Schoolbus Stop Situation...was I wrong? (LONGGG) - Page 6

[Quinalla]

I think you did fine, though if I were that Mom I would be complaining a bit to the school. It is one thing if later in the year a child gets off at the wrong stop, but day 3? They should have a system in place to prevent that from happening. While I can see your DH's point that the Mom might have gone off on you so it might be better to let the "system" handle it, he is definitely overreacting with the abduction charges and what not

[seaheroine]

I think you 100% did the right thing, and I would be really grateful that you'd watched out for my children.

[vbactivist]

Actually, the kids are probably safer with some random mom than with the bus driver.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

Then they've *completely failed* because the most dangerous place for a child to be is in a car and this societal attitude that you can't trust anyone and kids are infants and/or in constant abduction risk is putting them in cars. Even if they ride the bus, moms are often driving to the stops to wait.

Oh, and they're getting really fat to boot, which is hardly safe. What's the obesity stat on US schoolchildren now? 30%?

Abduction? Yeah, that's a worry. I was actually thinking of traffic.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Abduction? Yeah, that's a worry. I was actually thinking of traffic.

This is why I would be happier with a stranger taking resposibility of my child than him wondering off on his own trying to find home.

One day I lost track of DS at IKEA, and I was so grateful that a lady took his hand and led him back to where he could find me, instead of him wondering out to the parking lot or into one of the warehouse areas with the fork lifts. I really wasn't worried the lady and man she was with would do anything or take him, but parking lots scare me.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by lajn

Just read this here earlier this morning:

If you wanted your child to be abducted, statistically you would have to leave your child unattended for 750,000 years for it to happen.

Pardon my language, but screw statistics! That statistic is garbage when it's your child. When my son was almost abducted my baby girl fell down and hit her head. I was tending to her for less than 2 minutes. TWO MINUTES and this man had my son almost out of the building. You can believe all the "statistics" you want (which are absolutely false), I will go on believing EXPERIENCE!

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Pardon my language, but screw statistics! That statistic is garbage when it's your child. When my son was almost abducted my baby girl fell down and hit her head. I was tending to her for less than 2 minutes. TWO MINUTES and this man had my son almost out of the building. You can believe all the "statistics" you want (which are absolutely false), I will go on believing EXPERIENCE!

again, i am sorry for your experience. but just because you are part of the 1% does not make the 99% untrue (in any statistic).

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by Beene

Yes, it turned out really well, and it helps if you can afford to live in a community where you can trust 99.9% of the people. Unfortunately, the rest of the world is not like that. I live in a metropolitan area and I would be LIVID if my kid was dropped off with someone I didn't have a clue about. In today's world you just have to be sure your kids are supervised by someone that is trained to do so, or someone that you personally know and trust. Too many things happen to children for me to feel all neighborly and trusty all the time. I wish it wasn't like this and it is not the way I was raised, but....c'est la vie.

I'm glad everything turned out well. I still think your DH had a point, but he was wrong to blame you and not the school's policy.

I *DO* live in a major city and it isn't the nicest part of the city. And no, not everyone is all neighborly and trusting all the time. But paranoia doesn't help and cannot replace street-smarts. The two things aren't the same.

And most children are abused/hurt by people they already know--not strangers.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I'm sure I did not. Strangers are safe. People in general are safe. Being afraid of every stranger does not really equip you or your child to recognize true danger when it presents itself.

:

In fact I tell my kids if they get separated from me somewhere to look for a mom with little kids in a stroller, and she will help you find me. Forget the security guard, forget the person in uniform. Go for the moms. We are the system.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by carmel23

But paranoia doesn't help and cannot replace street-smarts. The two things aren't the same.

What you call paranoia to me IS street smarts. I don't advocate paranoia, but I am all for not trusting everyone thinking that for the most part people are good and helpful. I have no reason to believe that a stranger will harm my child on a good day, but MY experience and my "street smarts", not statistics (which, by the way, are the same media you accuse of creating paranoia) tell me that strangers aren't always that helpful or kind, either. Since when is not wanting your kids dropped off in the care of a stranger when you are expecting to meet them elsewhere "paranoia"? It seems perfectly reasonable to me still.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by carmel23

:

In fact I tell my kids if they get separated from me somewhere to look for a mom with little kids in a stroller, and she will help you find me. Forget the security guard, forget the person in uniform. Go for the moms. We are the system.

