or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › MIL purchased plastic toy - Wrong on so many levels!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

MIL purchased plastic toy - Wrong on so many levels! - Page 5

post #81 of 147
I want this toy! its so bad ass! check out my thread in the toddler forum my dd got a Baby Alive doll so we edited it and now its a perfectly acceptable toy! i stopped caring what everyone else gives my dd and buy her toys that i like when im buying her toys. its not worth making people angry about something thats suposed to be fun... now if she tried to circ your son or was giving you flak about that i'd say have at her, but its a awesome chainsaw that could def be a fun toy for any kid boy or girl.
post #82 of 147
This whole thread makes me sad. I think the OP should keep the toy. Golly.. it was an expensive toy, so obviously the grandma thought it was a nice thing to get.. in about 6 months I'm SURE the babe will be old enough to play with it some. Sometimes some people get so wrapped up in their rock firm ideals and "making a statement" that they miss out on the important things. It's sad.
Let that baby have it.. What if she passed tomorrow? He would later on cherish the gift from her.
post #83 of 147
Grandma has every right to be excited about having a boy to carry on the family name and you have no right to begrudge her for that.

I mean good grief, it sounds as though you just don't like this woman and you won't be happy no matter what she does.
post #84 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
thats so cute it made me cry. That is the way big tough daddies tell their little girls "it will be ok."
You know, I never saw it that way, but now I want to go give him a hug. :
post #85 of 147
She's 78 - not 28. If my 28 year old sister said that stuff, yeah, we'd get into it. If my 78 year old mother in law said it, I'd sigh and give the gift to my girls to play with until DS would enjoy it.

If she normally respects your wishes, I don't see what the problem is.
post #86 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
And for the record, I stand by my original statement. In-laws can be annoying.
I agree, In-laws CAN be annoying. Mine and my dh's But then, people in general are annoying to me....

And yes, you are overreacting.
post #87 of 147
OP - I understand your feelings on the issue and likely the issues you have with your MIL. No one here knows the whole story, only you do so I would suppose there are likely bits and pieces that might be missing from the picture. There are also values and beliefs that you feel are important (regardless of whether or not there are posters here that agree - they don't have to live your life and vice versa).

Heck, even aside from the other issues you had with the toy I wouldn't have wanted it just for the fact that it's essentially a form of advertising - it's a big blaring billboard for Black & Decker for goodness sakes! For that company it's not just about the toy, it's about building brand loyalty for the future - if they get their brand name in your child's head at an early age they figure when your child is older they'll be much more likely to purchase their products. IMO that's reason #1 for it not to stay in my house - not even for older children.

As to the issues with the ILs...we've often had struggles with these types of issues with my ILs - part of it has to do with the fact that my MIL believes in quantity rather than quality (things and the buying of said things is really important to her) and some boundary issues she has. As a result we've often had some really awesome garage sales (bought a split-half of some organic grass-fed beef one year) with the things that she's purchased/sent for our children.

While they're young we typically take the toy after MIL has left and put it in the closet - either to sell or to donate to Goodwill. That way MIL's gift becomes a double blessing, she got to go through the process of buying/giving the item (which is for the most part what it's all about for her) and another child who has far less than mine gets a toy they maybe wouldn't get otherwise. If you can manage to leave the toy unopened than you can donate it to "Toys for Tots" or other similar campaign which imo is even better.

Now that our kids are older (and it's more likely that MIL will insist upon opening everything before she/we leave) it's very likely the toy will make it to our house and remain for awhile before it's forgotten (as I've often found is the case when the number of toys in our house climbs - the more toys the far less care/regard is given). Then after they've gone to bed the toy again makes it's exit until we either sell it at a garage sale/on Craig's List or give it to Goodwill.

Either way both needs are served - your MIL got to buy the item and give it as a gift (which maybe is a love language of hers) and you don't have to keep it. You may not as others have mentioned be able to place limits on what other people give your children, but you do have the right to set the tone for your family. If she mentions something in the future about the toy not being there or something like that then maybe you might want to bring in some of the thoughts you have on the issue. Until then I'd probably just let it be.
post #88 of 147
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post
Grandma has every right to be excited about having a boy to carry on the family name and you have no right to begrudge her for that.

