UC minded birth plan for hospital??

[ShadowFox]

I reallyyy want a uc... Its in my blood.. literally. (I was born at home UC).
My husband is the nervous type and I reluctantly agree to go with a birthing center in a hospital. I want to somehow get my birth plan to reflect the birth I truly want. How would you word a birth plan with a u/c mindset??

P.S I hope this makes sense....

[MittensKittens]

I wouldn't. Sorry you and your DH are not on the same page! I wouldn't change birth plans for a man. If you have the vagina, you get the final say. If you do end up at the hospital, I'd stay at home until you are 8 cm and nearly ready to push, to avoid interventions. Also, please be aware that it is likely that they will do stuff to your baby you probably wouldn't want, to make sure they are aware of your wishes in advance.

[fwlady]

I agree with the PP. Surely there is a way that you could persuade your DH, whether it is by more info, or even a bargain. After our first UC, and then a transfer for the placenta that I realized later was unnecassary, we considered a M/W for the next birth. My DH isn't a big birth fan, but he trusts me. He knows I will go in if there is a good reason, or something outside my expertise. DH wanted a pop up camper (which sadly we never got to use because we sold it to put a down payment on our house), and showed it to me. I told him that the savings was for a M/W and if he was okay with not having one (again), then we should get the camper. And, he was suppose to help me in some way, which he did, but we still had a female friend come over. He just isn't into birth. So, he readily agreed, we got the camper, and I had the most perfect UC ever without any transfer whatsoever. Can't say that for the births after, for this reason and that, but NOT because my DH has told me where I will birth or anything of the sort. Well, he wouldn't take me home once we were in the hospital per my choice for the transfer, but I think we coud have had real trouble had we chosen to go back home. It was a hospital birth next to homebirth that I could ever imagine. But, being a VBAC, those places are SOO rare.

Anyway, back on topic. I have heard that drs/nurses will be more trouble to you over a birth plan with many good points and specifics, then if you walk in without one, and just tell them as you go. They get all defensive and stuff, of what I have heard. We didn't have back up, nor a birth plan, and walked in with meconium waters after 90 hrs of PROM at 23 days "overdue". The baby was fine. And, they were extremely good to us anyway. So, it can happen, but maybe it was less offensive to them that I didn't have a list of this and that. IDK, just an idea.

If you really want a UC, then I say go for it!! Certainly, you can let your DH know that you will KNOW if something is wrong, and you will tell him, you will transfer. But, as long as everything is fine, then he can just trust you. You have the motherly instincts, you have a choice about your body, and you are looking at what is best for you and the baby. Kymberli

[sarahn4639]

I'm not a UCer, I'm a doula with experience in the hospital. You can't get a UC in the hospital. You can't get a homebirth in the hospital. When you go to the hospital, you get a hospital birth. I don't mean that to sound condesending, I just think it's important for you to go into it with your eyes open. I'm afraid that if you really want a UC type birth and you get a hospital birth because your husband wants you to you will be resentful and it won't be good for you your marriage. Perhaps a more appropriate compromise would be homebirth with a midwife. I understand and respect compromise and viewing the birth as an event that is important to both partners but the reality is that it is really YOUR experience. You are the one physically involved, you are much more deeply emotionally involved and you are the one that will be closest to that memory. Don't give up your wants, needs, and dreams for someone else's fear. I think it's important to talk about this and let him know that even if you have a great hospital birth, it won't be the birth you wanted and you're worried that you'll blame hime for that. It happens alot. Perhaps you could talk to some HB midwives and see where it sits for both of you. Best of luck on this journey.

[HisBeautifulWife]

My husband doesn't get to make these types of choices for me though he is welcome to his opinion.

But I must admit it's probably not easy to convince someone right off the bat about UC. I started with homebirth with a midwife because that is what I wanted. I gradually educated him on that. Then I started moving toward UC and educated him on that as well. I didn't just come out and say "let's have an unassisted birth!" It was a process, and it still is because he gets the birth thing but he doesn't get my "I don't want to go to the doctor unless something is wrong" prenatal stance.

Still it's not his choice to make for me; so I am glad that he respects me enough to know that I don't make any choices without putting in A LOT of research so I'd never do something blindly.

I would not have a hospital birth solely because someone else was afraid. That is not a good enough reason for me. And personally the thought of doing so would be terrifying. I am more afraid of a hospital birth than a home birth. But if you have the type of marriage where you really don't have a choice then the best you can do is labor at home for as long as possible.

Good luck.

[ShadowFox]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I appreciate it.
Hes not a control freak at all, but he has gotten freaked out since we got pregnant.
I had my husband on board with uc before we even got married. I even made him a book of all the uc information I fund over the years. (He hasn't read it yet though
But when we found out I was pregnant he started asking and talking to his friends about it. His friends who uced pretty much scared him against it.
They told him it was traumatizing and that we shouldn't have our first as a uc. Pretty much all of his friends have had traumatizing births apparently... No matter if it was hospital, birthing center or at home with or without midwife. Which really proves my point that no matter where you are birth is what it is.
I've been too sick the past few months to get into it and calm his fears so I agreed to the birthing center at a hospital.
Today is the first day I've felt like a human being and not the sick troll that lives under the bridge in ages. So I'm going to start working on winning him back to reason and if I cant I'll do what I know is best for me and baby.
Also I really need to train him not to listen to the negative Nancy's and Norman's of the world..
My mom taught me how to do that. She said when she first got pregnant she let the negative stuff go in one ear and out the other. There's no use holding on to negativity.
I'm leaving to my moms for two weeks and I'm going to leave him with some reading assignments.
Thanks for the advice ladies! I'm feeling refreshed and alive and ready to go.
I sure hope this feeling lasts. I'm so tired of feeling sick and tired!

