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inlaws showering wiht my kids-how would you feel? - Page 5

post #81 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I think we actually were "required" (not sure, because I totally avoided the changerooms, as mentioned above), but I still didn't do it. There's no way in hell I'd let a teacher force me to get naked, yk? And, I still can't imagine any reason for a teacher to be standing there while I stripped.
We were required too, and I did it because I was very passive, but I felt sick about it like it wasn't right. There were lots of horrid comments about certain people and who had what and who didn't. It was a very vulnerable and wrong thing IMO.

My daughter is almost 14 and last year when she entered JH I told her straight out "If they make you shower you have my permission to refuse" because she would have rather walked in front of a truck than get naked in front of her classmates just based on her very private personality. I was ready to go head to head with the school on it if I had to. Luckily someone came to their senses when they built this new JH because they don't have to shower and the showers have curtains- one shower one kid at a time.

And on the topic at hand, I think in general in America (culturally big generalization here) it is probably odd to shower WITH your grandkids, esp both grandparents. I would have been humiliated and felt sexually abused by it if it had happened, because like I said above I never questioned adults and wouldn't have felt like I could have refused. I remember parents of my friends after going swimming insisting that I "just change it's just us girls" and feeling violated by it and trapped with no choice over my own body.

Some of us (I've been this way since all the way back and my mom is basically a nudist so it wasn't upbringing- more like personality) just aren't comfortable with the everyone get nakey together stuff. I'm actually totally fine if anyone else wants to be naked- but I don't want to. It's not gross, it's just well IMO uncomfortable and it makes me feel bad inside. I do not like it.
post #82 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
If we didn't shower after PE and pool (which we had to take in order to graduate), we failed. End of story. The teachers were in the locker room to watch and make sure everyone did.
I would think that in todays school climate where teachers are discouraged from even hugging students (and in some cases outright forbidden to do so) that a teacher watching students shower would be the last thing a school district would want to deal with. I would be interested to know if there is anywhere that this still happens.
post #83 of 138
Umm many of you have issues with that, is that an American thing??? Heck, I don't know and I dont want to offend. But I'm European so that may be the deal

it's not like the kids are bathing with strangers, the grandparents are family. I find it curious that several say that they find it ok with their own mothers but not with MIL, um mil is the grandma too

This is definately an American thing, becuase none of the parents I know are like this, oh well to each their own...
post #84 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
If we didn't shower after PE and pool (which we had to take in order to graduate), we failed. End of story. The teachers were in the locker room to watch and make sure everyone did.
Bizarre! I never showered in school except after swimming. And even then all the girls wore their suits.

Now I'm very curious if OP's family/culture is the kind that grandparents showering with kids is normal.
post #85 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by camracrazy View Post
I would think that in todays school climate where teachers are discouraged from even hugging students (and in some cases outright forbidden to do so) that a teacher watching students shower would be the last thing a school district would want to deal with. I would be interested to know if there is anywhere that this still happens.
It was in Indiana and when my brother graduated from the same high school last year it was the same.
post #86 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal_R View Post
It was in Indiana and when my brother graduated from the same high school last year it was the same.

Wow, and no one has ever complained?

What is the reasoning behind showering or failing? Is it a health and hygiene class?

Luckily the one year I took gym I was exempt from most of the strenous sports because my asthma was bad at the time. My best friend in class with me had bad knees, so we just walked laps and chatted. We didn't get too stinky doing that!
post #87 of 138
I would be completely icked out if anyone other than me or DH showered with our kiddos.
post #88 of 138
I think that is extremely inappropriate and I would be infuriated.
post #89 of 138
My mom and I have an open-door relationship with eachother, and so dd has also been around my om in the bathtub. The last few times we've visited (maybe 3-4 times a year), dd has asked if she ould take a bath with grandma-- I'm totally fine with it and don't find anything icky about it. Dd likes to have someone in there to make her floaty/sticky spaceship men talk to her, etc.- it's just more fun.
post #90 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
But...it's their grandparents. It's not like the teenage babysitter you use once every three months is showering with the kids. I dunno....I just don't see what's so icky about my parents being nude with my kids. Jeez....I came out of my mother's body.

For those who send their kids to school (or plan to), are you going to be upset when your kids are made to get naked with all their classmates after gym, with a teacher watching? That started in 7th grade, for me. Far ickier than soaking in the ofuro with my grandma when I was four.
I would have a problem with that big time. Luckily that dosnt happen here. They do have gym but no one showers after. We used the shower stalls to hide in and change clothes when I was in school. We didnt have vigorous gym though. Maybe play a little basketball or have to walk around the gym floor a few times. I never noticed a single person with BO or even anyone breaking a sweat for that matter Just the thought of my teenage self having to get undressed in front of others even to just my undies makes me want to cry. I would have failed for sure had that been the case. The showers actually never worked in the girls room no idea about the boys dressing room.

