Almost 5-yo won't eat anythign that requires chewing

[ameliabedelia]

Please help...for the last two weeks or so my daughter (will be in 5 in Oct). has refused to eat anything "chewy" By that she means ANYTHING that requires chewing. She has fears/anxieties around her teeth..worried about teeth falling out, about new teeth growing, etc. She has an older sister (7.5) who has lost several teeth over the past 2 years, and we think that when the almost-5 yo asked when HER teeth will fall out we told her something like "probably when you are 5 yo" Well, apparently she remembered that and now that she is almost 5, she doesn't want to chew food.

Also, a few months back she went to the dentist and they did the fluoride treatment and told her not to eat anything "chewy" for a few hours afterwards and somehow she somehow combined those thoughts in her head losing teeth and not eating anything chewy (which in her mind means requires chewing).

Anyway, she has barely eaten anything the last two week except for yogurt, milk, smoothies, "milkshakes", mashed potatoes or other really soft foods. She is even turning down her usual 'favorites' (chips, macaroni and cheese, pizza, etc.)

We took her to the dentist last week and everything is fine, they coudln't find anything wrong with her teeth or mouth, so I don't think it is that her mouth hurts. I can't find any loose teeth or anything in her mouth. I'm pretty sure it is all psychological.

Everyone keeps saying that a healthy kid won't starve themselves....but I seriously dont' believe it anymore...I mean obviously some kids do (become anorexic).

We tried talking and explaining stuff over and over. how food is good for her and for her teeth and she needs it and it is normal for teeth to fall out and new teeth to grow..and she still won't eat. I mean, we can't really tell her that she won't lose her teeth...because she WILL.

[ecoteat]

Any chance the older sister has a loose tooth you could all celebrate and turn into a happy occasion to look forward to? Otherwise, I think since you've already tried discussing it and checking her teeth with the dentist, maybe you should try just pretending it isn't a problem. Keep putting a mix of soft and "chewy" foods on her plate, let her eat what she wants from what is offered, and don't talk about it anymore. Maybe if everyone else appears to have forgotten about it, she will too.

[SkyMomma]

Hi there mama -- I feel for you, it's hard to watch your LO go through these anxieties. Others may disagree, but I say try to let it go for a while. Live with your blender on the counter, make smoothies (or teach your DD to use it) & mashed potatoes, soft mac & cheese, etc. Try to take the pressure & focus off the fear. Stop 'feeding' (sorry) her anxiety by giving it attention or pushing her to do something she feels fearful about (eating chewy food). try to not talk about it for a few weeks, you may find that this anxiety passes on its own. If this doesn't work, then I might talk to a professional (for us-our homeopathic doc).

Some suggestions re: your nutrional concerns -
Peanut butter or almond butter in the smoothies
Soft or silken tofu
Mashed sweet potatoe (instead of reg)
If you have a juicer - carrot juice, beet juice, etc
Blend up veggies in tomato sauce, serve over super soft pasta

(Others wil probably have great ideas too)

You may also try rescue remedy (back flower remedy) for when her anxieties are particularly strong. Chamomile tea, backrubs, lavendar oil in her bath, etc. - for overall calm. Good luck!

[LynnS6]

It sounds to me like she's developed a phobia about this. The problem with phobias is that they're not rational. (Our dd has recently developed a phobia about waves on the beach, after we got hit by a high one. Our recent camping trip to the beach was NOT a success!)

I'd read "Freeing Your Child from Anxiety".

I'd also talk with her about what it feels like to lose a tooth - what does she think it will feel like? What scares her? Maybe have her draw pictures.

Can you take her back to the dentist and have the dentist explain to her that it's important to eat a range of foods - both crunchy and soft.

If it continues and you can't seem to deal with it yourself, I think I'd seek out some counseling/play therapy for her. You're right that kids CAN starve themselves, especially if they're phobic about eating.

Some occupational therapists and some speech therapists also do feeding therapy which might help too.

[Ruthla]

I remember one of my kids (probably DD1) thought that, when your teeth fell out, they ALL fell out at once and then you had no teeth to eat with until the new set came in! She was afraid of this happening until I explained to her about the actual process, that it's just one or a few teeth at a time, and the new teeth come in before you lose too many more, and you're never, ever, left with a mouth that's unable to eat.

I'm assuming that you've already explained this to your daughter (and she's seen first hand how it's working with her older sister.) You can also let her know that some kids don't lose any teeth until they're six.

I also know there are a great number of books out there that explain the process of losing teeth and deal with "normal fears" that can accompany this. I know DS got a whole bunch from the Scholastic Book Club in first or second grade, but I can't think of any of the titles offhand.

I'm not sure if reading books like that would be helpful or harmful to her at this point. Those books are designed to educate kids about the process and help them deal with "normal fears." I don't know if the above suggestions to ignore it might work better in her case. But she might be releived to know that other kids are scared about losing teeth too, and she's not "crazy' for being scared about this.

In addition to the above suggestion for Bach Rescue Remedy, the Bach Flower Remedies Mimilus (for fear of known things) and Aspen (for unknown fears- as aspects of her fear are of unknown origin) are likely to help her as well.

[pbjmama]

While I think the other ideas are good and may work if I was sitting where you are I would probably go straight for a therapy method. I would do some serious research (asking other parents, school social worker, etc) about who to see and interview them first. Good luck with your decision, it sounds very stressful.

[Heavenly]

I think a trip to the doctor is in order. It sounds like this has reached a level of anxiety that she is not able to handle on her own. I have a son with anxiety disorder (and other problems) and sometimes the anxiety levels just get too high for the child to deal with without help.

[eepster]

Normally, I am all for letting kids work through their fears at their own pace. I haven't pushed DS at all about his fear of hand-dryers in public restrooms (we have been working through that one for over a year.) However, a liquid diet is not going to work long term. Since this fear is gong to start causing physical problem soon. Long term this will lead to malnurishment, atrophy of the muscles in her mouth and other oral problems, poor digestion, etc. I had a cousin who broke her jaw and was on a liquid diet for about 3 weeks, and she lost a lot of weight, even with the meal replacements the Dr prescribed. I would as for a referral to child psychologist or psychiatrist.

[ameliabedelia]

Thanks everyone for your replies!
We seem to be a doing a *bit* better on this. I got some books from the library on losing teeth...especially ones that talk about the tooth fairy leaving gifts and have been just casually mentioning about how when you lose a tooth the tooth fairy brings a present. She seems excited about that part. We're trying not to make a big deal out of it and just serve her soft foods for breakfast and lunch..which is waht she asks for (which we don't typically all eat together or the same thing) and then regular dinner (which all eat together/same foods) and that seems to doing okay. The past few days she has eaten small amounts of regular dinner (hamburger, meatloaf, etc). as long as it is cut into small pieces..but at least she is eating it.