Failure to Thrive baby!

[Ldavis24]

I was at a family reunion recently for my mom's gf's side of the family, many of whom I see maybe once a year or once every couple of years. Lots of little kids running around and DD was having a ball being passed around to look at everything (she's only 3 months old its about all she does). A cousin also has a new baby who just turned 4 weeks as of the party and she was there with her LO as well...

So of couse I am extremely excited to see this baby who is just a little bit younger than mine but when I see her I am completely freaked out. This is the tiniest little girl I have ever seen. I couldn't help but comment on it to the mother because she is so small and frail looking. So here comes the back story...

This cousin M, has battled with severe bulimia for years and no one was sure if she could even become pregnant. Well she did and she had her adorable baby. She born almost 2 weeks before her due date but didn't have an extended stay in the hospital. She weighed 6lb 3oz when she was born and the mom is trying to breast feed but due to her issues with bulimia has a very low supply so is also using formula. I didn't tell her that this would probably make her supply diminish even more because I don't know her that well and didn't want to start harping on her at that moment...

The kicker comes when I ask her how much this baby weighs now, remembering that this baby was born at 6lb 3oz and did not lose a ton of weight maybe 5oz in the hospital...At exactly 4 weeks this baby weighs 6lb 10oz!!!!!!!!!!!
My jaw dropped, in a four week time this baby has gained much less than a pound! So the mom needs a drink so I take the baby and hold her and she is all wrapped up in a blanket and I'm looking at her, her neck is the size of my daughter's wrist (who is not a chunker) and she looks ill, she never opens her eyes but they crack once in a while and they are rolling around in her head...I mumbled something about how she is so small it is scary and got reprimanded by my mother for saying "scary" and finally gave her to someone else as I was nearing tears at this point...

So after the party I talk to my mom and tell her I am extremely concerned about the baby and she acknowledges that everyone in the family is "worried". I tell her they should be freaking out and doing something. Call the ped, talk to someone, hell call child services if you have to. I beg her to talk to the baby's grandfather and explain to her why I am so concerned and upset. Besides being more sensitive to anything related to babies, I just know this is seriously wrong...
So is this a failure to thrive baby? I think so but I don't know the medical definition, this baby should be in the hospital being tube fed or something because clearly something is going wrong, or mom is starving the baby because of her own issues.
Sorry for the rant I just can't stop thinking about it and it is over a week later. I would call this mom myself but I had only met her the one time and don't even know exactly where she lives or anything!

[bebebradford]

WOW.. That breaks my heart..I would have probably called an ambulance anonymously. That sounds like the babe was barely here. Prayers going up~

[holothuroidea]

I think the idea that she is starving her baby because of her issues with bulimia is pretty unfair. I would just get rid of that right now.

Tell a professional, any doctor or midwife you trust, CPS, even a daycare provider might be able to point you in the right direction. I think that they might be the best source of advice in this situation.

I understand your concern and it seems to be eating away at you, listen to your heart and do what you think is right.

[loraxc]

Please be very careful with what you say. My DS was borderline FTT and I was beside myself with worry and anxiety. Believe me, I knew he was too skinny, I was working very hard to fatten him up together with ym LC and ped, and all the concerned comments from random people just made me feel much worse. Unless you are close to this woman I suggest you stay out of it entirely. I'm not sure what you are implying about the bulimia, but I seriously doubt she is starving her baby or anything like that.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by holothuroidea

I think the idea that she is starving her baby because of her issues with bulimia is pretty unfair. I would just get rid of that right now.

Tell a professional, any doctor or midwife you trust, CPS, even a daycare provider might be able to point you in the right direction. I think that they might be the best source of advice in this situation.

I understand your concern and it seems to be eating away at you, listen to your heart and do what you think is right.

I wouldn't go so far as to assume that because this woman struggles with severe bulimia she is starving her baby to make sure she isn't too big I don't even have enough experience with something like that to think about it, unfortunately it was foot in mouth type comment not really thinking (DD didn't sleep at all last night for more than 20 minutes) I don't know if someone with a disorder like that would project it onto another person but anything is possible I guess although i will quit with the baseless speculation on that regard now!.

It was just so bizarre at this party I was at, she appeared to bf the baby I counted at least 5 times. I don't know if she is trying get her supply up but something is not right with the baby and the eating and all of it.
I don't know, I raised my concerns with my mother and she assured me the whole family is concerned as well and keeping a close eye on the situation and I am going to leave it at that. Like you said loraxc, not every baby just grows and grows easily and it certainly is not my place to say anything and I don't want to make a new mom more stressed than she already is.

