dont know where to get help

[fakename]

regular poster, but too much of a sissy, and too ashamed of my actions to post under my real name. Lately, at best, I can be a somewhat decent mom, maybe get a load of laundry or two in, OR get the dishwasher loaded. Not much else. At worst, I feel like I can't even stand to be around my toddler, I yell, I get pissed off over stupid little things, and just.. ugh.. not the mom I intended to be. I even spanked my 2 year old today and i feel like a complete utter piece of shit of a mom for it. My 2 year old isn't even THAT bad. easy to average, as far as toddlers go. i babysat MUCH more difficult kids as a teen, and I did it with patience and grace. Nothing is "aimed" at the baby.

I feel like I'm ready to suck it up and take drugs for it, but I don't know WHERE to get them. I've never gone to a dr around here except walk in clinics. I had a homebirth. I'm jealous when I heard another mom talking about how she just called up her ob's office, and they called in a rx for her, simple as that, no office visit. my mw can't prescribe anything. i'm sure she could tell me where to go, but back to being too much of a sissy to post under my own name.. i'm too ashamed to admit to her that i've been a crappy mom. And I'm just visualizing the awkwardness of the appt. it would be a new patient appt, so no established history or anything. are they going to want all the dirty details? Ask me a bunch of annoying questions about my "symptoms"? i just want this to be as simple and straightforward as possible. you know, just hurry up and sign the rx so I can get out of here, get to the pharmacy to fill it, and start taking it so I can start feeling normal sooner. Can I just cold call the closest GP and go there, or are they going to want to refer me to a psych, or what? i just want this quick and painless...

[CHoney]

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well.

My doctor referred me to the postpartum mental health support unit at the hospital. I was too scared to go, and waited 6 months before seeking help. I was nervous to go in and talk to the worker, but felt so relieved afterwards.

Do you have something like that where you live? I felt ashamed to admit I was feeling really low, but I feel so much better now. Counselling has really helped put me back on track. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

I hope you're able to find a compassionate doctor. Do you have a friend or partner that could take you? My DH drove me there and looked after the baby outside while I went in. Perhaps you could go to a walk-in clinic and tell them you need support and are suffering from PPD. If they're unable to help, I'm sure they will point you in the right direction.

[Savoir Faire]

You can go to most family doctors to get help. If it makes you feel a bit better, go to a female doctor, especially if you can find out if she has children.

She's probably going to ask you some questions, but I don't find the questions that bad. It's just how it has to be. And she'd want to make sure she has the right meds for your needs.

GET HELP. Do it...please???? Do it for your child, if anyone. She deserves her mommy here.

[fakename]

i just started looking in a local hospital's "women's health" section and found a place i might be able to go to.. it looks like i can even make an appt online, which is nothing less than a godsend. I think picking up the phone and STARTING the process is the hardest part. much easier to make an appt online. then i just have to show up.

I cringe at the thought of medication. but i know i have to. i can't let my 2 year old be on the receiving ends of my frustrations.

[fakename]

well, turns out "online scheduling' was simply too good to be true. its merely registration for already made appts. I worked up the courage to call in person and got an effing voicemail. Best time to call: 9:30-11:00am. but she checks it throughout the day and will call back? I don't leave voicemails. Quirky phobia, but I just don't. i'll have to call back monday i guess.. annoying.

[njkarin]

It was really hard for me to call too but once I did, it felt like I was finally not alone in my situation (although my DH was extremely supportive). When you get in touch with a professional, it makes you feel like someone else is shouldering the challenges you are going through.

In addition to taking meds, it is so important to talk to someone too. When I asked my doctor (DO, very pro-natural childbirth) for an rx, I just broke down and started crying in her office. She did have to ask some questions but I found answering the questions very relieving. Then when you talk to a counselor, psychiatrist, etc., it helps you get at some pretty important issues that help you toward recovery. The meds alone are not enough, IMO. Good luck.

[darcytrue]

Do you have a local medical clinic in your town? Most of those can let you pay on a sliding scale if you have no insurance. If you have insurance then I'd simply make an appt with a medical doctor/family practice and go in. I had to do that a few years back. I went in and told my new doc my history and he put me on meds immediately after that first appt. Once you get that first appt in with most doctors you can call in and they do things over the phone a lot of the time, once they know your history and have met you.

And please try not to feel bad for your situation or for what you are going through. You are definitely not alone.ever.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by fakename

I cringe at the thought of medication. but i know i have to. i can't let my 2 year old be on the receiving ends of my frustrations.

I know your child is only 2 but have you considered looking in to a preschool or mothers morning out program for your child? Maybe just having a break from one another a few hours a week would help. It sounds like you desperately need a break for yourself.

[mouthcave]

whoa, i'm wondering if somehow i am blacking out and making these posts under that name. i'm going through the EXACT same thing. PPD, blowing up at my 2 year old, being too scared to make an appt with some random dr, etc.
so thanks for posting this.
also

[fakename]

ugh. well i feel pretty kicked to the ground now. it was SO HARD to make the call. I had to really psych myself out. I looked at the website, at the pictures and bios of the drs there, visualized talking to them. imagined THAT face being the one who would be sympathetic and helpful. Got comfortable going to *that* clinic. then I called and all I get was a receptionist who hung up on me after saying they aren't accepting new patients. Lovely. I'm pretty much back where I started then.

[Abismommy]

OP I could have written this almost exactly While I have always been dead set against meds...we're looking into someone who can work with us for free. We cannot afford anything at all at this moment.

[GearGirl]

Can you get someone to call and make you an appointment? Sometimes that is a hurdle that is hard to get through, but once you have the appointment you will go. You really will feel much better after getting help. I needed help with PMS and I felt like you described during the week before af. I even knew my cycles were coming back when I yelled at my ds 1 and squeezed his arm. I felt awful, but since I only suffered from this for a week a month I was able to see the effect that hormones can have, and the loss of control compared to my "normal" self. You can and will feel better, just do it for yourself. It's hard to give all this information to a stranger, it pretty much sucks, but you can pretty much count on the fact that they have heard it all before.

[fakename]

I have an appt for this friday. i think the hardest part is finding someone I feel "safe" talking to. the first place seemed like a popular one, apparently too popular. the person who answered the phone didn't sound like a "friendly voice" (and then i was pretty much hung up on thinking "wtf? now what?") I found a PMHNP who is also a CNM. I know there are crappy midwives out there (and for all I know, she could be one of them! heh) but something about her being a midwife makes her easier to trust. Then the person who answered the phone sounded like someone who gave a damn, not someone who hated her job..funny how the voice/tone of the person answering the phone gives such an impression of the place.

[darcytrue]

I'm glad you got an appt somewhere. I hope they can do something for you.

[Kismet_fw]

Glad for the appointment, but really glad you won't be feeling alone now. Do you have someone to watch the baby while you go?

[kayleesmom]

great to hear you got a appt and wanted to send a hug