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MIL purchased plastic toy - Wrong on so many levels! - Page 7

post #121 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
I hope this doesn't come across as morbid, but I wish someone had pointed this out to me when my kids were babies...

My MIL totally ignored my requests for wooden, creative, beautiful toys or experiences for our kids. she sent plastic, commercialized junk that the kids LOVED but then forgot about fairly quickly. I fretted every holiday, every time she visited with gifts (she lived far away) and every time she spoiled the heck out of my kids with her inconsiderate (towards me and my wishes) generosity (towards them) it drove me a little bit crazy.

My parents, on the other hand, quickly caught on that they had to be pretty careful in navigating my rules about gifts, so as not to annoy me. they started sending cash (or nothing at all, that happened a few times) and the whole gift-giving thing was kind of awkward with them. now they always only send cash, which is very practical, and the kids (8 and 10) are into it, but it isn't exactly thoughtful or memory-inducing...

MIL passed away a little over a year ago, and my children treasure every barbie, every spiderman, every little piece of plastic junk she ever gave them, because she gave it with so much love and affection -- she gave them things that she knew would light up their little faces, and as their grandma she had every right to do that. she fed them M&M's and root beer for snacks when we visited, and introduced my plain yogurt eating child to the glory of pink yogurt!!! she didn't get to see them very often, and I wish I had stayed out of it when she seized the opportunity to spoil them rotten!!

I don't know if you're blessed with an in-law as loving as my MIL was, but I miss her dearly, and would give anything for the kids to get to experience one more of her commercial crap shopping sprees -- yes, she was harming the environment, yes she was using commercialized crap to get closer to her grandkids, but it was really quite beautiful, once I was able to step back and remove my baggage from the equation.

just my .02...
I dont think I could have said this better myself.

My mother is HUGE on buying crap for my kids every time she is out. But is so excited to give it to them, and they just melt all over it. Not only does it make her life sweeter, but thiers too.
post #122 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by EviesMom View Post
In this case, I would just return it. If she asks, let her know that it was totally inappropriate for a 6 month old, so you got him --blahblahblah-- and how much he loves it.

If you weren't opposed to plastic, I would de-battery it and give it to the girls for pretend play of a construction shop/landscaping business (DD has seen dead trees taken down, and contractors at work, Could be a tool for good.) If questioned, I would say how DS was clearly not old enough for it yet!
this
post #123 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grylliade View Post
I think she was meaning it as a gender role toy. Which I could totally see happening. Anything that involves dolls or cleaning = girls. Anything that involves adventuring or intense action (chainsaw, etc) = for boys.
Now I have to chime in. My 2 year old son has his own broom, hand broom, dust pan, is about to get his own vaccum cleaner for his birthday, and his own shopping cart, complete with grocery boxes. (guess I just blew myself in as one of the evil plastic toy mothers) He also has toy trucks, lawn mower, weed wacker, and a couple "babies". My point is, maybe they are intended by the manufactuerers to be gender specific, but not everyone uses them that way.
post #124 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beene View Post
I was ready for a showdown with your level of extreme Krunchiness
An MDC tradition
post #125 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post
KweenKrunch, I just wanted to say that you have handled yourself so well throughout this thread. Lots of other people (me included) would have been very defensive by now, kuddos to you.
Especially in light of some of the responses the OP has received, which IMO have been far more judgmental and reactionary than even the initial post. It surprises me that there is such a level of hostility in these issues - why is it that any post that says something contrary to one's beliefs (toys, sleep, birth, pregnancy, etc) illicit responses from folks as if it's a personal affront/judgment on the responder's beliefs? Why does it always have to be so personal on discussion forums and the like? I'm a bit surprised that a bit more grace isn't extended, especially given that the OP was likely both looking for advice and venting a bit.
post #126 of 147
I did not read all the posts but if this is the worst thing your MIL has done then you sure have a fabulous one. I think you need to chill out.
post #127 of 147
I think it's odd that someone would buy a 6 mo old this type of toy. The website says for ages 3 and up. At least with a child that age you can make a toy like this disappear. Atleast that's what I would do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
Third of all, we try to be ecologically sensitive in this household, and a chainsaw is not exactly our idea of a "green" toy - not only because it's made of plastic but because it represents deforestation and the destruction of non-renewable resources and loss of animal habitat.
chainsaws aren't always used to get rid of trees. They are used to trim trees and make them safer when they get too many branches on them and become unsafe to property.
post #128 of 147
Haven't read the replies.