Almost everyone is a mom. Having kids or a stroller doesn't make you qualified to watch out for a child's safety just like it doesn't automatically make you kind or mentally healthy. I know PLENTY of psychopathic moms I wouldn't EVER let have my kids for a second.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Beene

Almost everyone is a mom. Having kids or a stroller doesn't make you qualified to watch out for a child's safety just like it doesn't automatically make you kind or mentally healthy. I know PLENTY of psychopathic moms I wouldn't EVER let have my kids for a second.

right. there are plenty of psycho moms. But what's a better alternative? Tell them to look for someone in a uniform? and employee? Not safer, IMO. I would (and have) told them to look for another mommy to get help.

[carmel23]

Originally Posted by Beene

What you call paranoia to me IS street smarts. I don't advocate paranoia, but I am all for not trusting everyone thinking that for the most part people are good and helpful. I have no reason to believe that a stranger will harm my child on a good day, but MY experience and my "street smarts", not statistics (which, by the way, are the same media you accuse of creating paranoia) tell me that strangers aren't always that helpful or kind, either. Since when is not wanting your kids dropped off in the care of a stranger when you are expecting to meet them elsewhere "paranoia"? It seems perfectly reasonable to me still.

I haven't accused the media or anyone else of anything. I was just amazed that people are so distrustful of each other--no statistics here.

Look, the bus driver probably thought that the mom of the kids was either at this stop and running late, or at the next stop (which she was) and would tell her that the kids were waiting at they next stop.

We don't have to read every child abduction story into the situation. He asked the mom to watch the kids, she did. In a public place with other kids in a stroller, and her own kid who got off the same bus.

Of course the mom didn't want the kids to be dropped off at the wrong stop, that is silly. Of course no one ever wants children to make a mistake and get things wrong, but -- they often do. And it isn't the end of the world.

Paranoia is not wanting your child to stand on a street corner with another mom from your kids school for five minutes while you walk over their to get them-- and to think that every interaction with someone that you haven't personally selected and pre-approved is dangerous for them. The kids made the wrong call, they're kids after all. And yes, kids should be allowed to make some mistakes within reasonable boundaries.

I choose to not instill in my kids the idea that the world is this horrible, dangerous place and that everyone besides myself is a psychotic, incompetent person, or that it is the end of the world if they make a mistake.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by carmel23

Paranoia is not wanting your child to stand on a street corner with another mom from your kids school for five minutes while you walk over their to get them-- and to think that every interaction with someone that you haven't personally selected and pre-approved is dangerous for them. The kids made the wrong call, they're kids after all. And yes, kids should be allowed to make some mistakes within reasonable boundaries.

I choose to not instill in my kids the idea that the world is this horrible, dangerous place and that everyone besides myself is a psychotic, incompetent person, or that it is the end of the world if they make a mistake.

I agree with you there. The kids are NEVER to blame (as, shockingly, some pps have posted) and I would never teach my children that anyone besides me is horrible and the world is terrible. I stand by my view that this was a terrible incompetence of the bus driver and a failure of the school. I think the OP did a great job handling it under the circumstances. I wouldn't flame her for handling it so well at all. Luckily she was there to help when the busdriver did something wrong.

[Beene]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

right. there are plenty of psycho moms. But what's a better alternative? Tell them to look for someone in a uniform? and employee? Not safer, IMO. I would (and have) told them to look for another mommy to get help.

You bring up an interesting point and one that I have no opinion on as of yet (my 6 mo. is hard to lose ), but it makes me want to give him a cell phone just in case. lol. It may not work with all the drool in an emergency, though...

[changes]

If I would be the mom of the 'lost' girls I would indeed have a word with the school about the incident. And I would be grateful for the mom who had the common sense to stay with my kids and inform me where they were waiting.

