When I was 24 I was in a bad place too. I'd not been married or divorced, mind you, but I had been and continued to be alone and crippled emotionally.

Someone once asked me what I would say to my 18 year old self if I could go back and tell myself something. My answer would be the same if we changed that to 24:


And everything that is on your list, short of midwifery, is in my life right now (or at least almost...homesteading starts next spring. ) I didn't even meet my now beautiful husband until I was, um, 26 I think. We became best friends and spent every moment possible together for over a year before we started dating and then we got married on my 29th birthday. And now there are these dear, wonderful, insanely funny, 'frighteningly brilliant' children in my life. (Frighteningly brilliant being a phrase coined by said husband to describe the children.)

I have no doubt you will find your way and I thank god/goddess/heaven that you did not start on that dream with your ex. He wasn't worthy of you or the wonderful children you will one day have.

Focus on BEING extraordinary. Focus on knowing yourself. Focus on whatever leads you to peeling off the layers of gunk in your way (tapping, maybe?) You will attract the person that you will make those dreams with...but only when you are whole in yourself.

Sorry, not meaning to sound like some sappy Hallmark card...but I do believe these things. I met my husband about 6 months after I had my own re-birth that is a story in itself. I am grateful that he and I did not meet before then, because he wouldn't have been interested in spending time with the person I was before then.

Gotta go make dinner. But I didn't want to go to bed tonight before commenting further.
I was bawling before I read this and cried even harder. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I was trying to let myself feel the hurt, yk? I'm not sure if its all out yet or not, but letting it out helped. I am so afraid that this is it for me. That I am going to end up alone and crazy (and we are talking true crazy here) like my Aunt that everyone compares me to.

Right now I am really struggling with the question "who am I?" The things I used to define myself as don't really apply anymore. I'm no longer a wife or a stepmother, though the personality traits of being a caretaker and such are still there. If that makes sense?? I know I am meant to have children, its what I was made for, yk?

My family is pushing me to get out, go to school, get a job, etc. All I really want to do right now is just take a break. I spent 4 years under a lot of stress and being abused, I need to just sit here in my room and be me for a bit longer. I'll slowly come out

I wish I could make everybody leave the house for a couple of days so that I could have my little ritual. I really feel it needs to be done at night, so I can burn the last of the pictures of ex and I (yeah, he gave them all to me instead of throwing them out like I thought he would when I left them), as well as just dance my little heart out to some good music without worrying about making too much noise.
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post #162 of 595
9/8/09 at 9:04pm
ARGH I had 3/4 of a multiquote reply and somehow ended up ont he damnable google ads from mdc *splat* I give up, I may return to try again later
post #163 of 595
9/8/09 at 11:48pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
I daydream about my babies, of having a home in the country where I grow my own food, have animals, bake, cook, etc. I dream about having a loving husband, like how my ex was during the good times. I think about homeschooling my kids, raising them pagan and of being happy. Being an awesome midwife, financially stable, self sufficient, so on and so forth.

I daydream about all the things my ex and I talked about the first 2.5 years. Those things are still my dreams.
What wonderful dreams. I believe you can and will have everything you dream about. I was married before when I was 21 until I was 24. It is hard to think your dreams won't come true, wonder what you will do next, who you are. When you are raw with emotions it's hard to imagine your life better, but it will be. Hang in there!
post #164 of 595
9/8/09 at 11:54pm
If I didn't know better I would think someone broke into my house and tossed the place, but no it's just the work of my teens! This place needs some major work. I can't stand it, it is never ending. Well, tomorrow I will start my Fall cleaning. Today we got up to 67 and it's supposed to be 10 degrees colder Wednesday/Thurday. Time to start thinking about all those wonderful Fall smells, stews cooking, crisp air, spiced warm drinks! I am ready!!
post #165 of 595
9/9/09 at 1:06am
Hey ladies! I know I'm a few and far betweener on these threads, but tonight I felt the call to come look before bed.... I've felt something creeping this last week, the color of the night sky was bad tonight, I know something negative is coming and trying to figure out what, you'd think by now I would just brace and not question. Anyway I am wishing you all well. I do think on pagans as a whole at times and especially those I have spoken to in one form of another over the years and give good vibes where I can. I hope you are all well.