I'd let it go. If you hate it, give it away, but I wouldn't make an issue out of it. Plastic/battery toys fall into the annoying but harmless category, IMO.

I know you see it as undermining your parenting, but I doubt your MIL sees it this way. She probably just sees and it and thinks it's cute. (BTW - my kids would probably love that toy!)

For as long as I can remember, my (ex) stepmother gave jewelry to me and my sister for practically every present. My stepmother LOVES jewelry. She's kind of obsessed by it. It has rarely ever been my taste, but I just say thank you and stick it in a drawer. My sister has told her over and over that she doesn't wear jewelry, but still every year it was the same gift. My sister kept getting really angry about it - "Why doesn't she listen to me? Why does she keep giving me a gift she knows I don't want?" etc. But the reality it, people like to give the things that they like. A gift is a gift - you don't get to choose a gift. Say thank you and do what you will with it.
post #129 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by pampered_mom View Post
It surprises me that there is such a level of hostility in these issues - why is it that any post that says something contrary to one's beliefs (toys, sleep, birth, pregnancy, etc) illicit responses from folks as if it's a personal affront/judgment on the responder's beliefs?
:
post #130 of 147
My sister got the same toy for her ex's kids birthday. She doesn't like him and enjoys irritating him in passive aggressive ways, like buying toys that make loud obnoxious sounds or toys he opposes on some sort of moral ground. HTH
post #131 of 147
Maybe a little over-reaction? You did ask our opinion .

Um I totaly get that your angry, I hate when my views are over looked....it happened just today with my husband's family. But at the same time......I am grateful my children are remembered in these little ways. I also try to think about other peoples feelings before I get all offended when they try to make a nice gesture. It's a toy, you know, try not to make it too big of a deal. You don't have to put batteries in it, and you don't even have to tell him it's a chainsaw..let him use his imagination and figure out for himself what he wants it to be....

My kids have gotten lots of gifts in the past that I have been like....ummmmm NO!

An aunt of my husband gave my daughter a Barbie I totally did not want her to have..I kept it hidden away. She eventually found it . I didn't take it away from her. She never knew what it represented to me because I didn't make a big deal out of it. She gradually used her own imagination about it and never once caught on about the whole "Barbie movement". It eventually ended up as toy box fodder like all the other toys that end up being forgotten about. Go figure. I didn't even have to fight her over it. It was just one of things...I guess what I mean is I kind of learned to pick my battles.
post #132 of 147
I understand your concerns about plastics and batteries, etc. But I also agree with the poster who cautioned of cherishing everything your parents and inlaws do for our LOs. We never know when today will be the last. I'd let it go, perhaps mentioning in passing that it wasn't something you'd ideally buy, and he won't be able to use it until he's much older... and then either return it or something. I'm sure in 2-3 years they'll have forgotten all about it
post #133 of 147
This is still very raw for me, so I might be totally over reacting myself. But it triggers me that some people are bringing up cherishing parents and IL's gifts not matter what they are. I recently lost my mother very unexpectedly and I do mourn her not being able to give my son toys. But more than that I mourn my son not having his grandmother as a figure in his life.

I do cherish the few toys she was able to give him, and that they are handmade and made with her love makes them even more special to me. I don't know what they will mean to DS when he is older.

I don't even know what bothers me about letting grandparents buy whatever they like because one day they won't be with your child and at least your child will have the gifts they gave them. I guess for me I would prefer the human relationship over the toy - and there are other ways of expressing love other than buying toys.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I am sure there are families who have lost grandparens who do cherish the gifts no matter what they were.
post #134 of 147
to the PP. The mosaic of human relationships are made up of many elements. For many, gifts form a part of those elements. They may be handmade, they may be plastic, store-bought. In (usually) close relationships, such as that of a grandparent and grandchild, they come to represent the love, thought and feelings of the giver. When, you (meant in the general sense), as a parent create friction over such gifts/presents, you create tension in these valued human relationships. Especially, as in the OP's situation, the grandparent is 78 years old. It calls for a certain sensitivity to handle these matters and focus on the larger picture.
post #135 of 147
Although I agree that the OP is overreacting, it does remind me of my ds' second birthday. My former (thank goodness) SIL gave my 2 year old child a remote control Hummer, meant for 12 years old +, that was bigger than he was. When we picked up the remote control for it and accidently pressed the button, the Hummer ran over a few Christmas boxes and into the tree, knocking the entire thing down, then ran over that before we could figure out how to stop it.

