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Traditional Catholic Mamas - Fall 2009 - Page 2

post #21 of 233
Jest- Mass is HUGE struggle for me. My husband is the assistant choir director, so I usually have to take care of my 2 1/2 yr and 6 month old by myself during Mass. I always make an effort to sit in the church, but I always end up in the cry room (which I really hate) about half way through.

My own personal belief is that once a child turns 3 they should be able to sit during Mass and behave for the most part. This would depend on the child, of course. Dd has some... issues... and so it's a little different for her. We think she might be autistic, but haven't gotten a diagnosis yet (waiting for an appt). She tends to be very explosive over the tiniest thing and that doesn't work out so well during Mass. I don't know how to handle her at this point.

If she was "normal" however, I'd expect her to sit still and be quiet. Maybe bring a saint book or something religious to look at, but that's it. No food, no toys, no "Sunday School" etc. I will do my best to educate them to understand as best they can that Jesus is there.

I never thought that was possible until I moved down here and started attending a church where almost all the little kids behave during the entire Mass (including special services, which can be like 2 hours long!). I couldn't believe it!

I think a lot of it has to do with what is expected of them at home, and what kind of discipline they receive (meaning the consistency, not the actual method). Also, many of these families go to church throughout the week too, so the kids are used to it.

So... unless my kids have a good reason for not being to control themselves, I will expect them to make it through Mass without a problem. If they act up, there will be consequences (although I dn't know what). If I have to go to the dumb cry room b/c of a baby acting up, I will expect the older kids to be still and quiet in there too. It sounds strict, but I think you have to teach them reverence while they are young. Otherwise you end up with teenagers standing in the cry room during Mass texting their friends (did I mention I hate the cry room?) and carrying on a conversation....
post #22 of 233
Hey Mammas. I don't have time to read the thread because I'm running out of time at the library. My DD knocked water on my computer, and it's dead, so I'm using the library until I get a new one. I am praying for you all, though. I could use some prayers. My DH and I need some guidance for what to do as far as our parish is concerned. It is very liberal, and we have been fighting hard to keep it/bring it within the bounds of Catholic teaching. We are trying to figure out where God is calling us to be, if we should stay and continue the fight or if we should go someplace where we can be fed too and where our daughter can grow up knowing what Catholic teachings are. My husband is on the parish council, and they're considering some very anti-Catholic things right now. My DD's godfather is the only other person on the parish council standing up for Church teaching, and his term is up. We're very involved, but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. The homily today was in support of an idea that is against my conscience, and we're just having a really hard time. I'm not looking for people to weigh in on what they think our decision should be. I'm asking for prayers. We are trying to be open to whatever God is calling us to do, whether it is to stay and fight or to join another parish.
post #23 of 233
As most of you know, my husband did not convert with me and he does not attend Mass with me which is raising all sorts of questions with my 4 year old. Not to mention the fact that we are living with my Buddhist in laws while we build a house, she is so confused and i am sort of at a loss as to how to explain it all to her. So far I've told her that different people have different ideas about how to worship God and that Daddy is still learning about God and isn't ready to go to church just yet. She is in a why, why, why stage (typical for her age) and she is asking so many questions about Jesus and the church liturgy, etc. I've gotten to the point where I don't take anything at all to "entertain" her during Mass, it just makes her behavior worse, almost like she thinks that if there are books - even Christian ones - with us that she is allowed to play.

Because my husband does not attend Mass I've been taking the easy way out and leaving my 19 month old son home with him. It is just constant chasing and tantrums in the narthex when he goes and I am trying to focus on getting DD actively engaged in the Mass and she can't even hear what is going on when he is with us. I will start trying with him again around Christmas, we'll see. (No cry room at our current parish)

I've seen pregnancy announcements from a few of you and well, we are pregnant too and due in January! Baby girl this time around. We used NFP for 3 months and somehow wound up unexpectedly pregnant, right before a huge cross country move. But you know what, it has been really great! I feel better this pregnancy than I have with either of my other ones and I just know this was meant to be. My DH is kicking and screaming about NFP now and is really pushing to have a vasectomy. Advice from you all who have had a similar experience would be very appreciated.
post #24 of 233
Oh cagnew, that's funny! My two littlest ones got into butter the other day and smeared it into eachother's hair Not as bad as the time they got into vaseline, though!

jest- Another familiar face! So nice to "see" you You're correct, dd3 was born in March 08!