I mean good grief, it sounds as though you just don't like this woman and you won't be happy no matter what she does.
To tell you the truth - and this is probably more backstory than necessary - but one of the real issues we've had with MIL is that our kids DON'T have my husband's last name. My husband and I couldn't really decide how to name our children in a non-patriarchal way, so our kids actually have an alternate surname. My MIL had a really hard time coming to terms with that (especially when our son was born and she found out - it seemed to bother her more than with the girls...) For a while she just assumed that even though the girls had the alternate name, a boy wouldn't, and when he did... she was very hurt and upset and blamed it all on ME. Don't even get me started about circ - she actually had the gall to tell me that it should be my husband's decision, not mine. When I told her that my husband agreed that circ was not something we wanted to do, she said I had brainwashed him.

Anyway, I do appreciate your opinion. You are totally right in that my MIL and I have had issues in the past and I probably bring some of that hurt and anger to the table.
post #89 of 147
Wow, there really is a lot of extra "stuff" going on here. Does your dh feel as intensely about this situation as you do?
post #90 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
Hi Ladies,

I'm having a hard time. We had dinner at our home tonight for the Memorial Day weekend, and my MIL brought my son this:
http://www.amazon.com/BLACK-DECKER-C...2295034&sr=8-3

Now, first of all, I really hate the gender-role implications - that only a "boy" would want something like a chainsaw. Why hasn't she purchased a chainsaw (or any other tool) for my girls - who are older and for whom a toy like this would be more "appropriate?" MY SON IS 6 MONTHS OLD!

Second of all, we don't do plastic OR batteries - MIL has been told this before and usually respects our wishes, so I have no idea where this came from.

Third of all, we try to be ecologically sensitive in this household, and a chainsaw is not exactly our idea of a "green" toy - not only because it's made of plastic but because it represents deforestation and the destruction of non-renewable resources and loss of animal habitat.

I am not sure what to do. Frankly, I am steamed. My husband says we should just return it or give it away - but I feel like something needs to be said. What's next? A toy barbeque? A toy gun? I am so sick of my parenting being undermined by people who are constantly trying to push mainstream toys and ideas on our family.

Guess I'm just feeling down - not sure what to do with this monstrosity Am I overreacting?

Thanks
In the nicest way possible: you have the problem here. The problem is not your MIL or the toy. You are way way way way way way way way WAY overreacting, SERIOUSLY.
post #91 of 147
I think the problem at the heart of all this is this attitude --

"I am so sick of my parenting being undermined by people who are constantly trying to push mainstream toys and ideas on our family."

I find the concept of trying to be the sole influence in your child's life to be of questionable healthiness -- no one can be everything to someone. However,, setting that aside, unless you plan on locking your kids in a shed in your backyard, you're going to have to figure out how to negotiate living in the world we all live in, in a manner that isn't causing you constant heartattacks and doesn't involve being constantly offended by and/or offensive to others in the name of defending your "values".
post #92 of 147
Here's an idea , a lesson in perspective.

I'll loan you my MIL (whom we've cut out of our kids lives) for one week.

Let's make a bet. I'll bet you my handmade stash of cloth diapers and recycled wool covers, freshly lanolized, that by the end of that week you'll be begging for your own MIL back, complete with last name issues and plastic toy pushing. I'll bet.

In all honesty, I'd love to have the only problems with my MIL be plastic toys and last name arguments, rather than, you know, true emotional and verbal abuse at my children as well as us. It's all about perspective. Try to keep your eyes on the big picture.
post #93 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane91 View Post
I think the problem at the heart of all this is this attitude --

"I am so sick of my parenting being undermined by people who are constantly trying to push mainstream toys and ideas on our family."