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I, personally, would hide under my porch and give birth like a cat before I'd let my husbands wishes come before my own in this matter....I am willing to bend in most all things with him, because he is my darling mate and I love him dearly.....but what gos into and comes out of my vagina, does so on my terms, period. Just a general policy I have.


The best advice I could give you has already been given up top....stay at home as long as you possibly can...even if it means concealing how far along you are in your labor...remember that the instant you walk in the door of the hospital, the clock starts, so the longer you are at home, the better.

Also...you must, must make peace now, if you really are going to go, with the fact that they will want to do things to your baby that you may not ever do at home. I'm sure you can fight like a tiger for some things...maybe dim lights, quiet...fewer nurses, no monitoring....I don't know what kind of birth center it is...but if it's not freestanding, if it's attached to the hospital, I know the reputation of those places is that they are a farse sometimes and not really much different than the actual L&D in the hospital.

Labor at home as long as you can....as loooooonnnngggg as you can....and, make an absolutely crystal clear birth plan with very very specific wishes, clearly spelled out. I know it's not much...but it's something.

Labor at home as long as you can lady...like, maybe even to like...I don't know....crowning!! OOPS!

GL honey...I know your husband cares about you and is worried and that is why he's pushing you toward this....but please try to explain to him that birthing somewhere you are not comfortable is much more dangerous than birthing at home alone. He won't even consider home with a midwife????

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Originally Posted by ShadowFox

Thanks for the advice ladies. I appreciate it.
Hes not a control freak at all, but he has gotten freaked out since we got pregnant.
I had my husband on board with uc before we even got married. I even made him a book of all the uc information I fund over the years. (He hasn't read it yet though
But when we found out I was pregnant he started asking and talking to his friends about it. His friends who uced pretty much scared him against it.
They told him it was traumatizing and that we shouldn't have our first as a uc. Pretty much all of his friends have had traumatizing births apparently... No matter if it was hospital, birthing center or at home with or without midwife. Which really proves my point that no matter where you are birth is what it is.
I've been too sick the past few months to get into it and calm his fears so I agreed to the birthing center at a hospital.
Today is the first day I've felt like a human being and not the sick troll that lives under the bridge in ages. So I'm going to start working on winning him back to reason and if I cant I'll do what I know is best for me and baby.
Also I really need to train him not to listen to the negative Nancy's and Norman's of the world..
My mom taught me how to do that. She said when she first got pregnant she let the negative stuff go in one ear and out the other. There's no use holding on to negativity.
I'm leaving to my moms for two weeks and I'm going to leave him with some reading assignments.
Thanks for the advice ladies! I'm feeling refreshed and alive and ready to go.
I sure hope this feeling lasts. I'm so tired of feeling sick and tired!

I'm sad you know so many people who have had traumatizing births....but I'm really confused as to how that has anything to do with your birth??

You sound much more confident now though, I hope you can show him the light and make him see that it's not really fair to push you to birth somewhere you'd rather not....ESPECIALLY for the fact that he agreed to UC before you were even married...I wish you'd mentioned that in your first post!! I'd be like "Oh, sorry charlie...but you knew what I wanted all along..."

Be strong, be steady....you can find a way to met him at LEAST half way here...for me personally, I could give a rat behind about the way the hospital would want me to give birth....it's having them even TOUCH my baby after the fact that gives me the willies. :::

[NettleTea]

You might try some other options without resorting to hospital birth. Here are some suggestions.

Homebirth w/ hands-off midwife. That one can be tricky as there are some midwives who agree to be hands-off, but then they go back on that deal once you are in labor. So if you find one that you KNOW you can trust and no red flags then this is a good option.

Midwife birthing center (not a hospital one). If I were going to go this route I would make sure that I would be allowed to labor how I needed to and that there would be no interference or anything else unless I asked. Some birthing centers might not agree to that. But if you find one that does get it in writing. Have it be a signed agreement.

I am not sure what type of person your husband is, but if it were mine (though mine is the one who introduced me to the ideal of UCing) I would try and give him knowledge so as to dispel his fears. So, essentially, I would not just yet give up on having a UC...not without a fight.

Here are some tips on educating your husband.

Print off lots of info for him to read. Show him statistics regarding hospital births and that of home births. Regardless of how nay sayers want to paint it up, statistics show home births being safer than hospital births (duh). Show him different birth stories. The upcoming issue of mothering features some home birth stories. If he is willing have him read some UC or homebirth books. Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth" might be a good starting point for him - talk to him about different things from the book, etc. Show him Gregory White's "Emergency Childbirth" manual - point out the part that birth is so simple even a 5 yr old can "deliver" a baby.

The best way to counter fear is to be informed, to educate one's self. Otherwise it is just one big scary, unknown mystery.


(On a different note, I would opt for a regular homebirth with midwives over a hospital birth. Because almost always a homebirth even with midwives present is less offensive than that of a hospital birth. But that doesn't have much to do with UCing, I know (unless they are hands off). I am just throwing that out there as a last resort.)

[NettleTea]

I just read your update. Just wanted to let you know that our UC was our first birth. There is absolutely no reason not to UC with your first unless your own intuition says otherwise. But that is a different issue. People on the outside looking in are not you to know what is best.

People can say scary things or relay the horrifying stories they've heard all they want. Intuition wins over. Intuition should have the final say. They can sit there and stew in their negativity and TOTAL lack of support....doesn't mean you or your husband should be apart of it. That is the type of crap that you DON'T need. Support and encouragement is what you need to surround yourself with. Immerse yourself in it.