I went OFF on a lady at Sam's Club yesterday - Page 7

[~LadyBug~]

Originally Posted by OGirlieMama

OK, what you said wasn't the most polite or respectful thing in the world, but it was concise, clever, and didn't use foul language. So, you probably did better than I might have done in that situation.

This! I don't think I would have been EVEN close to that nice as the OP.

[InMediasRes]

Originally Posted by Tiny Explosions

Yes, yes, and quadruple yes on the bolded. My mom raised me with the belief we are supposed to "ignore" people who are nasty (that's what "good girls" are supposed to do) and it is complete BS. I've had misdirected anger my whole life...I used to always be the "victim." As an adult, I've been working on being more assertive and learned sometimes that means being not so "nice."

My mom thinks it's wrong, but I see her ideals bring her—a lot of misery. She's always complaining about someone hurting her and she carries her anger around her continuously—subconsciously taking it out on family members who live with her. That is not a healthy way to live.

That's my mom, although I think she does it consciously. I still quake with fear and apologize when someone attacks me. I hate it.

[St. Margaret]

Originally Posted by mummyofan

I'm proud of you, Mama

I once said to an older lady who said to me on seeing both my children wanting me at the same time in Nordstrom whilst visiting San Fran;
Rather you than me - said with an unappreciative look in my direction, tut tutting quietly....
I said I'd rather be me than you, too. Much.

I felt great for days afterwards.

well done, not going off at all, perfect.

LOVE this!

Of course, no one needs their butt smacked, but I think it makes sense to turn it around on her, let her see how silly the notion is for anyone!

[New]

Originally Posted by operamommy

As I was walking with him, we passed an older lady who says (to herself) *just* loud enough for me to hear, "He needs his butt smacked."

I rounded on her and said, "WHAT did you say?"

She kind of backed up a bit and repeated that he needed his butt smacked.

I put my finger in her face and said (loudly) "I think YOU need YOUR butt smacked!!"

One rudeness does not excuse another. There were better, "gentle-discipline-for-adults" options for you. Your child and the onlookers don't need to see escalating verbal conflict as a means of communication.

[Equuskia]

At ten to closing and with a kid melting down? I think the OP did the best she could without ripping the woman a new one. And hell, if the woman was actually brassy enough to repeat what she said, well.....what did she expect? A smile? I wouldn't have been very kind either. Hindsight is always 20/20.

[laila2]

Way to go

I love it that you showed your son how to appropriately treat people like that

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

Look at how she reacted to the OP's first "WHAT did you say?" She had no intention of the OP acknowledging the remark at all.

Oh, and it's that "WHAT did you say?" that puts me firmly on the side of the OP having done the right thing. That UAV had plenty of warning that mama bear was angry and she went and mouthed off again. She asked for trouble, she got trouble, she was lucky trouble wasn't any worse.

Yeah, she (the rude stranger) had a chance to see that what she said was wrong, but she stuck with it.

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Also, am I the only one who doesn't get the whole "don't honk at people" thing mentioned earlier in the thread? That's what the horn is for...right?

A horn is a tool for warning of danger. It's not supposed to be a tool for verbal assault while in a metal weapon.

Originally Posted by Dandelionkid

Nope- not to me The horn is only for emergencies, imo, to let someone know they are drifting in your lane for example. Not to voice irritation after the fact- that just leads to road rage and more negative behavior on the part of the violator.

Exactly!, Dandelion.

Originally Posted by SactoMommy

The horn is to warn drivers that they are about to hit you, or that you are about to hit them, not to express anger at someone inconsiderate who cuts you off or goes too slow. That's what I meant.

Yeah, a warning sound to alert the unobservant driver of dangers around them (or caused by them) so they can prevent an accident.

[Thisbirdwillfly]

My mom raised me with the belief we are supposed to "ignore" people who are nasty (that's what "good girls" are supposed to do) and it is complete BS. I've had misdirected anger my whole life...