In my neighbourhood there was a pre-school kid who fell asleep on the bus, and no-one had noticed, not the teacher accompanying them (!) and helping the other kids out of the bus, and not the driver when parking the bus somewhere outside the school (hired bus).
The child ended up alone in the parked bus. When he woke up he could open the door and get out. And luckily the kid (4) at that age had enough common sense to approach a nearby newspaper stand and ask for help. They called the police to help out. The child could tell his name, his parents names and part of the address. The police had to call the mother to say her child had been 'lost'. They had called the school who hadn't even noticed a child was not there. It all ended well but it's pretty bad overall. The child is a VERY sensitive being so it surprises me he's been dealing extraordinary well with the experience.

I wouldn't dare to count on bus drivers either unless they are specially trained/instructed on how to deal with the children on the bus. And in this case the driver needs a clear policy to hold on to for such situations.
I would think the bus in the OP's situation would also have an accompanying teacher on it? In that case I think the teacher is even more responsible for the incident than the driver, I think it should be up to the driver to drive and stop at a safe stop and to a teacher to make sure everything is going fine along the ride and during the stops. And the school to make sure employees know what's included in their tasks and to make sure everything is double-checked to avoid these kind of situations.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by changes

In my neighbourhood there was a pre-school kid who fell asleep on the bus, and no-one had noticed, not the teacher accompanying them (!) and helping the other kids out of the bus, and not the driver when parking the bus somewhere outside the school (hired bus).
The child ended up alone in the parked bus. When he woke up he could open the door and get out. And luckily the kid (4) at that age had enough common sense to approach a nearby newspaper stand and ask for help. They called the police to help out. The child could tell his name, his parents names and part of the address. The police had to call the mother to say her child had been 'lost'. They had called the school who hadn't even noticed a child was not there. It all ended well but it's pretty bad overall. The child is a VERY sensitive being so it surprises me he's been dealing extraordinary well with the experience.

A similar thing happened a number of years ago around here (not in our town but in our metropolitan area) and it didn't end well. The weather was bad that day, and the child died of exposure . Now all the school bus drivers are required to walk the full length of the bus when they park it, and put a notice that the bus has been check in the rear window.

[Mandynee22]

I think you were totally fine. Good thing the kids knew their number but even if they hadn't, the school would have. Good for you for sticking around and "not my problem"ing the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure a charge of abduction wouldn't stick... since you called the mother and told them where the kids were LOL

[Tizzy]

Carmel23 - OUCH! Thanks for personally attacking what I do for a living.

Just like any other job (including teachers!), some people do it to the best of their ability, others don't.
Some bus companies have stricter regulations than others. There are way too many factors to consider for such a generalization to be made.

I often get criticised for NOT bending the rules. It's not just my job at stake if I drop a young child of when someone is not home, or if I let them off with a stranger or at the wrong stop etc. If something happened to that child after I dropped them off, and I could have easily prevented it by arguing with the child and making them stay on the bus a few extra minutes, I'd feel pretty awful.

eepster described another rule we have here, we actually have to press a button at the rear of the bus before leaving the bus - otherwise the horn will go off. That way we are forced to make sure every child is off.


I think, with anything else in life, if you think something should be done in regards to your child(ren)'s school, then YOU have to speak up. If you see unsafe practices with the bus, speak up and talk to the school, school board or bus company.

[kitten18]

Originally Posted by eepster

I think the difference is in assumptions about what the bus driver would have done if the OP hadn't stepped in.

Would the bus driver have just let the girls go and driven off? (where I live yes.) People, who believe this, think the OP did the right thing.

Would the bus driver have taken them back too school? Those, who believe this, are more neutral on the subject.

Would the bus driver have radioed in and dropped the girls at the correct spot? Those, who think this would have happened, disagree with what the OP did.

The bus driver, the one who was legally responsible for the girls, could have still done any of those things even if the OP had not volunteered to watch them.


OP - I think you did a great thing, nothing wrong at all.