I've been using Catholic Heritage Curricula for homeschooling dd1. I think they're a great choice for small children, orthodox Catholic, affordable, and very gentle!

Regarding mass, I'm a "bad" Catholic mom, I guess. I don't normally take my two youngest to Mass. Dd2 has cerebral palsy and has very poor impulse control and diminished comprehension (she's borderline mentally retarded) so she just does not understand the concept of being quiet or still. She's extremely loud and wants to go up and down the stairs the whole time. She's also extremely sensitive to having her behavior corrected (she breaks down sobbing). Trying to bring her is extremely stressful for us both and I just don't see the point. And she and her little sister together are just at each other all the time (and again, dd2 is extremely sensitive, so if dd3 so much as bumps into her she just loses it and becomes hysterical). If we all go together I end up sitting in the van with the youngest ones (dd3 is fine in the cry room, but dd2 gets hysterical and screams and throws herself against the doors). So! We normally just go to separate Masses. Periodically I take dd2 alone to Saturday evening Mass when it's quieter and there are less people to try and work on her behavior at Mass (she's significantly visually impaired too, which causes her to get very nervous in public since she can't see well enough to know who's around her or what's going on). Today dd2 had spent the night at grandma's so I took dd3 and she did okay, though I had to take her back to the cry room during the Gospel reading (she was done sitting in the pew and wanted to run around).

I try not to feel too bad about it. Taking small children to Mass is a relatively new thing, historically speaking. I remember reading something from St. Therese and she mentioned something that had happened when she was "too young" to attend Mass. So, she didn't go to Mass as a small child and still managed to become a Saint

Regarding my 17 (almost 18) month old though, I don't feel wrong in not bringing her. She's much to young to comprehend anything going on and certainly much too young to sit and be still and quiet for over an hour! I think it's more important that I be able to participate in the Mass than it is for my baby to come!

I would expect a normally functioning 4 year old to be relatively quiet and relatively still. I wouldn't expect perfection. It is very difficult for young children to sit still.

Quote:
Otherwise you end up with teenagers standing in the cry room during Mass texting their friends (did I mention I hate the cry room?) and carrying on a conversation....
WOW! That's awful. Ours has a few signs up that say quite clearly "this room is ONLY for nursing mothers and parents with SMALL children." Unfortunately at one of the Sunday Masses there's often a woman I really don't care for back there Thankfully she wasn't there today. I don't mean to sound unkind, but she just makes me so stressed out. She's so mean to her little boy, every time he moves or makes a sounds she's smacking him in the face or telling her 7 year old to smack him. It's awful.


JMJ prayers for you!

Charbeau that's tough! And 4 is a tough age for questions about God anyway, I think. It can be hard to explain it in a way that is respectful of our friends and family while also strongly underscoring that the CC is the only Church with the fullness of Truth. I think your explanation was age appropriate.

