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inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel? - Page 3

post #41 of 138
My in-laws do... they have a hot tub, and after they go swimming they have a shower... boys together and then the girls together.... I have no problem with that. In fact I like the idea of my kids seeing different bodies at a variety of ages with safe loving people.

If/when my kids are uncomfortable with it... then I will respect that and it will cease to happen.
post #42 of 138
I'd be shocked if any of the grandparents did that, but it's because of who they are. I can't even remotely imagine either of my in-laws being naked in front of my kids. I wouldn't be comfortable with my dad doing such a thing, because I personally think he's developed some strange attitudes about nudity as he's aged (and we did bathe with him or mom when we were little). My mom is the only one that I can even remotely imagine doing that, and it's only remotely. She's pretty laid back about nudity, and has had one grandchild sleep in her room during an overnight visit, knowing he may climb in with her (he was about 2.5 or 3). However, I don't think she'd do the shower thing.

OTOH, my kids take baths, and dd1, at least, seems to have inherited my "thing" about showers and getting her face wet. So, I'd be upset, because there is no scenario in which I can imagine dd1 having a shower without being forced into it and at least somewhat emotionally traumatized by it.
post #43 of 138
I wouldn't be comfortable with it, and both my 6yo and 3yo are perfectly capable of showering by themselves.
post #44 of 138
Wouldn't be comfortable with it. It's summertime- the kids can be hosed down outside.
post #45 of 138
It wouldn't bother me. As long as it didn't bother ds. (although he's only 2 and hates the shower)
post #46 of 138
In my Stepmother's culture it's normal to have same sex community baths where you might have a stranger helping you scrub your back. Growing up we've bathed together and I've bathed with my two half-brothers (who are 12 and 14 years younger than me) and stopped when they got too curious. I don't ever recall Grandparents bathing with the kids unless it was at a community bath.

My in-laws are of a culture that doesn't do that and I think I would totally be weirded out if they bathed with my DD.

Personally, regardless of cultural or family norms I would not like anyone but myself or my DH to bathe together with my DD.
post #47 of 138
My grandmother used to shower with us, I thought it was fun because she would sing to us.

I wouldn't have a problem with it, especially if they were close and there were no underlying issues or history of abuse.

Like the pps said, lots of cultures have much looser rules about nudity, and I doubt there's more molestation in those cultures.
post #48 of 138
If my MIL did it, it wouldn't bother me. Even if DD didn't need a shower I know how hard it can be to take a shower yourself and watch her. It's just easier to coral her in the shower with you.
post #49 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by BookGoddess View Post
I'd be uncomfortable if my child showered with an adult other than me or DH.
I agree with the above.
post #50 of 138
DH & I take family showers with DS. I see that continuing until he can shower himself. I think I would be uncomfortable with my parents showering with DS and I would be MASSIVELY uncomfortable with IL's doing it and would think they lost their darn minds. I don't think nudity is a big deal, but the showering thing makes me uncomfortable.
post #51 of 138
My parents have a hot tub. I'd be ticked if they DIDN'T shower with my kids afterwards and rinse the chemicals away. But the kids take most of their showers and baths alone there now.

It totally depends upon the context of the story too. I mean, if two creepy old people I don't have much contact with were leering at my kids and couldn't wait to get my kids naked in a tub then, yes. That's a problem.

But if two loving grandparents noticed my kids were dirty and thought they needed help washing their hair or whatever, then no. I don't have a problem with that.

I would also love for my kids to see two older healthy adults and their bodies so they have a better idea of what normal looks like and that old age is nothing to fear. It's going to happen to us all, if we're lucky enough.
post #52 of 138
I wouldn't be comfortable. Giving him a bath while they were clothed is A-OK.
post #53 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
:

I'd be fine with it with my parents or my MIL. Not so much my FIL, but there are other issues there...

-Angela
This is exactly how I feel. I would be really surprised though because MIL is not at all like that. They barely even hug or kiss in thier family.
Not the type of person to shower with anyone. She calls girl parts a picky?????
FIL yuck but other things at work there.
My parents I wouldn't be bothered in the least.
post #54 of 138
I don't think it would bother me.

I shower with my youngest two almost every day.

My mom has showered with a kid or two at times, and in no way did it bother me (in fact, when she's visiting it's more like "would you please take him with you in the shower to give me a break?!" )

I guess if I trust an IL with caring for my kids, showering with them likely wouldn't be a big deal.
post #55 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I don't know that it'd be overly bothersome for me if my kids showered with their grandparents, but I don't see the use in making it sound like anyone who has a problem with it just has hang-ups about nudity. It's fine, IMO, for parents to be in charge of setting rules about who should and shouldn't be naked with their kids -- seems pretty reasonable to me.
But...it's their grandparents. It's not like the teenage babysitter you use once every three months is showering with the kids. I dunno....I just don't see what's so icky about my parents being nude with my kids. Jeez....I came out of my mother's body.

For those who send their kids to school (or plan to), are you going to be upset when your kids are made to get naked with all their classmates after gym, with a teacher watching? That started in 7th grade, for me. Far ickier than soaking in the ofuro with my grandma when I was four.
post #56 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2two babes View Post
This is exactly how I feel. I would be really surprised though because MIL is not at all like that. They barely even hug or kiss in thier family.
Not the type of person to shower with anyone. She calls girl parts a picky?????
FIL yuck but other things at work there.
My parents I wouldn't be bothered in the least.
What's a "picky"? I've never heard that term! I'm not sure that calling the vulva "girl parts" is actually superior, however.

For me, it would totally depend on the context and on the relationship.

It's interesting that people are so quick to say "Naked = molestation!" when it seems to me that kids who are comfortable with their bodies and those of others and who feel empowered and listened to are less at risk of being abused, and if they are, they'll be more likely to seek help.
post #57 of 138
Inlaws showering with my kids-how would you feel?

I would be pissed-off and it would never happen again. That is inappropriate.

============

Edited to add a few thoughts.

If you feel fine with the question posed, please don't get after the moms here who are not fine with it. A couple of moms said abuse is a concern for them, and they have a legitimate reason. But most did not claim abuse, they claimed family differences. It's merely a cultural difference, and I hope you can be as tolerant of that point of view as you want others to tolerate your point of view.

You can only answer for yourself.


Like others have said, within my culture and my family, it would be inappropriate, because that's not our habit. Like others here have said, I wouldn't think 'abuse' but I'd surely think some other mental health issue was up, if my parents or inlaws showered with either of my kids. The question was, how would I feel about it? I'd be upset and concerned.
post #58 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
But...it's their grandparents. It's not like the teenage babysitter you use once every three months is showering with the kids. I dunno....I just don't see what's so icky about my parents being nude with my kids. Jeez....I came out of my mother's body.
My point was not that everyone should think it's icky for non-parents to shower with kids. I just don't see a need for anyone to imply that parents who don't wish for anyone else to shower with their kids are just prudes who think all nudity is dirty.
post #59 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by signingmamma View Post
That
And they are the grandparents, i wont even give it a second thought...



that's a quote, too.

yep, me, too..... if I had them. my father takes baths with mine and my niece. It's really cute to see ( he covers up when we go in!)
post #60 of 138
I guess I just can't see a possible situation where it would be appropriate for MY in-laws or mother to shower with my children. I can see them giving the kids a bath if they got really messy and have no problem with that, but to get in with them is a whole nother matter.

For what it's worth, the grandparents (all three of them) would never take my kids hiking on their own or to the pool. The messiest they'd get is by playing in the backyard or by eating, and then the grandparents should be clean (none of them will play in the dirt with them.)
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