or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel? - Page 6

post #101 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookGoddess View Post
I'd be uncomfortable if my child showered with an adult other than me or DH.
Yep, that's totally my thought. My parents, his parents- I'd not be okay with it at all.
post #102 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by journeymom View Post
Ummm, yes, exactly. To each their own.

====================================

Listen, you wild and free Europeans and people who have no problem with their children bathing with the g-parents:

Good for you!

Looks like many of the the moms here are not comfortable with their children bathing with the grandparents. I think it's the culture. It's the way we were raised. No one said the naked body is nasty or dirty. I don't think anyone's talking about shame or whatnot. It's just private. If I'd been raised in a different culture I'd think differently about it, probably. It's no skin off your nose, is it?
Right...
I am European, and got mildly flamed on the thread because I said I wouldn't be comfortable with it, and now another European gets mildly flamed because she is comfortable with it.


post #103 of 138
I wouldn't be concerned, with my inlaws. they are really like my own family, I trust them completely. However, if you do not feel comfortable with it, then you have every right to ask them to stop doing that. Trust your instincts.
post #104 of 138
I've only read page 1--

I shower with DD every day for convenience, but I expect I won't do that anymore after Baby2 comes along. It's already getting hard enough to move around in there.

DD has seen both grandmothers changing clothes and getting out of the shower-- no big deal. However, she's only 2.5....even at 2.5, I would probably prefer that she only actually *shower* with me.

IMO, there's no good reason why a 5 yo should be showering with anyone else (maybe there are extenuating circumstances here?). There's not much room for me in my shower with a toddler-- how are a grown man and a child sharing? that would be too close for comfort for me, and I would not want to risk putting my child in an uncomfortable situation.

I don't think it's a big deal, but it's not something I would personally encourage or allow.

ETA-- My concerns would not be with inappropriate behavior, only with establishing personal boundaries.
post #105 of 138
For me, it depends on teh layout of the shower.

If it were at our swim club, and it was a big family shower or a communal shower, then maybe. My FIL is a little weird about nakedness - he seems to want to impose his nakedness on people who don't want to see it - so I would be worried about *him* personally making DS1 feel squicked out, but too shy to say anything about it. I would be OK with DSs showering in a communal setting with other men including relatives, etc. as long as they were OK with it.

BUT I would not be OK with squeezing FIL (or any other adult) into a tub-sized or single stall shower with my DSs. That's just too close for comfort, IMO. Seeing the nakedness is one thing, but touching (which would definitely happen in close quarters like that) I am not at all cool with.
post #106 of 138
It wouldn't bother me if my ex inlaws did it, my current in laws feel strange to me though, lol. I don't even let them babysit. My dd used to jump in the shower with my mom all of the time....my mom would get up extra early because she prefers to shower alone.....dd would wake up to the sound of the shower and strip and jump in. She was so used to showering with me in the mornings that it was just automatic to her. Annoyed the crap out of my mom though, lol. She has one of those small square showers.
post #107 of 138
I'll start off by saying that I'm a nudist. I wear clothes as rarely as possible - I keep sarongs near the front door in case the doorbell rings. Nudity itself is not an issue for me - it's how I was raised, and how I intend to raise my children (still working on DH with this one).

That being said, it really depends on the person and the setting. In a bathtub the size of the one we have now (tiny), no one but me or DH... too much touching. But in a bathtub the size of the one where I grew up (huge) - you could fit half a dozen people in that thing without touching or a communal style shower like often seen in campgrounds or gyms... less of an issue for me.

But I still wouldn't be comfortable if my parents were to bathe with my child, or if my grandmother did, for that matter. But my mother (deceased) or my 2nd mom - no problem. And like several people have mentioned - that has to do with the people themselves, and nothing else.
post #108 of 138
Personally I'd be really uncomfortable but a key question for your husband is: did his parents shower with him when he was your kids' ages? How old was he when it stopped? Was there anything creepy to him about it?

If they did it with your husband and he felt it was appropriate, then maybe it isn't so creepy. But if they never did it with him, why your kids and why now?

Did you ask your kids how they felt about it? Did you ask them to tell you about it?

Seems to me maybe gather some more information and then decide how youf eel. At the end of the day they're your kids and you and your husband need to be comfy with where they go and what they do and who they're with. If this still bothers you - you need to voice that and ask that it not happen again. Maybe just say "We're trying to teach them that their naked bodies are only for them and that adults shouldn't be naked with children, so please don't do that again" which makes it more about what you're teaching them and not about being creeped out by your inlaws.
post #109 of 138
I would not be comfortable with it but I wouldn't make a big deal about either. I would just tell them I wasn't comfortable with anyone showering with my kids. At 5 I didn't even want the babysitter, their dad ect in the bathroom with them and they wanted privacy too.
post #110 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
I would not be comfortable with it but I wouldn't make a big deal about either. I would just tell them I wasn't comfortable with anyone showering with my kids. At 5 I didn't even want the babysitter, their dad ect in the bathroom with them and they wanted privacy too.
So what would happen if their dad was home with them and the 5yo had diarrhea and needed some help? Was he not allowed to go into the bathroom to help?

