Schoolbus Stop Situation...was I wrong? (LONGGG) - Page 5

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I think you misunderstood the lesson.

I'm sure I did not. Strangers are safe. People in general are safe. Being afraid of every stranger does not really equip you or your child to recognize true danger when it presents itself.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

What in the world does this have to do with anything? A little girl near my city was recently kidnapped and murdered because her parents let her walk home from school alone at 8 years old. It wasn't even a big city. And like I said in my previous post my son was almost abducted when he was 2. You can stick your fingers in your ears and go "la la la" all you want but it doesn't make the world as safe as you are thinking it is. Hopefully you will never learn that the hard way.

I am sorry for what happened to your son. I can't imagine how horrifying that must be. But just because that happened doesn't make the world as dangerous as you are thinking it is either. Most kids are NOT abducted. Living in fear is a horrible, dangerous thing.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by choli

That little girl wasn't kidnapped and murdered because her parents let her walk home from school alone, she was murdered because an evil person wanted to murder.

Exactly.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

What in the world does this have to do with anything? A little girl near my city was recently kidnapped and murdered because her parents let her walk home from school alone at 8 years old. It wasn't even a big city. And like I said in my previous post my son was almost abducted when he was 2. You can stick your fingers in your ears and go "la la la" all you want but it doesn't make the world as safe as you are thinking it is. Hopefully you will never learn that the hard way.

That sounds an awful lot like blaming the victim. Her parents did nothing wrong. Unfortunately there is evit in this world. Allowing your school aged child to walk to and from school in not it.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by choli

That little girl wasn't kidnapped and murdered because her parents let her walk home from school alone, she was murdered because an evil person wanted to murder.

Yeah, that's kind of my point. If she hadn't been walking alone, the people would not have been able to kidnap her.

[Calidris]

Originally Posted by choli

That little girl wasn't kidnapped and murdered because her parents let her walk home from school alone, she was murdered because an evil person wanted to murder.

That's the problem with what-ifs. Somewhere a child got killed in a car accident on the way home from school, and some parents are wondering why they didn't just let him walk that day.

[Heavenly]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

That sounds an awful lot like blaming the victim. Her parents did nothing wrong. Unfortunately there is evit in this world. Allowing your school aged child to walk to and from school in not it.

I disagree. Yes, I do believe her parents are partly to blame because I do not believe an 8 year old should be walking home alone. You are completely proving my point in what you are saying. You say there is evil in the world - yes, there is. So why in the world would you not do everything you can to keep that evil from your child?!?

[Beene]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

I'm sure I did not. Strangers are safe. People in general are safe. Being afraid of every stranger does not really equip you or your child to recognize true danger when it presents itself.

Riiiiiiiight. Because danger is always so very apparent when you aren't afraid of anything or anyone....Do you teach your children that kidnappers and molesters have fangs or wear special "bad guy" badges? Think what you will, but we have a right to teach our children the difference between unfounded fear and the need to be careful. You are saying that if you don't trust everyone you don't know or believe that everyone is "good", then you are teaching fear? That's reality. We don't fear it. We live in it.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

Yeah, that's kind of my point. If she hadn't been walking alone, the people would not have been able to kidnap her.

Bad things happen, even when you think you are doing everything perfectly. It was a reasonable action (I can't even say risk) to take - walking home from school. It's hard to understand statistics when your child is part of the 1%. But it's like saying, I breastfed and my child still got sick, so breastfeeding isn't good for babies" of course some babies will still get sick. Statistically, though, breastfed babies are healthier.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I disagree. Yes, I do believe her parents are partly to blame because I do not believe an 8 year old should be walking home alone. You are completely proving my point in what you are saying. You say there is evil in the world - yes, there is. So why in the world would you not do everything you can to keep that evil from your child?!?

There is also so much that is wonderful. And you CAN'T keep your child away from all evil. It is impossible.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Beene

Riiiiiiiight. Because danger is always so very apparent when you aren't afraid of anything or anyone....Do you teach your children that kidnappers and molesters have fangs or wear special "bad guy" badges? Think what you will, but we have a right to teach our children the difference between unfounded fear and the need to be careful. You are saying that if you don't trust everyone you don't know or believe that everyone is "good", then you are teaching fear? That's reality. We don't fear it. We live in it.

HUH? No, I don't teach my children that bad guys have fangs,e tc. Did you read the debecker book? Of course I haev told my kids about way they could be hurt. But I don't expect them to walk around with major anxiety about the kidnapper who could be around every corner, because, honestly, its just not very likely that they will be kidnapped and murdered by a stranger.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by Beene

Riiiiiiiight. Because danger is always so very apparent when you aren't afraid of anything or anyone....Do you teach your children that kidnappers and molesters have fangs or wear special "bad guy" badges? Think what you will, but we have a right to teach our children the difference between unfounded fear and the need to be careful. You are saying that if you don't trust everyone you don't know or believe that everyone is "good", then you are teaching fear? That's reality. We don't fear it. We live in it.

Of course not everyone is good, or deserves to be trusted. But some posters are acting like everyon is bad, and NOONE can be trusted. As a matter of fact, someoene did post, "I don't trust any strangers". Thats what i was responding to.

[changes]

IMHO you were just the thoughtful helpful friendly mom and not the person to be judged or held responsible for the situation. You were there with 5 (young) kids offering to wait to help the two 'lost' girls. Chapeau!

