Spinoff: Do you talk to your son about “female issues”.

[Vermillion]

I just replied to another thread and it made me curious to see how many of you talk to your boys about female issues, particularly menstruation.
My DS is 7 and he’s known about women having periods and what that means for a while now. We’re not shy around here and stuff like that often comes up in casual conversation so naturally a curious kid who asks lots of questions is going to wonder what it all means, so, I told him.

I figure I’ll be doing the girls he knows in the future a favor so they won’t have to hear the “ewwww, nasty!” kind of attitude that lots of guys seemed to have when I was younger. DS knows it is perfectly natural and he doesn’t seemed icked out by it at all!

So anyway, what do your boys know and when did you tell them? How did it come up? If they don’t know anything about this, and you’re not planning on talking with them, why not?

[kirstenb]

Well, DS is too young to understand, but he will be learning about all these things male and female as he gets older. Same thing if I have a daughter. We're pretty open about things so far so I'm hoping that things will just come up in conversation and we'll talk about it then. I don't want to have a big sit down discussion where DS learns about everything at once. I don't want DS to hear about these things for the first time from friends, and I want him to know that it's natural and happens to everyone.

[34me]

My ds's have an older sister. And we were in the car a lot when they were younger and have always answered questions truthfully and age appropriately. I fielded many a question about the "puterous' at about 5. Now at 13, I think he just wants it to all go away.

[CheekyLilMonkeys]

My DS1, at 3yrs, is aware that I menstruate - he knows the very basics - as much as he can understand at his age. I don't see it as anything to hide or censor, it's just a natural bodily function. When he noticed and asked, I told him. I hope to have the same approach to all his questions and definitely want to avoid my children ever associating any feeling of shame about our bodies or there functions (male or female).

[Tigerchild]

I've never hidden anything from my boys, they've heard me discuss it, but lately I have tried NOT to discuss it because invariably they end up telling me that they want a little sibling so hurry up and do that so I won't bleed (so we can go swimming whenever we want) and they can have the baby they've always wanted. I already don't like whining and pestering, and it's just freakin' weird to have them pestering and whining for a sibling! (oldest DD at least doesn't bug me for a baby. The last time she was excited about me having a baby, it turned out to be twins. ;>)

[fwlady]

My DS is 14.5yo. He knows much of what women go through, as I am on PG #7 after him. I don't hide my pads, and there has been times when I had a pail with diapers and pads when we were doing cloth (and will be again soon). My 3yo DD calls them "lily pads". I am not sure where she came up with that, but it is so cute.

Now, he will ask about things like, "why do the boys have a communal shower, but yet the girls have their own?" I tend to like to shake him up a bit just for fun. I said something like girls on their monthlies wouldn't want to shower with other girls at that time, but may still need one after PE He still didn't get it, and says something about it being no big deal. So, I said, "Well, maybe the girls who aren't on theirs would rather not be showering next to a girl bleeding down her leg with it trailing all the way to the drain. Many times that doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. They have to walk around, ya know." He gets it very clearly at this point, and then gets dramatic like he is embarrassed (he doesn't embarrass easy), and says, "OK, MOM! A little TMI, ya know! I am NOT asking questions like that anymore!" While he is smirking and laughing, so I know that he will, and he knows that I will be honest about what I know.

We are pretty open about the facts of life around here, just no big deal. We try to be modest, as far as clothing and dress, but the difference between men and women, no big deal. How human bodies work, no big deal. Boys may get a little squeamish or yucked out, but if you treat it as no big deal, then they usually take it that way too. Kymberli

[chamomeleon]

Originally Posted by CheekyLilMonkeys

My DS1, at 3yrs, is aware that I menstruate - he knows the very basics - as much as he can understand at his age. I don't see it as anything to hide or censor, it's just a natural bodily function. When he noticed and asked, I told him. I hope to have the same approach to all his questions and definitely want to avoid my children ever associating any feeling of shame about our bodies or there functions (male or female).

Yep, this. My son is 4 and has known the basics for a while now. When he was 2-3, many of my friends were having their second children, so he had lots of questions about birth, etc. One friend shared pictures of the birth of her son with us, including a few of the placenta. (My son called it "a big bunch of blood.") I explained to him that that is how a mama's body feeds the baby inside the uterus until the baby is born. Several months later, when he noticed my cycle for the first time and asked about it, that discussion (about the placenta) helped me more than I had realized it would! I reminded him about it, and explained that women's bodies are always preparing to have babies, so we save up blood in the uterus in case there is a baby to feed in there, but if there's no baby, then the blood comes out and the body makes more. He's satisfied with that explanation...for now.

