Do you let your kids cancel playdates?

[Dandelionkid]

My friend cancelled a playdate today, 5 mins before she was supposed to be here, because her dd5 didn't feel like going anywhere. She asked if we could come there but I was in the middle of making puff pastry (it turned out really well!) so I didn't want to leave my house. It is REALLY annoying to disappoint my dd 5 mins before they were supposed to come and I find the reason REALLY annoying. If it was my dd and she "didn't feel like it" I would try to compromise and go for a shortened trip rather than miss it all together. It's just very rude and inconsiderate imo. GRrrrrrr....

[VBMama]

We've never canceled a playdate with that little notice, even if someone doesn't feel like going. Too disappointing for the friend waiting to play and too rude to the parent who got ready for playdate. I even feel bad when I have to call several hours early because someone is sick.

[Dandelionkid]

Thanks for replying- it feels good to vent a bit.

[Sailor]

My mom always let me cancel play dates. Even at the last minute.

She used to approach it differently, i.e. she'd make me go away. However, that stopped because each time she did this, I would go with her to the house, and then I'd sit there in complete and utter stony silence. I wouldn't speak, wouldn't play, would ignore everyone and everything. If I didn't want to do something ... nothing would make me do it.

After a while, my mom gave up, lol.

So ... you never know. Maybe your friend has a similar dd. I admit I was stubborn and bratty, and my poor mom had to live through many embarrassing public moments. But, hey, most of us grow out of it.

[just_lily]

I don't think I would allow a last minute cancellation unless there was a really good reason. We need to remember that we are raising adults, and cancelling on a friend with five minutes notice is really rude!

I would explain to my kid that when we make commitments to people we need to follow through with them, especially when they are kind enough to invite us to their home. I would maybe negotiate that we would go for a little while, and that if she wasn't having fun we could leave - but to not go is too rude for me.

[Sailor]

Well, if it makes anyone feel better (in case anyone here has a child that acts like I used to), as an adult, I keep all my appointments and never cancel at the last minute. So ... in my mom's case, allowing me to cancel play dates didn't affect my being responsible in adulthood. But, it did save my mom a lot of embarrassment in terms of watching me ignore everyone at said play date.

[baltic_ballet]

Originally Posted by just_lily

I don't think I would allow a last minute cancellation unless there was a really good reason. We need to remember that we are raising adults, and cancelling on a friend with five minutes notice is really rude!

I would explain to my kid that when we make commitments to people we need to follow through with them, especially when they are kind enough to invite us to their home. I would maybe negotiate that we would go for a little while, and that if she wasn't having fun we could leave - but to not go is too rude for me.

I agree - unless my child was suddenly very sick at the last moment, I wouldn't do a last minute cancellation as it's rude to the host.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by Sailor

My mom always let me cancel play dates. Even at the last minute.

She used to approach it differently, i.e. she'd make me go away. However, that stopped because each time she did this, I would go with her to the house, and then I'd sit there in complete and utter stony silence. I wouldn't speak, wouldn't play, would ignore everyone and everything. If I didn't want to do something ... nothing would make me do it.

After a while, my mom gave up, lol.

So ... you never know. Maybe your friend has a similar dd. I admit I was stubborn and bratty, and my poor mom had to live through many embarrassing public moments. But, hey, most of us grow out of it.

Good point. Said child is an only child and used to getting things her way so she IS very persistent.

[MommyKelly]

I wouldnt cancel unless it was an emergency, but I would prefer someone cancel on me then bring their crabby kid to my house to ruin my kids day. LOL

[Sailor]

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

Good point. Said child is an only child and used to getting things her way so she IS very persistent.

Hey ... that explains it - I was an only child too!

[Marsupialmom]

Since my kids would never do that I would have a hard time imaging that situation.

If my children would make that request I would have to honor it. It would be so outside of their personalities. I would think that something is wrong with them or there was some other issue.

[seawind]

"Didn't feel like it" isn't reason enough for me to cancel a playdate at the last minute. Rather inconsiderate. Allowing these things as a matter of course leads to a undesirable precedent, imo.

I also find it strange that the child's mother actually asked if you wanted to come over, instead!

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmom

Since my kids would never do that I would have a hard time imaging that situation.

If my children would make that request I would have to honor it. It would be so outside of their personalities. I would think that something is wrong with them or there was some other issue.

same here.

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

Depends on which kid we're talking about and how vehemently they're objecting to going. Jesse and Davin would be perfectly content to never leave the house for the rest of their lives, but they don't fight me about getting in the car and usually have fun when we get there. If one of my more social kids wanted to cancel a playdate I would try to find out why. If they were very insistent and no explanation were forthcoming, I would let them cancel, even at the last minute, because I'd know there was some deeper issue going on. Profuse apologies to the other mom would be in order, but I'm not going to drag a kid out kicking and screaming for something they're supposed to be enjoying.

ETA: If one of my kids wanted to cancel that badly, I certainly wouldn't be inviting the other kid over to my house instead until I understood what the problem was. That part seems very strange to me. Only children tend to get their way most of the time, though, IME.

[Viola]

I wouldn't cancel in a one on one situation like that, but I might elect not to go to a park playdate if my child was just in a horrible mood. And I had a friend who would sometimes cancel if her child just didn't want to go. Which worked out fine, because if she came and brought her child, it was even more frustrating if the girl cried and just didn't want to play.

I am talking younger kids here, like 6 and under.

It's very upsetting and frustrating to me when people make plans and don't show up and don't call, and you find out later it just wasn't working for them for some reason. So I felt like I could never tell my daughter that a friend was coming over, because it didn't work out some of the time and it made her very upset.

[pjs]

Originally Posted by just_lily

We need to remember that we are raising adults, and cancelling on a friend with five minutes notice is really rude!

I would explain to my kid that when we make commitments to people we need to follow through with them, especially when they are kind enough to invite us to their home.

Exactly!

[Needle in the Hay]

It just seems odd to me. Did the child want to go 10 minutes before the playdate but then not 5 minutes before? When we have somewhere to go I let my DS know ahead of time and then say things like "OK I'm going to go get ready and then we'll leave to go to _____'s house or X activity or appt or whatever.

I ask my DS before I would set something like that up and can't imagine him deciding 5 minutes before that he didn't want to go. And he's a spoiled only child
So who knows, maybe there is more to the story. Has this child come over before without any problem?

Oh btw, my aunt used to to that with my cousin. We'd agree I'd come over and then when I'd get there sometimes my aunt would answer the door and say "Cousin doesn't feel like playing right now" in this condescending voice. It was very rude and her DD was always allowed to be as rude as she wanted (and when I say "allowed" I don't mean to say she should have been forced to play but it was never even talked about how it might disappoint the other child, etc). She was one of 3 children so it can't just be an only child thing!

[newbymom05]

Originally Posted by just_lily

I don't think I would allow a last minute cancellation unless there was a really good reason. We need to remember that we are raising adults, and cancelling on a friend with five minutes notice is really rude!

I would explain to my kid that when we make commitments to people we need to follow through with them, especially when they are kind enough to invite us to their home. I would maybe negotiate that we would go for a little while, and that if she wasn't having fun we could leave - but to not go is too rude for me.

Totally agree! Personally, I think that kind of catering leads to bratty self-centered behavior, not the other way around. No offense meant to reformed former play date cancellers.

[mamazee]

I can't even imagine my dd canceling a playdate.

Well, with her, like a pp said, it would be so weird I'd worry that she must be getting sick or something, so I would cancel.

[Alyantavid]

I can't imagine not letting my kid cancel a playdate. I probably wouldn't at the last minute though.