KD said no

[Cisne]

The only KD that I've ever thought about using (we've been really good friends the last 17 years), has said no. He's afriad of getting too a ttached, would like to be a dad-but has a partner who doesn't like kids at all, etc. I understand, but I'm still crushed. He's everything that I would want in a KD (good friend, good all around guy, smart, etc). Trying very hard to let go of the idea of a baby that shared the best of both of us. I want what's best for all of us, but I'm still very sad.

[simcon]

That's so hard, when you got up the courage to ask him, to get no for an answer! Hugs to you!!

Over the years we've had some "no's" too--eventually I've been able to be grateful to get no for an answer rather than getting yes when the person really won't be able to deal well with what is inherently an emotionally complex situation, but it sure is tough in the moment.

[Cisne]

simcon-thanks! i know that things do work out for the best. I'm really glad that KD (or not!), we still have our friendship. It just stinks for the moment

[Monarchgrrl]

The only one we would consider said "no", too, about 3 weeks ago. It sucks. I know. He is DW's brother, so that's a bit weird now. We have to resign ourselves to the fact that our future child will not have any bio-link to DW. But it's ok. We know the perfect baby gravy is already at a bank somewhere waiting for us. You'll find the right donor, I'm sure. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, though.

[FtMPapa]

Been there, done that, too.

It sucks, but it's better to know that it's a no go now rather than run into complications or cold feet later.

Are you going to look for a new KD or are you going anonymous?

[citygirl144]

Our 1st choice KD said no as well! It's a bummer, but defininitely better in the long run i think. We have now asked someone else- an even closer friend - which we originally didn't want to do b/c we were scared about boundaries, etc, but we are thinking now that the close friend aspect might work out well, in terms of 100% trusting him and his girlfriend and knowing what we are getting into. He is considering and there are lots of questions - like what will the relationship be like between our kids and his - but we are pretty hopeful. If he says no, we are probably going with a bank.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Our first choice also said no. I thought the world was ending at the time. Not too much after that though, a donor who we'd never even considered offered himself forward. He is perfect and, as a result, I am now watching my beautiful 8 month old son pull all his nappies off the clothes line!

I know it's hard to hear it but something will come up - you will find the right solution for your family - I am sure of it!

[Cisne]

Thank you Mamas for taking the time to reply. One week later things are much better. I am thankful to still have my friend. I don't want his saying "no" to be the end of a very long and special friendship. I still don't know how or when I will move forward. I had been thinking about asking this friend for about 15 years. That also means 15 years off and on of dreaming about "this" baby. I'm not sure that I'll go forward with a known donor again at this time. I'm not looking in to banks right now. I guess that means that I will be looking to adopt again at some point. I'm more than fine with that. Talking with this friend has brought some other issues to the front of my mind as well. So, while I'm sure that this time will someday look like a gift, right now it feels pretty mixed up!