I had a very similar situation and same reaction by dh. As concerning the nature of the situation I was in, ppl might even have more fierce reactions but I'm still convinced I did the thing that was the best to do while everyone else was merely standing by...

Our supermarket has a small indoor play area for age 3-6 next to their own fast food place. The play section is enclosed, there's always one shop staff supervising, and it's explicitly signed that parents are NOT to leave their children unattended, and that the shop nor the staff supervising are responsible for the children. The staff member mainly functions as a helper/superviser. There's an area where the parents can wait and watch the kids play, and communicate whit them when needed.

I've been there often with my kids (yes, often being bored but happy since my kids were having fun) and it happened many times that either parent(s) went of to order meals (from where they could not supervise their children even though it's 'close'), even occasionally some who intended on going shopping while leaving their kid at the playground. On few occasions the staff member was clueless what to do when there was an upset child and obviously no parent waiting at the fence. It happened that she had to, very reluctantly, take the child and look for the parent in the restaurant area, to find them leaving the play area for a short while (which is sure against job regulations).
One time there was a girl who happened to walk out of the room and no-one but the attendant had seen her go out. She ran and brought the girl back and it seemed her parents had 'left her there', staff member relieved she could prevent her from being lost. Later, the girl said she needed to go to the toilet urgently (about 3y old), the attendant couldn't leave and/or help her, no parent of the girl, first was waiting for her parent to show up, then I offered to look for the parent in the dining area while asking the attendant to pls make sure MY kids stayed there and to tell them I'd be right back (as I said come there often). We did not find the parents while standing right outside the play area. I sure wouldnt take her around the whole restaurant. Then the girl told me her parents actually went shopping! Wow! Then she said in tears and worry she really needed to 'go'. I did not know what else to do than to go back in, check with attendant and bystanding parents that I'd take her to the toilet then (right nextdoor) if there was no other way. I had to come back for her shoes which we forgot. Then to the loo. I did not feel super comfortable but my mom's heart could not let this girl wet herself because her mom wouldn't care!! Anyway, it was hardly in time. I brought her back, only got positive looks. Then all of a sudden the mom had showed up and taken her out so quickly that we almost hadn't noticed and the attendant hadn't even had the chance to talk to eher about leaving th child unattended. Us all having the 'poor girl' nod...

My dh also was very upset that I took a girl I didn't know to the toilet. I know if you think of worst case scenario it could be tricky, if you think of it as a story told only. He didnt make me feel good about my descision to help. But I know at that moment I DID the good thing for that girl. She was so lost and lonely and she had experienced there was at least SOMeone who cared. Yes, in a multiple choice question I may think more than twice and say not to do this. But real life has feelings to it, too.

I've also run after a boy on a trike who went around the corner of a street, a street going steep downhill, been running and running my heart out to get him. And luckily there had not been a passing car but few more seconds and he would have smashed a parked car or got killed whereever his adventure would end...

Sometimes you just act and thinking is not the best to do first, sometimes you may have thought better before acting, but the line is not always clear when it's 'urgent' to make a descision.

[bebebradford]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

No, she TOLD the driver to let them off with her. Her most likely would have kept them on the bus but this woman was assuring him that she would take responsibility for them.

NO the original post said the kids were already off, and the bus driver was looking unsure. She THEN said she would wait.

[bebebradford]

It's funny how some people can see a good innocent deed, and praise a person.. yet there's always a few who will find fault.


OP YOU ROCK MAMA!! Come be my neighbor any day! :

[eepster]

Originally Posted by bebebradford

It's funny how some people can see a good innocent deed, and praise a person.. yet there's always a few who will find fault.


OP YOU ROCK MAMA!! Come be my neighbor any day! :

I think the difference is in assumptions about what the bus driver would have done if the OP hadn't stepped in.

Would the bus driver have just let the girls go and driven off? (where I live yes.) People, who believe this, think the OP did the right thing.

Would the bus driver have taken them back too school? Those, who believe this, are more neutral on the subject.

Would the bus driver have radioed in and dropped the girls at the correct spot? Those, who think this would have happened, disagree with what the OP did.

[lajn]

Originally Posted by vbactivist

Bad things happen, even when you think you are doing everything perfectly. It was a reasonable action (I can't even say risk) to take - walking home from school. It's hard to understand statistics when your child is part of the 1%. But it's like saying, I breastfed and my child still got sick, so breastfeeding isn't good for babies" of course some babies will still get sick. Statistically, though, breastfed babies are healthier.

Just read this here earlier this morning:

If you wanted your child to be abducted, statistically you would have to leave your child unattended for 750,000 years for it to happen.

[vbactivist]

Originally Posted by lajn

Just read this here earlier this morning:

If you wanted your child to be abducted, statistically you would have to leave your child unattended for 750,000 years for it to happen.

Thank you

[GoestoShow]

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Edited by GoestoShow - 12/10/10 at 7:03pm

[Beene]

Originally Posted by GoestoShow

Oh my gosh! My son isn't anywhere near kindergarten yet, but I would not want him to have a tag with all that personal information on his backpack. No way, no how. In my opinion, that has a chance of being more dangerous --- anyone could see that tag. And while I don't have a everyone-stranger-is-dangerous attitude, I do proceed with caution.

I agree. But this gave me a funny visual of little kids running around with printed Mapquest directions hanging from their bags. lol. My imagination got away with that one....