Pregnant and irritable towards nursing toddler

[sfoxfire143]

I am 6 months pregnant and currently nursing my 20 month old son. He only nurses to sleep (bedtime and occasionally naptime) as well as in the morning. Previously I had no plan on weaning him during my pregnancy, although I heard this can happen naturally as your milk may change tastes or dry up (which mine has, but it doesn't seem to matter to him!)

Lately though I have become really irritable when he nurses- usually because it is uncomfortable for me or sometimes I just don't want him sucking on my breasts. I find myself getting frustrated and angry with him and then when I tell him no more, he goes into a crying fit.
I have mixed feelings...I want to wean him because I don't think it's healthy for him or me to be getting frustrated/angry every day, but at the same time I'm not sure he's ready for it and might just regress when the baby comes. Any advice or words of experience? Thanks.

[mommy amber]

hmmmm,
this is hard.
I nursed my dd through my pregnancy (she was 2-2.75 during the pg) and am still nursing her in tandem with her brother (she is now 3.5 and he is 7.5mo).

I HATED nursing her during pg...absolutely the same thing you're describing...I literally felt like throwing her off of me and running away when we would nurse. limiting sessions made it tolerable for me...ie. we will nurse until the end of the abc song or the end of this book, etc.
the things that kept me going:
dd still REALLY needed nursing and I felt like it was a good thing to hold onto to help us through the transition for welcoming another child
and
I was sure, sure, sure the aversion would go away after pg...I had read/heard it often does.

in our case, it did not...that being said, I am still nursing her and managing.
some days are fine, some days are worse.
we have had a dance going on for the past 7 months between partial weaning, unweaning...2 steps forward, 3 steps back

I think, as she is getting older, she is beginning to understand more.
I can explain how I feel physically to an extent and she understands we may only nurse for 30 seconds if I am having a hard time but that at other times, I'll let her nurse for awhile.
I think also because we've gone back and forth between partial weaning and unweaning, she kind of figures she better take what she can get...

sometimes, when I look back, I think maybe I should have weaned her during the pg...she does have some jealousy issues with her brother which I think partially stem from his allowance of unlimited nursing...but for better or worse, we're here.

you'll manage no matter what you decide.
good luck!!

[sfoxfire143]

Thanks for sharing your story.
Well I don't want the aversion to still be there after the baby, because I know that with a newborn it probably wouldn't be a good time to wean. And although he only nurses 2-3 times a day, I am still interested in weaning him fully because I can't handle the frustration it brings me if I nurse longer than 5 min. (And it often takes longer than that for him to fall asleep) Yet he cries for "na-na" when I refuse or say all done, and it breaks my heart. I feel torn.

[kcparker]

I go back and forth about how much nursing irritates me. Some days, it's fine to nurse for 20 minutes, other days, 5 is my limit. I stop before I get start getting to cranky about it. If you can maintain good cheer while you are nursing, then tell him when it's time to be done and immediately distract him with something else (at least in the a.m.), he might cry less. How long and hard does he cry for? If it's just a little and he's sleepy, maybe you can soothe him out of it. Try singing a song or listening to a song and using that as a limit, try nursing when you are distracted by something else (a book or phone conversation are good for me), offer an alternative - let's read a book together/snuggle/change activities to something fun and exciting. It's gotten somewhat less painful and irritating as my pregnancy has progressed, and I hope it will be better still once this new baby gets here. It's supposed to be good for sibling bonding and acceptance, so I am hoping nursing through the pain and creepy-crawly sensations is worth it! Do what you feel will keep your sanity and good feelings for DS and relationship with him the most intact and healthy they can be, and if it's weaning, then that's the route to go.