I find the concept of trying to be the sole influence in your child's life to be of questionable healthiness -- no one can be everything to someone. However,, setting that aside, unless you plan on locking your kids in a shed in your backyard, you're going to have to figure out how to negotiate living in the world we all live in, in a manner that isn't causing you constant heartattacks and doesn't involve being constantly offended by and/or offensive to others in the name of defending your "values".
Most certainly. You are being so militant about YOUR beliefs of right and wrong that you are imposing them on your children and the rest of the people around you and judging them for it. If you continue to keep your kids in this bubble of "we are right, all of THEM are horribly wrong", they will grow up not ever feeling like adequate human beings for lack of choice in this life. They will be unable to form their own judgements about their experience and they will likely resent you for it. Yes, they are your kids, but they are NOT you. Let them live!
post #94 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by KweenKrunch View Post
To tell you the truth - and this is probably more backstory than necessary - but one of the real issues we've had with MIL is that our kids DON'T have my husband's last name. My husband and I couldn't really decide how to name our children in a non-patriarchal way, so our kids actually have an alternate surname. My MIL had a really hard time coming to terms with that (especially when our son was born and she found out - it seemed to bother her more than with the girls...) For a while she just assumed that even though the girls had the alternate name, a boy wouldn't, and when he did... she was very hurt and upset and blamed it all on ME. Don't even get me started about circ - she actually had the gall to tell me that it should be my husband's decision, not mine. When I told her that my husband agreed that circ was not something we wanted to do, she said I had brainwashed him.

Anyway, I do appreciate your opinion. You are totally right in that my MIL and I have had issues in the past and I probably bring some of that hurt and anger to the table.
OP, I just wanted to chime in to say that I think you have valid reasons for being angry and hurt. The chainsaw thing on its own wouldn't warrant a negative reaction, IMO, but I can see how in light of the above you'd be touchy with her in general.

Just thought you could use a supportive voice here.
post #95 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
i think they were probably not at all interested in ndermining your parenting. your parenting ideas may not have even been on their radar. They probably thought it was fun or it may have been on clearance (it does seem kinda random for a six month old.....) who knows. And since it is your husbands parents I would let him handle this in the way he thinks is best. it is just a toy. not something worth starting a war over. Someone else would probably love to have it if you do not want it for your children.
Agreed.

We bought our daughter a chainsaw for xmas when she was 2 or so . . . along with other tools. Mostly, we used it for chasing each other around the house, while it made growling noises and Rylie laughed her head off.

I'm not a big fan of plastic or battery operated toys, but they're not the end of the world, either.
post #96 of 147
Kinda weird for a six month old. But, I think you are overreacting. Someone gave my daughter a football when she was born. I thought that was stupid... but I was grateful for the gift. I didn't return it, or think I was being undermined.

She never did play with it. She's never liked sports, so it sat in her toy box for seven years until I finally sent it outside with the neighbor kids to play in the street with it.
post #97 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marylizah View Post
I totally get what you mean, but the thought of equating BBQ with "intense action" made me laugh out loud. Just picturing my dad hanging with a beer on the back porch while BBQing, while the REALLY intense action was in the kitchen....


DH always insists he needs multiple beers to cool off from this intense action around the grill.

I agree with most pp...I'd just let it go and accept it with tact and thanks. If the toy truly offends your senses, donate it to a child in need.
post #98 of 147
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I don't understand what you are objecting to. The woman who gave the toy is, in fact, the OP's MIL. To the OP, she's her in-law. Not a relative to her.
I know.

Quote:
Is it the term "in-law" in general that you find annoying? You believe we should all refer to our ILs as "my child's grandparents?" Or what?
No. The term in-law is fine/good. It's the blanket statement of "in-laws are weird" that I found annoying.

Quote:
Could you clarify?
Sure....

The issue here isn't about a MIL who blatantly went against her DIL's rules and gifted a toy in order to get in her face. If that was the case, then yeah, that would be an in-law issue.

But this child has two parents who agree on these *rules*, one of them being her own son, and she apparently didn't gift the toy to spite them, so it's just an innocent issue of a grandmother buying a toy for her grandchild that both her DIL and SON didn't wish him to have.

Making a blanket statement that "Eh. In-laws are weird" isn't fair.

If would be similar to this: My hypothetical step son knows my DH's and my rules of not giving treats to the kids before dinner, but he did it anyway. That wouldn't be a "step kids are weird" issue. It would be a "kids can be disobedient/disrespectful" issue. Does that make sense?

Quote:
And for the record, I stand by my original statement. In-laws can be annoying.
You actually said they are weird. And I agree that they can be.
post #99 of 147
What, pray tell, do you imagine they use to cut down trees for the beloved wooden toys you insist upon as the only suitable toys your children should be gifted with?
post #100 of 147
Wow, when I read the thread title I was expecting a "Singalong with Hitler" doll or something. I fail to see how this is "wrong on so many levels".
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › MIL purchased plastic toy - Wrong on so many levels!