When your young child does something "rude"...

[honey-lilac]

I wasn't really sure how to phrase the topic.

Basically, it's this.

DS is 2.5 and isn't particularly verbal but does have some phrases.

We were at the checkout line at a big box store which shall remain nameless. It was a long wait and we were there for a while, but DS was being very patient. In back of us there was a lady with a small baby in a carseat... not a newborn but 3-4 months at most. The baby was crying and had been for a long while, really working up to it. DS gets really worried when babies are crying because he looks out for his baby sister a lot. (DD was with DH today.) Anyway, the lady starts telling the baby off, saying in a really mean voice that "I don't want to hear it, just stop freaking crying already," etc. I tried my best sympathetic looks on her in case she was just stressed out and self-conscious, but she was just rolling her eyes at everyone including me. Whatever. I bit my tongue, as the baby wasn't hysterical or anything, but heading there.

DS watched for a while, getting more and more upset, then yelled out at the lady, "BABY CRYING, HELP BABY" and gave the lady the dirtiest look. Of course she was shocked and gave HIM a pretty dirty look, but didn't say anything to me or DS and actually went to another checkout line. And then it was our turn at the register so DS got distracted and whatever. But I froze. Was I supposed to tell DS that it was rude to scold people, especially strangers? DS has the attention span of a fly at this point so talking about rudeness doesn't do a whole lot at this point. That would also be somewhat hypocritical because I actually agreed with him in principle and thought it was good that someone spoke up, even if it was a toddler. Should I have apologized to the lady for him? (She left anyway.) I mean, I'm sure there was a graceful way I could have handled this, but I just don't know how. Ideas?

[HappyMommy2]

I would have been happy that DS was free to tell the lady what I wanted to say myself!

[AGF]

oh phew.
i think its fine to let this one go. he is a baby himself and as an adult , the other mother I'm sure was not offended. he did not say anything wrong and kudos to you for raising a compassionate child!

I thought you were going to say something like the pointing and loud "THAT LADY HAS A BIG TUMMY" kind of rudeness.
Then, I would have something to say to the kid.

No problem here, IMO.

[Sotevenn]

IMO, he wasn't rude... I'd consider it very appropriate behavior (caring & wanting to do something to help when another human is in distress).

[LynnS6]

That wasn't rude, that was honest and caring. He said what everyone was thinking. I HOPE that mom was embarrassed, even if she was having a bad day.

Rude is: When you're camping and the people in the campsite next to you begin to pray loudly, in what I would call a charismatic style - shouting out praises, etc. And then your 5 year old yells over "Your singing is really weird!" I was FURIOUS because I had just explained that they were praying and she should be quiet. I asked her to sit for 2 minutes without saying anything (and so they could finish in peace).

[RiverSky]

I would have nodded and said, "Yeah, that poor baby is crying, just wants to be picked up and cuddled. I'm sure her mommy will do that in a bit."

[kooshbob]

Well I guess you could encourage him not to yell it and talk to him briefly about how the situation made him feel since obviously it upset him, heck it'd upset me, but with that particular example I'd find it hard to be too disgruntled with him!

[jewelsJZ]

I agree, not rude at all. And perhaps, who knows, maybe that mom will reflect on her response to her babe. We can hope, right?

[pjs]

I don't think what he said was necessarily rude, but what if he said the same thing if he saw her feeding the baby a bottle or doing any other parenting thing that's done differently than in your house? I probably would have said something to my child along the lines of some mommies/daddies/families do things differently or the baby has it's mommy right there and will be ok.

[newbymom05]

I think that's totally appropriate for a 2.5 y/o, but if my 4 y/o said it I would agree with him but gently explain that it's not nice manners to correct an adult/other person. That's how I handle many etiquette situations--it's not nice manners--and my intent is that he gets older he will make the choice on how to act.

[lonegirl]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

That wasn't rude, that was honest and caring. He said what everyone was thinking. I HOPE that mom was embarrassed, even if she was having a bad day.

EXACTY!! When Tyr hears a baby cry he always shouts out that the baby needs a "sleepy shoulder" as this is what he gets.

[Zenful]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Rude is: When you're camping and the people in the campsite next to you begin to pray loudly, in what I would call a charismatic style - shouting out praises, etc. And then your 5 year old yells over "Your singing is really weird!" I was FURIOUS because I had just explained that they were praying and she should be quiet. I asked her to sit for 2 minutes without saying anything (and so they could finish in peace).

I guess we all have our own definitions of what's rude I personally feel that your daughter telling them she thinks their singing is weird isn't rude, just honest. Little kids often don't know how to not be honest, and if they feel strongly about something, they often don't have any qualms with speaking up about it. I find this refreshing, especially in this day and age where we're almost always supposed to keep our comments to ourselves (especially in regards to religion).

Also, I find people who pray loudly in an odd charismatic style while in public to be rude. If we're supposed to respect their space then they should also respect ours, ya know. Keep it at church or at least not right next to someone's campsite.

[WinterPearl]

I think that I agree with everyone so far, I would have been very proud if my DS said that, but then I would tell him not to yell it. The only thing my DS does when he hears babys/other kids cry is copy them.... Kind of in a 'I can make that sound too' way.

[rightkindofme]

When my young child (15 months) does something I consider rude I tell her, "Hey! That was rude. Please do _________ instead."

That said in your situation I probably wouldn't have interceded. Cause I don't think that saying the truth is really all that awful.

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by AGF

I thought you were going to say something like the pointing and loud "THAT LADY HAS A BIG TUMMY" kind of rudeness.
Then, I would have something to say to the kid.

IMO, with a 2.5 year old saying something like that is also not rude. Small kids don't have the ingrained sociatal norms that adults do. To a 2.5 year old, having a big tummy might be seen as a *good* thing. Think how often children are praised for getting bigger or being so cute and pudgy. The child would be making a comment. Sure, I would say to my child something like, "Yup, everyone is shapped differently. Lots of people don't like strangers talking about their body, though, so you probably shouldn't say that" or something similar. DS very loudly said that DP's friend's skin was really dark. It wasn't rude, it wasn't polite--- to him, it just was. Same response, "Yup, Stan's skin is nice and dark brown. Isn't it cool how many colors there are?"

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by Kaleanani

DS watched for a while, getting more and more upset, then yelled out at the lady, "BABY CRYING, HELP BABY"

:

Oh, bless your little one! My dw is very, VERY "new england" and has trained our kids from a very young age to "mind their own business" as it is seen where we live, which means they also just stare on helplessly when something happens that is upsetting.

I just adore this story of your son! So sweet!

[Sierra]

P.S. Today at the grocery store, my three year old was very rude totally unintentionally. She heard a woman and man speaking very loudly to one another, and it happened to be in a language other than our own. She pointed right at the woman (an issue itself) and said, "That is not good!" (something my kids say about anything they think is "naughty.") I asked her what she was talking about and she said, even more loudly, "She is saying something different!" I wanted to sink into the earth.

Nevermind that we live in an urban area with a high immigration rate, and we sometimes go to a busy playground and hear no English spoken at all. Nevermind that my FIL-- at our active encouragement-- speaks his own native language to my kids some of the time. Nevermind that two of our best friends speak English only about 50% of the time in their homes. Nevermind that there is absolutely NO English spoken in the grocery store we go to second most frequently.

I don't say this to hijack the thread. What I mean is, something like that seems like some cause for embarrasment. I did my best to talk with her quietly about it in the store, but it is going to be some conversation starter between dd and myself later on as well, when we get a quiet moment.

What your son did would have left me just feeling 100% relieved that someone did speak up. I would just be all that much more in love with my son if I were you.