BellaLuna - one thing I remind myself often - today's sorrows will be tomorrow's blessings. All things happen for a reason, avoiding the bad would only offset your path to the good that is coming.
post #166 of 595
9/9/09 at 1:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by redveg View Post
If I didn't know better I would think someone broke into my house and tossed the place, but no it's just the work of my teens! This place needs some major work. I can't stand it, it is never ending. Well, tomorrow I will start my Fall cleaning. Today we got up to 67 and it's supposed to be 10 degrees colder Wednesday/Thurday. Time to start thinking about all those wonderful Fall smells, stews cooking, crisp air, spiced warm drinks! I am ready!!
JEALOUS!! lol That's ok, I'll enjoy bathing suit & beach weather (wait, that goes on yr round here almost lol), delicious summer tropical fruit weather (mmm mangoes!) and coffee on the veranda at 6am (not quite with the sunrise, that's at 430am by midsummer lol) :
post #167 of 595
9/9/09 at 7:50am
CariOfOz, Yes I am Jealous. I would love to move to your part of the world. I just can't figure out how to get all my animals there with me. One of my DD's(middle trip) is looking into going to college there. I have a feeling if she does, she will never come home!
post #168 of 595
9/9/09 at 8:06am
LOL Red, it does fairly rock here You *can* bring animals, but some/all may have to go through a substantial quarantine.. no idea about all that stuff though You're quite welcome to visit though!
post #169 of 595
9/9/09 at 9:19am
Morning Ladies-

Bella- you know, I really see this bright, beautiful, smart and intuitive women in you- she really is there. Let her shine!

Thanks for all the good wishes! We had a great first day- we made a leaf book, did math, read...all good. After the kids left we went to get pizza and there was a rainbow in the sky- I think it was a sign. :

Red-are your girls leaning twds one area of study over another?
post #170 of 595
9/9/09 at 12:12pm
Hi all. Now that school has started, life has gotten extremely hectic!
We have to run home after picking up roo so that I can have a phone meeting. Please send positive thoughts...The result of this phone meeting could have MAJOR impact on our lives.
post #171 of 595
9/9/09 at 12:32pm
Thread Starter 
DOK - thinking good thoughts for you!

I walked home from the LLL meeting last night...had DD in the sling we have (which doesn't fit me well...it was a gift). It was just a little over an hour walk and now I have horrible heat rash/friction burn on my legs. It even looks like it was bleeding! I'll have to make sure it gets healed up fast!

I have to say that the moon was huge last night! At first it looked almost red, but it might have just been reflected light from the streets because as I moved away from them, she looked 'normal' again.

I semi-feel like I got work done this morning...both e-mails and with DD (mostly art stuff, some reading and songs). Hopefully I can entice her with some yummy food and a nap now that we are both squeeky clean!

I should probably get in touch with my friend and get some more details sorted out for our Mabon celebration. Any thoughts out there? Family activities anyone will be doing?
post #172 of 595
9/9/09 at 12:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
Hi all. Now that school has started, life has gotten extremely hectic!
We have to run home after picking up roo so that I can have a phone meeting. Please send positive thoughts...The result of this phone meeting could have MAJOR impact on our lives.
Vibes sent!
post #173 of 595
9/9/09 at 2:14pm
It didn't go well. At all.
post #174 of 595
9/9/09 at 3:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
It didn't go well. At all.
Oh, rats! I'll check back later to see what's up.
post #175 of 595
9/9/09 at 7:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
It didn't go well. At all.
I'm sorry it didn't go the way you needed it to... is there possibility of that changing at all? They say when a door slams, a window opens somewhere, I hope they are right

Just wakign up with my cuppa here... Quinn & I slept in. We are supposed to have our big hs activity day tomorrow, so I hope he's well enough for kindy.. he's still be a little 'off' although no temps or overt sickness. Today I'm going to take the boys past our favourite bakery for something yummy and to the enclosed and *COVERED* playground (covered with shadecloth = good.. our last visit to a park ended wiht a magpie accosting the boys while they tried to play ) Then we'll hit the shops & pick up a few essentials and come home & bake :
post #176 of 595
9/9/09 at 8:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by CariOfOz View Post
LOL Red, it does fairly rock here You *can* bring animals, but some/all may have to go through a substantial quarantine.. no idea about all that stuff though You're quite welcome to visit though!
Oh believe me, I would jump at the chance to visit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeress View Post
Red-are your girls leaning twds one area of study over another?
DD #1 wants to be a pastry chef, but her friends laugh so she is having second thoughts. DD#2 wants to be a vet. DS wants to be a mechanical engineer.
post #177 of 595
9/9/09 at 8:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by singin_angel View Post
I walked home from the LLL meeting last night...had DD in the sling we have (which doesn't fit me well...it was a gift). It was just a little over an hour walk and now I have horrible heat rash/friction burn on my legs. It even looks like it was bleeding! I'll have to make sure it gets healed up fast!
Ouch! I hope it heals fast too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
It didn't go well. At all.
Sorry DOK.
post #178 of 595
9/9/09 at 9:21pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by redveg View Post
Oh believe me, I would jump at the chance to visit.