[bebebradford]

I agree.. I don't think blame should be automatically placed on the mother, but maybe she just doesn't know. Being a new mom is so challenging.. she might not know what to expect. I HOPE she is seeing a ped for the issues though.. if she's NOT.. then there IS an ISSUE.

[AllyRae]

Honestly, I would.have.been.pissed if that was my baby you were talking about and you did something like that. My first son was born at 6 lbs 15 oz. At a month old, he was just at 7 lbs. He was diagnosed with FTT due to low supply and we supplemented. He STILL didn't gain much weight. He will turn 6 in November, and he is still only 38 lbs on a good day. We have never starved him, and in fact, we worked our butts off to get him to gain weight. He is, and always was, a very slow gainer. Our newest baby is 15 lbs 3 oz at 7 1/2 months old. My children are not very big. But, I am only 5' tall as well.

Instead of plotting who to call, why not just talk to the mother? I mean, if I found out someone had called CPS or the pediatrician behind my back without so much as talking to me, that would have been the last time I spoke to you...if you would have talked to me about my first son, you would have found out that we had to feed every 45 minutes to an hour around the clock, use an SNS, top off with formula, pump every 2-4 hours, etc. Around the clock. Every single day of the week. We also had weight checks with either the pediatrician or the county lactation consultant every 2-4 days. And he still was only 12 lbs at 6 months old.

She may be working her butt off behind the scenes trying to help the baby and the baby may just be a slow grower, or she may have low supply and have no support from other people who know about supply issues (and from a personal standpoint, the pumping and frequent feedings and drugs don't raise everyone's supply...mine was always low despite that, throughout all of the 4 1/2 years I've breastfed).

So, don't assume the mom is starving her child. You mention seeing her feed the baby 5 times...so unless the party was 18 hours long, she's feeding her child appropriately. Maybe just talk to the mom and ask how nursing's going and ask if she needs any help and be supportive. And then, if it looks like she's purposely harming her baby, get help. It takes a village...

[cschick]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24

The kicker comes when I ask her how much this baby weighs now, remembering that this baby was born at 6lb 3oz and did not lose a ton of weight maybe 5oz in the hospital...At exactly 4 weeks this baby weighs 6lb 10oz!!!!!!!!!!!

Wouldn't that be the low end of normal, though?

(Breastfed) babies are given until 2 weeks to return to their birth weight. The hospital weight-in might not have been the child's lowest point.

If the babe was at her birth weight at 2 weeks (6lbs, 3oz) that would have been considered the low end of normal. From that point, 3.5oz a week (for two weeks up to 6lb, 10oz) is just under the low end of normal (which I believe is 4-7oz/week).

The concern would be the growth from her two week weight through her four week weight. If she was over birth weight at her two week check, and thus gained less than 3.5-4oz/week that would be a big warning.

She's on the edge of medically being considered failure to thrive. Her ped should be watching her and doing weight checks, but she is gaining.

(What would concern me would actually be the mixing of breastmilk and formula: what you're describing is often the very early signs of milk allergy when breast milk and formula is being mixed. The child can digest the limited amount of breastmilk being received, and can't digest the formula. So the child is gaining, but not well.)

[Wild Lupine]

Do you know for sure that the mother isn't taking the baby to a pediatrician, or seeing an LC herself? It is entirely possible they are well aware of the issues and doing everything they can to help her. If you don't know her well she may not be telling you everything, especially when it comes to private medical information about her baby.

But then if she isn't getting help, it's probably a place for family to step in. Maybe a discreet inquiry about the doctor- 'oh who is your pediatrician. Do you like him/her' things like that might give you info to know that the baby is seeing the ped regularly.

My younger son is very small for his age with motor skill delays (actually diagnosed as FTT). People's jaws drop when I tell them how old he is, some give advice, others look askance at me, like how could I let my child be that small. But believe me, we monitor him very closely and get all sorts of special services for him. Only those very close to us know the full details of his health history.

[Ellie'sMom]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

So, don't assume the mom is starving her child. Maybe just talk to the mom and ask how nursing's going and ask if she needs any help and be supportive. And then, if it looks like she's purposely harming her baby, get help. It takes a village...

This.

I also had a tiny baby. My daughter wasn't back to her 6lb9oz birth weight until she was 3 weeks old. It was so stressful. Find out how you can help this mama.

My daughter is now a healthy, thriving and still tiny 7.5 year old.

[nextcommercial]

I would stop saying ANYTHING to anyone about this. Not even your mom.

This WILL get back to the baby's mom soon. It always does. Then there will be bad feelings between you.