You are talking about two different things. If you ignore and let go, then you're done. If you ignore and internalize, then you are stuck with misdirected anger.

I once had an older gentleman try to "help" me when I was out with my crying son by telling him that boys don't cry. He said it repeatedly. I finally said, as calmly as I could, "Please don't tell him that, we let him cry as much as he wants." The man looked somewhat offended but he also looked confused. Truly confused, which confused me. And then we left.

It dawned on me later that in his whole life, he probably never had anyone tell him it was okay to cry. Which made me cry (ah, the horomones of the baby years...)

I'm feel sorry for people who advocate hitting children or tell them to shush inappropriately or what have you. I have no doubt that their little bodies and minds were not respected and it is still hurting them. I wish they'd keep it to themselves, of course, but I'm not going feed into it or let it get passed onto me.

As for the OP, I think it's nothing short of a miracle that more of us with small babes, no sleep and a million things to do don't actually hit strangers, so please don't feel judged. Just trying to pass on another way of looking at it.

[ssh]

If rude people are allowed harass innocent people unchallenged they just get bolder. Maybe the rude lady will think twice before harassing a mom with an unhappy preschooler. I'm not saying what the OP said was the best reply, but we can all think of better replies after the fact. The important thing is to stand up for your children and not let rude people verbally abuse them.

If I encounter rude people while alone I usually just think "wow I'm glad I don't ever have to see you again" and ignore them. If I was with my DD I'd want her to know the rude person was wrong and we didn't have to just endure mistreatment.

[Jojo F.]

I think you are our hero!!!!

[Storm Bride]

OT: re: the horn thing. I've only been driving for a few years, and I've only used my horn once. Since it's come up, I'll ask if you all think it was an acceptable use of the horn or not. I was waiting behind one car at a red light. The woman in front of me was putting on some kind of eye makeup (I'm still boggled by the things people do behind the wheel...but at least she was at a red light!). The light changed to green, and I waited about 5-10 seconds, but she hadn't looked up, so I hit my horn. I didn't want to sit through another whole light change. It wasn't an emergency, but it also wasn't just voicing irritation. So...what's your take on that? It felt weird, as I'd never actually used my horn before.

[The4OfUs]

I just keep finding it so interesting that so many posters feel that answering a rude person in kind as the example they want to set for their kids as how to respond to someone being rude. I would be embarrassed if my child got in the face of another child who was being rude to them, because that's what he learned from me. I want him to learn to calmly, confidently stand up for himself, not to mirror what the other person is doing. If the rude person isn't going to "learn" a lesson on not being rude no matter what, why would you want to model that for your child as the way to handle it? I'm just not understanding how one can be advocating against (physical) aggression [towards children], but modeling (verbal) aggression as a solution as an adult? The OP was not in any physical danger, she was heckled by a rude person. I totally agree that saying *something* is a good idea to show your kid, and others around you, that that kind of rudeness is not okay and should be addressed...a simple, calm, rote phrase to shut them down, even something like, "Why would you think it's OK to say that?" - assertive, calm, confident....putting the rude person on the spot...

I'm just not understanding why this is an ok example for your kid on how to handle a situation with a rude person. OP, I'm really *not* trying to make you feel worse, I promise. You were under a huge amount of stress at that moment, and I honestly don't think you're a horrible person for responding as you did - what I'm actually blown away about is the thread itself, how many people equate 'standing up for yourself' with not thinking about your words or actions.

I have no idea what I would have done, and I think the woman was completely in the wrong to talk to you the way she did...I'm just trying to figure out why there is so much support on the thread for returned rudeness to be THE answer, THE way to stand up for yourself. There are many other ways...and this thread has actually given me the impetus to start practicing some calm, confident rote phrases to say to people I might encounter. Obviously no one is perfect, and everyone has bad days and snaps; mercy knows I've done and said things I wish I hadn't, and hindsight is 20/20. I think preparing for things like this, after reading this thread, is even more important that I thought...for both me and for my kids. I want to give them confident things to say to people they might encounter that aren't going to involve them in escalating situations, but also aren't going to make them think they don't deserve to stand up for themselves.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by treemom2

I believe we should all be kind to each other, I believe that elders should be shown a certain amount of respect (even at 50, she's older than me and therefore I should show her some respect)...