I'm really stunned at the viewpoint of most of this thread. Again, do the rest of you never go swimming? Because there are always naked people in the change rooms at the pools we go to.
post #111 of 138
Well #1 my kids are never in a changing room with a lot of naked strangers without me there. And #2 those rooms are big and no one is naked right up against my kid. Most people's showers are not some giant shower room and the idea of my kid being naked with another adult - even their grandparent - in a shower is just creepy to me, and apparently to a lot of other people too.

But to each their own - if you're cool with it, that's cool too. But it is not at all the same as being in a public changing room, for the above reasons.
post #112 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookGoddess View Post
I'd be uncomfortable if my child showered with an adult other than me or DH.
Exactly! And since I do not like my MIL-there would be HUGE problems after that. I also don't like the idea of him showering with my Mother either though.
post #113 of 138
see, part of why it don't mind with my kids is that growing up we were not encouraged to be comfortable with our bodies (not talking about them, seeing them, etc) and so by the time I was aware enough to be uncomfortable, I was really uncomfortable at pools, locker rooms, etc.

I would like to normalize it a bit for my children so that it is not such a big deal, and maybe they will not be as uncomfortable with their bodies as they mature.

Of course, so much of this depends on the age of the child as well as their feelings. Of course, if they are uncomfortable with it then I would discourage it... and also if I had concerns about the grandparents.
post #114 of 138
Sorry,but I've been obsessively coming back to see an update OP what was the context? Was this normal for your DH growing up? Please!!
post #115 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
So what would happen if their dad was home with them and the 5yo had diarrhea and needed some help? Was he not allowed to go into the bathroom to help?

.
they are rarely alone with their dad and never really have been (bad stuff, not married any more, especially the little has never spent any significant alone time with him. if they had a really close relationship I would feel differently. but he has never ever ever helped them with baths) But my oldest dd would help the baby in the bath if she neeeded it in an instance that I was not there. I can't stop him from going in there but I think she would rather her sister help her than someone else. (I just asked her and she said, without hesitating, that she would prefer her sister help her.)

Like I said I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I would just tell them I wasn't comfortablee with it.

locker rooms etc - there really aren't naked people at the pools around here. the health club we went to had private family changing rooms and no one changes clothes at the public pool. you come and leave in your suit....but if you did chasnge you would go into a curtained off changing area and wouoldn't change right out in public. not that I would care, other people can be as naked as they want so long as they aren't in the shower touching my naked child.
post #116 of 138
Hasn't anyone else noticed that the OP never came back to this thread?
post #117 of 138
My MIL, my mom and my sister have all showered with my DD. My FIL took DD and DS swimming at the "Splash and Play" for preschoolers once a week until June, when DD was 5 and 4 months. They all changed together in the "family" changing rooms, which are one large room, per family, there are 5 total. Knowing FIL, I'm sure he tried to be discreet, he is very private, but wouldn't let the changing room prevent him from spending time with DD. This is a non-issue for me. Ironically, the "European" side of my family (my Dad was born and raised in Scotland) is the more conservative in regards to nudity. My "run of the mill, midwestern" American family (mom and MIL) are OK with nudity, and my FIL is pretty cautious.
post #118 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
Hasn't anyone else noticed that the OP never came back to this thread?
I keep checking back to see what she has decided.
post #119 of 138
No way. Nope. Never.

Why would this be necessary? If it were about "efficiency" then why not let the adults take a quick shower together, then give the kids a bath together?
post #120 of 138
Thread Starter 
wow i never knew i would open such a big thread on this topic. thanks though because i really feel better knowing im not the only one who thinks its a little strange. My kids are SUPER close with their meme and poppy they go to their house weekly for hours at a time and have since birth. the relationship is strong and though my kids run around naked and swim naked bathing with their naked grandparents seems out of place. My fil was mollested as a child which worries me a bit, but at the same time i am 98% sure he would never. So anyway thats not teh issue. the issue is just that i think its strange to see them naked, or be in the room while they are peeing. espically because my son came home telling me poppy is "giant" and my daughter told me meme's vagina is "hairy".

anyway how do i even presue this subject with them without coming off a a bitch?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel?