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inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel?

post #1 of 138
Thread Starter 
im a little unsure- my son is almost 5 and my daughter 3 1/2 papa and ds took a shower together then meme and dd took a shower. Im not sure how i feel, i sorta feel like its inappropriate but then i think its good because they will feel even more like they dont need to hide their bodies or feel ashamed. how would you feel?
post #2 of 138
It wouldn't bother me as long as it didn't bother the kids.
post #3 of 138
It would only bother me becuase I've seen my il's shower.lol I'm not sure they'd actually get clean.

Would you feel better about it if it was YOUR parents? If so then I'd examine why I'd be bothered because it was dh's parents.
post #4 of 138
I would be slightly bothered but I would also be bothered if it were my parents.
post #5 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
It wouldn't bother me as long as it didn't bother the kids.
:

I'd be fine with it with my parents or my MIL. Not so much my FIL, but there are other issues there...

-Angela
post #6 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
It wouldn't bother me as long as it didn't bother the kids.

That

And they are the grandparents, i wont even give it a second thought...
post #7 of 138
I wouldn't be bothered..
post #8 of 138
What was the context? That would make a big difference to me.

Everyone came back dirty from a hike in the woods, or chloriney from the pool and this was the efficient way to all get clean? Yeah, I'd be fine with it.
post #9 of 138
Wouldn't bother me.
post #10 of 138
It would definitely bother me if they hadn't asked for my permission first. And actually, I wouldn't allow it, and I'd feel uncomfortable with my kids showering with any adult besides my husband of myself.

However, I don't think there's anything wrong with it--as long as they ask for your permission first.
post #11 of 138
it'd gross me out.
post #12 of 138
I'd most likely be significantly bothered, but context as well as cultural factors would also make a difference to me...in addition to how my kids felt about it.
post #13 of 138
I'd be so freaked out it wouldn't be funny. So yeah, it would totally bother me.
post #14 of 138
My FIL? NO way. EEK! MIL, I don't know. Maybe?

My dad? Probably not. My mom? Totally cool.



Of course, I have a daughter, and so the whole idea of her showering with other MEN bothers me. Her daddy, I'm fine with but other than that.

As for my MIL? She has an issue with DD even saying vagina or vulva opposed to "privates" or some other made up name. So, I just don't think that's a situation I want to expose my DD to, the whole misplaced impropriety and modesty thing.
post #15 of 138
I'd be uncomfortable if my child showered with an adult other than me or DH.
post #16 of 138
That would make me extremely uncomfortable and I can't think of a single situation where it would be a reasonable thing to do (and I mean this only in the context of MY family and DS' grandparents, YMMV!).
post #17 of 138
I would be entirely uncomfortable with my children showering naked with anyone else. There's no need. Actually, I would simply stop all visits to the inlaws unless I was there.

I know too many people who have been molested....

And...I think little ones are too shy to say if it bothers them to be in such close proximity with nude people. I HATED it at that age but I was too shy to say anything to anyone.
post #18 of 138

entirely inappropriate!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverSky View Post
I would be entirely uncomfortable with my children showering naked with anyone else. There's no need. Actually, I would simply stop all visits to the inlaws unless I was there.

I know too many people who have been molested....

i cannot agree with this post more.


that would be a HUGE RED FLAG.

ftr, my children do not and will not spend the night with fam or friends until *much* older, and only if its' someone i trust inexpicably not to abuse my child and i knew for a solid fact no one would be dropping by when my child was there. i don't trust many people, not that i think that everyone is a child abuser, just that many people are oblivious to these things and therefore do not have good judgment of other people. imo, that is yet another reason why so many children do end up molested. the obliviousness of adults (who are supposed to protect them) to the possibilities of their child or children in their care being abused.

eta2: for example, i trust my mom not to sexually/physically abuse my children, but i do not trust her judgment of *other* peoples character/intentions. therefore, i do not allow my mother to babysit. who knows what weirdos in my family could stop by and take advantage of my mom being out of the room for a couple minutes to molest my daughter/son. sounds harsh, but it's the world we live in. and i know all too well the damage it does.

eta: not saying the op is oblivious, just making a statement in general.
post #19 of 138
Whoa! Some people here are really quick to leap to the abuse topic, when it sounds like it was just grandpa + grandson and then grandma + granddaughter having showers. Of course everyone has their own comfort level with nudity, etc., and that needs to be respected by all sides. However, adults and children being nude together does not always lead to molestation, which is an important point to keep in mind.

I'm not a nudist/naturist type, but I do live in a country where people strip down and change into their swimming suits right in the open on the beach, and kids change into their PE clothes at school in mixed groups until they're pretty old. Also, ads frequently show nude bodies without any artful covering. Just because the naked human body is more visually accessible here doesn't mean there is any more molestation, though.

In this situation you really have to use your own judgement, based on your own feelings about it, how your kids reacted, whether you trust the ILs or not, etc. Some of the pps sound like they have good reason not to trust their relatives; I'd hesitate to act the same way as they do without good reason of my own.
post #20 of 138
I would have wanted to be asked and then I would think about it. Like a PP said it would depend on the context (were they there for a week, etc.) If bathing was part of the expected activities or related to actual mess, I'd lean more towards 'okay' and if it seemed to come out of the blue I'd lean more towards 'no'.

I don't think kids are any more likely to be abused by the showering together than they are naked with an adult at the side of the tub*, and the way it was done doesn't sound creepy to me from a tiny amount of info over the 'net.

All that said though, if you are uncomfortable with it, then you are: I'd communicate that nicely but directly and let them know how you'd prefer to handle it in the future.

*ETA: Like with a grownup clothed giving a bath.
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