September Queer Conceptions - Ready to *FALL* in love w/ our future babes! - Page 9

[FtMPapa]

JJ Noho - I'm in NoHo.

They won't do an in-office insemination, with a new donor, that I get. But if I've been having unprotected sex and/or doing at-home inseminations with this donor for a year, how is that medically different from a sexual and romantic partner?

But all I wanted was cycle monitoring and do "timed intercourse" at home, and she wouldn't even allow that.

Will you send me a PM with who else you know? I was told that this particular fertility clinic at the hospital is the only one around here. I tried the local OBGYN, but they don't do cycle monitoring.

I'm thinking if all the RE wants to do is write me an Rx for Clomid, I can get my regular doctor to do that.

[megincl]

Papa,

PM'd you the world's longest PM, but also just came across the Boston IVF location in Worcester: http://www.bostonivf.com/The-Worcest...ty-Clinic.html

Good evidence that I don't want to be dissertating right now...ugh.

This situation sucks, and this clinic sounds all wrong for you, unfortunately. I feel like, too often, when we know things and know what we want, it throws docs for a huge loop. Any chance you can go to the place that Lex and Lena used? It seems as if they were able to request monitoring and/or trigger and just got it (we had a hard time having success with that request)...perhaps you could have the same kind of say in things?

Still thinking here...

megin

[FtMPapa]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the info and guidance and everything! It means so much to me to have support from so many quarters in these trying times.

Yesterday sucked, today I'm making phone calls and setting up appointments for acupuncture and maybe with the local midwives, etc.

[Lyndzies]

Papa - I have nothing to add that will help, only a similar experience.

I didn't even get to the point where I went to the fertility clinic, but during the very early part of our TTC journey (the part where we were trying to decide how to get sperm and egg to meet) I encountered similar roadblocks...

You see, in NJ, if a doctor performs an insemination with donor sperm (even known donor sperm) the donor can waive his parental rights then and there and DP would be considered a legal parent when the child was born... we obviously thought this was definitely the way to go, but when we called a fertility clinic to ask more questions about the process, we got the whole "only option is a 6 month frozen quarantine and re-test" crap as well. With no option to sign a waiver on that.

I was advised that if I wanted the procedure done there, that I just "say that the donor is my intimate partner" (thereby completely removing DP from the process).

We didn't feel so great about the idea of creating life based on a lie, so that's when we decided to go the at-home deal-with-the-legal-formalities-later route.

Of course, that's only assuming the at-home method eventually proves successful for us. Otherwise, we'll be in the same boat you are, again... and I know how frustrating it was when we were just researching the option. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you now.

Thinking about you. Hope you have a good acupuncture session today...

[cejae]

Ah, the 6th month quarantine. We had a known donor for our first child and went through the Sperm Bank of California who let us waive the 6 month quarantine. We used Kaiser for insemination and oddly, they never even asked about it nor did the fertility clinic we used here in Colorado. This isn't to say that Kaiser and the Colorado clinic didn't require they quarantine, they did. I think that because we went through a sperm bank, they assumed that it had been quarantined. They didn't ask and we didn't tell. Of course, that's a much costlier route than just using fresh sperm from the donor.

I'm really sorry you are encountering that problem FTMPapa. I think one of the hardest things about TTC as a queer person is that the medical model (which we often encounter sooner in our processes than non-queer folks do) is so heteronormative that we either have to bash our heads against it or lie.

Hang in there. I know when we started TTC here in Colorado we were dismayed by the paltry options (as opposed to those in the SF area) but finally found a decent clinic after almost a year of searching and asking people about their experiences.

Hang in there.

[FtMPapa]

Hmmm. . . too bad we're not in California. Then again, I have serious issues with this. I mean, how is my donor different from a straight woman's cisgendered male lover?

Why do I have to use sperm that's been frozen for six months? There is no health reason, because we're doing at-home insems anyway, so I just don't get it.

Secondly, the freezing not only costs money but makes the sperm less effective. When I raised this issue with the doc yesterday and said that I was not interested in freezing his sperm or in using anonymous sperm, she poo-pooed it, saying something along the lines of "you only need one" and I was greatly annoyed, because it's clear that I have fertility issues, so why would I make my chances worse by using a sample that has fewer sperm than the best possible sample I have access to, i.e. fresh from the tap? I was doubly annoyed because a lot of the latest research shows that the number of sperm does make a difference - they work together to fertilize the egg.

*ARGH* I'm so tired of fighting. I just want this to work and move on.

[elismum1908]

Originally Posted by Lyndzies

YAY! Let me know when it sinks in and you feel comfortable having me move you to graduates!!!

You can move me. Yup it's sinking in, thanks for asking.

