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MIL purchased plastic toy - Wrong on so many levels! - Page 2

post #21 of 147
I agree with pp about either donating it to someone in need or returning it. I do not think it was the right gift for a 6 month old though.
post #22 of 147
Definitely a strange toy to give a 6 month old.

I would give it away.
post #23 of 147
Please don't think I'm being mean.. this is just advice from a mom to another.
Pick your battles.. A gift such as this is the least problem you're going to face raising a babe in this world. When holidays come up.. politely tell her you really like so and so kind of gifts, but don't get bent out of shape over this.. If this is the ONLY big issue you have with your inlaws.. then you're doing pretty good honey. And when my son was around one.. he would have loved one of those.. I'm sure it makes fun noises.. Heck, my daughter plays with matchbox cars.. even those are "supposedly" for boys. Gender role type toys are only have you perceive them. I think it's nice they got him a gift.. you should be appreciative that they were trying to do something nice for your child.
post #24 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
MIL passed away a little over a year ago, and my children treasure every barbie, every spiderman, every little piece of plastic junk she ever gave them, because she gave it with so much love and affection -- she gave them things that she knew would light up their little faces, and as their grandma she had every right to do that.
.
As long as issues I consider "large" regarding safety aren't being crossed (ie the skateboard MIL gave DS1 for his 5th bday that is still hidden in the closet over 1.5 yrs later), or my big hangup with toy guns, this is how I feel. I would rather not have a house full of plastic junk.....but the junky little dumptrucks from Wal-Mart that cost $2 each that I would never have picked out ? Our boys love them because they remember they were a present at a visit to their grandparents. The tacky roll pillow with the teddy bear graphic in DS1's room ? He treasures it because Grandma gave it to him. I would not pick these things out. But I feel it's important that the grandparents have the freedom to enjoy picking out presents for their grandkids. I am already thinking about how much I will miss having little kids in my life when mine are grown, and how beside myself with excitement I will be when there is a grandbaby in my life. I want them to enjoy spoiling their grandkids, and put as few restrictions as possible on what they buy.
post #25 of 147
Um, yes. Totally and completely overreacting. If you don't like it throw it out but reviewing your many posts about your ideals (which are fine ideals BTW) shows a pattern of overreaction and inflexibility and intolerance to other people who neither share nor meet your expectations. I think you need to become a lot more flexible to get along better in life Just think, your poor MIL might not ever want to get your kids anything again and I would not blame her one bit. Who wants the hassle of having to remember all the idiosyncrasies? Now, I can completely understand about the guns but anything else should just be accepted and discarded. I do hope you were at least thankful to the poor "undermining" lady who gave it to you.
post #26 of 147
Totally overreacting.

I feel like so many mothers fret over the silly stuff, but unless you're MIL is putting your kid in harm, a chainsaw is not something to flip out over. We can't all be perfect and crunchy and she probably thought it was an awesome gift.
post #27 of 147
I think you're overreacting, though I have no idea what a 6-month-old will do with it, except try to eat it.
post #28 of 147
I totally understand where you're coming from. When my son was ten days old (still in the NICU btw) my dad asked if he could buy him an amphibious quad "for when they went hunting." I looked at my tiny little guy, hooked up to oxygen monitors and an IV and was stricken with how ridiculous it was - but I told my dad to go ahead and get it- as long as it stays at his house. That's something I've done with both sets of grandparents, as long as it wasn't totally offensive, they can play with it at Grandma and Grandpa's. It works as a nice, middle of the ground alternative to always having a fight over it.

by the way, he decided the quad might be a bit premature for a child who couldn't hold his head up. I think the silly gifts for young babies just come from a place of dreaming about the future. There's so much promise in a little baby and it's hard not to imagine their whole life.
post #29 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephenie View Post
I think the silly gifts for young babies just come from a place of dreaming about the future. There's so much promise in a little baby and it's hard not to imagine their whole life.
: Great insight.
post #30 of 147
I have no in-laws, and my mom is my childrens only grandparent. She NEVER buys them gifts.

I would be thrilled if she (or anyone) thought enough about my children to buy them any old inaapropriate gender-specific non-age-appropriate kind of toy.

( I think most wooden toys come from......trees. I believe they are cut with chainsaws. Not being snarky.. it just struck me as kind of ironic).
post #31 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackpackbaby View Post
Just think, your poor MIL might not ever want to get your kids anything again and I would not blame her one bit. Who wants the hassle of having to remember all the idiosyncrasies? Now, I can completely understand about the guns but anything else should just be accepted and discarded. .
honestly, I have family members with so many rules for gifts I just don't try any more. I have come close but I have never seen thekids playing with or wearing what I got them. I helped with a birthday party once and watched her sort through all the inappropriate gifts and toss what didn;t make the cut. I was horrified. i remembered how excited my nephew was to open some of those.

