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inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel? - Page 2

post #21 of 138
I grew up camping and farming with my grandparents. We did all girl showers and all boy showers. It was quicker. With short water supply you do what you do.5 people would get bathed in 10-15 minutes verses 5 5minute showers and having to send a kid back in.

We also did same sex showers after working on the farm. Seriously after spending a day or two down on the same farm with my own children I appreciated more my grandparents efficient behavior.

Some people have reasons to not trust their parents or in-laws. In the same situation I would trust my in-laws and my dad, his side of the family. I would not trust my mom and her husband (body issues) but I would trust grandparents and other relatives on her side of the family.


What is the difference from the grandparents being in the shower with them verses just watching them on the side? It goes back to if you do not trust them why are you allowing the visits?
post #22 of 138
Holy moly, you just made me picture my IL's naked.

FIL no way. MIL - it wouldn't thrill me. I would be uncomfortable with it. I can't exactly explain why. I don't picture ds being comfortable with it either. As is, he has informed me that he will only shower with dh.
post #23 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookGoddess View Post
I'd be uncomfortable if my child showered with an adult other than me or DH.
This...but it's not about molestation at all...it's just something my parents wouldn't do. I'm not sure how it would even come up. (I don't have in-laws)
post #24 of 138
This is not a flame, but it really surprises me that so many MDC mamas view naked bodies as inappropriate or dirty.

It would not bother me at all for my kids to have bathed with close relatives when they were little.
post #25 of 138
Wouldn't bother me at all. My dd's only 2, so I don't know at what age it would start to bother me. Probably at the same age that it started to bother dd.
post #26 of 138
I don't think naked bodies are dirty. Inappropriate, certainly, depending on the situation.

I come from a very private family. Exceedingly, extremely private. Therefore, if I found out my dad had showered with my son I would be 100% sure that my father had lost his mind. If my mother showered with a hypothetical daughter, I would feel the same way. It's just something my family would NEVER do. *I* never showered or bathed with my parents, if they did it with my kids, I would think something was up. Not molestation, but some sort of temporary insanity!

My ILs, while they break every other boundary in the book, would never shower or bathe *with* their grandkids. Just not their style. That's why this would raise real red flags for me.

Also, in that scenario, I can't imagine ANYONE being comfortable-- neither my son nor the grandparent he had bathed with. So it would be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved. If your family is cool with nakedness, then that's a different story, obviously.
post #27 of 138
My husband's family is Finnish and he grew up sitting naked in sauna's with his grandparents, uncles, and cousins. Same for the girls (only with grandmas, aunts, girl cousins). So for me it would be a normal part of life.

That said, like GuildJenn said (whose posts I love) if you are uncomfortable with it OP then you are and that is cool. I just would be polite and gentle in explaining you prefer to do the bathing yourself.
post #28 of 138
I would not be comfortable with that. Not because I think naked bodies are dirty (not at all, I also live in a country where nudity in commercials and on the beach isn't a big issue), however, I *do* think there is a time and a place for being naked.

Imho, if children are getting too comfortable about being naked or being around naked people, it will be very difficult for them to judge certain situations.
For example: it would be OK to be with naked grandpa under the shower, but not with naked sports teacher => how to make that distinction?

I think this is something that is very personal, depends a lot on how one has grown up (I come from a very private family) and there is no "right" or "wrong" way.
post #29 of 138
I'd be totally fine with my mom or grandmother showering with DS. Not so much my dad or IL's.
post #30 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
It wouldn't bother me as long as it didn't bother the kids.
I agree. I totally trust my stepmom/dad and my FIL. However, they aren't the types to do this sort of thing anyway.

As a teenager I dated a guy whose parents were raising his sister's kids and they all shared baths to save on water. They took them together while young and as they got older one would take a bath, get out and another would get in and although I thought that type of bathing was weird (dirty water already getting cold) I didn't really care.
post #31 of 138
My mom has taken baths and showers with my kids, and I wouldn't care if my partner's mom did the same (nor his dad, if he were still alive). I doubt they would simply because THEY are/were modest and picky about seeing the kids naked, but it would have been fine with me.

