Slightly hurt and pretty confused

[jojobee]

I’m new here and lurk mostly but I kind of want to get this off of my chest. I have a 5 month old daughter whom I breastfeed. The first time my boyfriend and I went out for dinner with her she was two weeks old. As one would expect, she got hungry during the time we were at the restaurant. So I went to the bathroom to feed her. It was a cramped and uncomfortable experience. In addition to that, I felt rotten taking up one of only two stalls in the bathroom. I thought to myself, “Never again”. So I started to nurse her in public. My boyfriend and I are pretty active people and we take our daughter with us so consequently she’s been everywhere…the mall, outdoor concerts, picnics, fairs, restaurants, the train etc. Everywhere. And of course, she’s been breastfed everywhere too. Last week I met a friend out for coffee. We sat down and started to talk and my daughter started to get fussy. Well, I know what that means. So, I got a blanket out and started to throw it over my shoulder when my friend asked me, “You’re going to feed her? Right here in front of me?” When I told her that the baby was hungry and she needed to eat her eyes got really wide and she said she was horrified that I was going to do THAT in front of her. My friend said that just the other day she glared at a mother in Starbucks who was breastfeeding her baby. I pressed her a bit and asked her more about her feelings. She said thinks that breastfeeding is a really personal and intimate thing. Ok. But in the same breath she said that it’s really disgusting that another human eats from you. Oh. I asked her where she thought mothers should feed their hungry kids and she said that they should go to the bathroom or to the car. Oh. Needless to say, our visit didn’t last much longer as we were both visibly uncomfortable. I am very taken aback by this and don’t know how to feel about it. I really like this friend and I’m shocked that she had such a reaction. I’ve never really encountered any criticism while nursing in public. Then again, I’m not really looking for it either. But I think I would be better able to handle it from strangers (glaring at me in Starbucks, apparently!) than I can from a friend. I don’t know how to feel. Has anyone encountered breastfeeding/breastfeeding in public criticism from a friend?

[spughy]

I haven't, but I can imagine how it would feel.

I'm guessing your friend hasn't been around babies much? It sounds like she just hasn't thought about it very much, she's just reflecting the attitudes that she's been exposed to. Let her know that her views hurt you, and they hurt your baby - because they imply that HER desire to not see your breast (and seriously, why would that bother her? does she not see boobies if she goes swimming, or clothes shopping, or other typical things with other women???) overrides your baby's NEED to eat.

It's hard, and YOU should not have to justify doing something completely natural, good for your baby, AND accepted in MOST places on the planet. I'm sorry you're getting attitude like that.

[victoriaaustin]

Oh, that makes me sad! Poor you! Good for you for doing what's best for you and your baby.

If I were feeling kind, I might try to ask the friend more about why she thinks this way. Does she not know anyone else who BF? Does she have other friends/family who have babies? Was she BFed? It sounds like she has an unusually strong aversion, at least from my experience.

If I weren't feeling that patient, I would definitely put some distance between us and hope she came around eventually.

That's just sad. I'm sorry.

[jnet24]

When people are being rude about me breastfeeding or acting like breastmilk is gross.. I like to point out that they drink cows breastmilk on a daily basis. Shuts people up quick.

[craft_media_hero]

Well, don't stop nursing when you're around her!

I had family members who would be semi-critical, and I just ignored them. But I do remember feeling the sting of disapproval from people I cared about, and it hurt.

If the babe is hungry, the babe needs to eat! Either don't hang out with her or make it a non-issue----just nurse and keep the conversation moving to something else.

Sorry you had a bad experience with your friend, that sucks. But I do think that exposure is what breaks down the walls, so just know that you're doing the right thing to nurse your baby, and don't let anyone take away from that.

[sapphire_chan]

Good for you educating your friend!

One thing, very few strangers would ever be as rude to you as your friend was. So don't live in fear of someone else ranting and raving at you.

