Originally Posted by Jenalexcase
I do understand what everyone is saying the only problem I have with it is she isn't even married to him. I do understand that if they do decide to get married that she will be her stepmom but as of right now no she is not. I have had a lot of problems with this person because she lies to my daughter. I had a son back in Dec and the girlfriend told my daughter that that is not her brother but she tells her that her daughter is her sister. The girlfriend has also told my daughter that she has two mommys. I know to some people she does but my daughter is young and the girlfriend is just the girlfriend. To top it off I went to my daughters mothers day tea at her school in May and the girlfriend was there after I asked her to not to be. My daughter gave her my mother's day gift and she just took it. Maybe I am just worried too much!
Well, dp and I are not married, but we (myself, dp, dsd, dsd's mom, etc.) all consider me to be her stepmom. So, I think it is more emotional relation ship than legal relationship, KWIM.
However, she should obviously not be telling your dsd that your child is not her bro/sis and hers are, and I understand why you were hurt that she accpeted your mother's day gift and showed up for your mother's day tea. Do you know if perhaps dsd invited her and she just has a hard time saying no or knowing what to say to dsd without hurting her feelings? I'm trying to give her hte benefit of the doubt on those things, since it might not be that she is trying to upset you, but that she is trying NOT to upset your dsd. WHen dsd asked to call me mom, I had a hard time explaining why she couldn't, although we did do what a PP suggested and come up with another name instead.
My dsd says all the time that she has two moms and two dads and I don't think anybody's feeliings are hurt. Heck, I have heard dp (her dad) refer to dsd having two dads without batting an eye. She does, and he is grateful that her stepdad is somebody who she loves and is comfortable with and considers a parent.
I am curious how long your ex and his gf have been together. She sounds pretty involved to be a short-term thing.
It sounds to me like both of you are a little insecure in your positoins in dsd's life and are kind of battling for the "best mom/parent" role-and I don't mean this in a critical way, because I think this is a really common thing and I'm enve pretty sure that I was guilty of it when dp and I were fairly new
I would suggest keeping your dd out of the middle of things as much as possible, trying to be really nice to your dd's stepmom, and hoping that things calm down as she realizes you are not competing with her and hopefully she will reciprocate. Good luck again.