Nudity's just nudity, it's no big deal. As long as everyone involved is comfortable, anything goes.
post #32 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandravb79 View Post
however, I *do* think there is a time and a place for being naked.
If that time and place isn't in the shower/bathtub, when is it? I'm genuinely confused.
post #33 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoraP View Post
Whoa! Some people here are really quick to leap to the abuse topic, when it sounds like it was just grandpa + grandson and then grandma + granddaughter having showers. Of course everyone has their own comfort level with nudity, etc., and that needs to be respected by all sides. However, adults and children being nude together does not always lead to molestation, which is an important point to keep in mind.

I'm not a nudist/naturist type, but I do live in a country where people strip down and change into their swimming suits right in the open on the beach, and kids change into their PE clothes at school in mixed groups until they're pretty old. Also, ads frequently show nude bodies without any artful covering. Just because the naked human body is more visually accessible here doesn't mean there is any more molestation, though.

In this situation you really have to use your own judgement, based on your own feelings about it, how your kids reacted, whether you trust the ILs or not, etc. Some of the pps sound like they have good reason not to trust their relatives; I'd hesitate to act the same way as they do without good reason of my own.
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post #34 of 138
It wouldnt' bother me.
post #35 of 138
Quote:
I come from a very private family. Exceedingly, extremely private. Therefore, if I found out my dad had showered with my son I would be 100% sure that my father had lost his mind. If my mother showered with a hypothetical daughter, I would feel the same way. It's just something my family would NEVER do. *I* never showered or bathed with my parents, if they did it with my kids, I would think something was up. Not molestation, but some sort of temporary insanity!
SAME!

No one ever taught me or tried to teach me that my body was "dirty" or "wrong" or "shameful" but my parents (and grandparents, actually) were very big on - it is yours, it is special because it is yours and it is private. And I'm totally down with that. What other people want to do is their business but no, I would not be cool if my in laws (especially MY in laws who hardly know me, hardly know my daughter, and have boundry issues - mostly in wanting to be way too involved and dominating in the lives of the grandchildren they are closer to, and wanting to substitute their judgment for the parents' in far too many situations, and who would do or allow, oh about a MILLION things I wouldn't do or allow) decided to shower with my child. I would, in fact, be PISSED. I'm not saying everyone should or would react the same way, but I would be BEYOND myself livid.
post #36 of 138
I wouldn't be ok with it. Not thinking about abuse, I just don't think seeing their grandparents in the nude would be a memory I (or my kids) would be happy to have.

I don't even want to think about seeing my parents naked at their (and my) age. I see it as a matter of boundaries and respect.

I understand each family is different... this is how I would feel about ours.
post #37 of 138
I'd prefer they didn't, but I wouldn't assume abuse or anything like that was happening. Just that they didn't have an understanding of my boundaries.
post #38 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
If that time and place isn't in the shower/bathtub, when is it? I'm genuinely confused.
Shower/ bath tub is a place to be naked.
Shower/ bath tub with a naked grandparent in it, is not, imho.

But thank you on "catching" me while expressing myself in a wrong way in my fourth language.
post #39 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
This is not a flame, but it really surprises me that so many MDC mamas view naked bodies as inappropriate or dirty.

It would not bother me at all for my kids to have bathed with close relatives when they were little.
I don't know that it'd be overly bothersome for me if my kids showered with their grandparents, but I don't see the use in making it sound like anyone who has a problem with it just has hang-ups about nudity. It's fine, IMO, for parents to be in charge of setting rules about who should and shouldn't be naked with their kids -- seems pretty reasonable to me.
post #40 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylizah View Post
*I* never showered or bathed with my parents, if they did it with my kids, I would think something was up. Not molestation, but some sort of temporary insanity!
See, I never remember showering or bathing with my parents, either . . . but my mom has done it with my kids because *I* do it with my kids. Just like she sleeps with them when they spend the night at her house . . . because they liked it and felt comfortable with it, not because it was something she did with me as a child.
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