So yeah never expect people to buy what you want. and you DO have A LOT of rules. I think most people would sooner stop buying gifts for your kids all together. and you can probably expect a similar response if they never see the stuff they bought getting used. just be prepared for that because the message you are sending is "your thinking and your ways are just not good enough for us".

Also some things I learned from my mom - some people just don't like wooden toys. What would you do if your kids rebelled against their up bringing whenthey got older and hated wooden toys. you as grandma went out and spent a small fortune on wooden stuff and they either donated it all or exchanged it because it was too boring? How would you feel? would you switch to buying battery operated plasticrap? Also my mom was not going to go anywhere extra to track down stuff. she wasn't going to go find a ritzy little toy store, Her options in her town were walmart and target (and she doesn't shop at target for stupid reasons but I have convinced her to go there since they have better toys but she has to get cash and hide the fact that it came from target from her husband - good grief) and a KBtoys (the worst toy store on the planet). but my point is certain types of toys are just beyond her comprehension. so we ask her specifcally for things I know she can find where she is at (but my kids are old to have some toys they love - pet shops, ponies, little people - that she can get anywhere and feed their collections) . otherwise we just accepted what she got and loved her for the effort. she really was trying. irritating as her choices might have been.
post #32 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephenie View Post
When my son was ten days old (still in the NICU btw) my dad asked if he could buy him an amphibious quad "for when they went hunting." I looked at my tiny little guy, hooked up to oxygen monitors and an IV and was stricken with how ridiculous it was - but I told my dad to go ahead and get it- as long as it stays at his house.
thats so cute it made me cry. That is the way big tough daddies tell their little girls "it will be ok."
post #33 of 147
It's just a toy!

We try not to buy MIC plastic crap, but we have some things. My DD desperately wants that Tinkerbell Fairy Tea Pot house thing for Christmas. Over priced hunk of MIC plastic. And you know what? I'm going to buy it for her, because that's what she likes. She has tons of wooden toys also that have been bought with thought...and even though MIC plastic toys are not something I want to support, my DD is still allowed to have her own thoughts and opinions about what she likes. At 3 she is not old enough to understand why we would rather buy wooden things, and that's ok.

I think it's important to keep in mind your ideals and beliefs, but life is also about living and enjoying. It would be more important to me to have DD enjoy gifts given in love from friends and relatives. There are very few gifts I would take away from her.

Why don't you make a statement about the gender roles you're worried about by taking out the batteries and giving the chain saw to your girls to enjoy? Chain saws are important tools, not just for deforestation. As a matter of fact I think bulldozers and large equipment are more involved in deforestation.

When we have an ice storm here you absolutely have to have a chain saw in order to clear roads, get trees off of power lines, and clean up all the damage. Even the Amish people around here use them!
post #34 of 147
i must say this thread has brought up some v. beautiful touching moments for me.

i really agree with pp and v. strongly feel our children are not our own. they have other roles to play.

as another pp related about her MIL buying plastic junk, loving her gchildren and bringing special memories i had the same experience too. our 82 year old neighbour gma would not listen to my restrictions about soda, snacks. however i finally let it go. she moved when my dd was 2. to this day, 5 years later, dd still remembers our neighbour and really considers her her true gma. she had a huge impact on dd's life. that i still see the results even now. the only person who truly loved her and spoilt her apart from me.

and honestly as pp pointed out - the chainsaw actually brought warm fuzzy feeling for me. to me it is a sign of possiblities for the future. i see it as a sign that the gparents are still so excited about another baby that they 'lost their head' about it.
post #35 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizafava View Post
We asked the in-laws for a wooden kitchen, in fact, which they happily gave him....along with a tool set.
Well, a tool set is an important part of a pretend apartment. Has he had a chance to get some towels for the kitchen? Lots of people forget about that when they first pretend move to their own pretend place. Even with a pretend dishwasher, you need one for things like pretend spills.
post #36 of 147
I think you should casually bring it up with your MIL. The fact that is is so random and so against everything she usually respects seem to imply that she did not just go out and by this toy. Maybe they had another child over and somehow your boy got sent home with it by mistake? Maybe she didn't mean to give it to him at all.