Why? I happen to disagree with this completely, so I'm always interested in exploring the reasoning behind it.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

OT: re: the horn thing. I've only been driving for a few years, and I've only used my horn once. Since it's come up, I'll ask if you all think it was an acceptable use of the horn or not. I was waiting behind one car at a red light. The woman in front of me was putting on some kind of eye makeup (I'm still boggled by the things people do behind the wheel...but at least she was at a red light!). The light changed to green, and I waited about 5-10 seconds, but she hadn't looked up, so I hit my horn. I didn't want to sit through another whole light change. It wasn't an emergency, but it also wasn't just voicing irritation. So...what's your take on that? It felt weird, as I'd never actually used my horn before.

I JUST did this today, too! I waited a full 10 seconds, the woman wasn't moving and was fiddling with something on the seat next to her, the light is a notoriously short one, so I gave two short beeps to get her attention...I didn't lay on the horn aggressively, more like a "hey, look up!" kind of thing. I think there are friendly beeps that can be effective for things like this, and then the laying on the horn kind of thing that's more aggressive, that should be reserved for dangerous situations.

[igglebah]

good for you! i usually think of the perfect things to say once i get home, well after the fact and too late to matter. then i sit there and steam. so, good for you!!

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by ssh

If rude people are allowed harass innocent people unchallenged they just get bolder.

Are we really considering a rude comment in passing at the checkout lines to be harassment now? And this kind of comment to be something that emboldens speakers to greater levels of 'harassment'? I mean, really?

[MayBaby2007]

I think it's slightly rude...but we're all human.

I'm calm and sleepy as I type this. If I would run into that "rude stranger" right now, I probably would shrug and walk away.

If I ran into that "rude stranger" after a long day, a screaming 3 year old and PMSing (not implying the OP was PMSing....I'm just saying), I probably would have made "rude stranger" cry. I would feel bad afterward...but at the time, my response would feel right.

I think outbursts are healthy to a degree. We put up with so much throughout the day....we're bound to blow up at some point. And the release feels so good.

I also think it's good for other people to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When I was little, I would ask random people if I could hold their baby. Most of them would let me. Some of them would ramble some excuse and not let me. The last lady I asked told me very sternly, "Absolutely not." (Like, "You must be crazy to think I'd let you hold my baby!"). I was probably 9 or so? I've never forgotten that lady....and I've never asked to hold someone's baby since then--not even a friend's or family member's. Maybe "rude stranger" will think twice before she mumbles more parenting advice

[mjol]

that made my night- and good for you! nothing worse than being parented by someone who only has seen 3 seconds of your life...

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007

I also think it's good for other people to hear the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When I was little, I would ask random people if I could hold their baby. Most of them would let me. Some of them would ramble some excuse and not let me. The last lady I asked told me very sternly, "Absolutely not." (Like, "You must be crazy to think I'd let you hold my baby!"). I was probably 9 or so? I've never forgotten that lady....and I've never asked to hold someone's baby since then--not even a friend's or family member's. Maybe "rude stranger" will think twice before she mumbles more parenting advice

And see, I think this is mean. I think she was mean to you, and that it stopped you from asking even friends and family makes me sad. You weren't being rude at all, you were being a kid. She was the one that was rude, and wrecked some of your innocence. If she didn't want you to hold her, all she had to say was "no" or "I'm not comfortable with that" or something more polite. I doubt you would have yanked the baby from her arms, or somehow harrassed her more.

[darcytrue]

woohoo mama!! Good for you. I wish I had your b*lls when situations like that arise.

Originally Posted by mjol

nothing worse than being parented by someone who only has seen 3 seconds of your life...

exactly