[liza-s]

I'm really struggling with this too. I'm 30 weeks and nursing a 20 month old. It isn't that uncomfortable right now - except for the fact that he has at least one nurse a day that he want to be an hour. 1 WHOLE BLASTED HOUR. Usually it is around 4 or 5 am. But it has been at his naptime too. He's teething really hard right now, so that might be the cause. He went from 1-2 times a day, 10 minutes each for the past couple of months, to 2-4 times a day 5-75 minutes in the last 2 weeks. When I take him off, he loses it. Wails "momma" with a quivering voice - which normally only occurs when he wakes up from nightmares or has other big scaries. It breaks my heart, but sometimes the pain in my nipples is worse than my heartache. I just hold him until he settles down - but that can be 30 or more minutes. He usually won't take a bottle or cup either, so its not just a thirsty issue. At 4 am, this is nearly unbearable. I am afraid I'll get resentful as my sleep quality decreases.

[bellasmama06]

Fully wean or just partial weaning?

I'm also in this boat and it is tough! I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I'm worried about the transition with the new baby and trying to wean 3yo dd. Like OP, my dd only nurses to sleep and when she wakes in the morning but, as another poster had commiserated, she will sometimes go a whole hour --and sometimes I can handle it (if I fall asleep with her) and other times 5 minutes makes my skin crawl. Although, if it had been an hour or 30 minutes, my nipples hurt afterward and I get resentful. And I've definitely become more irritable as my sleep quality has gone down.

I was hoping to only partially wean-- that is, allow her 5-10 minutes of "mimmy" before she sleeps but this has stopped working recently. She often refuses to let go of her latch and, when I try to pry her off (ouch), she has a crying fit and there goes the nap. She won't even let me hold her after I've made her stop...like she's mad at me. At night at least she's more tired and will eventually let me hold her and calm her to sleep, though in my tired state, this has been tough for me too.

Like OP, I'm thinking that this cannot be good for either of us to continue nursing when it makes me so irritable and angry. I'm okay with 5-10 minutes but dd isn't making that possible. I'm able to use the distraction tactic when she wakes up in the morning. SO, is there some sort of partial weaning that would be better to do with baby coming (--at this point, it seems like this would mean only in the mornings when she wakes up)? OR is it just better to fully wean now? My DH thinks the latter. I'm still uncertain with the new baby coming.

BTW, does anyone know, if nursing dd irritates me, will I be irritated by nursing the new baby? (I hope I haven't hijacked this post.... I think it may be useful to OP....?).

[mommy amber]

I think that the aversion has transferred to baby to a degree...
like my pp, the aversion with dd went away (slightly) when my milk came in with baby's arrival...but I still get creepy crawlies if we go more than 5 minutes with her.
it's worse on one side than the other...I absolutely cannot let dd nurse the worse side and have noticed that I get the yuk sensation even when baby is on that side for too long...no worries on the other side with baby.
I wonder how much of it is psychological and how much is physical...I believe it was certainly a physical issue during the pg...but now, somehow it's "in my head"...which really sucks b/c I keep telling myself I *should* be able to do this.
fyi...I tend to be very easily overwhelmed and I think I struggled with ppd for a bit after ds came a long which could have contributed to all this...
also, for the pp..at 3, your lo will eventually get better at accepting the limits. my dd used to protest vigorously but has come to accept our terms (most of the time)
good luck!

[bellasmama06]

Originally Posted by mommy amber

I think that the aversion has transferred to baby to a degree...
like my pp, the aversion with dd went away (slightly) when my milk came in with baby's arrival...but I still get creepy crawlies if we go more than 5 minutes with her.
it's worse on one side than the other...I absolutely cannot let dd nurse the worse side and have noticed that I get the yuk sensation even when baby is on that side for too long...no worries on the other side with baby.
I wonder how much of it is psychological and how much is physical...I believe it was certainly a physical issue during the pg...but now, somehow it's "in my head"...which really sucks b/c I keep telling myself I *should* be able to do this.
fyi...I tend to be very easily overwhelmed and I think I struggled with ppd for a bit after ds came a long which could have contributed to all this...
also, for the pp..at 3, your lo will eventually get better at accepting the limits. my dd used to protest vigorously but has come to accept our terms (most of the time)
good luck!

Thank you for your thoughts. I rather hope that it IS mostly psychological (--definitely physical mostly during pg).