We took it out to my parent's farm, where a vehicle that could run as fast as a real vehicle and strong enough to climb was actually more fun and appropriate. The guys still drag the thing outside and run it around during a lot of family gatherings, but my son still can't drive it well. (but at least it isn't dangerous).

The funniest thing?....it took 8 hours to charge it for 30 minutes of play time. So Hummer like. lol
post #136 of 147
I would tell her how much your girls are enjoying playing with it

I don't think it's a problem to give "gender role" toys. I just think it's important that both "genders" are represented in the child's toy box, regardless of which genitalia the child possesses.
post #137 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by ema-adama View Post
This is still very raw for me, so I might be totally over reacting myself. But it triggers me that some people are bringing up cherishing parents and IL's gifts not matter what they are. I recently lost my mother very unexpectedly and I do mourn her not being able to give my son toys. But more than that I mourn my son not having his grandmother as a figure in his life.

I do cherish the few toys she was able to give him, and that they are handmade and made with her love makes them even more special to me. I don't know what they will mean to DS when he is older.

I don't even know what bothers me about letting grandparents buy whatever they like because one day they won't be with your child and at least your child will have the gifts they gave them. I guess for me I would prefer the human relationship over the toy - and there are other ways of expressing love other than buying toys.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I am sure there are families who have lost grandparens who do cherish the gifts no matter what they were.
I'm sorry for your loss. I know where you are coming from. My MIL passed away a couple months ago and while she used to get my kids some pretty stupid/crappy gifts over the years, I will miss the fact that she will no longer be able to attend their birthdays and holidays and just come over and eat with us and spend time with our children and our next child will never get to meet her. All those years of her getting on my nerves about just about anything and everything just vanished after watching her suffer in the weeks leading up to her death. And this is a woman that I rarely got along with until the last few years of her life. I miss her for my children's sake.
post #138 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by ema-adama View Post
This is still very raw for me, so I might be totally over reacting myself. But it triggers me that some people are bringing up cherishing parents and IL's gifts not matter what they are. I recently lost my mother very unexpectedly and I do mourn her not being able to give my son toys. But more than that I mourn my son not having his grandmother as a figure in his life.

I do cherish the few toys she was able to give him, and that they are handmade and made with her love makes them even more special to me. I don't know what they will mean to DS when he is older.

I don't even know what bothers me about letting grandparents buy whatever they like because one day they won't be with your child and at least your child will have the gifts they gave them. I guess for me I would prefer the human relationship over the toy - and there are other ways of expressing love other than buying toys.

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I am sure there are families who have lost grandparens who do cherish the gifts no matter what they were.
I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think that here it's useful to think of the different love languages, not that I've read the book, but for some people, the giving of gifts is how they show love. Certainly there are other ways of showing love but I think that when a person gets to a certain age, indulging their learned or innately preferred love-language is better than trying to improve that person or the relationship. That's really all people are saying.

I think most of us would prefer a grandparent that showed love by taking baby to a nature preserve, for example, and talking to her, or whatever. By reading a story. But those things can be hard for some people for whatever reason.
post #139 of 147
This does seem like a weird gift for a 6 month old since it says 3 and up. But of course, I'm sure your MIL thinks all her grandchildren are so advanced that your 6 month old could be out there felling trees.

Maybe this has been suggested somewhere, but if you feel like you can't return it, could you somehow leave it at Grandma's as a special "Grandma's house" plaything?
post #140 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post
KweenKrunch, I just wanted to say that you have handled yourself so well throughout this thread. Lots of other people (me included) would have been very defensive by now, kuddos to you.
I agree! I have to admit that you have come across as a bit judgmental in some other threads, but after the way you have kept your cool throughout this thread, I see you in a different light and really respect your ability to not get defensive when you obviously feel very passionately about this!
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