Ok, both arms free now so I can type. Like I said before: beautiful dreams!
When I was 24 I was in a bad place too. I'd not been married or divorced, mind you, but I had been and continued to be alone and crippled emotionally.
Someone once asked me what I would say to my 18 year old self if I could go back and tell myself something. My answer would be the same if we changed that to 24:
And everything that is on your list, short of midwifery, is in my life right now (or at least almost...homesteading starts next spring. ) I didn't even meet my now beautiful husband until I was, um, 26 I think. We became best friends and spent every moment possible together for over a year before we started dating and then we got married on my 29th birthday. And now there are these dear, wonderful, insanely funny, 'frighteningly brilliant' children in my life. (Frighteningly brilliant being a phrase coined by said husband to describe the children.)
I have no doubt you will find your way and I thank god/goddess/heaven that you did not start on that dream with your ex. He wasn't worthy of you or the wonderful children you will one day have.
Focus on BEING extraordinary. Focus on knowing yourself. Focus on whatever leads you to peeling off the layers of gunk in your way (tapping, maybe?) You will attract the person that you will make those dreams with...but only when you are whole in yourself.
Sorry, not meaning to sound like some sappy Hallmark card...but I do believe these things. I met my husband about 6 months after I had my own re-birth that is a story in itself. I am grateful that he and I did not meet before then, because he wouldn't have been interested in spending time with the person I was before then.
Gotta go make dinner. But I didn't want to go to bed tonight before commenting further.
Right now I am really struggling with the question "who am I?" The things I used to define myself as don't really apply anymore. I'm no longer a wife or a stepmother, though the personality traits of being a caretaker and such are still there. If that makes sense?? I know I am meant to have children, its what I was made for, yk?
My family is pushing me to get out, go to school, get a job, etc. All I really want to do right now is just take a break. I spent 4 years under a lot of stress and being abused, I need to just sit here in my room and be me for a bit longer. I'll slowly come out
I wish I could make everybody leave the house for a couple of days so that I could have my little ritual. I really feel it needs to be done at night, so I can burn the last of the pictures of ex and I (yeah, he gave them all to me instead of throwing them out like I thought he would when I left them), as well as just dance my little heart out to some good music without worrying about making too much noise.