Papa- I was living in Amherst when TTC the first time and worked with the Holyoke Midwives (Ginny Miller in particular). I was using frozen sperm and she prescribed Clomid and I had u/s monitoring at Valley Medical in Florence. The midwife on call would do the IUI. They are awesome and will do it when the timing is BEST for you, not them (but I am not sure that is a concern for you if you are inseming at home). I am not sure how they deal with KDs, but they are awesome. So awesome that i just went back to Ginny, toddler in tow to be inseminated when we were ready to start TTC#2. (We live three hours away now and I was not up for re-establishing that relationship with a new practitioner.)

I wish you the best of luck!

[bttrflygypsy]

Well, unfortunately the spotting didn't turn out to be anything but the slow arrival of AF, grrr! It didn't help that I've had a horrible cold for 6 days now and my temps have been all over the place. So, I didn't even get a temp drop to help me believe it was impending.

Back to waiting to O I go!

[Beastie]

FTMPapa, I am so outraged and frustrated in your behalf! Not only do I agree with your assessment of the logical and ethical fallacy of requiring a quarantine, given that you are already fluid bonded to the donor and that you are being punished for being out and honest even when that information is critical for your RE to know in helping you get pregnant, but I also hate the way that medical professionals can make us feel so small. For what it's worth, I admire you for speaking up and making yourself heard. And I hope you can find another practitioner who's willing to accept you as the real expert in charge of your fertility!

JJNoho, hoping that you got the timing just right for your sperm delivery, and that the clomid does the trick.

Erthe_Mama, sending your partner great vibes for the LSAT (my DP is a lawyer, and just had to retake the bar when we moved to a new state, so we know how that feels!). Hope it feels calmer at your house soon!

Bttrfly_Gypsy, boo to AF! I'm sorry she found you.

Lyndzies and everyone waiting to O, FX for this cycle.

AFM, FF gave me crosshairs today, and seems to be confirming our guess that I O'd on CD15. So we're feeling pretty good about our timing and are settling in for the wait. It's 3dpo. Feel free to check my chart and let me know what you think.

[Lyndzies]

Originally Posted by elismum1908

You can move me. Yup it's sinking in, thanks for asking.

Yippee!!! Happy graduation.

Originally Posted by bttrflygypsy

Well, unfortunately the spotting didn't turn out to be anything but the slow arrival of AF, grrr! It didn't help that I've had a horrible cold for 6 days now and my temps have been all over the place. So, I didn't even get a temp drop to help me believe it was impending.

Back to waiting to O I go!

Bummer! I'm sorry to hear it. Hopefully next cycle will be it for you!

Originally Posted by Beastie

AFM, FF gave me crosshairs today, and seems to be confirming our guess that I O'd on CD15. So we're feeling pretty good about our timing and are settling in for the wait. It's 3dpo. Feel free to check my chart and let me know what you think.

FX for you!

[DJK]

First off Congrats to KSDoulaMama and Pleasantlyfurious!!!! We will keep you in our thoughts.


Sorry we have been out of the picture for a few weeks. DW grandmother fell very ill up in WA and we had to leave island to go and try and spend sometime with family and meet her sister’s new baby. But not before we were able to inseminate a week before. Our flight was bumped this last Saturday and instead of complaining we just enjoyed our time in Seattle. We watched UW beat USC and then went to play catch at Gas Works Park. We thought hey it’s been 13 DPO why not test with our stashed Walgreens Brand EPT? DW gave me the stick while we were in a dirty park bathroom and it was faint but it was there! We tested again in the morning before we flew out, again 2 lines. We got home safe and sound and just to make sure we were not crazy tested with the EPT brand we had at home, still there So we have an appointment to see the Dr. on Monday and DW is falling asleep by 8 pm every night and has very bad heartburn. I am keeping my fingers crossed but I have a good feeling!

[FtMPapa]

Congrats, DJK & DP!!!!!


AFM - still seething.

Has anyone had green tea actually make fertile-looking CM rather than just enhance it?

I started drinking green tea yesterday because I noticed some heavy pre-fertile CM and next thing I knew, I'm getting watery but fertile-almost-EW CM. (And when I say drinking, I mean guzzling, I typically drink 2-3 pints of iced green tea brewed pretty strong along with some orange tisane and some sugar so it's like orange kool-aid. Without being fake and gross. It's delicious.)

So, today I'm starting up with the baby carrots and the white grapefruit juice in hopes of insemming this weekend. The monitor still says low, but the CM starting up tells me either the green tea worked (unfortunately) or I am gearing up to O. If only I had had an ultrasound this cycle! Boo! Argh! Grrr.

Well, it's a beautiful fall day, I've got dogs to walk. Someone do the Egg Dance for me, Ok?

[megincl]

Congrats DJK and partner!!!!

And Papa -- I think that Katie has had green tea cause EWCM, meaning that it's not always a perfect indication of fertility. If I recall correctly for you, like for her, it brings it on FAST. So perhaps you could try stopping the tea for the rest of today to see if it lets up? Then you'd know if it's fertile mucus or just green tea mucus. Just a thought...not sure it jives with your timing, though.