DD #1 wants to be a pastry chef, but her friends laugh so she is having second thoughts. DD#2 wants to be a vet. DS wants to be a mechanical engineer.
You're welcome anytime Tell her not to be so quick to cave to peer pressure.. good pastry chef's make VERY good money and can get jobs at posh restaurants around the world! Plus.. well : and all hehehe.
post #179 of 595
9/9/09 at 9:35pm
Again, subbing, like last month ....
Sorry, I wish I had something to contribute! LOL
I love hearing everything you ladies discuss, and I learn so much! I am so preoccupied right now with being pregnant (due Oct. 4--full moon!) and wrangling my 2 dd's. I'd love to hear any ideas about how you celebrate the Harvest Moon....
post #180 of 595
9/9/09 at 9:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by redveg View Post
mary3mama and CariOfOz and Maiasaura, I admire you all.
Aww, thanks!
If it helps any, it took me a long time to "come out" fully. Baby steps. It'll happen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gun View Post
Maia - I use 'ripped' or 'raped' depending how much money I feel that I lost.
Ripped...I can use that. Raped I would feel uncomfortable with, I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CariOfOz View Post
With women.. not only that, but if you don't get a clear path with your off hand (meaning get all bits out of the way) you cannot use those gloves to try again.. you have to reglove up and go again, and yes, same deal if the cath touches anything but air before you insert it (the sterile inside of the kit it came in excepted of course)
What a hassle.

Today we went over Bowel elimination, and stomas (ostomies). Weird things, those. I didn't know you could have a glistening body part *outside* your body.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluets View Post
well, i can figure it out but i can't remember beyond the first response....
OK, it took me forever to figure it out, with lots of help, but here's how: at the very bottom of each post, on the right corner, is 3 little icons: the left one says Quote, the middle is quote marks and a plus sign, and the right one is a quill. Click the middle one (quote marks and plus sign) when you want to quote somebody. Nothing will happen except the little icon will turn red. You do this for everybody you want to quote, and when you get to the end of the thread, you hit "reply", and in your reply area will be everybody's post that you want to reply to. You can highlight and delete all the bits you don't want to reply to, but make sure you keep the word "QUOTE" and its brackets exactly the way they are, both the beginning and ending ones, or it won't quote correctly. If you mess up, you can just type the missing bits in-- you don't have to go and redo the whole thing. When you're done, if you want to edit, click "edit" (it's a fourth icon button that will only appear on YOUR posts). When you're done editing, hit "save".
I hope I made sense

Quote:
Originally Posted by redveg View Post
Today we got up to 67 and it's supposed to be 10 degrees colder Wednesday/Thurday. Time to start thinking about all those wonderful Fall smells, stews cooking, crisp air, spiced warm drinks! I am ready!!
Oooooh! :
It's in the 50s at night, here, now, and it still gets near 80 in the day, but more like 70ish. Today we had the most crazy rainstorm! It was wonderful, and nearly took out a couple roads, but was too short to really do that. I had to pick DS up from school during it! :
It's deliciously cool right now. Windows open. Brought out the pumpkin Yankee candles and I've had two fall altars since Lammas
Got the first of the fall apples at the Apple Festival last Saturday : I'm SO ready!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLuna Rayne View Post
Right now I am really struggling with the question "who am I?" The things I used to define myself as don't really apply anymore. I'm no longer a wife or a stepmother, though the personality traits of being a caretaker and such are still there. If that makes sense??
Know what I think? It's time-- and I think you know this-- to define yourself by yourself-- not by someone else's whatever. Not an ornament. Not a daughter or stepmom or wife, but you.

Oh, and you can use the concave mirror spell thingy to deflect negative energy You know-- remember the old school rhyme? "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you"-- that's a spell, really. Use a visualization of a mirror, around yourself. Keep it up, like a shield. It works


Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
It didn't go well. At all.
Aww, man. I'm sorry, DOK. I hope there's something that can rectify it.

Off to study for my first exam, in Assessment. Wish me luck! 50 questions-- at least they're all multiple choice
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