Feeling venty plus need advice on WHINING 16 m.o.

[chirp]

ok seriously. the whining has to stop. it's driving me batty!!! is this the beginning of the terrible twos? he USED to use signing. he has many words. but now it's just whining all the time. it's like everything he has learned is out the window. i can't deal with it. i'm literally using all of my will not to smack him (and i'm not proud to say that--i never thought i would lose my patience like that...) this morning i just shut myself in my own bedroom. hearing him all out cry for me was better than the whining that i can't decipher at all.

coping tips? how can i help us both??

[proudmamanow]

I don't have great suggestions, just commiseration. We have an adorable & very whiny 17 mo old at our house!


((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[chirp]

i am just not dealing well with this today.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

I used this to stop whining with children I've been a nanny for and with my own child as well.

I treat whining as a foreign language I do not understand. I get down on their level and say, very kindly, "I cannot understand you when you talk like that, can you try it again in your normal voice?" Continued whining gets continued repeats of that same statement.

Several of the kids I was a nanny for would not whine all day with me but start whining the minute their parents walked in the door. It's amazing how smart they are at such young ages.

[swd12422]

OP, I'm with you! DS was like that at around the same age, and it's starting up again now, a few months later. I think it's a growth spurt -- last time, his sleep pattern was kooky for awhile during the whining and now he's just suddenly WAY verbal, shouting, singing, using new words and CLINGING to the objects he just learned to name. (We just got back from a trip to Petco and the grocery store with a towel in tow...)

I do what Thisbirdwillfly does: I tell him I'm sorry that I can't understand what he wants and can he sign/tell me? Usually he needs help of some sort -- reaching something, doing something, or extracting a stuck body part out of somewhere. So I ask, "Do you need help?" And then he signs it, and I tell him how much better that is, b/c now I can help him. It's starting to get through a little bit, but the ear-piercing shrieks that are his first attempt are getting really old!

I'm convinced it's a growth thing b/c today he didn't nap at all, and I finally just put him down, thinking he'd fall asleep. It's been an hour, and he hasn't. He can't shut up long enough to fall asleep! The noises and babbling and talking just don't stop. Hopefully, it's a short growth spurt!

[olien]

Originally Posted by chirp

i can't deal with it. i'm literally using all of my will not to smack him (and i'm not proud to say that--i never thought i would lose my patience like that...) this morning i just shut myself in my own bedroom. hearing him all out cry for me was better than the whining that i can't decipher at all.

coping tips? how can i help us both??

No help from me. I'm just someone who felt exactly the same way today.

My 13mo just keeps defying me all day long - especially with climbing. I actually yanked his arm (& the rest of him) backward off of a TV stand out of pure exaspiration. I still feel terrible about it. Its not how I want to parent. I cant believe they can drive you to that point when you have such good intentions with GD/UP/etc.

swd12422 I hope you are right about the growth thing. my Lo has been sleeping terribly & eating tons of food/formula the past 2 days

[SeekingJoy]

Originally Posted by Thisbirdwillfly

I treat whining as a foreign language I do not understand. I get down on their level and say, very kindly, "I cannot understand you when you talk like that, can you try it again in your normal voice?" Continued whining gets continued repeats of that same statement.

: This works very quickly if my kids relapse. It has also worked when I watch other children. And very honestly, it *is* hard to understand a request when it is whined at me.

On a related note, I used similar method very successfully to stop attention tantrums (as opposed to "I am sad/overwhelmed/tired" tantrums).

[chirp]

it's worse when i'm not getting sleep. i think those of you that said growth spurt are spot on.

he's nursing more at night. i'm pregnant so my breasts are super tender. he's definitely hungry, and not just for BM, for FOOD. THe boy eats a bigger breakfast than i do!!

but i love him! and i did take the advice to just tell him i don't understand him when he talks that way. i even told him that whining is a different language that i don't understand. he IS smart. and very verbal even if he doesn't actually sound out the words the same way i do .

this too shall pass.

hugs to all you mommas who are going through it as well!! and hugs for all you mommas who made it through and are still sane!!

[Thisbirdwillfly]

A big hug right back to you!

[DianeMarie]

How about turning to him, saying "I'm sorry, did you SAY something?" And if he does it again, say again "I thought I heard you say something, but could not understand it. If you speak in your normal voice perhaps I will understand."

Again---same theory as not "rewarding" poor behavior. When children learn that they will not get the response/reaction they want when the poor behavior occurs, they stop!!

Meeting their poor behavior without drama and normal, level-headed and normal tone of voice answers shows that YOU are the one in control in the situation, not your child.