i need some suggestions for kinder teacher

[meg-momto2]

DS is having a really hard time in kinder. he's an explosive/spirited/high needs kind of kid. at home i've learned to watch for his triggers and usually catch him before he explodes. obviously i can't watch him and school and his teacher hasn't gotten to know him enough to do the same. he's sent three classmates to the nurses office in 3 weeks. many of these incident happen while in line in the hallways. i've suggested that he either lead the line or walk separately with either a teacher or aid. they use time outs and a card system in class. i don't care for it and DS doesn't respond to it since his actions are impulsive in nature. i'm really at a loss as to what to tell her. i feel that she really shouldn't be disciplining him but i also feel that he needs to understand that this ins't acceptable. i can only imagine what the parents of there other children think of my son. hopefully they are patient understanding parents. any thoughts or experience with something like this?

[karne]

Have you had any evals of your ds done, ie around sensory issues, etc.? If your child has had a couple of interactions that have resulted in kids going to the nurse, it's probably a good time to think about asking the school for some help. I have found that w/in the school system OT's can offer a lot of problem solving and support.

Kindy is a tough time for lots of kids, esp. active boys. The teacher has to keep the other kids safe, yet your ds needs to experience school as a positive experience as well. I would suggest asking either the school psychologist or SW and the OT for some suggestions for you and the teacher.

[meg-momto2]

we've had two meetings with the principal, counselor and teacher. they all blew me off as a "first time mom/first time student". he's on a behavior rewards program the school uses but it's not effective for him. i know he needs help and i'm just not getting anything from them. we have his psych. evaluation this afternoon. i'll be putting in a formal request for a school evaluation depending on how that goes.

[karne]

That sounds so frustrating! I know that one of my kids struggled, for a variety of reasons, with feeling overloaded when in kindy. I did the same thing, ie suggesting being either first or last in line, having good persoanl space when in circle, etc. I have seen other suggestions of kids keeping their hands safely in their pockets when walking in line, or having a tape line on the wall that kids could touch while walking in the hallways to help them be comfortable in their "space". But if everyone is blowing you off it definitely sounds like you need some outside reinforcement.

Have you posted in Special Needs for suggestions?

[meg-momto2]

it's very frustrating. this is stuff we've struggled with all his life. only now do we see just how much it will effect his social and school life. i made a post a week or so ago about how to get help for him. i haven't asked about suggestion for school discipline. i'll post something after todays appt.

[LynnS6]

In my limited experience, schools don't do well with explosive kids. They see the behavior as willful, and therefore controllable.

If you can get him a psych eval and a diagnosed 'condition', they'll be much more likely to attempt modifications of their usual routine.

Do you think his issues are sensory? Other? (Have you read "The Explosive Child"? The "Out of Sync Child"?)

[Magella]

I don't know if it would help you or not, but the author of The Explosive Child (which I love and found to be extremely helpful with my child's behavioral challenges) also recently wrote a book (which I have not read) called Lost at School: Why Our Kids with Behavioral Challenges are Falling Through the Cracks and How We Can Help Them. I've heard him speak, and he's done a lot of work with schools and kids with behavioral challenges.

Greene follows up The Explosive Child with an in-depth approach to aid parents and teachers to work together with behaviorally challenging students. Greene's philosophy is driven by the recognition that "kids who haven't responded to natural consequences don't need more consequences, they need adults who are knowledgeable about how challenging kids come to be challenging." Greene's "Plan B" system, which is fully and clearly explained in the course of the book, emphasizes identifying challenging behaviors-acting out, hitting, swearing, poor performance in class-and then working with students to find actual, practical ways to avoid them.

I wonder if this book might give you some ideas about how to work with your child's teacher.

I hope the psych. evaluation is helpful. Good luck.

[One_Girl]

The teacher is going to use the discipline style she believes is appropriate for her class and she is very unlikely to reward a child who is acting out by allowing him to be line leader. Teacher's do have the right to discipline the children in their classroom in the way they believe is appropriate for the situation. It is very hard to go from having a lot of control over how your child is disciplined in daycare or at home to having absolutely no control at all. It is something many parents go through. I think that it would be helpful for you to tell them his triggers and it may help your son to be more successful if you sit down and talk to the teacher about what you can do to help your son remember the school rules and her expectations for the classroom at home. You should also ask her how she has dealt with children like your son before and how successful that has been. I am sure this isn't the first time she has had a child like yours in her classroom unless it is her first year teaching.