Regarding NFP, what method are you using and have you been officially taught to use it (like gone through classes)? My personal experience has been that when we're trying to self teach it's not nearly as effective! I use the Creighton model and I LOVE it. It's based off observation of cervical fluid instead of temping (which I hated). I think each meeting with the instructor is $35, which isn't too bad really. My ectopic pregnancy was a shock because according to my chart I should not have conceived- but Creighton does pregnancy evaluation free of charge if you were TTA and together we figured that it was me having a difficult time checking properly in the middle of the night

How does you dh feel about more children? Is he not wanting to have more or just concerned about having them very closely spaced? It can be really hard to get a non-Catholic spouse on board with NFP. How does him having a vasectomy make you feel? If it's something that's very upsetting to you I think it's important to make sure that he understands that it's something that is going to cause a lot of hurt in your marriage. Ultimately though, if he chooses to get a vasectomy without your consent, you're committing no sin in continuing to be intimate with him, if you were concerned about that at all.
post #25 of 233
I admit, I jump at the chance to go to church without the little ones. I actually get to hear the homily! It doesn't happen often though.

jmj: you're in our prayers as well.

charbeau: i don't have any advice since i've never had to deal with that, but I'll be praying for you.

we use the creighton method, though we've only used it to get pg so far. once my cycles return, we will use it to avoid for a little while so i can continue to heal from my last pg. after that, games on!
post #26 of 233
Quote:
Originally Posted by cagnew View Post
I admit, I jump at the chance to go to church without the little ones. I actually get to hear the homily! It doesn't happen often though.
Exactly! Our cry room doesn't have speakers so once I'm back there it's pretty much over until I see the Communion line forming!
post #27 of 233
I forgot to say Congrats to Char! Congrats!
post #28 of 233
We don't even have a Cry room, though churches I have been to that did have them I hated because most of them you can NOT hear in at all, and most people just use them as an excuse to lets the kids run wild.... growl.

We just sit in the back or otherwise near a door, and take the kids out if they make too much noise. Generally they are pretty good, but it has taken time... I only occasionally take the kids with out DH. I try to take them Wednesday morning when our church has a school mass... then we blend in fairly well.. :P
post #29 of 233
Hello! I'm a Catholic mom to a beautiful 22m boy and a baby due in 5 weeks. My husband is a graduate student and we just moved so he could start a doctorate program. I've never been so tired in my life and I used to work 24hr shifts at a birthing center ; ) but I'm really enjoying hearing some other Catholic moms talk about their daily struggles it definitely encourages me.
post #30 of 233
post #31 of 233
Hi Bonnie!
post #32 of 233
Are you guys still out there? I don't want the thread to go dormant, ao I'll throw out a topic... ummm... what do you think it means to be a Catholic mother and wife?

(that should keep us busy for awhile ) I'll post later with my "opinions."
post #33 of 233
I have a quick question -

This is my first child that will be born since I've converted. I feel pulled to give the baby a saint's name for a middle name yet we've settled on a name that we both like that has no religious significance whatsoever. What did you do when you named your children? Please don't think I feel obligated to use a saint's name, I just think it would be nice to include a name of significance and to honor someone who my child could use as a role model of sorts. So hard to choose!
post #34 of 233
Charbeau- you might be surprise at how many names both common and uncommon are saint names, or derivations thereof. Check out Dictionary of Patron Saints Names by: Thomas W Sheehan


What it means to be a Catholic wife and Mother... That is actually a pretty complicated question... hmm... I am going to have to think on that for a while to be able to give a coherent answer. :P
post #35 of 233
Baby #3 was my first baby after we converted, we named her Rory Catherine. Catherine is a strong saint name, of course, plus it's my first name and my mom's middle name, so I wanted to pass it on You could also always do 2 middle names, my dh and his sister both do

cagnew, great question! I'm sick at the moment so not thinking very clearly, but I have a lot of thoughts, I'll write them up later!
post #36 of 233
I am big on naming children after biblical people or saints, but I don't think you HAVE to. There are a lot of great uncommon saint names though. I love Nina and Flora.... My kids are Margaret Claire (grandmothers names and saints names) and Samuel Augustine. If you want to do a middle name after a saint, there are many to pick from, and it's a great compromise. I like knowing the children have the names of people they can look up to. However, maybe your child will be a saint themselves, and they can turn a name into a saint name

I have to get to bed so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to give my opnion on the question I posted.

cherrybomb: I hope you feel better soon!

