Our line of thinking about household chores is that children are members of the family, and as such should be expected to do their share of household work. We don't believe in paying or rewarding for chores, and we don't believe that kids should only do chores when the spirit moves them. I think both boys and girls need to learn how to do the tasks that help maintain a house and family.
But I've become aware that my in-laws, and DH's entire extended family, think I'm insane, and I'm wondering if this kind of view is so unusual.
It's how I was raised. In our house, my brother and I were just expected to pull our weight. It was never an issue, it was just how it was, you know? We learned to do simple chores in the toddler years, and by the middle grades in school, either of us could do laundry, do an effective job with ordinary housecleaning, change beds, and cook a simple meal.
But DH was raised differently-- his mother believed it was her calling as a mother and wife to do all the work. She believes that children should be allowed to "just be children," and did literally everything for DH until the day he moved out. As a result, he had no idea how to care for himself, and even today my father-in-law can't do a thing for himself. When MIL came to stay for a few days when I needed help with my twins, she had FIL ringing the phone off the hook because he didn't know how to run the dishwasher, and couldn't figure out how to wash his own clothes, and couldn't find a dishrag to clean up a mess on the floor.
MIL thinks I'm slave-driving my three kids, apparently. She told DH she thinks it's a "shame" how much work I expect my kids to do. I am the talk of the family, because at DD's birthday party she announced proudly that she'd vacuumed and mopped the kitchen that morning (after a particularly messy play-doh play session.)
Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering what your expectations for your kids are in this area.
DD1 is five, and she:
puts her clean, folded clothes away-- I leave the basket on her bed. She does it without reminding.
puts her dirty clothes in the hamper, and any very soiled clothing in the basement.
feeds and waters the cats every evening.
cleans up her own belongings and keeps her room neat, with lots of help and supervision.
wipes up or cleans up any messes she directly causes, again with help.
can run the vacuum if the room is uncluttered, and can mop if I help set it up.
can pick produce in the garden, and can identify what's ripe for picking.
takes her own dirty dish and cup to the sink after eating.
can run the washing machine if I read the dials to her.
can do run-and-fetch kinds of helping like "please go get me a can of black beans" or "please go put this in the freezer."
gives herself her own bath with supervision and help.
can help her brother and sister undress and get dressed.
Unpacks her own lunchbox at the end of the school day, and gets her bookbag and school shoes put away when she gets home.
is learning to sew.
Her evening "work" takes her about fifteen minutes. The other tasks happen as they come up, and probably consume another ten minutes the entire day, and maybe thirty minutes on the weekend. For the most part she does the work cheerfully and with pride, although cleaning up toys can bring on some serious whining.
(I always tell her-- I don't play with toys, you do. I have enough to do.) This does not seem like I'm "robbing her of her childhood," the way the ILs seem to claim.
The twins are 2, and they:
put their dirty clothes in the hamper.
take their own dirty dishes and cups to the sink after eating.
assist in cleaning up toys before nap and bedtime.
"help" in various small ways with other jobs during the day, like sorting clean clothes into baskets according to who owns them, or helping to unload the dishwasher once I've taken out the knives.
water the kitchen garden (DH gives them the hose and lets them spray each other, uphill from the garden!)
What do you think?
But I've become aware that my in-laws, and DH's entire extended family, think I'm insane, and I'm wondering if this kind of view is so unusual.
It's how I was raised. In our house, my brother and I were just expected to pull our weight. It was never an issue, it was just how it was, you know? We learned to do simple chores in the toddler years, and by the middle grades in school, either of us could do laundry, do an effective job with ordinary housecleaning, change beds, and cook a simple meal.
But DH was raised differently-- his mother believed it was her calling as a mother and wife to do all the work. She believes that children should be allowed to "just be children," and did literally everything for DH until the day he moved out. As a result, he had no idea how to care for himself, and even today my father-in-law can't do a thing for himself. When MIL came to stay for a few days when I needed help with my twins, she had FIL ringing the phone off the hook because he didn't know how to run the dishwasher, and couldn't figure out how to wash his own clothes, and couldn't find a dishrag to clean up a mess on the floor.
MIL thinks I'm slave-driving my three kids, apparently. She told DH she thinks it's a "shame" how much work I expect my kids to do. I am the talk of the family, because at DD's birthday party she announced proudly that she'd vacuumed and mopped the kitchen that morning (after a particularly messy play-doh play session.)
Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering what your expectations for your kids are in this area.
DD1 is five, and she:
puts her clean, folded clothes away-- I leave the basket on her bed. She does it without reminding.
puts her dirty clothes in the hamper, and any very soiled clothing in the basement.
feeds and waters the cats every evening.
cleans up her own belongings and keeps her room neat, with lots of help and supervision.
wipes up or cleans up any messes she directly causes, again with help.
can run the vacuum if the room is uncluttered, and can mop if I help set it up.
can pick produce in the garden, and can identify what's ripe for picking.
takes her own dirty dish and cup to the sink after eating.
can run the washing machine if I read the dials to her.
can do run-and-fetch kinds of helping like "please go get me a can of black beans" or "please go put this in the freezer."
gives herself her own bath with supervision and help.
can help her brother and sister undress and get dressed.
Unpacks her own lunchbox at the end of the school day, and gets her bookbag and school shoes put away when she gets home.
is learning to sew.
Her evening "work" takes her about fifteen minutes. The other tasks happen as they come up, and probably consume another ten minutes the entire day, and maybe thirty minutes on the weekend. For the most part she does the work cheerfully and with pride, although cleaning up toys can bring on some serious whining.
(I always tell her-- I don't play with toys, you do. I have enough to do.) This does not seem like I'm "robbing her of her childhood," the way the ILs seem to claim.The twins are 2, and they:
put their dirty clothes in the hamper.
take their own dirty dishes and cups to the sink after eating.
assist in cleaning up toys before nap and bedtime.
"help" in various small ways with other jobs during the day, like sorting clean clothes into baskets according to who owns them, or helping to unload the dishwasher once I've taken out the knives.
water the kitchen garden (DH gives them the hose and lets them spray each other, uphill from the garden!)
What do you think?
They don't get any rewards other then a "thank you". I'm with you OP on your thinking. I don't think children should get rewards like an allowance for doing normal, everyday things that must be done.
Most of our parenting decisions fall in between and we are both comfortable with them. However, society at large is not always in sync and our respective parents will sometimes comment on how things were done "back in the day". Thankfully, no one comments enough to bother us.
I figure things like folding laundry, helping vaccum, and do dishes will come next, with bathrooms a bit later as I think they are a bit young yet to deal with toilet bowl cleaner. But I also feel it is important for them to learn to take care of themselves, clean up after themselves, and contribute to the family for the sake of their own self-esteem as well as being able to care for themselves when older and have consideration for others workloads. MIL says now that if she had it to do over again, she would have made DH do more as a kid, as now he leaves lots of dirty socks under the coffee table, dishes on the coffee table, shoes and tools around, etc. Heck, I even get the kiddos to help daddy sometimes with putting his dirty clothes in the basket. 