I cant ever see the op thing happening since both sets of gparents are very conservative. I would be more ok with it if it where my parents than dh's
post #91 of 138
I'd be pretty bothered by it, especially if they're not asking you if it's ok first.
post #92 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xy View Post
There were one or two stalls with curtains, which were intended for menstruating girls to use.
That's why some had curtains!
post #93 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by signingmamma View Post
Umm many of you have issues with that, is that an American thing??? Heck, I don't know and I don't want to offend. But I'm European so that may be the deal

it's not like the kids are bathing with strangers, the grandparents are family. I find it curious that several say that they find it ok with their own mothers but not with MIL, um mil is the grandma too

This is definitely an American thing, because none of the parents I know are like this, oh well to each their own...
Ummm, yes, exactly. To each their own.

====================================

Listen, you wild and free Europeans and people who have no problem with their children bathing with the g-parents:

Good for you!

Looks like many of the the moms here are not comfortable with their children bathing with the grandparents. I think it's the culture. It's the way we were raised. No one said the naked body is nasty or dirty. I don't think anyone's talking about shame or whatnot. It's just private. If I'd been raised in a different culture I'd think differently about it, probably. It's no skin off your nose, is it?
post #94 of 138
I think it would have been better if they had bathed the kids or showered the kids without the grandparents being nude as well.

What if it was the babysitter? IDK, In my world, only my husband and I should be naked around our children.

Of course I don't know any other info about you, OP. perhaps your in-laws are from another country where nudity is no big deal.

I think the bigger deal for me would be to figure out their train of thought. Was it because it was easier to do this way? Save water? What's the reason?
post #95 of 138
I'm not sure this is something that you can have others guide you on what is "normal" - did your gut tell you that something wasn't right about it? For some families it would be normal, for some definately not.
post #96 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by camracrazy View Post
Wow, and no one has ever complained?

What is the reasoning behind showering or failing? Is it a health and hygiene class?

Luckily the one year I took gym I was exempt from most of the strenous sports because my asthma was bad at the time. My best friend in class with me had bad knees, so we just walked laps and chatted. We didn't get too stinky doing that!
When I was in 8th grade, I was suspended from school twice for refusing to change clothes in front of my gym teacher. I had some serious body issues (which I don't think is that unusual for someone in junior high) and I simply did not want to be naked in front of a bunch of girls I didn't know or my teacher. I subsequently failed the class and was removed from the gifted program for a semester (because of my failing grade), and I was prohibited from going on my class trip to New York City (which I had helped lead the fundraiser to pay for). I was devastated...

I think with some schools/teachers it is really about some sort of power trip, and a "you're going to follow the rules or else" mentality.
post #97 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by spicyrock View Post
When I was in 8th grade, I was suspended from school twice for refusing to change clothes in front of my gym teacher. I had some serious body issues (which I don't think is that unusual for someone in junior high) and I simply did not want to be naked in front of a bunch of girls I didn't know or my teacher. I subsequently failed the class and was removed from the gifted program for a semester (because of my failing grade), and I was prohibited from going on my class trip to New York City (which I had helped lead the fundraiser to pay for). I was devastated...

I think with some schools/teachers it is really about some sort of power trip, and a "you're going to follow the rules or else" mentality.
OMG I'm so sorry that happened to you. I just don't get the mentality that a teacher MUST watch. What purpose does it serve? The only thing I could think of was if there were kids that were fighting on the locker rooms, but still, a teacher could stand somewhere where they could hear but not be staring you down!

For the people that this has happed to, were the gym classes co-ed? If so did they have a male and female teacher for all classes?
post #98 of 138
We go to public swimming pools all the time where people shower naked and then change. DD (who is almost 3) going alternately with me and DH. So she sees plenty of naked people, young and old, in those change rooms.

I don't have any problem with that. I think people are too uptight about nakedness.
post #99 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by RasJi7 View Post
IDK, In my world, only my husband and I should be naked around our children.
What do you do at the pool? Here there is 1 change stall normally taken up by a tween. So all the kids and adults just change out in the open. I just don't think that's a big deal.
post #100 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by camracrazy View Post
OMG I'm so sorry that happened to you. I just don't get the mentality that a teacher MUST watch. What purpose does it serve? The only thing I could think of was if there were kids that were fighting on the locker rooms, but still, a teacher could stand somewhere where they could hear but not be staring you down!

For the people that this has happed to, were the gym classes co-ed? If so did they have a male and female teacher for all classes?
I think the teacher watches to make sure everyone complies... and probably to minimize name-calling, now that I think about it. At my school, boys and girls had separate gym classes at the same time- we would all go to the gym together, but once we got there, boys would go to one side of the gym and girls, to the other. There was a male gym teacher for the boys and a female gym teacher for us. I went to school in a rural part of Georgia in the nineties, if that is relevant.

In general, I have no problem being naked around close family and friends. I showered with my grandmother when I was little, like other people have mentioned, and I wouldn't mind if dd bathed with either of her grandmas, out of necessity or just because she is a baby, and taking a bath with her is fun! She loves playing with her little water toys and splashing around. Of course, if it made her uncomfortable later, she could choose to draw other lines about nudity. But right now she is an infant.

But what happens in gym class is totally different... there wasn't anything wrong with my body, but I was so self-conscious and embarrassed by it- my parents thought that I should just suck it up and follow the rules, but I couldn't. And I stubbornly believed that I shouldn't have to.

Hell, I still believe that I shouldn't have had to
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