ps- I mentioned a few of you in my prayers during adoration today. It's weird to pray for people that I identify as internet names! It made me laugh as I was praying.

ps2- I started reading the book about Mother Teresa's writings today. Wow... that's all I can say!
post #37 of 233
Charbeau, it's really easy to find a wonderful saint's name that you'll love. There are so many saints, prominent and obscure, ancient and modern, who offer beautiful examples of humanity at its best. I'm often asked if my sons have Catholic saints' names, because their names are a bit off the beaten path...and I love to talk about the religious significance of their names! My older son is named after an Irish saint, and my younger son is named for one of the three Magi. I'll bet most of your favorite names are already saints' names. Even trendy names are often based on saints' names...Eliot is a medieval variant of the name of the prophet Elijah, Chantal comes from St. Jane Frances de Chantal (an inspiring saint for wives and mothers), Shane and Zane are variants of John, Maryn is a diminutive of Mary, etc.
post #38 of 233
Hope it's ok that I jump in here. There's a lot already in this thread!

I'm happy to have found this thread, as I'm proud to be a faithful Catholic wife and mama! Married for 2 years with a 15 month old DD, and struggling with wanting more children! (Still nursing and no sign of my cycle being back yet) Every day I have to say, Let Go and Let God!

BonnieLynn, what you said about being tired is so true! And I couldn't agree more, that reading other Catholic moms' words is very encouraging!

What does it mean to be a catholic mother and wife? What a question! I think it's just like anything in my life, that I try to put God first in my life. Jesus is the reason, right?! On a daily level, we try to pray together as a family, go to Mass together, and I try to take my daughter to daily Mass. As she gets older, I'll teach her more about God, Jesus, the Church, the Saints, Mary, the Rosary, etc.

My favorite bit of scripture is in Luke, where Mary says her Fiat: Let it be done. Let God's will be done. What peace there is in accepting God's will and letting His Joy into your life! Even when it's not what you think you wanted.

On the topic of names, I think names are very important. Some of the reasons have already been mentioned and worded beautifully! We named our DD after St. Madeleine Sophie Barat because I liked the name and her story. Someone that our daughter can look up to. I also wanted her initials to match her papa's initials, so that played a part. Her middle name is Joy, because that's how we felt when she was born!

I think even if you name your child a "non-saint" name, you can still give the child a saint's name at their baptism. I know that when DH was baptized (as an adult) he chose a baptismal name for himself. When I was baptized, my parents chose a saint's name for me for a second middle name.

Thanks for letting me join up with you all!
post #39 of 233
L4BS- That's a great description of a Catholic mom/wife.

I have another question (more specific this time). Do you think a wife is obligated to, um, "satisfy" her husband even when she doesn't feel like it? What if she never feels like it? Since Catholic's consider masterbation a serious sin, the men can't do it. I know going a long time w/o sex is possible (of course), but is it a wifes "duty?"

I am struggling with this because I have not been interested in sex at all since my lasy pregnancy. That makes it... over a year since I have had any kind of drive. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love my dh and I find him very attractive, I just never feel aroused. He is very patient and understanding (as much as he can be) but I feel awful. We are still young and I want to be able to... um, be young

Hopefully this isn't TMI!
post #40 of 233
Quote:
Originally Posted by cagnew View Post

I am struggling with this because I have not been interested in sex at all since my lasy pregnancy. That makes it... over a year since I have had any kind of drive. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love my dh and I find him very attractive, I just never feel aroused. He is very patient and understanding (as much as he can be) but I feel awful. We are still young and I want to be able to... um, be young

Hopefully this isn't TMI!
Are you still breastfeeding? That is such a sex drive killer for me and since I extend breastfeed I have been pregnant/breastfeeding or both for years I can relate. This is going to sound silly but I sort of think of sex like jogging right now - I never want to do it but once I get started I am happy that I am doing it and once I am finished I feel great! It is getting the motivation to start that is tricky.
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