Restoration

[KweenKrunch]

Hi savvy mamas,

Our unschooling group has a new mom with a 6-year-old daughter and a 9-month-old son. My daughter and her daughter have become friends and one day circumcision was brought up, and I told her that not only was my son intact but that I was very opposed to RIC. She seemed surprised - apparently she thought "everyone did it" - and I could tell that she was very disturbed that her own son had been circ'd at 3-days-old once I showed her pics of a circumstraint and some circ vids. Since she had had a cesarean (not sure what the reason was, need to ask) I guess they just took her poor babe away and did the surgery without her present and she had NO CLUE what went on.

Well, about a week later she called me and said she'd done a lot of reading and soul-searching and wanted to know what I thought about restoring her son's foreskin. I told her that honestly I didn't know - I know several adult men who had restored (including my husband) - but I am not sure it could be done on a baby. Most of the implements are of adult size. She wants to know if there is any way for her to repair the damage before he realizes what's been done.

Does anyone have any information on a mother restoring her infant son's foreskin? If you've done it, would you mind my acquaintance getting in touch with you?

Thanks!

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

No she cannot do anything. He will have to do it when he is older if he chooses to.

Restoring is very involved and lots of penis manipulation and some pain is involved.

All she can do is gather information on restoration and present it to him when she feels he is old enough to understand and decide if that is something he wants to do.

[LavenderMae]

Restoration needs to be something he decides to do when he's older. I think it would be highly inappropriate for anyone to manipulate a baby's penis the way you have to with restoration.

[Fellow Traveler]

I agree with the above at this point she should just leave it to him to decide to do it or not. But she should at some point share the information with her son, at the very least her regret to ensure that it doesn't continue. And of course she can share what she's learned with other too. But restoration, leave that decision to her son.

[mama24-7]

not about restoration but is she saying this was done w/o her consent? :

sus

[Noelle C.]

It's a lengthy, years-long process that can not be done to an infant or toddler.

[AXEius]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

No she cannot do anything. He will have to do it when he is older if he chooses to.

Restoring is very involved and lots of penis manipulation and some pain is involved.

All she can do is gather information on restoration and present it to him when she feels he is old enough to understand and decide if that is something he wants to do.

i just wanted to correct to say that pain is not a normal part of the restoration process nor is it required. however, if one is not careful pain is possible while restoring. the possibility of pain and its severity while restoring are completely dependent on method and experience.

[Picturesque]

Originally Posted by AXEius

i just wanted to correct to say that pain is not a normal part of the restoration process nor is it required. however, if one is not careful pain is possible while restoring. the possibility of pain and its severity while restoring are completely dependent on method and experience.

AND, the potential for pain is another reason why restoration should only be done by the owner of the penis.

[Yulia_R]

Please give a hug for me to this mama. I’m so sorry her doctor failed to informed her that this was purely cosmetic and about the details of the surgery.

The only thing I personally would be ok with is to tell him (when he is a bit older) that he can play pickboo (sp?) with his penis in a bathtub (himself, of course, and it's only possible if he has some foreskin leftovers). I remember reading here, on MDC, about a mama who did just that and her little one restored his foreskin just by playing in a bathtub.

Otherwise, I would strongly recommend to leave his penis alone. Plus making sure that no one (doctors, nurses, babysitters, etc.) retract it if the foreskin leftovers adhered to the glans. The only person who can mess with the penis is the boy himself.

When he is in his teen, I'd bring it up, apologize to him and tell him about restoration.

[Greg B]

I agree with the others. What is done is done and all she can do is help him get the information to make an informed decision about restoring. And be supportive if he decides to restore.

But she might also consider legal action against the doctor and hospital. Even if she signed a consent form while under anesthesia, that is not informed consent. Not while you are hyped up on mind altering drugs.

And even if she had signed consent forms while of clear mind, the medical community is notorious for minimizing and potential sexual function and feeling benefits of a foreskin, while making minor (and questionable benefits) benefits sound rock solid and indisputable. They typically provide highly biased information, masquerading as objective and balanced.

I am not saying she should pursue this, mind you, just that it is an option she can evaluate.

Regards,

[Crunchy Frog]

Sounds like she's trying to find some way of dealing with her feelings of guilt and regret.

Restoration would be inappropriate, but she might very well have grounds for a lawsuit. It does not appear that she was given genuine informed consent, if she didn't even know that not doing it was an option.

If I were her I would look into that. Alternately she might encourage her son to sue when he turns 18. At the very least she could send out some very strongly worded letters to the doctor and hospital administrators in question.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by AXEius

i just wanted to correct to say that pain is not a normal part of the restoration process nor is it required. however, if one is not careful pain is possible while restoring. the possibility of pain and its severity while restoring are completely dependent on method and experience.

Thank you for the correction. I had read online that it can be painful depending on the devices used and how fast the restoration is done and she wouldnt really know how much pain he was in and I can see the potential for real damage if the circulation was cut off as well.