Instead, I would get her number from your mom, and call her, or find her on facebook. Tell her you want to get together. It might be nice for two moms of new babies to get together and you will have things in common.

Then, in the course of the conversation, ask her about her pediatrition. I'm sure she has one, and hopefully he is paying attention to the baby's weight issues.

I had to be told things about my daughter that the doctors never noticed. I hadn't noticed them either, and I have an early childhood degree.

[Ldavis24]

Mama is definitely seeing a ped as apparently he is the one who said to use formula in addition to breast milk. I didn't think her birth weight was all that low, just the amount of weight gained over the 4 week period coupled with the baby's physical appearance.

I just got off the phone with my mom and see mentioned that the baby's grandfather made the mother take baby to the ped before her next scheduled visit because he was concerned. I don't know what the result of that was but at least everyone is making sure any issues are addressed...

Sorry if I offended any mama's of smaller babies, I myself was a small baby apparently and I know that it doesn't mean a thing! I'm not going to involve myself anymore, it is certainly not my place! I never meant to make it sound as though I believed that this mama was intentionally starving her baby, the thought had crossed my mind but in the area of a far out idea!

[cschick]

Babies born at the lower end of "normal" weight often gain at the low end of normal, and it's great to have a ped who both understands that YET keeps a good eye out for problems.

The kid was born at 5lbs, 13oz. Before we left the hospital, our ped refused to let us see his final weigh-in number, told us that all she wanted to see at 4 days was that he wasn't 10% under his birth weight, and that she'd be delighted to see him back at 5lbs, 13oz at his two week check.

We never had to test whether she'd actually be delighted by those numbers, since he gained like a frickin' weed (he was 5lbs, 13oz at 4 days, 7.5lb at two weeks).

But at 4 weeks, you're not looking at a 4 week gain from birth weight, you're looking at a 2 week gain from birth weight. Most babies far out-pace that, but to hit on it is also normal.

[Zenful]

I don't believe there's anything wrong with listening to your instincts or heart, which is what it sounded like you were doing, for the most part. Yes, some babies are naturally smaller than others, but from how things looked it seemed she was malnourished, for whatever reason. I also would have been floored by the situation, and probably wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut. I'm not sure what I would have said, but, depending on how close I am to the mother, I probably would have asked about her eating habit and possibly about their bond. So much of whether or not a baby thrives is based on the mother-baby bond since that lets the baby know if there's a reason to live or not. If there's not much of a connection, in other words, then why would the baby want to thrive?

Anyway, it sounds like the situation is being handled as well as it can be right now. Please don't feel bad about keeping on eye on things, if you feel drawn to do so. It's people like you in the world that help make the world a better place for you obviously genuinely care.

[camracrazy]

My 2nd DD was a FTT baby.

She was born at 7 lbs, 6 ozs. I exclusively breastfeed her. I knew something wasn't "right" with her not long after she was born. She was hungry and crying all of the time and having neon green stools. Our Dr kept telling me that she was fine. She was up to 11 lbs, 2 ozs at one point. She looked skeletal. I was afraid to burp her because I was sure I was going to break a bone! Then at her 6 month appointment she was 9 lbs, 12 ozs. She also had a cold that we couldn't get rid of. They did a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. My Dr showed it to another Dr in his practice and that Dr suggested that it looked like she had Cystic Fibrosis. There is only one Dr in our town that handles pedriatric CF patients. Their office said that my DD could come in in a MONTH! Oh gee, you're telling me my daughter probably has a terminal illness but you can't be bothered to see her for a month?? I told them, "She will be dead by then." We got in the next day. She did test positive for CF, although the CF Dr didn't give us the results for two more days (even though she had them the same day). They did blood work on my DD the day they told us the diagnosis. We barely made it home from the appointment (I went into the house with DD, DH had to go back to work) when they called me to tell me to get DD to the hospital NOW!!! Her electrolytes were dangerously out of whack. She spent a couple of days in the hospital and had problems with weight gain until we switched to a new Dr in another state that finally helped us get to the bottom of the problem, which was a pseudomonas infection in her lower lungs. Now that she is being treted for that she has been gaining well, in spite of her CF.