If she did, a way around would be to give the toy back to her and tell her to keep the toy at her house, so your kids have special "Grandma toys" When they go over to Grandma's house.
post #37 of 147
Your kids are lucky to have a grandmother who is invested in their lives enough to want to give them gifts. Don't ruin that for them. If you just can't stand the thought of having that toy around, thank your MIL, keep it around for the rest of her visit and then put it in the give away box when she is gone. There is no need to confront your MIL - she did a good, kind, thoughtful thing.
post #38 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sancta View Post
Not to be rude, but I find this whole "in law" thing annoying. That child doesn't just belong to his mother. He is also his father's, in which case it isn't an "in law" issue at all. So please don't blame it on the in-laws...kiddo is their grandchild JUST AS MUCH as he is the OP's parents' grandchild.

Maybe instead, "Grandparents can be annoying?"
I don't understand what you are objecting to. The woman who gave the toy is, in fact, the OP's MIL. To the OP, she's her in-law. Not a relative to her.

Is it the term "in-law" in general that you find annoying? You believe we should all refer to our ILs as "my child's grandparents?" Or what?

I also don't get how the OP referring to a gift from her MIL somehow implies that the child only belongs to his mother.

Could you clarify?

And for the record, I stand by my original statement. In-laws can be annoying.
post #39 of 147
Over-reacting, yes. Age appropriate, ummm no. I personally wouldn't want that for a 6 month old.

Where I live a chainsaw is a necessary tool in many people's households-it's called keeping your family warm in the winter, it isn't about destroying the forest. Harvesting dead trees for firewood here is both a livelihood and is also(gasp) good for the forest due to the fact we have massive beetle killed areas that infest the healthy trees.

I have to say that I've had to let go of some of my personal issues regarding toys, your baby is 6 months old, you have a long battle ahead of you if you make issues about every toy that MIL gives you. I can't stand Hannah Montana stuff and my mom keeps getting it for DD even when I've told her how much I can't stand it, well it just quickly goes away after DD is sleeping or when she doesn't know that it's gone. It's easier that way.
post #40 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffani View Post
I hope this doesn't come across as morbid, but I wish someone had pointed this out to me when my kids were babies...

My MIL totally ignored my requests for wooden, creative, beautiful toys or experiences for our kids. she sent plastic, commercialized junk that the kids LOVED but then forgot about fairly quickly. I fretted every holiday, every time she visited with gifts (she lived far away) and every time she spoiled the heck out of my kids with her inconsiderate (towards me and my wishes) generosity (towards them) it drove me a little bit crazy.

My parents, on the other hand, quickly caught on that they had to be pretty careful in navigating my rules about gifts, so as not to annoy me. they started sending cash (or nothing at all, that happened a few times) and the whole gift-giving thing was kind of awkward with them. now they always only send cash, which is very practical, and the kids (8 and 10) are into it, but it isn't exactly thoughtful or memory-inducing...

MIL passed away a little over a year ago, and my children treasure every barbie, every spiderman, every little piece of plastic junk she ever gave them, because she gave it with so much love and affection -- she gave them things that she knew would light up their little faces, and as their grandma she had every right to do that. she fed them M&M's and root beer for snacks when we visited, and introduced my plain yogurt eating child to the glory of pink yogurt!!! she didn't get to see them very often, and I wish I had stayed out of it when she seized the opportunity to spoil them rotten!!

I don't know if you're blessed with an in-law as loving as my MIL was, but I miss her dearly, and would give anything for the kids to get to experience one more of her commercial crap shopping sprees -- yes, she was harming the environment, yes she was using commercialized crap to get closer to her grandkids, but it was really quite beautiful, once I was able to step back and remove my baggage from the equation.

just my .02...


i totally agree. a couple weeks before my dad passed away, we were out and while i had turned my back to do something, he quickly said "i'll be back in 5 minutes" and took dd1 with him. well.. he took her to buy an ice cream (she was only 2 at the time). when i saw her (happy) face run up to me with the "look at what i got!!" look on her face and the vegetable fat laden dripping ice cream all around her tiny fingers.. i was furious to say the least! so annoyed that she was eating that crap and that he didn't even ask if it was okay.. she was so little, why would you want to feed a kid that?? i am trying to keep that stuff away from her!!
well... she doesn't remember him much anymore as she is now 5 and its been a few years since he passed.. but boy does her face light up when i tell her the story of how grandpa snuck behind my back and bought her her first store bought icecream. her smile is unbelievable. i NOW love that i have that memory and i am GLAD it happened. i try not to get too focused on the undesirable stuff now.. there is more to life than doing everything 'right'.
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