: Invite her over for dinner and set her place on the lid of your toilet. (The : means I'm making a suggestion to dream about, not necessarily to actually do.)

[Leta]

I was a 6 year old's birthday party (at McDs) a couple of weeks ago. I was nursing DS, and the birthday girl's sister said, "Leta, do you have to feed the baby HERE?"

I said yes, and she said, "Oh. Okay."

This girl is a teenager who has a moderate cognitive impairment and is developmentally delayed. (And, she had never seen anyone BF at all until me.)

And she's still a brighter bulb than your friend. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's the truth. On the emotional intelligence quotient, she realized right away that a) I wasn't freaked out about NIP, so b) maybe she shouldn't be either, and c) moms tend to see to the needs of their kids before the needs of others. And apparently, your friend is missing all this, which is a bummer. I'm sorry.

[jocelynr]

Sounds like you're really hurt! I would be too. I'm sorry it happened

[moonfirefaery]

I would have taken her to McDonald's, bought her a Big Mac, then told her to please eat it in the bathroom.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

I would have taken her to McDonald's, bought her a Big Mac, then told her to please eat it in the bathroom.

Just keep BF'ing. Your baby needs it, you need it, and no one else matters!

[russsk]

A friend said something just as horrible to me about bf, and it really stung. We didn't talk for months, because bf is something that is such a huge part of my life and I've put so much energy into it I felt like I couldn't shrug him off. (He also made the ridiculous "bodily fluids at the dinner table" analogy.) He's in law school and had to get all lawyerly on me too, telling me the ways in which a business owner would be perfectly justified in kicking me out despite laws protecting nursing. Ugh, just thinking about this makes me sick. We still chat occassionally, but I no longer consider him a friend (there are other things beside this one incident, but this was the worst) and I feel like I really don't know him anymore. Or I was mistaken when I thought I knew him.

I agree with a pp who said that you are unlikely to encounter this from strangers. I've had nothing but positive looks from people since I started nursing 18 months ago.

[The4OfUs]

I'm sorry your friend was so rude to you - you are absolutely doing the right thing.

Originally Posted by jnet24

When people are being rude about me breastfeeding or acting like breastmilk is gross.. I like to point out that they drink cows breastmilk on a daily basis. Shuts people up quick.

I LOVE this.

[Youngfrankenstein]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I know you don't question the breastfeeding part of things but how do you bridge the gap between something you KNOW is the best thing to someone who thinks it's "disgusting". You felt bad for no reason.

I'm not making fun of your friend, but does she realize how virtually every human since the beginning of time has stayed alive?

[2xy]

Originally Posted by jojobee

Has anyone encountered breastfeeding/breastfeeding in public criticism from a friend?

When my now ex-husband and I were very close to separating, we went out one night to have dinner and "talk things over." While we were at our table, a small family sat a few tables away. About 15 minutes into their time there, the mother quietly and discreetly hooked the baby up to nurse. I was giving her a mental high five.

About ten minutes later, ex-H noticed that the woman is nursing, and gets a look of disgust on his face. He said, "You know....do it at the library, or do it at the bus stop....but don't do it where I'm eating."

I was SHOCKED, considering I'd nursed both of my babies. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever nursed in public when he and I were together....we were homebodies and didn't go out much. But I was still surprised that he found nursing to be so gross that he couldn't even eat in its presence.

His attitude also did nothing for our attempts at reconciliation.

[vegemamato]

you can email her *this* link

[everything to one]

Originally Posted by jnet24

When people are being rude about me breastfeeding or acting like breastmilk is gross.. I like to point out that they drink cows breastmilk on a daily basis. Shuts people up quick.

i love this! ive said the same thing in response to ppl saying my toddler is too old to nurse (20 months!)- ive said that if you drink milk you breastfeed off a cow only you use a breast pump and drink it from a cup. and you are how old? i think it makes more sense to get it from your (human) mommy when you still dont have all your teeth and need the nutrition....!