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When she wants straight hair... - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Quote:
a little girl looks, there is beautiful and straight and shiny hair that needs one pass of the comb and it's perfect hair. People with straight hair can roll out of bed and their hair looks normal.
I don't have curly hair or kinky hair, so of course I can't speak to that.

But this is a myth, that straight hair is easy. Straight hair also gets frizzy. It also gets tangly. I can't braid my hair. It won't stay in braids- it falls out. (I mean, falls out of the braids, not out of my head.) It gets weird when I sleep on it wrong. It falls in disgusting clumps when dirty. I have a neice whose hair is so fine that it gets knots when the wind blows it, knots that take ten to fifteen minutes to untangle.

I have no idea if it's easier or harder than curly or kinky hair but I do know that all girls deserve to know that the grass is always greener on the other side. We don't know other people's experiences.

So while I can't answer the OP directly, I can assure all the kinky-haired people out there that there are very, very few women who can do anything but a ponytail without a lot of work.

(And I can't curl mine, either- the curls won't "take". Lucky for me, I was never told that this was abnormal or somehow a hardship. I do feel sad for little girls who are taught that their hair is a hardship!)
post #22 of 25
Has anyone seen Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair? He was inspired by his daughter, who asked why she didn't have good hair. I've read good reviews, but haven't had a chance to see it yet.

Here's one interview with Rock.

Sometimes it happens the other way too. When he was a small child, ds had straight, fine, almost blond hair. He asked me when it would become thick and curly, like his best friend's. FWIW, I think there is a difference in that the cultural subtext isn't there for children who have fine hair and want it to be thick and curly. It may be easier for them to accept what they have eventually, and learn to appreciate it.

If anyone has seen the movie, I'd enjoy hearing a report about what you thought of it.
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post

But this is a myth, that straight hair is easy. Straight hair also gets frizzy. It also gets tangly. I can't braid my hair. It won't stay in braids- it falls out. (I mean, falls out of the braids, not out of my head.) It gets weird when I sleep on it wrong. It falls in disgusting clumps when dirty. I have a neice whose hair is so fine that it gets knots when the wind blows it, knots that take ten to fifteen minutes to untangle.

(And I can't curl mine, either- the curls won't "take". Lucky for me, I was never told that this was abnormal or somehow a hardship. I do feel sad for little girls who are taught that their hair is a hardship!)
My DD is 3/4 Japanese, 1/4 Northern European. Her hair is stick straight, curls won't take w/out a lot of styling products, and it tends to slip out of braids and pony tails. It's very frustrating as she wants to be "girly girly" with curls or braids every so often.

Funny thing is, that naturally wavy hair runs on both sides of my family, both DH's grandfather (Japanese) and my father and grandmother (European). When my hair is longish, it gets a lovely natural wave/curl thing going, but if it's too short or too long, it just looks frizzy as heck. When I was a teen, I wore my hair in a "page boy" style cut, and the frizzies made me envy my mother's very typically Asian hair.
post #24 of 25
My dd will be 4 next week. She's AA (from me) and PR (from dh). My hair is hella kinky and wooly soft, but hers is silky straight at the roots ending in spiral curls that extended to the small of her back when wet until 1 week ago when she had her first professional hair cut.

She'd been asking all summer since L, a caucasion play mate at school, got her hair cut at the beginning of summer. She kept saying she wanted hair like L's. I told her that even if it were cut, it would not look like L's. L has a passing wave in her hair. Finally, I remembered my stylist of years ago, before I went natural, was a PR woman. She would know what to do.

DD loves her hair cut! Much to my mom's chagrin, who even suggested I relax it! At 3!!! It's still past her shoulders, but it has been thinned/layered to take out some of the bulk and now I can actually let her wear it out because I've been given the right products for it and it's less bulky.

All that to say, as much as I cannot believe I actually took my 3 year old to a professional for a cut (since I had to beg, borrow and steal for my first visit at 12), it was worth it. She is happy to have had her hair cut like her friends and, most importantly, happy with her OWN hair. And it didn't cost me an arm and a leg!

Now, she has also asked to have her hair in twists like mine, or a puff like mine. I've told her I'll buy her a puff - LOL! And I'll employ a professional again if she pushes for the twists. They just won't hold in her hair if I do them, but, I'm sure something can be done so that she is happy with what she has on her head.
post #25 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by FullMetalMom View Post
Coming from someone with very NOT straight hair (white dad/black mom), I really hated it when everyone insists that my hair is beautiful, they wish they had it, etc. Just because you believe it is that way, does not mean that is her experience.

People with straight hair have NO idea what a pain the arse having curly/kinky/thick hair is! Everywhere, literally everywhere, a little girl looks, there is beautiful and straight and shiny hair that needs one pass of the comb and it's perfect hair. People with straight hair can roll out of bed and their hair looks normal. Not so for curly/kinky-haired people. I literally would have to wash, condition, brush for 15-20 minutes, rinse out conditioner, towel/air dry, brush again and pull back tightly in a bun to feel like I looked decent to leave the house. I am 28 and I still really dislike my hair and I especially hate it when people say "oh, but it's so beautiful, you are so lucky to have curly hair." I have worn it in braids for years now because it literally takes an hour every day to do if it is out.

Please do not dismiss your dd's feelings, just because you can appreciate it. Continue to express how beautiful you think she is, but also appreciate that she will have her own feelings on the matter since she is the one who has to live with it.

Rant over!
FullMetalMom,

Thank you for this. My children are biracial (I'm black, dh is white) and we have had lot of very stressful discussions over this same subject. My daughters hair sound like yours- her hair is incredibly curly, but we usually braid it for school. When its not braided, she can wear it down for 2 days- 3 max, because after that, it becomes one big twisted, dredlocked mass. She is extremely tenderheaded to boot, so washing, conditioning combing her hair brings on a LOT of blood, sweat and tears. She broke my heart a year or so ago (when she was 4)- I called her 'princess' and she told me "I cant be a princess because princesses don't have hair like mine!" She said it so matter-of factly, I could've cried. After that, I bought her tons of books (by Jump At The Sun) with black princesses, as well as other books featuring black heroines (Thunder Rose is one of our favorites!!). When she cries about her hair, I find myself saying a lot of the things that you've listed in your post. I'd like to know what WOULD make you feel better? She's only 5, so Im nt going t put chemicals or flat iron her hair, and she is SO beautiful, I don't want to cut her hair short...I really don't have a solution...As someone who's grown up on the "other side of the fence" so to speak, what do you suggest we do to help our girls feel good about their hair? Thanks so much for your advice!
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