sharing between babies?

[Erlaine]

A short post since we have to go get breakfast -

babies (of me and a friend) are 16 mo and 9 mo. (My DD is the 9mo). 16 mo grabs away a toy and my LO gets upset. To some extent can be comforted by being given a substitute toy. Or if lots more toys are introduced, so each baby won't be quite so interested in what the other has.

They seem very intent on taking things away from each other and get upset about it. I feel disinclined to take away toys from the "stealer" to give back to the baby who was initially playing since that seems to me would model the behavior that it's okay to grab toys away from someone who's enjoying them.

I don't believe my 9 mo is ready for logical explanation at this point so I have just tried to stay present when she gets upset. And really, when she gets very upset about a toy being taken, it's a quick downhill to being upset no matter what, even if the original toy is returned.

What do people think? Is my job to be the arbiter, to mete out justice? Or just to let them explore and observe what it feels like when someone takes a toy, even when the crying is hard for me to listen to?

[caro113]

My friend and I get together all the time and our daughters are 10 months apart. (10 months minus 2 days :P) So DD is 11 months and A is 21 months. Not only do they take toys from each other, but now they take food from each other. Or rather, my daughter takes food away from A. Just the other day A was given a cracker. My daughter took it from her and started eating. Now my friend said it was okay because she had more but it wasn't okay because my daughter didn't like it. She kept taking a bite and spitting it out! Taking food from A and then wasting it. She didn't seem to find when I substituted the cracker for one of her teething biscuits.

So you are not alone!

What I tend to do is have a lot of toys for them to play with. Of course, they still tend to want what the other has simply because the other has it. I usually tell them that they have to share. When my daughter takes a toy I ask her to please give it back because it's not nice to take toys. I then gently take it from her. A is a bit older so when her mom tells her to give it back, she usually does.

I would try to introduce a lot toys. As long as they aren't hurting each other when they take the toys, it's not a big deal. I wouldn't let her cry, though. Rather, I would comfort her. Hard. I know. They love taking from each other. I have noticed though that if you don't make a big deal about it, they seem to not realize it's a big deal kyim? As parents, we get concerned that the child might get upset and then because of that they get upset. Not always the case but sometimes.

I hope the playing and sharing gets better! It definitely has since my daughter has gotten older.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by Erlaine

I feel disinclined to take away toys from the "stealer" to give back to the baby who was initially playing since that seems to me would model the behavior that it's okay to grab toys away from someone who's enjoying them.

It would model the same if you took the toy and kept it to play with yourself, but not if you take it to return it to the offended child. At this age, I return the toy with a short explanation and move on.

I'd prefer, however, to intercept the snatching at this age. If you are down with the kids, and see one honing in on another's toy, stay close and be ready to stop a snatch--and then teach the 16 mo to offer a different toy to the 9 mo, in trade for the toy they wanted to snatch.