[tutucrazy]

Restoration would be dangerous to a small child with a developing penis. The best thing for her to do would be to have conversations with him about what happened and for her to say make an apology to her son. When he reaches puberty she can give him information about restoration. There is a great book called The Joy of Uncircumcising that she could get him at that time. If he wants to restore at that point he can make the decision for himself.

[Ron_Low]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy

Restoration would be dangerous to a small child with a developing penis.

I can't imagine why it would be more dangerous than having the penis develop with part of it missing. I WISH I had restored before my glans experienced years of drying and abrasion.

If it was my infant I would try to use a passive skin retainer to keep his existing skin rolled forward over the glans. Changing to a fresh clean retainer with each diaper change would mean that a set of maybe 4 in his size would be needed to keep things streamlined.

I've heard of a kid as young as 5 restoring manually after just being instructed to pull on the skin every morning and night and with every trip to the toilet (after the child expressed a wish to match his younger brother).

I know of two cousins who started restoring with devices at 7 years old.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

That is great information.

For me the thought of messing with my childs penis that much squeeks me out. I would not be comfortable with it at all. The only time I touched ds's was if poo got around there and it wasnt often.

If someone else is comfy with it and it could be done with the guarantee that no pain or trauma would be done then I wouldnt think much of it. But for me it would be out of the question.

[~girlsmum~]

Originally Posted by Ron_Low

I can't imagine why it would be more dangerous than having the penis develop with part of it missing. I WISH I had restored before my glans experienced years of drying and abrasion.

If it was my infant I would try to use a passive skin retainer to keep his existing skin rolled forward over the glans. Changing to a fresh clean retainer with each diaper change would mean that a set of maybe 4 in his size would be needed to keep things streamlined.

I've heard of a kid as young as 5 restoring manually after just being instructed to pull on the skin every morning and night and with every trip to the toilet (after the child expressed a wish to match his younger brother).

I know of two cousins who started restoring with devices at 7 years old.

My DH has deep regrets about his circ'ing. And if I'd have had twin boys and gone the route of my family's line and had them circ'd I would now be living with a DEEP regret! I got an education and truly realized how aweful it can be for a boy to grow up in potential pain from having too much foreskin removed. DH and I talked at length about this and I can actually SEE the scar line on him and he has expressed that he's felt painful tugging of his penis as a youth.

I would personally research anything I could about early restoration as I would not want my little boy being in pain like his daddy was/is. That's so horrible that your friend didn't even issue a proper consent for the procedure to be done. :

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by Ron_Low

I can't imagine why it would be more dangerous than having the penis develop with part of it missing. I WISH I had restored before my glans experienced years of drying and abrasion.

If it was my infant I would try to use a passive skin retainer to keep his existing skin rolled forward over the glans. Changing to a fresh clean retainer with each diaper change would mean that a set of maybe 4 in his size would be needed to keep things streamlined.

I've heard of a kid as young as 5 restoring manually after just being instructed to pull on the skin every morning and night and with every trip to the toilet (after the child expressed a wish to match his younger brother).

I know of two cousins who started restoring with devices at 7 years old.

I totally agree that not growing up with a foreskin is also not ideal. In fact, the circumcision itself was probably the most dangerous of all. That said I would be very concerned with trying to tug on an infant. The problem with this is that you are not the owner of the penis so you don't have any idea of what is too much. This is also why we say only the owner of the penis should manipulate his foreskin. I don't see a problem with a child tugging on his own penis b/c he has the ability to feel exactly what is going on. Also the skin on an infants penis is going to be different than a child's or teens penis. Much more sensitive and probably a great deal more fiberous. Hormones released throughout childhood would change the tissue to a more elastic tissue. Finally, since an infants circumcision scar is more fresh, it is probably quite a bit more sensitive than an older scar. I know my c/s scar is extremely sensitive to tugging, being that it is only 1.5 years old. As time passes this scar is becoming less painful to manipulate.

I think the safest rule to follow is that only the owner of the penis should manipulate his foreskin or penis.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I think the safest rule to follow is that only the owner of the penis should manipulate his foreskin or penis.

I agree 100% with everything you wrote and especially this part.

[Ron_Low]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy

I would be very concerned with trying to tug on an infant. The problem with this is that you are not the owner of the penis so you don't have any idea of what is too much.

I'm not proposing tugging an infant. I'm talking about using a passive retainer to let him keep his existing skin rolled forward so it can act like the foreskin he was supposed to have. If you can't picture it, you can choose to PM me and I'll be glad to share details that are probably too much for general forum consumption.

[georgia]

Hi, yes, actually, per TCAC Guidelines, restoration is beyond the scope of the forum.

Foreskin restoration discussion is beyond the current scope of this forum, however, we encourage those interested to check the Web Resource Thread for further information and helpful sites devoted to this topic.

Thanks!