[bethanyclaire]

You know, I was going to post something like this a few days ago. I feel like I am in the minority in this regard. This came up recently when I was talking to my mom and she was horrified that I was open about female health with my son. NO one else in my extended family would dare discuss this with boys.

I am very open with both my DS and DD about natural bodily functions, including menstruation. He has known that I bleed monthly since he was old enough to ask... probably around age 2 (he is very verbal and hasn't stopped asking questions since the first day he strung a sentence together... lol!). I don't get much privacy in the bathroom so they are aware of my cycles and I really don't mind. I'm very matter-of-fact about it and always have been. I like that he doesn't even bat an eye when asking me questions about health, bodies, hygiene, etc. I hope that by laying the foundation for communication now that he will feel safe coming to me later on with bigger things (especially because his dad lives far away and has serious shame and embarassment issues because of the way he was raised). I want to be sure he has someone to go to... even if it has to be Mom when he might possibly prefer Dad for some issues as he gets older.

[Jessy1019]

I don't know how people keep this stuff from their kids . . . that seems like it would require a heck of a lot more privacy and secrecy than I want in my house!

My son has known about periods since he was old enough to question why I was bleeding . . . I guess around 2? Same with my daughter. They notice stuff. Even if they weren't in the bathroom with me, they'd notice if I was suddenly not willing to go swimming in the summer or complaining about being crampy or whatever. I think it's much better to raise kids with a good understanding of our natural bodily functions so they aren't afraid of them (or disgusted by them).

And FWIW, I hate having my period and don't explain it as some kind of beautiful thing . . . just something women's bodies do when they are capable of having children, sort of a necessary evil.

[mistymama]

I can't remember exactly when I first started talking with ds about it - he's always been one to just kinda be in the bathroom with me. Somewhere around age 3 he saw me take out a tampon and asked me if I was hurt. I explained why there was blood in terms he could understand.

Since then he's asked more questions, but now he's going on 7 and I think already knows everything he wants to.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Yup! I have three boys ranging from 10-3. They all know about menstration. I realized this was something that we were just going to have to discuss when my oldest was 2 and walked in on me and saw the blood. He was very distraught until I explained things. As time has gone on, I have continued that explanation getting more into the whys and hows at an age appropriate way. I suspect that my boys know more than I did at their age.

[Cujobunny]

My ds is 4.5 yo and he knows all about it because he comes into the washroom when I'm in there, and always has. He has asked me "Mommy why do you have blood coming out of your vagina???" No doubt the neighbours have heard, if we've had our windows open... I just told him that women build up nice soft nests in their bodies in case they have a baby growing in it but if they don't, then the nest comes out every month, and that's the blood.

We have since read "It's Not the Stork" because he had lots of very detailed questions that I honestly wasn't sure about how much detail to give him. I always thought to be honest and scientific about it, but definitely needed some reassurance that I was doing the right thing!

[zinemama]

My ds learned about "female issues" before he learned about male issues - just from following me into the bathroom, observing and asking questions. And then of course, there was my pregnancy with his brother. So yeah, he knew the words uterus, tampon, vagina, etc by around 2.5.

All this stuff is pretty old hat to him now at 9. And normal, too.

[MusicianDad]

Well right now he's too young. But we intend on teaching him. I see no reason why he shouldn't know. Alternately it is important for him to understand how a female body works in that respect for the same reason it's important for DD to know how the male body works.

[lovbeingamommy]

My 3.5 yo ds knows so much more about "female issues" than I knew at say 10. I want it that way because I knew virtually nothing and it was a hush, hush issue for me as a kid, something embarressing and never talked about...

I so don't want that for my son. He knows as much as his little brain will absorb and whenever he asks I tell him the truth and use the correct terminology. Dh and I always encourage him to ask whatever's on his mind.

[Kidzaplenty]

My boys know about it, to the ability that they are able to understand it (their ages vary greatly). They even understand natural birth and labor issues. My oldest son (13yrs) already says that his wife will be having a HB.

[KweenKrunch]

My son is only 6 months old, but he will definitely be raised to have reverence and understanding of Sacred Moon Time. With two older sisters, it will be a big part of his life.