Now I'm not saying the your cousin's daughter has CF, but I AM saying that Dr's miss things. Our Dr had never dealt with a CF case so he didn't know the signs. If the other Dr hadn't looked at the x-ray and if I hadn't insisted on an appointment with the CF Dr right away, I don't know what would have happened. We could have fed DD until the cows came home (and often did) and she wouldn't have gained any more weight beause her body was not absorbing what food was being put into it. That was why her stools were neon green. The food was passing through her digestive tract unabsorbed. Is there anyway you could ask about her DD's stools? Another CF sign is a salty taste to the skin. My DD also gets salt crystals that form on her skin if she sweats a lot. There are probably other diseases that cause malabsorbtion, and the Dr should be questioned about them. I would also push for lab work to make sure there isn't some infection going on or an electrolyte imbalance. I know my DD and I can both have major infections and not run a fever at all, so I wouldn't look at it as no fever = no infection.

I hope this baby and her mom come through this okay!

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by cschick

Babies born at the lower end of "normal" weight often gain at the low end of normal, and it's great to have a ped who both understands that YET keeps a good eye out for problems.

The kid was born at 5lbs, 13oz. Before we left the hospital, our ped refused to let us see his final weigh-in number, told us that all she wanted to see at 4 days was that he wasn't 10% under his birth weight, and that she'd be delighted to see him back at 5lbs, 13oz at his two week check.

We never had to test whether she'd actually be delighted by those numbers, since he gained like a frickin' weed (he was 5lbs, 13oz at 4 days, 7.5lb at two weeks).

But at 4 weeks, you're not looking at a 4 week gain from birth weight, you're looking at a 2 week gain from birth weight. Most babies far out-pace that, but to hit on it is also normal.

I'm leaning more towards this type of reasoning as well. If this child were being breastfed then I'd probably worry more but since the OP says it is being formula fed then it will likely keep gaining at a good rate unless she is purposely starving it or can't afford enough formula. I guess that part would be hard to know for sure.

Fwiw, my sister's DD has always been a very small child. She isn't tall and is rather thin and her DH is very short for a man so their DD was destined to be small. Their DD has always been little and as a baby everyone worried that she didn't gain enough at the right times in her life, and right now at age 5 she weighs in at around 35 lbs and is extremely short for her height and she's in kindergarten. She also has speech problems and doesn't talk as well as most 5 y olds.

Perhaps you just don't know this other girl well enough to know enough about what may have been going on so far with her new baby's health or eating habits. That's a possibility.

[dmpmercury]

It sounds like the mom is seeing a doctor for her dd and she is supplementing and breastfeding a lot. It doesn't sound like the mom is trying to starve her. Newborns spend most of their sleep in REM so the eyes rolling and sleepy baby don't sound too worrisome either. My dd slept a lot as a newborn even at 4 weeks.

[phrogger]

My infant had the nickname "skin flaps" for a reason. He was SO thin. He was 7 lbs 6 oz at birth and at his 2 week check up he was 7 lbs 2 oz. At a month he was right around 8 lbs I think. We didn't take him in to get checked out. At 2 months he was 10 lbs. He wasn't FTT, he is just a thin baby. All of mine were. Sounds like this mom is trying and hopefully she is getting help if she is concerned.

I think I didn't get any comments about him being scary, but rather just made fun of his skinny legs because he is not my first baby, people just knew I knew what I was doing. If you had gone through the whole party without her trying to feed the baby, Iw ould then be concerned, but sounds like she was.

[CarrieMF]

My youngest was FTT. She was born at 42 weeks weighing 6lbs 5oz. She was under 6lbs when she left the hospital At 4weeks she was 7lbs 8oz. The ONLY time she had a good gain was at her 10day check & that could be blamed on using a different scale.

on a good week she gained 2oz vs the 2oz/day "they" say a baby should be gaining.

We had pictures taken when she was about 7 days old & her skin hung off of her because she had so little fat.

At 1 year she was 16lbs. She is 7 now & 47lbs.

[SunshineJ]

I have to say it sounds like the mother is trying to take good care of her baby - and there's no easy or gentle way to say this. If the rest of your family doesn't butt out and quit harping on the "tiny baby" she's going to shut you all out.

DS was born a FTT baby. From day 3 he was formula fed, and we saw nutritionists, heart dr's, you name it. He was a tiny kid who was slow to gain - and consumed impossible amounts of food along the way. During a 6 month period when he was 4 yrs old he LOST 1 lb. The only change had been to add gymnastics class 1 day a week, that's all it took. Some kids are just tiny and take a while to gain, and some just have extremely fast metabolisms. Trust me, from the parental perspective I can just about promise the mother is already worried enough about this without all the pressure from the family of "what's wrong with your baby". Chances are, there's nothing wrong with her child at all!

I'm thinking that from your reaction your child was never FTT or on the lower end of the charts, and that's fantastic. BUt try to remember that as a new mom it's tough enough to figure things out, much more so when you're concerned about a small baby.