12 yr old DSS...to cell phone or not to cell phone - Page 2

[midnightmommy]

I'm not a mom of a teen yet, but my brother is sixteen. He has had a cell for several years. The biggest reason he now has a cell phone is that when he needs a ride it's not like when we were kids. Most places don't have pay phones anymore.The one in the town where he goes to school (I use the term town loosely) was taken out, because it cost them more to keep then it ever got used. If he ever were to get in trouble he can't call home. Granted...he uses his phone for more than emergencies but that is my step-dad's choice. He pays the bill.

[zinemama]

The world is a different place than when we were children. Heck, 100 years ago, we'd let our six year olds walk 5 miles though the fields and forest, and usually, things were okay, but we wouldn't let our six year olds do that these days, either.

How do you figure the world to be different, other than the technology we have and the level of parental fear that now exists?

[BedHead]

I am interested to hear what the repercussions of unlimited texting can be. My kids have had it for years and I'm not aware of anything.

How is the world NOT different than it was 100 years ago? People rarely become friends with their neighbours now, extended families don't live together, communities don't raise children. The adults in your child's lives aren't almost all people they've known and their parents have known since they were born. Kids are taught not to trust strangers, they are told they can only ask certain people for help if they get into trouble.

I agree with whomever said that cell phones are often more for the parents sake than for the kids.

[EFmom]

Originally Posted by BedHead

I am interested to hear what the repercussions of unlimited texting can be. My kids have had it for years and I'm not aware of anything.

There hasn't been much peer-reviewed research published to date, so the jury is still out on in that department.

My personal feelings come from observation. Dh teaches high school. He's got kids who are unable to communicate with any of their peers without machinery. He's got kids who want to write their assignments in text, rather than in English. While cell phones are banned in class, they are often smuggled in and used for cheating.

There's the sexting and the text-based bullying, which in recent years have skyrocketed in his school. I've heard the same things from parents of several of my kids' friends who have let their kids text their little brains out and are now starting to regret it. Yes, kids will bully other kids and do many other objectionable things cell phones or no, but there does seem to be something particularly enticing about doing it via text.

There's the opportunity cost, which is one of the things I find disturbing. If you've got your face in a keypad all day, you're missing out on a great deal of life. I chaperoned a group of sixth graders through a spectacular science museum. The texting fanatics didn't raise their eyes from their phones the entire trip. I think that's a waste.

[mild_adventurer]

Originally Posted by EFmom

There hasn't been much peer-reviewed research published to date, so the jury is still out on in that department.

My personal feelings come from observation. Dh teaches high school. He's got kids who are unable to communicate with any of their peers without machinery. He's got kids who want to write their assignments in text, rather than in English. While cell phones are banned in class, they are often smuggled in and used for cheating.

There's the sexting and the text-based bullying, which in recent years have skyrocketed in his school. I've heard the same things from parents of several of my kids' friends who have let their kids text their little brains out and are now starting to regret it. Yes, kids will bully other kids and do many other objectionable things cell phones or no, but there does seem to be something particularly enticing about doing it via text.

There's the opportunity cost, which is one of the things I find disturbing. If you've got your face in a keypad all day, you're missing out on a great deal of life. I chaperoned a group of sixth graders through a spectacular science museum. The texting fanatics didn't raise their eyes from their phones the entire trip. I think that's a waste.

:

I think your last paragraph is most salient.

I will also add that I believe that all children, teen or not, are happier, more content and more fulfilled when they're engaging in the world in ways that don't include their television, computer or cell phone. They're more curious, vibrant, optimistic, and ALIVE. Their lives are more experiential.

Also, I think we're starting to see some pretty interesting anecdotal evidence that teens who are "addicted to texting" or even those who maintain friendships largely through texting (and many of them do!) don't form social skills that allow them to maintain healthy relationships in real life.

[mamakims]

We bought our dd one last Christmas when she was 12 after nearly a year of humming and hawing over it. I'm so glad we did as we live downtown and she walks everywhere. It's nice to know I can reach her and she me when either of us needs to. If payphones weren't so non-existent nowadays I would probably not have gotten her one.
Her plan is about $17 a month for 200 daytime minutes and texting has been blocked. She has never once abused the cell phone privilege and we talked at length about the responsibilities of having a cell phone.
I think my peace of mind is very much worth the $17.

[~ Wonderful Life ~]

My 12 YO has ADHD and is generally irresponsible. But, we decided to take a chance and get him a phone and he has been incredibly responsible with it. He hasn't lost it, it's always charged, and he almost always has it on him.

For my sanity, I like to be able to get a hold of him whenever I want/need to. It's as much for me as it is for him!

[lindberg99]

My DD is 11 and was bugging us for one. My mom had a "pay as you go" phone that didn't get good reception at her house. I was visiting her and went and helped her pick out a new phone that actually works at her house. She gave me the old one since she had like $200 credit on it.

I kept that one and gave DD my old one (also a pay as you go). She has used it ZERO times since she's gotten it. So maybe get your DS a pay as you go and see if he actually uses it.

I can see the utility of a cell phone for kids. I remember getting back to the school from cross country meets and having to wait in line to call home and then not having any money so having to call collect, etc. My monthly collect calls probably cost as much as a cell phone bill.

I guess I'm showing my age here! There sure were no cell phones when I was in 7th grade. Actually I don't think my parents even got a touch tone phone until I was high school or maybe college. I didn't get a cell phone until my second child was born. And don't get me started about how old I was before I got cable....

[zacharysmom]

my 13 yr old has one and has for three years started with a pre paid one and after he proved he was able to follow the guidelines he is now piggy backed on my plan and as he only calls me cell to call is free and we share minuets or the very odd call to my mom it cost me nothing at all and the peice of mind and safety factor are priceless

[EFmom]

My 12 yo is in her first year of jr high, and so far, is settling in nicely. Yesterday, she told me that some of her friends who were excellent students in elementary school, aren't doing very well in jr. high. She said she thinks it's because they are spending all their time texting, rather than focusing on school.

[journeymom]

I realize that this thread is now two weeks old, but I'm going to drop my .02 anyway. I'm of the opinion that this is is as much for parents' peace of mind as for the kids'.

We got a cell phone for our daughter when she was 12 y.o. We have unlimited texting because my husband needs it for work. Because dd is generally responsible person we've had NO problems with her being on the phone when she shouldn't or texting when she shouldn't. So this is my perspective.

My girlfriend would have a different perspective and therefor would probably advise differently. Her daughter is a pathological cell phone user, like, till 3:00 am night after night, texting in class, etc. Whatever. 100 years ago this girl's social pathology would have demonstrated some other way.

To the OP, don't you think maybe your husband's wishes count most here? His son having a cell phone is going to ease his mind. I think that other kids out there use cell phones irresponsibly is utter irrelevant in this case.

[Mirzam]

Originally Posted by journeymom

I think that other kids out there use cell phones irresponsibly is utter irrelevant in this case.

This.