Katie is about to start the injection part of the IVF protocol. Send good shot thoughts our way...she has to do them as needles make me SERIOUSLY queezy!

be well all,
megin

[FtMPapa]

Megin - yeah, it was you who told me about it!

I am laying off the green tea for the rest of today. Good suggestion!

My cervix feels like it's gettting ready to open, too. (And I say ABOUT TIME!!! Today is CD 23, I should be nearing the end of the 2ww, not waiting to O!!!)

I'm sending good vibes Katie's way - she can do 'em and be just fine, I know she can!

[jjnoho]

Originally Posted by FtMPapa

Someone do the Egg Dance for me, Ok?

this was the best i could come up with for an egg dance!!!

good luck papa - hopefully this will be your weekend!!!!!

[lexbeach]

Originally Posted by FtMPapa

Hmmm. . . too bad we're not in California. Then again, I have serious issues with this. I mean, how is my donor different from a straight woman's cisgendered male lover?

Why do I have to use sperm that's been frozen for six months? There is no health reason, because we're doing at-home insems anyway, so I just don't get it.

Secondly, the freezing not only costs money but makes the sperm less effective. When I raised this issue with the doc yesterday and said that I was not interested in freezing his sperm or in using anonymous sperm, she poo-pooed it, saying something along the lines of "you only need one" and I was greatly annoyed, because it's clear that I have fertility issues, so why would I make my chances worse by using a sample that has fewer sperm than the best possible sample I have access to, i.e. fresh from the tap? I was doubly annoyed because a lot of the latest research shows that the number of sperm does make a difference - they work together to fertilize the egg.

*ARGH* I'm so tired of fighting. I just want this to work and move on.

Papa,

Could you just pretend that you're going to use frozen sperm, when really you have no intention to? When we used this same clinic, they were not at all involved in the insemination, and we easily could have used a known donor at home. There are also lots of reasons to "cancel" an insemination at the last minute (suddenly lost your job, having second thoughts, too many follicles for your comfort, etc.).

We did not have any trouble getting the clinic to give us u/s monitoring (without clomid or any drugs besides the trigger), simply by pointing out that we were using our last vial of sperm and wanted to make sure that conditions were optimal. The doctor we saw even suggested that we go straight to IVF to increase our chances, despite not having any (known) infertility issues.

I'm sorry your first experience was such a downer!



Lex

[FtMPapa]

Lex - tell me more? Did they not do Lena's insemination?


My plan is to keep using KD's semen, and doing my own DIY insem at home, switching to IUI with home midwife if necessary (though everything I've read leads me to believe with typical counts, I am better off with DIY than IUI), but I was stumped as to what to tell them about my sperm source. Like - wouldn't they be suspicious if I start a cycle but they don't have a sperm order for me?

I think my new plan is to fly under the radar by just keeping my mouth shut, and showing up on CD 3, if CD 3 ever comes. If I haven't ovulated by my doctor's appointment on Thursday, which will be CD 30, I'm going to get her to send me for a follicle check and write me a script for progesterone, because this is a little ridiculous - I'm also setting myself up with a local OB.

I have so many mixed feelings, everyone is telling me the same thing right now - Clomid, Clomid, Clomid, and I think my past history with Clomid is making me anxious about it...unless anyone has a suggestion to fix an extremely thinned endometrium and hostile CM. Maybe I should just do one Clomid cycle and see what happens. The worst that can happen is pretty bad - realistically, I could end up with a thinned endometrium, hostile CM, and I won't get pregnant and I will get cysts and I'll have to sit the next cycle out. The second-worst is that I will end up pregnant with triplets or higher order multiples. The only good outcome is I will end up pregnant with a singleton or twins. Neutral outcome is I will end up with no complications, with a decent ovulation, but no pregnancy.

[FtMPapa]

PEAK!!!!!



This is now The Official Queer TTC Egg Dance (jjnoho and I have decided)

And now I've gotta get Donor Boy to do his sailor dance.

He's handing over the "flowers" today and tomorrow! I usually prefer to space insems 48 hours apart, but since this peak came out of nowhere without the 3-4 days of "high" I was expecting, we're going to ramp it up a bit.

I am really insanely, illogically hopeful about this cycle because if it works, I don't have to deal with that fertility clinic anymore!

[megincl]

Wahoooooooo for peak!!!!!!!!!!: energy

May the flower delivery go off without a hitch! (that metaphor cracks me up, btw). Here's hopin' you beat us OUT of the queer TTC thread!

megin

[jjnoho]

best of luck papa! hope he brings you some lovely "flowers" and they do the trick for you!!! it's about time you got that monitor to move in the right direction for you.

- see the egg dance worked